Misc I think you all saw this coming who weer involved but I'm suddenly addicted

[stationdragon]

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WARNING, SUPER LONG BUT IMPORTANT POST, IMPORTANT FOR ME AND FOR MY FUTURE - READ TO THE END AND HELP ME IF YOU CAN

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OK,

So hi everyone.

I've made a big mistake!

Anyone who has been chatting with me the last few days will not be in the slightest surprised that I have suddenly found myself addicted to the drugs I've been taking these last few weeks.

I've worked up until the point that I'm taking around 3000mg of gabapentin, 400mg - 500mg of codeine phosphate and a combination of various benzos including pyrazolam, flubromazePAM, nifoxipam, etizolam and diazepam every single day.

These are spread out at various points during the day but get heavier during the night.

I usually start my day with around 1200mg of gabapentin and 1.5mg - 2mg of pyrazolam, if I'm feeling it I might throw in anywhere between 60mg - 180mg of codeine but most likely not, I tend to save that for later.

Then later on I will most definitely top up the gabapentin with probably around 900mg and perhaps some more pyrazolam at around the 1mg - 1.5mg level. If I've not taken codeine earlier in the day then I'll most likely take the previously mentioned dose.

As it turns to night I definitely hit the codeine at around 120mg - 180mg and add 20mg - 30mg of diazepam to the mix, if I feel the need I'll take more gabapentin probably around 600mg.

I might take more diazepam at 10mg - 20mg with another 60mg - 120mg of codeine just before bed.

If I take etizolam I won't have taken anything else at all for hours because that drug worries me when it comes to mixing.

If I haven't been using much diazepam during the night I'll either take 4mg - 8mg of flubromazePAM, .25mg - .5mg of flubromazoLAM or 2mg - 4mg of nifoxipam just before bed to help me sleep, usually with a small amount of codeine. I don't bother with gabapentin for sleep because I feel it's effects are wasted if I'm asleep, it makes me quite social, hence the morning dose with pyrazolam to perk me up and make me able to communicate.


Sleep for me lately is around 7am - 8am and I could wake at any moment but quite late and quite drowsy.

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Now for the important part.

I woke up today feeling like absolute crap. I remember taking 180mg of codeine by itself and I felt quite sick, so my friend for some reason talked me into taking 1800mg of gabapentin to take away the sickness. I got incredibly drowsy and was trying to have an online, written conversation with a friend but I kept dropping off between messages. Eventually I fell asleep for about three and a half hours. After I woke up I'm not sure what I did, probably used a few apps on my phone and surfed the net a while but I definitely ended up taking something else, probably one more codeine and a nifoxipam or something to send me off to sleep properly.

When I eventually woke up I was having some crazy dreams I can't remember and I couldn't stay awake. I kept dropping off until I eventually woke up properly(ish) and I felt worse than I can ever remember. I was so dizzy I thought I would pass out. So I played it safe and stayed in my room lay down and used the internet.
I didn't take anything at all as the day went on. Around 7:30pm -8:00pm I suddenly realised I felt awful, like really bad and it suddenly hit me, I'm having withdrawal symptoms and that's when it dawned on me...I'm fucking addicted. Withdrawal = addiction every time.

I'm not used to this, I've never been addicted to a drug my entire life! Now I'm suddenly addicted to three of them, well more when you count the different benzos I've been taking.

I got quite worried because I know some are dangerous to stop taking suddenly and others are safe but absolute hell.
I'm prepared for the hell that awaits me, it's a part of my journey...I've been through worse as a person, I can get through this. But I don't know how to handle this.

Tomorrow I'm quitting smoking again, I quit on January 30th and took up vaping full time, it suits me far better. I did incredibly, not a a single drag, then something that really messed with my head happened and with my lowered inhibitions due to all these drugs I started smoking a week ago. I gave myself until Monday and the day has arrived (though it's still night so it's technically still Sunday), I plan to quit last thing at night anyway.

