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I wanna leave while I just scratching the surface of drugs

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medstudent123

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 23, 2012
Messages
19
I am a 22 year old med student. Have been smoking weed and have done some psychodelics, oh and alcohol. My issue is that I have a VERY addictive personality. When I tried weed I loved it. I used to smoke dank indicas to a point where I went blank in the head. Just melted into nothingness. Basically eating very high levels on edibles. i WOULD GET SO HIGH i WOULD PASS OUT. I tried salvia and shrooms and they really woke me the fuck up. I wanted to try mdma and even opiates. The thing is when ever i do get high on weed and think of trying other drugs, there is always a voice in my head telling me "someday you may look back to today, and view it as the day you ade the worst decision on your life". Its weird. Its like i have 2 lives. In one, I am a student, I absolutely love medicine. I gave my life to get into medicine in Canada. I have this "potential" girlfriend going too. She is so beautiful man..ughh. But she is a "good girl", lol not like Im a badass by trying weed. In my other life, I am a loner sitting in one room drinking or smoking myself to a point of non existence. I quit alchohol a month ago, and have no intention of going back, (i wasnt physically addicted to it thankfully).

I dont know why I am writting this, just emtyin my head. I feel like my second drug life is taking over the most of my day. Like yestrday I just stayed in bed with junkfood and bowl and fucking bowl. I recorded the whole thing by accident on my laptop, and when I watched it sober I felt horrified. I looked like a retard, eyes closed, still, so dead. I dont mean to be rude but for me drug users always seemed like the "underground people", Like we live in separate dimensions, because non users and users never interact. I dont want to get sucked into harder drugs, everytime I blaze or drink I think of doing shit, and I have sources too. my weed guy has other drugs. Help me someone, should i just stop everything??
 
It is CRUCIAL that you get this sorted sooner rather than later. You are doing the right thing to question your choices, your thoughts, your current actions and also your potential future actions BEFORE it is too late. You are right to think ahead about the likely consequences of actions before any choice (or impulse) leads you to those actions.

I was in a very similar situation to you. There was a point in time when I asked myself these same questions.. only I didn't sit still for long enough to *listen* to the answer. It cost me my medical career. The answer is inside of you. You already know the answer, but human nature is such that often we dismiss the voice in our head and our heart, screaming at us to stop what we are doing because it will lead to disaster. When we hear it from somebody else we tend to give it the validity that it has deserved all along. Hearing somebody else voice what we already know inside ourselves makes it more real, and undeniable. So I'm going to do that for you and you need to listen to me loud and clear. :

STOP ALL DRUGS. Lose your weed guy's number. But most importantly, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER,, touch opiates! Not the once, no matter how curious you are, no matter how harmless it seems or how strong you feel at the time. If you do that you are as good as gone. You will lose your career as a doctor. Your future would change just like that. You already know you have an addictive side to your persona. What do you think is going to happen once you've got a script pad all of your own! 'First Do No Harm' begins with YOU. How in good conscience can you take the Hypocratic Oath when you are already harming yourself, and contemplating further harm? You've a history of being self destructive, and you need to get to the bottom of that. Sort through the crap that happened during your formative years somehow work to put it behind you.

If there is any doubt in your head right now, about whether or not you would like to try other drugs.. harder drugs.. then you need to put your dreams of becoming a doctor on hold until you are more committed.

The fact that you have a bad boy side to you, and a history behind you of experimenting a little, will bode you well as a doctor. You will be that rare, wonderful gem that is so hard for people to find - the doctor who is human, has compassion and understanding without judgement for his patients. You have the potential to turn lives around, and to reach so many people who would be otherwise lost, hopeless, 'unsalvageable'. The world needs more people like you.

So become worthy of that beautiful girl you're seeing. Believe in yourself and your inner strength, and trust your own intuition. There will be many times in your career when you will hear that voice inside of you and you need to listen and follow it, even when it seems to defy logic or test results. You have a strong intuition and you need to learn to trust in it.

PM me if you like. :-)
 
I would stop everything if I were you and couldn't control it. School should come first--That will take you better places in this life.
 
Rose Petal said:
It is CRUCIAL that you get this sorted sooner rather than later. You are doing the right thing to question your choices, your thoughts, your current actions and also your potential future actions BEFORE it is too late. You are right to think ahead about the likely consequences of actions before any choice (or impulse) leads you to those actions.

I was in a very similar situation to you. There was a point in time when I asked myself these same questions.. only I didn't sit still for long enough to *listen* to the answer. It cost me my medical career. The answer is inside of you. You already know the answer, but human nature is such that often we dismiss the voice in our head and our heart, screaming at us to stop what we are doing because it will lead to disaster. When we hear it from somebody else we tend to give it the validity that it has deserved all along. Hearing somebody else voice what we already know inside ourselves makes it more real, and undeniable. So I'm going to do that for you and you need to listen to me loud and clear. :

STOP ALL DRUGS. Lose your weed guy's number. But most importantly, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER,, touch opiates! Not the once, no matter how curious you are, no matter how harmless it seems or how strong you feel at the time. If you do that you are as good as gone. You will lose your career as a doctor. Your future would change just like that. You already know you have an addictive side to your persona. What do you think is going to happen once you've got a script pad all of your own! 'First Do No Harm' begins with YOU. How in good conscience can you take the Hypocratic Oath when you are already harming yourself, and contemplating further harm? You've a history of being self destructive, and you need to get to the bottom of that. Sort through the crap that happened during your formative years somehow work to put it behind you.

