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I wanna be ME again! Is it possible?

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SunnyDaze55

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
6
I am sorry, I wasn't sure where to post... and im feeling really sad today and figure i better get something written.

I have been on opiates about a year and a half. My average daily dose has been about 40mg day. I have now switched to methadone at very low doses of approx. 10-15mg day. I've been trying to take closer to 10mg a day and I'm having some bouts of depression. I'm not sure if this is attributed to the methadone or my circumstances lately, but I feel so down. I am hoping getting off opiates will eventually help me to feel better. is this possible? Sometimes i feel that i am destined to go on the maintenance program, but I don't want the easy way out & I'd really rather rid myself of this horrible addiction!

I am very worried that maybe I shouldn't have started with the methadone but it was affordable compared to $40/day habit I had acquired. I also thought it might be easier to taper off of due to its long half life. Anyhow, any advice would be appreciated, as to how to taper? I'm thinking 1mg/week? Or should I try to get off the Methadone as fast as possible since I've only been taking it a few weeks? Or maybe switch back to a shorter acting opiate again, then taper off of that? (That said, I was trying to taper off Oxy but it was too hard and seems easier on methadone)

Thank you for any advice or support you can offer. This is the beginning of my road and I'm feeling I might need a lot of support to get through this. I'm very glad to be here.
 
Thank you, Blake! I will take some time to look through. I've read slow & steady... I'm just worried that I'm going to become worse off by taking the methadone & it will be harder to wean... It's just that ATM, it's cheaper & easier to acquire & lasts longer so that I'm not constantly taking opiates every few hours. It's easier to keep at bay by only taking two doses per day. Thanks for your support :)
 
at the end of the day nothing is easy to quit; And its up to you to make the final decision.
try and find a hobby to focus on(other then drugs haha) it helps keep your mind off it.
being with friends helps as well.
ive kicked a few addictions before, it wasnt easy but i found enough things to preoccupy me so i didnt really have to think about the drugs i was on.
also excersise. its a drug on its own haha. doesnt have to be anything major but it helps a lot.
im pretty sure when you exersise it increases your dopamine levels which makes you feel good.
im curently walking the tight rope of falling into a new addiction.
we just gotta stay strong<3
 
Hey sunny and welcome to Blue Light.. yes you can get back to the sunny side=D and welcome to the dark side a really sunny part of the already sunny BL..

so just off the top of my head first you are on a really low dose and thats really good, also since you seem to be really happy with the methadone I would offer a guess that you may have more of a problem with a physical dependence then the addiction.. and this is really good as well..

If i were you I would consider just detoxing at this point.. I detoxed of 150 mgpd of methadone and 260 mgpd of roxies and I am as happy as I've ever been=D

So at the dose you are at this really shouldn't be that bad.. it will suck a bit but not as bad as staying a slave to this shit.. there is allot of really good advice on how to detox successfully and then stay clean.. so let us know what you are thinking.. is there a reason you want to stay on other than putting the inevitable off and in turn making it harder in the end??
 
quitting cold turkey will give you a very good reason not to use again because you don't want to feel those shitty withdrawals again
 
Thanks so much for the replies! And that is a wonderful point, stopping completely would be feasible except that I'm a waitress and it is VERY hard to do my job in any withdrawal. I spill coffee and shake so badly that it's just too hard to get through my shift.

The other part that makes it difficult, is that I have really bad back problems from previous accidents and due to the difficulty of my job & bending over constantly. That said, I think a lot of my current pain & aches comes from the opiates changing my pain threshold. Another thing that pops up when I try to cut my doses down to next to nothing, is the horrible depression that hits me. I cry & feel miserable ALL day. So, believe me, I KNOW the withdrawal that will come and I also know that if I can get off this shit, I will never go back. I won't need withdrawal to teach me that lesson....

I think I'm on the right track, and as long as I stay positive, I can wean myself off just as I have when I quit smoking cigarettes (addiction really is all the same). It's a habit. If I just keep moving forward, I WILL get there. It's when that depression hits too bad or when I have a really bad pain day and take too much or don't reduce my dosage that day, I just need to take a step back and then keep moving ahead, rather than throw in the towel.

And on my bad days, I'm going to refer back to this post and reread what I just wrote & the posts that were written by all of you, and remember that it IS possible.