As a result I don't want to try quitting smoking and these drugs at the same time because I won't handle it, I'll fail miserably.
So I've decided to continue using the drugs whilst I get over the smoking and move back into vaping. That won't take me very long, I've only been smoking again for a week. After 20 years of smoking it was only about three weeks of vaping before I happily considered myself a non-smoker.
Once I'm over that then I feel I can deal with getting off these drugs.

I've only been taking them recreationally for about 2 weeks now but I've built up my usage very quickly I was quite surprised to experience how totally fucked up I felt today after trying to have a day off, it was awful.
I don't know which drug it was specifically which made me feel so bad and desperately in need to quickly run to my stash and take more. I suspect that the codeine was the worst of it but being as though I've taken so many on a daily basis it was quite obviously a withdrawal from all of them and ha I continued to not re-dose I dread to think of the consequences. My brain chemistry will have changed drastically over the last few weeks and I guess it was expecting to receive all these chemicals which didn't show up and it didn't have the right preparations at the various synapses, but I know little about this stuff and brain chemistry so it's all conjecture on my part.

At this point I'm asking for your help. I want to get off these drugs but I don't know how to do it safely. From what I understand benzos can be very dangerous to stop taking suddenly so I don't plan to do that. I have no idea about gabapentin (I've heard it can be quite unpleasant) but I believe that codeine you can just go cold turkey with.

The truth is I don't want to or plan to go cold turkey at all with any of these drugs. I want to taper them down slowly so that I can at least try and have an easier ride.

A friend of mine said after two weeks of heavy use I'd be fine just stopping them all at once but he often jumps to conclusions and something tells me I'd be putting myself in grave danger if I was to do that.

My thoughts are that I should taper one drug down to nothing, then another and then finally the other. But I don't know in what order or how to taper them down. I don't know the techniques.
I'm sure there's a thread for this but I wrote this out because this is very much tailored for my own personal use and circumstances.

Will someone with experience please tell me how I can get off these drugs safely and with as minimum suffering as possible? I know there will be suffering but I'm sure it can be minimised if done safely and correctly. What would be your advice, I need experts on this not just speculation. My number one priority when getting off these drugs is to keep myself safe whilst doing so. I have a lot of people who care about me and will help me in any way possible. I don't want to let anyone down, I've already let them and myself down by my choices over the last fortnight but I don't want to make it worse by getting this next part wrong.
[MENTION=311014]Kittycat5[/MENTION] I hope this tags you because I know of your profession and I hope you can help me because you seem to care and want me to be safe and deal with my problems in other ways and not to let this new habit make things worse. I'm not used to the workings of a forum that well so fingers crossed you get tagged and you will see my post.

I like said, I feel I should taper off these one by one and leave the codeine to last because this seems to be the safest one. So I want to get the dangerous withdrawals dealt with first and then kick the codeine. Is this wise? Please help, write me out a plan to follow once I'm psychologically off the fags, which I plan to do be completely over within 3 weeks.


So sorry for the super long message to take up your time but I didn't want to leave anything out and I'm really anal about that. Please only sensible and useful replies. I know two weeks is nothing compared to most of you and completely but I can't let this become a thing. I have people who rely on me and I need to be back, functioning as a "normal" human being as fast as possible so I can be the person I need to be for those who need me.

Thank you to all who made it all the way to the end, you are a real trooper and I respect and appreciate your dedication.

Thanks to all, please take care and be safe.

All the best,

Stationdragon

 

[stationdragon]

Also, I know many of you will be thinking that I should just go to my doctor an get the help I need but I REALLY don't want this on my medical record for personal reasons. I could go to an anonymous self help group but I'm confident I can do this on my own with the support of my friends. If it turns into a real problem, I've already spoken to my friends about a back-up plan. Fingers crossed it doesn't come to that and I can get my life back on track in a matter of weeks.