If there is any doubt in your head right now, about whether or not you would like to try other drugs.. harder drugs.. then you need to put your dreams of becoming a doctor on hold until you are more committed.

The fact that you have a bad boy side to you, and a history behind you of experimenting a little, will bode you well as a doctor. You will be that rare, wonderful gem that is so hard for people to find - the doctor who is human, has compassion and understanding without judgement for his patients. You have the potential to turn lives around, and to reach so many people who would be otherwise lost, hopeless, 'unsalvageable'. The world needs more people like you.

So become worthy of that beautiful girl you're seeing. Believe in yourself and your inner strength, and trust your own intuition. There will be many times in your career when you will hear that voice inside of you and you need to listen and follow it, even when it seems to defy logic or test results. You have a strong intuition and you need to learn to trust in it.

PM me if you like. :-)
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for the reply :). This really hit home for me in regards to further enforcing my decision to stop everything (I was iffy about it before). I haven't done alcohol or any psychedelics in about a month and feel much more clear headed. I have no intension of going back. i also deleted my weed dealers number since he has other drugs. I haven't smoked weed in about 3 days and plan to never do it again. I gotta admit though, weed will be the hardest one to give up for me. Its EVERYWHERE in the student community. But I gotta do it. I am going to focus on my life now instead of using drugs to hide from it.

For you this post may just be one in a thousand you post on here, but for me, maybe when I am 70 and celebrating my past life, I'l be thankful for listening to Rose Petal" off of bluelight.
 
I'm going to move this to The Dark Side where you can get some support.

Homeless --> TDS
 
medstudent123 said:
Help me someone, should i just stop everything??
Click to expand...

In short: yes. Stop all drug activity. Lose your connects number. Stop smoking. Don't experiment with anything else....especially opiates and even benzos.

You're doing great things with your life. Please stop while you can and still have time.

I wish I did.
 
i should stop smoking too but i get too many benefits from it because i have bad anxiety and a bit of ocd. but yeah it makes life alot harder thats the reason i stopped school is because i was smoking too much to do school work.
 
yeah your addicted to cannabis in that it's causing your life problems you should avoid addicting drugs altogether cause control is obviously not your virtue
 
i should of stopped when i was about your age, but i did not. Now i have hep-c and a hell of a battle with heroin addiction. Dont go there, its not a happy place.
 
DrinksWithEvil said:
i should of stopped when i was about your age, but i did not. Now i have hep-c and a hell of a battle with heroin addiction. Dont go there, its not a happy place.
Click to expand...

Update guys, I haven't done weed or any other drugs since the post. I have done too much in my life to blow it all away over stupid short term pleasure chemicals. Time to ask that girl out :)
 
im 28 yo and still at the beginning of my drug career (:P), like 1.5 year and if anything psychedelics and mostly mdma have helped me to reduce/get rid of my addictions (and even realise i had some of em...).I am/was also an addictive personality.I trip about as much as i did in the beginning (once per month,no weed), but im more aware of the HR practises now and well i guess i dont want to experiment with every possible substances, just popular ones that seem to help with personal growth.

Noone can predict the future, but i think i wont be a drug addict or any kind of addict any more...thanks to drugs for a good part
 
Still clean, The book of drugs for me is closed. Got the girlfriend and school down too. Ignorance truly IS bliss.
 
badfish45 said:
I'm really happy to hear that med student. Do you feel happier now that you are away from drugs?
Click to expand...

Yep :). I notice that I actually feel emotion these days. Even when I am sad, or stressed out, I get that happy thought in my head that this is NORMAL. I missed being a sober and clear headed person for so long.

The good thing is, I was kind of the leader in my group of friends. Was always a role model like person to them. So when I quit all drugs, so did my friends.
 
medstudent123 said:
Yep :). I notice that I actually feel emotion these days. Even when I am sad, or stressed out, I get that happy thought in my head that this is NORMAL. I missed being a sober and clear headed person for so long.

The good thing is, I was kind of the leader in my group of friends. Was always a role model like person to them. So when I quit all drugs, so did my friends.
Click to expand...
Wow, this is great to hear. I'm glad you were able to quit plus helped your friends as well. <3
 
That's awesome to hear that all your friends quit drugs. Imagine the big favor that you've done for them, and that you could have possibly saved a few lives there. I noticed once I cut my drug use down that life was just so much more fulfilling and the small "boring" parts of life we attempt to avoid with drugs become worth living for and more enjoyable.
 
badfish45 said:
That's awesome to hear that all your friends quit drugs. Imagine the big favor that you've done for them, and that you could have possibly saved a few lives there. I noticed once I cut my drug use down that life was just so much more fulfilling and the small "boring" parts of life we attempt to avoid with drugs become worth living for and more enjoyable.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I did notice that it took some time for my head to clear up, and only then did I notice how deep the hole drugs dug for me was. And realized that until I fix those problems and face those issues head on, I would always end up relapsing. Because when you stop drugs, you feel overwhelmed, because life has ben on hold for so long (2 years in my case), therefore you crash under the pressure, the spot you get put in is so tight. Just like going for a new job for example. I used to feel so nervous and depressed that I would not go, to avoid being put in the spot or feeling nervous. Once I bit the bullet and JUST WENT, I realized it wasn't so bad after all. The relief of fixing a problem is larger than the stress caused by making the decision to take the first step.

I didn't ever need to get high to make me happy in the past, so why do I need it now? I felt like a loser, while people where living the best years of their lives (university) I was lying to my family and friends and smoking and drinking myself blank.
 
"I do drugs everyday, and nothing ever happened to me..."

'If you use drugs, nothing will ever happen to you too..."

PSA circa 1988
 
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