Thanks again :D
 
I don't know how you felt in the years before you quit,
I used opium poppies daily for about 4.5 years to deal with/cover up the depression. It is actually bipolar disorder and I had a few brief manic episodes in that time. During the last year, it became less and less effective and eventually I was suicidal again and completely apathetic. At this time I tapered down quickly and had myself committed to a mental institution. I really felt the same and only used poppies a few times over the next 8-9 months. I then attempted suicide and was back in the institution. I was put on Wellbutrin which caused a hypomanic episode and I was released. After the hypomanic episode ended, I was feeling apathy and depression again, though not to the same level. This might be because I was not using many painkilllers. I eventually became suicidal again and started using painkillers every day to get rid of those feelings, which did work and I felt more motivated but that's not saying much - I could now brush my teeth when before I went a month without doing that.


It has been several years since then and I have been using hydrocodone almost every day but I almost killed myself (high on a deleriant, forgetting I am high, having delusions and hallucinations regarding my mom's death and trying to commit suicide as a result) and since I've got out of the mental institution I have been using less hydrocodone and benzodiazepines and I feel better than I have in a long time. It may just be because the psyxhiatrist put me on the right meds or it may be the lower level of drug use. Maybe both.

If you have mental health problems other than addiction, they need to be addressed. Did you feel depressed much of the time or have periods of depression before you started the painkillers?Any signs of depression? (Feeling sad or empty, reduced or no interest in previously enjoyed activities, sleeping too little or too much, psychomotor agitation or retardation, fatigue or energy loss most days, feeling worthless or guilty about things you should not feel guilty about, difficulty concentrating and/or thinking and/or making decisions, thoughts about death(other than fear of death) thoughts of suicide or plans to kill oneself or suicide attempts). Any signs of mania (Excessive energy, decreased need for sleep, talking more and/or faster than usual, racing thoughts, excessive happiness, mood swings, irritability, poor judgement, reckless/dangerous behavior)

If any of those things apply, seek out a psychiatrist.


I was going to write more but one of my nephews (not the ones who live in my house, the son of the younger of my two sisters) was hit in the face with something and is being rushed to the hospital.
 
I have a friend who has bipolar. I feel for you, having to deal with those feelings on a daily basis.

I have never had any symptoms of depression before. There were days I felt down in the dumps, but not as low as these feelings. I also was diagnosed with anemia over the last year, which has debilitated me to the point of dragging myself out of bed for several weeks if my iron gets too low.

IMO, it's the opiates messing up my receptors, so that I cannot find joy in simple things the same as I used to. I am hoping that after abstaining from them, it won't take too too long to get my receptors back to normal...

Anyone have any experience/thoughts on this?
 
SunnyDaze55 said:
I have a friend who has bipolar. I feel for you, having to deal with those feelings on a daily basis.

I have never had any symptoms of depression before. There were days I felt down in the dumps, but not as low as these feelings. I also was diagnosed with anemia over the last year, which has debilitated me to the point of dragging myself out of bed for several weeks if my iron gets too low.

IMO, it's the opiates messing up my receptors, so that I cannot find joy in simple things the same as I used to. I am hoping that after abstaining from them, it won't take too too long to get my receptors back to normal...

Anyone have any experience/thoughts on this?
Click to expand...

Anemia SUCKS. I have that and I am constantly tired (which is an understatement) and lethargic, etc.

I have to agree with you when you state it is the opiates that are messing up your receptors- if I recall correctly, it can take up to 1 year for you to get your baseline amount of opiate receptors back once quitting? Neverisckanymore will probably know better than me =D
 
HI Sunnydaze, My best suggestion for you is to see a doctor who can help you with your pain. Are you currently getting methadone from a clinic, doctor or other source? Also they need to address your anemia issues too. There could be an underlying condition causing it and they may want to do more bloodwork. Remember the longer you stay on methadone, the harder it is to get off it. This is best done under a physician's supervision. Good luck! :)
 
Sunny how often do you find you want to redose on the methadone for pain? The reason I ask is that you can use this to identify how much of your pain is from injury and how much is created because of physical dependence and withdrawal.. methadone analgesic properties only last between 4-8 hours so if you aren't experiencing a n increase in pain until after that this most likely is good news as you may be able to attribute allot of that pain to withdrawal. This would mean that allot of the pain may go away after an amount of time being clean.

While methadone's duration of analgesic action (typically 4 to 8 hours) in the setting of single-dose studies approximates that of morphine, methadone's plasma elimination half-life is substantially longer than that of morphine (typically 8 to 59 hours vs. 1 to 5 hours). Methadone's peak respiratory depressant effects typically occur later, and persist longer than its peak analgesic effects
Click to expand...
from >here<
 
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