 

[Kittycat5]

Im going to pm you. Not guaranteeing right now but I shall by tomorrow my time. Two weeks isnt a whole lot of time but you are having symptoms and those benzos are dangerous. Let me research a bit and I will get back to you but think one of the long half life benzos (diazepam would be my choice) on a quick taper may be advised. The codeine, if causing withdrawal wont kill you, but it may make you feel like shit. You could probably get away with cold turkeying it alone, but dont want to worsen what you are going through and have you relying on the other drugs for support.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

you need to taper. it takes extreme discipline to taper off of opiates and or benzos. your codeine use isn't that bad and you havn't been using it that long....i would say just taper as best you can with codeine....switching to suboxone or methadone will just trade you with a much worse addiction at this point I believe.

as far as the benzos go, you just have to taper....just take enough that you dont feel bad anxiety, you will feel some anxiety...thats good, that means you are tapering and taking a lower dose than what is required to make you feel good. if you have a psychological addiction to getting fucked up on benzos....thats a whole other animal and that will be the hardest thing to overcome and stay disciplined with your taper

 

[dirzted]

given that youve only been doing these for two weeks (which seems somewhat strange given the regimented amount your ingesting, have you really NOT been taking ANY of these substances in any way, shape, or form prior to these weeks of heavy usage?) it shouldn't be too severe, so try and remember that in order to keep your mindset positive and ward off any extra negativity that will further hinder you in this difficult process.

good luck

 

[Cdkman]

Withdrawal does not mean addiction..cut out codeine and gabapentin immediately and taper using the longest acting benzo u have for 5-7 days,once a day..don't make this worse than it has to be

 

[tightlywound]

I don't think any of these w/ds (benzos too) have much/any chance of killing you after only 2 weeks use. but I'm not a doctor so.
take a week to taper the benzos and you will be fine assuming you can actually stick to a taper, CT everything else.
that said I would be way more concerned about quitting the drugs than the cigs. say it takes you another week to quit smoking -- your addiction/w/d symptoms are 50% worse.

 

[Treefa]

Ahh I remember my first time in withdrawal.
Oh wait, you've only been on this crap for 2 weeks??

That's called PSYCHOLOGICAL dependence.....all I've got to say, besides LOL, that is, is don't do it again or you're doomed. I mean 2 weeks and you're addicted??
You, sir, have ZERO business doing drugs....you shouldn't even smoke weed.

All I know is that with opiates, it takes AT LEAST 21 days of consecutive use to develop withdrawals. That is a SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN FACT.
Regardless, if you stopped all those at once, it would probably be a good experience for you. Nobody ever died after 2 weeks of taking benzos. LOL if you were gonna die you would have died sometime in the past 2 weeks from ABUSING DRUGS, not from quitting...not after 2 measley weeks!!

People who die from benzo withdrawals take the shit for 20 years plus, and are probably over 50 years old and in bad health. Think high blood pressure, epilepsy...and the like. Think Elvis Presley, keep taking drugs and you'll end up a talentless fat ass who can't even DIE without Pills!!!

Truth be told, if you were REALLY in withdrawal you would WANT TO DIE!!!

So quit creating drama for yourself, and tough it out, man up....you think little kids in Africa have withdrawal? No they don't even have food, not even clean water!!! They eat flies off piles of mule shit!!

You, OP, need to calm your shit, calm yourself down, take a long hard look inside yourself and see why you're creating all this drama. Withdrawal (especially if mild) can be a good time for introspection, see what you like about yourself, and what you'd like to change. Honestly I've had some pretty enlightening revelations during mild withdrawals before...

You're body is trying to achieve homeostasis, you keep giving it drugs to confuse it....so stop.. you don't need a taper after 2 weeks, and anybody that says you do is a gotdamn quack. Smoke some fucking weed FFS, although, honestly I'm sorta afraid you'll start claiming addiction to POT!!

P.S. I didn't recognize all those benzos are they research chemicals? If so, you're fucking retarted....RC's are fucking retarted. They sure as shit aren't as good as benzos you get from a pharmacy, and not nearly as safe...I mean at least 97% of commonly used pharmaceuticals go through HUMAN SAFTEY trials, and theirs data so you can predict possible adverse reactions, and if you fuck up your body, at least you can sue BIG PHARMA....good luck suing you're fucking RC vendors when they clearly say "not for human consumption".

