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I want a child...what about you?

Sure, I have a fatherhood fantasy. I say "fantasy" because I know that the way I have it in my head is not how it would end up being. The little guy is always more co-operative than real children are and in my fantasy I have tons more patience than I actually do.
Doubt it will ever happen. I would not have children without being married and I really can't see that happening. My fortress is too tall now, the walls too thick, I doubt anyone will ever be able scale it's heights and plant their flag of romantic triumph on my cynical heart.
But it's a nice thought.
 
I want a lot of kids. I'm an only child and I'm a little sad I was never able to share my childhood with anyone of a similar age.

My mom once told me I should have children because after she and my dad died, I would be alone in the world. Sad, right?
My fantasy is to have a farm with like a field and kids running around barefooted and playing pretend or something. I also plan on sewing them tons of fluffy dresses and stuff.
 
I really want to be a mother.. not yet, but in a few years. I think I will probably adopt just because there are so many children already existing who need a loving family/parent. However, I might have just one that I bear myself, just to know the complete experience of birth.

I feel conflicted on this one, though. My family has a lot of mental health problems, and mine are among the worst in our family. Bipolar illness, depression, extreme anxiety - why would I want to pass these genes onto the poor kid? However, I know that nurture is just as important as nature, and I am completely sure that I could be a great mom to a little one and make sure that they are raised in a healthy environment (despite my mental illnesses, I treat other people very well... I'm sure I would do the same with my child). I agree with Jaymie in that I would want to limit the amount of stimulation and chaos they are exposed to, so I would probably move to a more rural area.

Also, I am never ever going to have a male partner (for various reasons), so I would be raising a child or a few on my own. I would want to make sure that I was surrounded by friends who had children of their own, so we could switch off and help each other out.

We'll see what happens. If I accidentally got pregnant now (not likely) I would be just as happy as I would if it was planned. When it happens it happens and I'm looking forward to being a parent.
 
SigmaSis03 said:
This is a scary thing to hear someone say. You don't (shouldn't) have children to fill your voids or give you worth. All other things being equal, the best parents, I'd say, are those who have and recognize their very great worth to and in the world before they have kids and after. I'm not suggesting you're a bad parent at all, I haven't a clue about your parenting, but I think when you start talking in these terms, you're showing extreme dependence and that's just a precarious situation to be in, no matter who or what you're depending on.

I'm certainly not trying to take away from your stated happiness, I'm sure I couldn't if I tried, but your statement just struck me. Let's hope your children choose to maintain close life-long friendships with you, remembering that even the most loved, adjusted, happy children sometimes choose as adults not to, because it sounds like you'll be a miserable empty-nester if they don't.
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You have without a doubt over-thought and completely misunderstood every word I said. My life is not the hallmark card you seem to think I want to live in, nor is it without its ups and downs. I have no unrealistic expectations about my kids, and I am not living in a fantasy world where they and I live happily ever after on pink clouds.

I have an active social life. I like who I am. I have lots of friends. I go places, do things, and (gasp!) not all of them with my kids. I had a life before them, and I'll have a life after they "leave the nest" as you so quaintly put it. I just find it funny that you have to make fun of someone's familial happiness to make it look like you are intelligently concerned.

But, nice try.
 
I would like to have a (or multiple) child(s).

Mainly because I realize that some things in life require generations to complete, having a small army of loyal workers from my blood, and having someone to love would be nice.

I don't want to adopt, I want my own kid(s) not someone else's discarded human waste.

However, I am as celibate as a monk, have no relationship experience, run when relationships are possible, and don't want the actually responsibility of wife/child nor do I want to give up the unprecedented freedom I have.

Maybe one day I will settle down, but until I can do it easily, I don't want to even try.
 
Porcelain said:
You have without a doubt over-thought and completely misunderstood every word I said. My life is not the hallmark card you seem to think I want to live in, nor is it without its ups and downs. I have no unrealistic expectations about my kids, and I am not living in a fantasy world where they and I live happily ever after on pink clouds.

I have an active social life. I like who I am. I have lots of friends. I go places, do things, and (gasp!) not all of them with my kids. I had a life before them, and I'll have a life after they "leave the nest" as you so quaintly put it. I just find it funny that you have to make fun of someone's familial happiness to make it look like you are intelligently concerned.

But, nice try.
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What is interesting is a post so carefully worded and filled with disclaimers as to not cause offense caused you to come back so defensively.

How is one supposed to interpret the statement "I have four...and my life would be worthless without them."?
 
Finder said:
What is interesting is a post so carefully worded and filled with disclaimers as to not cause offense caused you to come back so defensively.

How is one supposed to interpret the statement "I have four...and my life would be worthless without them."?
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Very well...I shall reword it. I have four...and my life would be very unhappy if ever they should be forcibly removed from it. After having them and raising them, their presence in my life would be missed.

Though I don't retract it, I see that the word "worthless" is subjective. My post was obviously much clearer to me as the writer than to the people who read it. For my generalization of an emotion I hope I never feel, my apologies.
 
I think some people are being really petty and nit-picky about Porcelain's post. FFS since when is it unhealthy to gush over your kids? Get over yourselves.
 
I'd say it's pretty unhealthy. People generally assume you are actually interested to hear what little Billy did over the weekend. I definitely couldn't care less. There is a false belief people besides you care about your kids.

