I Thought I Had Control...

[coolerthanice]

I can definitely relate. I have almost the exact same situation as you, except much worse drug abuse for which I do not know why I continue to use -- every week its a new drug and new method. I am "clinically depressed" but honestly that label is just a method doctors use gloss over their patients and ignore specifics. I am against labeling depression; everyone has their own feelings and so what if yours don't match everyone elses--there is no need for a hurtful label which damages even more. Is it possible your drug use is continuing your negative views on your life or the world? I think I have realized that I am depressed because I still use drugs -- a downward spiral. Maybe you should see a therapist or psychologist to help determine why you can't remain sober. You say you can't be happy, but recovering from persistent drug use can take months before your brain becomes self-sufficient.

 

[g0d00]

I'm glad I found this... I can truly relate. I'm about to be 22, and I haven't accomplished shit... Right now I'm jobless looking for a new job, I stay in most of the weekdays but when weekends come around I try and get fucked up, forget about reality. I cut down on the weed lately but again I'm craving and smoking. I feel lonely at nights when I'm just at home myself, I lack desire and motivation to do shit. I used to read a lot of self help books and try to learn new things before, but it's as if everything got boring to me... I'm binging on kratom lately and opiates, thinking oh Let's feel good and let's try something out, but yeah, not really working... I dont know if I'm depressed really but I got some Celexa off someone and trying it out for a few days and see if it does me any difference. Don't know how to continue... but I really wish I found some guidance, someone to slap me awake. Not to mention, my biggest fear... is dying... and I can't help but think sometimes about it too much and sometimes I think what's the point of ALL this?
I also haven't had a girlfriend in a little over a year cuz I had such a bad break up and so I definitely don't want a relationship right now or anytime soon, but damn, it's like I'm scared to go out and meet new girls and people too... Anyone else? Or advice... Glad the OP made this topic, I feel as if I have no one to talk to anymore about these kinda things.

One thing please don't take an SSRI (Celexa) when you're not prescribed it.. That's just asking for trouble man! And it takes at least 2-3 weeks, after starting a medication like Celexa, for it to build up effective levels in your body. So a few days won't work for you!

Another thing people always told me is: while you're in your addiction, your body and mind are in a sick state. Your brain cannot make decisions like a clean, non toxic one can. Opiates are some strong shit man, and they got an ass-load of side effects believe me, I know. I'm 23 and have been dependent on opiates for a stretch.

What you need is professionals helping, at least someone to talk to.

Or find hobbies. An healthy outlet for your emotions

 

[Mr. Blond416]

hi everyone, i have the same problem. i use blow once a week and go on an 8 hr bender. thus being up at 333am in my basement drinking beer and writing this post. my wife has no idea. just that i'm a little more tired and somewhat irratable for a day or 2 after. everything else in my life is good, wife, kids, work. i'm trying to reduce this blow habit to special events like guys nights out etc. monthly or bi-monthly (it was like that when i started about 2 yrs back), but i can't seem to stop, even if alone in my basement watching movies and on-line, once i start drinking i can't really stop. i'm not a heavy user about 1/4 to 1/3 a gram per session, but it scares me that I can't control it. first thing in my life i can't control. (drinking and smoking are ok, under control). i have hobbies, am athletic, take my boys to all their activities, have a lot of other outlets etc.

just seem to step into the dark-side one night a week. i don't think i'm depressed but have started feeling this way, and have only starting feeling this after the blow high wears off.

 

[Sepher]

ach245 if you're still reading, whereas I do like being sober and clear headed, and dislike being pissed to the point of shakes and sweats and fainting nausea, but guess what state I was in at work this morning, and guess what I'll be doing all weekend! First thing is definitely kick the booze off into the long grass, give yourself a rest. As long as you're pouring CNS depressants down your throat you're not gonna feel that great in yourself, and the meds you're taking for depression may as well be smarties for all the good they'll do until you stop. Can hardly give your mood a lift when you're beating them into submission with alcohol, can they? I sympathise. Feeling completely stuck myself, few advantages to a life of total abstinence far as I can see, or that at least is how it feels and what my depressive head tells me by way of rationalising, and I'm resisting a while yet so I can drink a little longer.

Mr Blond, kinda the same goes to you too. While it's ok to indulge the odd guilty pleasure while wifey's back is turned once in a while, much as I'm doing tonight taking advantage of my other half's xmas do the far side of the Pennines with a shitload of RCs and half a bottle of vodka for later once I've come down, when it becomes a matter of routine with a pattern of use so frequent that you're never really giving your body and mind chance to recover some equilibrium and you feel it's negatively impacting on you it's time to at least try and break the pattern and come up with something less damaging physically and psychologically.

If it's the drinking that's interfereing with your ability to stop, can you do coke once in a while without needing a drink with it? Make it a fortnightly treat rather than a weekly one? Can you find something more productive and rewarding to do that still gives you a night off from all the partner / parent responsibilities? Not that I'm best placed as an alcoholic to offer anyone advice, but easy to turn our objectivity outwards maybe identifying the root causes of maladies in others, not quite so easy to apply that same dispassionate objectivity in on ourselves, is it?