 

[Treefa]

Oh, and genious ass OP, it's me again here to say this;
IF you follow you're ingenious plan of staying on the Codeine while you taper the rest, then shit dude, by the time you get off the other shit you just MIGHT be ACTUALLY addicted to the fucking codeine by then!! 21 days, 14 down 7 to go before you reach the 21 day mark, and if you can get addicted to this other sucky shit in 2 weeks, i'd hate to see how bad you'd need the codeine after 3!!!!

SUFFERING?? Oh i'm so sorry for you OP you're worried about SUFFERING?
If I had to guess, you're not even out of highschool yet and you sure as shit don't know anything about the real world, and you most definitely don't know shit about suffering.

Suffering is when somebody's got is so bad that they HAVE to take drugs...Suffering is when someone's life has literally become a hell from which the only escape is either strong Narcotics/Alcohol, or Death. And real suffering is when somebody has it so bad that they don't even have the CHOICE to take narcotics, because they're fucking poor, or they live in the middle of some hell hole, where all they know is SUFFERING!

You think running out of drugs is SUFFERING?? After 22 years, sure, but after 2 weeks you're worried about suffering??

Shit, I hate to be a dick, but dude, life is gonna be hard on you...the real world is full of suffering, pain, misery...what are you gonna do? Just take drugs everytime you experience something that's a little UNCOMFORTABLE? Because be honest, here, running out of drugs would surely make ANY addict UNCOMFORTABLE.
But I reserve SUFFERING for the people who don't have all their body parts....the folks who don't have people that give a shit about them....people that don't have proper medical care...people that don't have a goddamn thing to lose because they've got it SO FUCKING BAD that literally there is no possible way that it could get worse for them....people whose only hope for some kind of positive change, or relief is death.

Because believe it or not, there are people out there that don't have ANYTHING, don't have ANYONE, and certainly don't have the PRIVELEDGE to worry about such petty things such as coming off of narcotics...after 2 fucking weeks. There are a good number of people in this world, especially in the 3rd world who would LITERALLY FUCKING KILL TO be in your position, OP..

Just think about that, when you're kicking your little habit think about how fortunate, how blessed you are, to have; Folks that give a shit, Time & Money to waste on drugs, and all you're limbs & 5 senses (assuming there).
That way, next time you run out of drugs and start to worry that you're going to "suffer" just remember that you were born in the best of all possible worlds, where even if you ain't got a goddamn thing to your name, you still have hope...hope for a better tomorrow.

A lot of people don't have that, and when I hear somebody taking their blessings for granted, I just shake my head. What else can you do...as an opiate addict, myself, I'm almost ALWAYS uncomfortable..miserable even, sure...but suffering...suffering doesn't belong to me...it's like saying "nigger" when i'm white as a sheet.
You don't know what suffering is OP.
You're too young for one, and probably too inexperienced in life, as well.

But if you keep taking narcotics for another 12 years or so, you might start to get an idea of just how bad some people in this world have it...you still won't suffer..not in the good ol' USA, we won't allow it(though lots of American addicts probably looooove to brag of their "suffering")...but at least you'll know what suffering is. Even if you never get to experience it for yourself.
And believe me, some things are just better left unknown.

Sorry for the double post, but hey, i'm like Mick Jagger...just start me up....bunuhnuhnuh uh start me up, i'll nevuh stop, nevuh stop, i'll neva neva neva stop..lol...

Good luck op, you can do it, it's all in the positive mindset...take your suffering turn it into bufferin(aspirin)..or lovering...discovering, that's it!!!

 

[My3sons]

Treefa u said what I was thinking!

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Treefa.....the problem is that this guy has the time and money to take drugs if he chooses...and privilege leads to addiction more than any other situation....just look at Hollywood.

It takes a lot more to kick drugs when you have piles of them in arms reach or a phonecall away.....when you're broke and jobless and have to stay clean to work...it's easy....I've been in both situations so I know

 

[withlove]

.....when you're broke and jobless and have to stay clean to work...it's easy....I've been in both situations so I know

yea, No.
tell that to those who lost and continue to lose everything. What is easy for you is impossible for someone else.


anyways after 2 weeks you gotta suck it up and be uncomfortable, it's not so much withdrawals as it is the crash from hell.

