Cocaine I thought I could maintain a hard line, no pun intended

[mrjimbusiness]

Started using powder a couple years ago, went to residential for the first time this past spring - alcohol and blow, the dangerous bifecta. I'm a successful tech professional, working at a large corporation. My job hasn't been a concern, because I'm very good at it. The job and my family (I'm single, last date 3 years ago) are the pillars of my life. I've always been an addict, first was thumb sucking, but I am smart AF, and have good and financially stable upbringing. Basically, the addiction is all on me.

I had been curious since I got back from residential treatment. My entire social circle has been drug based, and a few of them graduated from powder to rock while I was away. It changes people - a very good friend stole money, while I was letting him stay in my apartment for a week. Pretty sure he and he girlfriend ran a train for cash in my bedroom... But I digress

I've started smoking freebase myself (I mean, my nose hurts, how do expect me to solve that problem )

Back in IOP, gave my apartment/car keys to my mom and moved back in. Trying to do all I can to shake it.

Shit is wild. Every hit numbs your whole perception of emotional priority. I'm a little scared

 

[streaM Freak]

Started using powder a couple years ago, went to residential for the first time this past spring - alcohol and blow, the dangerous bifecta. I'm a successful tech professional, working at a large corporation. My job hasn't been a concern, because I'm very good at it. The job and my family (I'm single, last date 3 years ago) are the pillars of my life. I've always been an addict, first was thumb sucking, but I am smart AF, and have good and financially stable upbringing. Basically, the addiction is all on me.

I had been curious since I got back from residential treatment. My entire social circle has been drug based, and a few of them graduated from powder to rock while I was away. It changes people - a very good friend stole money, while I was letting him stay in my apartment for a week. Pretty sure he and he girlfriend ran a train for cash in my bedroom... But I digress

I've started smoking freebase myself (I mean, my nose hurts, how do expect me to solve that problem )

Back in IOP, gave my apartment/car keys to my mom and moved back in. Trying to do all I can to shake it.

Shit is wild. Every hit numbs your whole perception of emotional priority. I'm a little scared

Hey, welcome here my friend.

The last portion of this quote is honest and raw. You should be scared, frankly. Scared, but not ashamed - it's a manipulative drug. The whole purpose of taking a mild benefit from a leaf, condensing and compounding that effect into powder, and then cooking it to become the absolutely quickest entry to the brain, is just entirely to hijack our reward system.

You have the supports and it's on you, as you said. That is very true.. and it's very sad to hear that you are experiencing this at such a high stakes point in life. I can't even imagine what that must feel like.. perhaps it doesn't feel all that bad yet though, but I see it as a huge backhand being pulled back, waiting for an opportune time to take absolutely everything away from you in one fell swoop.

It's hard to envision what it's like to not have things or remember what it was like. It feels so, so much worse to lose what you have than it does to start with nothing anyway.

Hey man, with the state of the world, we actually need minds like you to be thinking clearly not to make you feel bad but just to remind you that you are actually a pretty important part of society.

 

[streaM Freak]

I'm usually not so intense about this. I feel you are in an extremely critical stage.

Please understand it's not you, its the drug.

And you are so much more important, for yourself, for your family, for everyone, when clear minded.

Not only that, but there are only so many things you can do on crack. Eventually it will be like groundhog day.

 

[mrjimbusiness]

Appreciate the kind words. I don't think anything I've ever read on here captures the experience correctly. After a few hours it becomes a high like cigarettes: no real up, just make the voice go away.

That whole emotionally weighted priority matrix we ADHDers have in our heads, that's better than writing things down? Gone

I'm trying to make some active changes, like journaling. Maybe posting about it here.

 

[streaM Freak]

Real life experience doesn't translate perfectly in words, no matter your vocabulary.

Glad to have you @mrjimbusiness - looking forward to hearing more from you.

 

[Stassi202]

Started using powder a couple years ago, went to residential for the first time this past spring - alcohol and blow, the dangerous bifecta. I'm a successful tech professional, working at a large corporation. My job hasn't been a concern, because I'm very good at it. The job and my family (I'm single, last date 3 years ago) are the pillars of my life. I've always been an addict, first was thumb sucking, but I am smart AF, and have good and financially stable upbringing. Basically, the addiction is all on me.

I had been curious since I got back from residential treatment. My entire social circle has been drug based, and a few of them graduated from powder to rock while I was away. It changes people - a very good friend stole money, while I was letting him stay in my apartment for a week. Pretty sure he and he girlfriend ran a train for cash in my bedroom... But I digress

I've started smoking freebase myself (I mean, my nose hurts, how do expect me to solve that problem )

Back in IOP, gave my apartment/car keys to my mom and moved back in. Trying to do all I can to shake it.

Shit is wild. Every hit numbs your whole perception of emotional priority. I'm a little scared

The cravings for this drug are unreal.

 

[moonyham]

Started using powder a couple years ago, went to residential for the first time this past spring - alcohol and blow, the dangerous bifecta. I'm a successful tech professional, working at a large corporation. My job hasn't been a concern, because I'm very good at it. The job and my family (I'm single, last date 3 years ago) are the pillars of my life. I've always been an addict, first was thumb sucking, but I am smart AF, and have good and financially stable upbringing. Basically, the addiction is all on me.

I had been curious since I got back from residential treatment. My entire social circle has been drug based, and a few of them graduated from powder to rock while I was away. It changes people - a very good friend stole money, while I was letting him stay in my apartment for a week. Pretty sure he and he girlfriend ran a train for cash in my bedroom... But I digress

I've started smoking freebase myself (I mean, my nose hurts, how do expect me to solve that problem )

Back in IOP, gave my apartment/car keys to my mom and moved back in. Trying to do all I can to shake it.

Shit is wild. Every hit numbs your whole perception of emotional priority. I'm a little scared

Honestly, I see the nose blockage that stops you snorting and forces a day or two off as the silver lining of cocaine. If you go past that, you'll graduate to junkie pretty fast because now nothing is stopping ya.

If you could snort cocaine all day every day forever, I'd be a fucking coke head. But even when I had grams on me and it was cheap, I could only do so much each day and had to take days off because of the nose failing me. When you literally can't breath through your nose you either stop using or go to crack...

 

[danosaurous22]

or boof it. that is obviously going to fuck your shit up too though long term. for what its worth, I think boofing is the most well rounded and clean coke experience. you can get very fucked up but it's steadier and you don't have any outside indication that you've been putting drugs in your body other than the way you're acting. the nose shit makes coke impossible unless you shell out top dollar for stuff that goes down easier and you need less