stationdragon
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2016
- Messages
- 33
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WARNING, SUPER LONG BUT IMPORTANT POST, IMPORTANT FOR ME AND FOR MY FUTURE - READ TO THE END AND HELP ME IF YOU CAN
--------------------------
OK,
So hi everyone.
I've made a big mistake!
Anyone who has been chatting with me the last few days will not be in the slightest surprised that I have suddenly found myself addicted to the drugs I've been taking these last few weeks.
I've worked up until the point that I'm taking around 3000mg of gabapentin, 400mg - 500mg of codeine phosphate and a combination of various benzos including pyrazolam, flubromazePAM, nifoxipam, etizolam and diazepam every single day.
These are spread out at various points during the day but get heavier during the night.
I usually start my day with around 1200mg of gabapentin and 1.5mg - 2mg of pyrazolam, if I'm feeling it I might throw in anywhere between 60mg - 180mg of codeine but most likely not, I tend to save that for later.
Then later on I will most definitely top up the gabapentin with probably around 900mg and perhaps some more pyrazolam at around the 1mg - 1.5mg level. If I've not taken codeine earlier in the day then I'll most likely take the previously mentioned dose.
As it turns to night I definitely hit the codeine at around 120mg - 180mg and add 20mg - 30mg of diazepam to the mix, if I feel the need I'll take more gabapentin probably around 600mg.
I might take more diazepam at 10mg - 20mg with another 60mg - 120mg of codeine just before bed.
If I take etizolam I won't have taken anything else at all for hours because that drug worries me when it comes to mixing.
If I haven't been using much diazepam during the night I'll either take 4mg - 8mg of flubromazePAM, .25mg - .5mg of flubromazoLAM or 2mg - 4mg of nifoxipam just before bed to help me sleep, usually with a small amount of codeine. I don't bother with gabapentin for sleep because I feel it's effects are wasted if I'm asleep, it makes me quite social, hence the morning dose with pyrazolam to perk me up and make me able to communicate.
Sleep for me lately is around 7am - 8am and I could wake at any moment but quite late and quite drowsy.
--------------------------------------
Now for the important part.
I woke up today feeling like absolute crap. I remember taking 180mg of codeine by itself and I felt quite sick, so my friend for some reason talked me into taking 1800mg of gabapentin to take away the sickness. I got incredibly drowsy and was trying to have an online, written conversation with a friend but I kept dropping off between messages. Eventually I fell asleep for about three and a half hours. After I woke up I'm not sure what I did, probably used a few apps on my phone and surfed the net a while but I definitely ended up taking something else, probably one more codeine and a nifoxipam or something to send me off to sleep properly.
When I eventually woke up I was having some crazy dreams I can't remember and I couldn't stay awake. I kept dropping off until I eventually woke up properly(ish) and I felt worse than I can ever remember. I was so dizzy I thought I would pass out. So I played it safe and stayed in my room lay down and used the internet.
I didn't take anything at all as the day went on. Around 7:30pm -8:00pm I suddenly realised I felt awful, like really bad and it suddenly hit me, I'm having withdrawal symptoms and that's when it dawned on me...I'm fucking addicted. Withdrawal = addiction every time.
I'm not used to this, I've never been addicted to a drug my entire life! Now I'm suddenly addicted to three of them, well more when you count the different benzos I've been taking.
I got quite worried because I know some are dangerous to stop taking suddenly and others are safe but absolute hell.
I'm prepared for the hell that awaits me, it's a part of my journey...I've been through worse as a person, I can get through this. But I don't know how to handle this.
Tomorrow I'm quitting smoking again, I quit on January 30th and took up vaping full time, it suits me far better. I did incredibly, not a a single drag, then something that really messed with my head happened and with my lowered inhibitions due to all these drugs I started smoking a week ago. I gave myself until Monday and the day has arrived (though it's still night so it's technically still Sunday), I plan to quit last thing at night anyway.
As a result I don't want to try quitting smoking and these drugs at the same time because I won't handle it, I'll fail miserably.
So I've decided to continue using the drugs whilst I get over the smoking and move back into vaping. That won't take me very long, I've only been smoking again for a week. After 20 years of smoking it was only about three weeks of vaping before I happily considered myself a non-smoker.
Once I'm over that then I feel I can deal with getting off these drugs.
I've only been taking them recreationally for about 2 weeks now but I've built up my usage very quickly I was quite surprised to experience how totally fucked up I felt today after trying to have a day off, it was awful.
I don't know which drug it was specifically which made me feel so bad and desperately in need to quickly run to my stash and take more. I suspect that the codeine was the worst of it but being as though I've taken so many on a daily basis it was quite obviously a withdrawal from all of them and ha I continued to not re-dose I dread to think of the consequences. My brain chemistry will have changed drastically over the last few weeks and I guess it was expecting to receive all these chemicals which didn't show up and it didn't have the right preparations at the various synapses, but I know little about this stuff and brain chemistry so it's all conjecture on my part.