 

[Kittycat5]

Calm down a bit guys. Offer advice or experience, but we dont know what stationdragon is going through.

 

[Effect]

Sorry to not really offer anything really constructive here, but I'm inclined to agree with Treefa in most aspects, particularly with the codeine and the face that a taper doesn't really seem necessary especially after only 2 weeks of dosing. I wasn't, however, aware that it "is a scientifically proven fact that it takes AT LEAST 21 days of consecutive use to become dependent" especially since everybody's brain chemistry is different. Also withdrawal doesn't necessarily equal addiction at all.

 

[mazda01]

withdrawal = physical dependence NOT addiction. addiction is the repetitive act despite it causing negative consequences in ones life. (been to a ton of treatment centers and that's approximately what they all say although wording may be slightly diff)

i don't agree that it takes a person 21 days to become physically dependent on opiates either, i've been an addict for 18 years and i can go on a week run of daily use with opiate and i'll go through withdrawal for sure. now it may be different for an opiate niave person compared to someone whos been physically dependent in the past but i don't know for sure.

i don't think it's fair to downplay anyone elses experience, if he says he feels like shit and it's hard for him than that's the truth, why would he lie about it? but i also have to admit that only after 2 weeks of use your withdrawals are more in your head ("feeling" like shit vs actually being physically sick where you're shiting and puking on yourself, can't eat no matter how hard you try, visual disturbances (benzos wd), derealization, cold/hot sweats, anxiety to the point where you litterally can't sit still-YOU HAVE TO MOVE YOUR LEGS OR YOU"LL EXPLODE, jus tto name a few)

so to the OP, please seriously look at your withdrawals symptoms and identify the ones that are physical vs just your "feelings" in your head because if you're just feeling down than that's not bad at all, your body is used to receiving certain chems that are no longer there so it has to get back to making it's own stuff which makes us feel good. just give it time and good luck

 

[Man in the Dark]

Oh, and genious ass OP, it's me again here to say this;
IF you follow you're ingenious plan of staying on the Codeine while you taper the rest, then shit dude, by the time you get off the other shit you just MIGHT be ACTUALLY addicted to the fucking codeine by then!! 21 days, 14 down 7 to go before you reach the 21 day mark, and if you can get addicted to this other sucky shit in 2 weeks, i'd hate to see how bad you'd need the codeine after 3!!!!

SUFFERING?? Oh i'm so sorry for you OP you're worried about SUFFERING?
If I had to guess, you're not even out of highschool yet and you sure as shit don't know anything about the real world, and you most definitely don't know shit about suffering.

Suffering is when somebody's got is so bad that they HAVE to take drugs...Suffering is when someone's life has literally become a hell from which the only escape is either strong Narcotics/Alcohol, or Death. And real suffering is when somebody has it so bad that they don't even have the CHOICE to take narcotics, because they're fucking poor, or they live in the middle of some hell hole, where all they know is SUFFERING!

You think running out of drugs is SUFFERING?? After 22 years, sure, but after 2 weeks you're worried about suffering??

Shit, I hate to be a dick, but dude, life is gonna be hard on you...the real world is full of suffering, pain, misery...what are you gonna do? Just take drugs everytime you experience something that's a little UNCOMFORTABLE? Because be honest, here, running out of drugs would surely make ANY addict UNCOMFORTABLE.
But I reserve SUFFERING for the people who don't have all their body parts....the folks who don't have people that give a shit about them....people that don't have proper medical care...people that don't have a goddamn thing to lose because they've got it SO FUCKING BAD that literally there is no possible way that it could get worse for them....people whose only hope for some kind of positive change, or relief is death.

Because believe it or not, there are people out there that don't have ANYTHING, don't have ANYONE, and certainly don't have the PRIVELEDGE to worry about such petty things such as coming off of narcotics...after 2 fucking weeks. There are a good number of people in this world, especially in the 3rd world who would LITERALLY FUCKING KILL TO be in your position, OP..