I don't think anyone is being petty and nit-picky, but merely trying to understand what she meant by it--it is certainly what I was interested in seeing. Seeing as though this is a discussion forum, there is discussion to be had. So I asked, and she answered. I am satisfied with the answer, although I don't agree the word "worthless" is subjective, I appreciate the reworded statement.
 
I guess some people just don't get it. Besides...the whole point of this thread WAS telling about your experience and/or opinion about kids, right?
 
Finder said:
I'd say it's pretty unhealthy.
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you're either trying to be polemical or you're just clueless then dude 8)

she explained her reasoning behind the phrasing of her statement. I would hope anybody could have read into what she was saying, maybe she chose the word worthless wrong but it stood for something completely different than how you are apparently reading it.

Try to be a little charitable in reading into people's comments especially when they are generated from places of fierce emotions (having children apparently generates tremendous emotion).

edit - k gotcha finder after your edit
 
Finder said:
I'd say it's pretty unhealthy. People generally assume you are actually interested to hear what little Billy did over the weekend. I definitely couldn't care less. There is a false belief people besides you care about your kids.

I don't think anyone is being petty and nit-picky, but merely trying to understand what she meant by it. Seeing as though this is a discussion forum, there is discussion to be had.
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And...I clarified it...so...what? What do you want to discuss? I love my kids. I like my life. And, what else? Do you want my deep and emotional thoughts on that? I said what I wanted to say, TWICE, and if you don't get it, you won't by my explaining it again. I was merely making a post, not pouring out my philosophy on motherhood!

OK...got this before the edit. So, we're done here, right?:\
 
Finder said:
I'd say it's pretty unhealthy. People generally assume you are actually interested to hear what little Billy did over the weekend. I definitely couldn't care less. There is a false belief people besides you care about your kids.

I don't think anyone is being petty and nit-picky, but merely trying to understand what she meant by it--it is certainly what I was interested in seeing. Seeing as though this is a discussion forum, there is discussion to be had. So I asked, and she answered. I am satisfied with the answer, although I don't agree the word "worthless" is subjective, I appreciate the reworded statement.
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It was pretty obvious to me that she was expressing an impassioned sentiment just as any parent would. Sounded perfectly reasonable to me and I don't think it warranted the psychoanalysis that it received. Of course this is a discussion forum and you're free to voice your opinion, but I think you and SigmaSis are being a bit ridiculous.
 
What is obvious to some is not to others. I read the statement literally, asked for clarification and received it.

Who's the one being petty and nit-picky now? 8)
 
Finder said:
What is obvious to some is not to others. I read the statement literally, asked for clarification and received it.

Who's the one being petty and nit-picky now? 8)
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Certainly not me. SigmaSis made an unnecessarily judgmental post (disclaimers or none) which you essentially co-signed. I don't think Porcelain deserved any of that, and given your cynical attitude towards children that you have expressed numerous times on this board, I'm dubious that you were simply looking for clarification. In any case, I think the whole controversy was petty and unwarranted, and I don't think I am being nit-picky by calling you guys out on that.
 
i have a 3.5 y/o daughter and she's amazing. watching her grow up and become an individual with her own personality is breathtaking. we were eating dinner yesterday and she said "mommy, is this fast food?" i said no and she said "oh, this is slow food?" i mean, wow! haha, i love that little girl. parenthood is one of the greatest things i've ever experienced and as kytnism said, it cannot be put into words.



 
Porcelain said:
You have without a doubt over-thought and completely misunderstood every word I said. My life is not the hallmark card you seem to think I want to live in, nor is it without its ups and downs. I have no unrealistic expectations about my kids, and I am not living in a fantasy world where they and I live happily ever after on pink clouds.

I have an active social life. I like who I am. I have lots of friends. I go places, do things, and (gasp!) not all of them with my kids. I had a life before them, and I'll have a life after they "leave the nest" as you so quaintly put it. I just find it funny that you have to make fun of someone's familial happiness to make it look like you are intelligently concerned.

But, nice try.
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I think you and others have presumed things about and overthought my post far more than I did yours. In fact, I'm reading your response and I'm wondering how you possibly got all that from what I said? I fail to see where I'm making fun of your familial happiness and I hardly think I was being unnecessarily judgmental or ridiculous (LiveIllegal).

All I said was it's a scary statement to make that you have no worth without your children. Loving them and feeling devastated by the thought of losing them is not the same thing as being worthless without them. Worthless is not a subjective term, at least in my opinion, and my post was based on that fact. I was making what I consider to be a completely legitimate point in a thread about having kids and I don't think the fact that you chose your words poorly warrants you being condescending to me because I pointed it out.
 
Very well. Rather than accuse you of anything I will just have to respectfully disagree.
 
NikkiNumberNine said:
No way, Jose. I have always known I didn't want kids. When I expressed this view as a teenager, adults would smile tolerantly and say, "Oh, you'll change your mind when the time comes."
Nuh-uh. I like playing with other people's kids - for about five minutes. And then I'm done.
But I'm glad there are other folks who want to be parents. Someone should.
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I've always been especially wary of women who don't want children (they remind of the similarly cold individuals who don't like animals).

I'm slightly worried about having a daughter, specifically, having to deal with catching her with guys, and inevitably murdering them...
 
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