At this point I'm asking for your help. I want to get off these drugs but I don't know how to do it safely. From what I understand benzos can be very dangerous to stop taking suddenly so I don't plan to do that. I have no idea about gabapentin (I've heard it can be quite unpleasant) but I believe that codeine you can just go cold turkey with.
The truth is I don't want to or plan to go cold turkey at all with any of these drugs. I want to taper them down slowly so that I can at least try and have an easier ride.
A friend of mine said after two weeks of heavy use I'd be fine just stopping them all at once but he often jumps to conclusions and something tells me I'd be putting myself in grave danger if I was to do that.
My thoughts are that I should taper one drug down to nothing, then another and then finally the other. But I don't know in what order or how to taper them down. I don't know the techniques.
I'm sure there's a thread for this but I wrote this out because this is very much tailored for my own personal use and circumstances.
Will someone with experience please tell me how I can get off these drugs safely and with as minimum suffering as possible? I know there will be suffering but I'm sure it can be minimised if done safely and correctly. What would be your advice, I need experts on this not just speculation. My number one priority when getting off these drugs is to keep myself safe whilst doing so. I have a lot of people who care about me and will help me in any way possible. I don't want to let anyone down, I've already let them and myself down by my choices over the last fortnight but I don't want to make it worse by getting this next part wrong.
[MENTION=311014]Kittycat5[/MENTION] I hope this tags you because I know of your profession and I hope you can help me because you seem to care and want me to be safe and deal with my problems in other ways and not to let this new habit make things worse. I'm not used to the workings of a forum that well so fingers crossed you get tagged and you will see my post.
I like said, I feel I should taper off these one by one and leave the codeine to last because this seems to be the safest one. So I want to get the dangerous withdrawals dealt with first and then kick the codeine. Is this wise? Please help, write me out a plan to follow once I'm psychologically off the fags, which I plan to do be completely over within 3 weeks.
So sorry for the super long message to take up your time but I didn't want to leave anything out and I'm really anal about that. Please only sensible and useful replies. I know two weeks is nothing compared to most of you and completely but I can't let this become a thing. I have people who rely on me and I need to be back, functioning as a "normal" human being as fast as possible so I can be the person I need to be for those who need me.
Thank you to all who made it all the way to the end, you are a real trooper and I respect and appreciate your dedication.
Thanks to all, please take care and be safe.
All the best,
Stationdragon
WARNING, SUPER LONG BUT IMPORTANT POST, IMPORTANT FOR ME AND FOR MY FUTURE - READ TO THE END AND HELP ME IF YOU CAN
--------------------------
OK,
So hi everyone.
I've made a big mistake!
Anyone who has been chatting with me the last few days will not be in the slightest surprised that I have suddenly found myself addicted to the drugs I've been taking these last few weeks.
I've worked up until the point that I'm taking around 3000mg of gabapentin, 400mg - 500mg of codeine phosphate and a combination of various benzos including pyrazolam, flubromazePAM, nifoxipam, etizolam and diazepam every single day.
These are spread out at various points during the day but get heavier during the night.
I usually start my day with around 1200mg of gabapentin and 1.5mg - 2mg of pyrazolam, if I'm feeling it I might throw in anywhere between 60mg - 180mg of codeine but most likely not, I tend to save that for later.
Then later on I will most definitely top up the gabapentin with probably around 900mg and perhaps some more pyrazolam at around the 1mg - 1.5mg level. If I've not taken codeine earlier in the day then I'll most likely take the previously mentioned dose.
As it turns to night I definitely hit the codeine at around 120mg - 180mg and add 20mg - 30mg of diazepam to the mix, if I feel the need I'll take more gabapentin probably around 600mg.
I might take more diazepam at 10mg - 20mg with another 60mg - 120mg of codeine just before bed.
If I take etizolam I won't have taken anything else at all for hours because that drug worries me when it comes to mixing.
If I haven't been using much diazepam during the night I'll either take 4mg - 8mg of flubromazePAM, .25mg - .5mg of flubromazoLAM or 2mg - 4mg of nifoxipam just before bed to help me sleep, usually with a small amount of codeine. I don't bother with gabapentin for sleep because I feel it's effects are wasted if I'm asleep, it makes me quite social, hence the morning dose with pyrazolam to perk me up and make me able to communicate.
Sleep for me lately is around 7am - 8am and I could wake at any moment but quite late and quite drowsy.
--------------------------------------
Now for the important part.
I woke up today feeling like absolute crap. I remember taking 180mg of codeine by itself and I felt quite sick, so my friend for some reason talked me into taking 1800mg of gabapentin to take away the sickness. I got incredibly drowsy and was trying to have an online, written conversation with a friend but I kept dropping off between messages. Eventually I fell asleep for about three and a half hours. After I woke up I'm not sure what I did, probably used a few apps on my phone and surfed the net a while but I definitely ended up taking something else, probably one more codeine and a nifoxipam or something to send me off to sleep properly.