Just think about that, when you're kicking your little habit think about how fortunate, how blessed you are, to have; Folks that give a shit, Time & Money to waste on drugs, and all you're limbs & 5 senses (assuming there).
That way, next time you run out of drugs and start to worry that you're going to "suffer" just remember that you were born in the best of all possible worlds, where even if you ain't got a goddamn thing to your name, you still have hope...hope for a better tomorrow.

A lot of people don't have that, and when I hear somebody taking their blessings for granted, I just shake my head. What else can you do...as an opiate addict, myself, I'm almost ALWAYS uncomfortable..miserable even, sure...but suffering...suffering doesn't belong to me...it's like saying "nigger" when i'm white as a sheet.
You don't know what suffering is OP.
You're too young for one, and probably too inexperienced in life, as well.

But if you keep taking narcotics for another 12 years or so, you might start to get an idea of just how bad some people in this world have it...you still won't suffer..not in the good ol' USA, we won't allow it(though lots of American addicts probably looooove to brag of their "suffering")...but at least you'll know what suffering is. Even if you never get to experience it for yourself.
And believe me, some things are just better left unknown.

Sorry for the double post, but hey, i'm like Mick Jagger...just start me up....bunuhnuhnuh uh start me up, i'll nevuh stop, nevuh stop, i'll neva neva neva stop..lol...

Good luck op, you can do it, it's all in the positive mindset...take your suffering turn it into bufferin(aspirin)..or lovering...discovering, that's it!!!

Great fucking posts, spot on!!!

 

[SS373dOH]

"Genious ass op" I thought this was funny before I noticed the genius spelling irony.
I would say savage, but we did warn the op. So I think he might have expected the tone.

Anyways, op listen to above posters, taper and jump before it gets worse. Good Luck!


- Hopeless..

 

[SKR]

I get what's being said about suffering, but if you say it then it's true. If OP says he's suffering then he's suffering and nothing we say or do is going to change that. All one can do is offer love and support or walk away, sometimes a little tough love is useful but we're online, we can't lock him in his bedroom for a week....

I have to agree with those that say drop the codeine first, if you stay on it while trying to come off the less physically addicting drugs you will become full on physically addicted. I would drop the codeine, you are already taking all the comfort meds that you will want to take when you're kicking opiates like gaba & benzos. Stick to your Diaz I reckon and scrap using the other benzos and work on reducing your codeine till you're at a typically therapeutic dose like 30-60mgs after a quick taper lasting only one week. Once there you can decide to start to lower your gaba dosage so...

* Taper codeine down over the course of seven days till ur at 30-60mgs and hold there for a bit
* Only take diazepam and stop the other benzos, if you think you're at risk maybe dip into something short acting but try to just use D.
* Taper your gaba also as best you can as quick as you can.

If you've only been using all of this shit for two weeks you're not going to suffer bad on going WD's or post acute WD's from any of these drugs imo so you're in a really good place to be honest, even though you don't feel like you are. There are folks out there like me who have been on these drugs for years and some just quit with minimal side effects or WD's at all usually cos they didn't know any better or they've been forced to cos they're off to prison, broke, source dried up or all three. Then others claim irreparable damage has been done even after a long period of time has passed since cessation.

We are all different and unique in many ways but my biggest concern for you are all those different benzos.

If it were a case of you only taking any one of those drugs on their own then I would say taper if you want to or just quit - it's only been two weeks, not even months or years. So hang in there and try and appreciate that even those giving you a hard time care that you come off safely and that you've perhaps learnt some lessons....this could have been a lot worse.

 

[FonkEmonkE]

Some old bull rider in El Paso, Texas used to tell me "if you're gonna be dumb you better be tough" This seems to be what all above posters have mentioned. You may have entered into a slight drug induced psychosis but this should not physically kill you given the short length of use. I bet in a matter of days your perspective will begin to change and some amount of chemical balance should return. I'm not down playing your pain but this could be a good time to reach down and grab those nuts and more importantly stay away from the substances that react poorly with your mental health. I hope things get better for you soon.