When I eventually woke up I was having some crazy dreams I can't remember and I couldn't stay awake. I kept dropping off until I eventually woke up properly(ish) and I felt worse than I can ever remember. I was so dizzy I thought I would pass out. So I played it safe and stayed in my room lay down and used the internet.
I didn't take anything at all as the day went on. Around 7:30pm -8:00pm I suddenly realised I felt awful, like really bad and it suddenly hit me, I'm having withdrawal symptoms and that's when it dawned on me...I'm fucking addicted. Withdrawal = addiction every time.
I'm not used to this, I've never been addicted to a drug my entire life! Now I'm suddenly addicted to three of them, well more when you count the different benzos I've been taking.
I got quite worried because I know some are dangerous to stop taking suddenly and others are safe but absolute hell.
I'm prepared for the hell that awaits me, it's a part of my journey...I've been through worse as a person, I can get through this. But I don't know how to handle this.
Tomorrow I'm quitting smoking again, I quit on January 30th and took up vaping full time, it suits me far better. I did incredibly, not a a single drag, then something that really messed with my head happened and with my lowered inhibitions due to all these drugs I started smoking a week ago. I gave myself until Monday and the day has arrived (though it's still night so it's technically still Sunday), I plan to quit last thing at night anyway.
As a result I don't want to try quitting smoking and these drugs at the same time because I won't handle it, I'll fail miserably.
So I've decided to continue using the drugs whilst I get over the smoking and move back into vaping. That won't take me very long, I've only been smoking again for a week. After 20 years of smoking it was only about three weeks of vaping before I happily considered myself a non-smoker.
Once I'm over that then I feel I can deal with getting off these drugs.
I've only been taking them recreationally for about 2 weeks now but I've built up my usage very quickly I was quite surprised to experience how totally fucked up I felt today after trying to have a day off, it was awful.
I don't know which drug it was specifically which made me feel so bad and desperately in need to quickly run to my stash and take more. I suspect that the codeine was the worst of it but being as though I've taken so many on a daily basis it was quite obviously a withdrawal from all of them and ha I continued to not re-dose I dread to think of the consequences. My brain chemistry will have changed drastically over the last few weeks and I guess it was expecting to receive all these chemicals which didn't show up and it didn't have the right preparations at the various synapses, but I know little about this stuff and brain chemistry so it's all conjecture on my part.
At this point I'm asking for your help. I want to get off these drugs but I don't know how to do it safely. From what I understand benzos can be very dangerous to stop taking suddenly so I don't plan to do that. I have no idea about gabapentin (I've heard it can be quite unpleasant) but I believe that codeine you can just go cold turkey with.
The truth is I don't want to or plan to go cold turkey at all with any of these drugs. I want to taper them down slowly so that I can at least try and have an easier ride.
A friend of mine said after two weeks of heavy use I'd be fine just stopping them all at once but he often jumps to conclusions and something tells me I'd be putting myself in grave danger if I was to do that.
My thoughts are that I should taper one drug down to nothing, then another and then finally the other. But I don't know in what order or how to taper them down. I don't know the techniques.
I'm sure there's a thread for this but I wrote this out because this is very much tailored for my own personal use and circumstances.
Will someone with experience please tell me how I can get off these drugs safely and with as minimum suffering as possible? I know there will be suffering but I'm sure it can be minimised if done safely and correctly. What would be your advice, I need experts on this not just speculation. My number one priority when getting off these drugs is to keep myself safe whilst doing so. I have a lot of people who care about me and will help me in any way possible. I don't want to let anyone down, I've already let them and myself down by my choices over the last fortnight but I don't want to make it worse by getting this next part wrong.
[MENTION=311014]Kittycat5[/MENTION] I hope this tags you because I know of your profession and I hope you can help me because you seem to care and want me to be safe and deal with my problems in other ways and not to let this new habit make things worse. I'm not used to the workings of a forum that well so fingers crossed you get tagged and you will see my post.
I like said, I feel I should taper off these one by one and leave the codeine to last because this seems to be the safest one. So I want to get the dangerous withdrawals dealt with first and then kick the codeine. Is this wise? Please help, write me out a plan to follow once I'm psychologically off the fags, which I plan to do be completely over within 3 weeks.
So sorry for the super long message to take up your time but I didn't want to leave anything out and I'm really anal about that. Please only sensible and useful replies. I know two weeks is nothing compared to most of you and completely but I can't let this become a thing. I have people who rely on me and I need to be back, functioning as a "normal" human being as fast as possible so I can be the person I need to be for those who need me.
Thank you to all who made it all the way to the end, you are a real trooper and I respect and appreciate your dedication.
Thanks to all, please take care and be safe.
All the best,
Stationdragon