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I think my friend has a crush on my sweetheart, what should I do?

junegreenjeans

junegreenjeans

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 13, 2013
Messages
165
ok, deal with it right. fair enough. lame question? maybe. But she's a nice lady but I love my man. Her frame of mind may be delicate. I'll just wait and see. no need to post, can't delete whole thread, newbie.
seriously though, anyone else have any experience with this? I don't want to cut her off. Ridiculous really, never mind, sorry.
 
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your right. Nothing wrong with a harmless crush; happens all the time right? Could be she just likes us and wants to include us both in her affections. I get this. I'm jealous by nature, so is he; we're working on it. I guess I felt a little insecure is all and that's all on me. I shouldn't assume things and I certainly ought not close the door on a friend just because she admires what he and I have. Strange it is indeed how I can be so very open minded with other aspects, yet when it comes to my heart I still live in a cave in so many ways.
 
First of all, how old are you? It matters because none of us know what kind of relationship you are in. Do you and your GF live together? How long have you been in your relationship? How long have you been friends with the guy who has a crush on your GF? How do you know he has a crush on her? Have you talked about it with your friend directly?

I never condone physical violence but maybe you need to remind your "friend" that he ought to find his own woman.
 
^ some people think you cant really control which people you fall in love with

so long as they aren't making moves on the friends SO, and you trust your SO i dont see the big deal
 
there is not really enough info here for people to give advice.

no one has done anything so whats the problem?
 
Exactly what did your friend do to make you believe she's crushing on your man?
 
I'm a early seventies baby. This relationship is a lifer. Both of us had been flying fairly solo for a lengthy time and it isn't that we don't trust one another, it's that for some reason, we get rather protective of each other and the time we share. Yes we do live together; he bought us a house to live in after we moved away from the gypsy park we met in about 2 years ago. When he came to my door and I saw him ( 2 yrs ago) , that was it, both of us, lightning bolt, Pzzazz! Kaboom, buckled kneeze, fluttery warmth, sense of recognition n' all. It was amazing, it, that moment, he, is amazing and I love him with all of my heart and I know he feels the same. We be two old school romantics, my sweets and I.

I have been chums with the friend who may (or may not) have crush for about 6 months only but she is a kind and thoughtful person.
The only 'evidence' (or lack there of) I have that she may be crushing is my spidey sense and certain things said, how things were said and her lack of eye contact when she asks things about him, other things too, I could say, a person knows when someones crushing on their significant other.

I appreciate your words J.Atrick, gave me a nice chuckle and true enough, if I were male perhaps I would feel the need to 'handle' this a little differently. tee hee.
Her mind (the friend) may be fragile and the last thing I would want to do is hurt her feelings, especially if I am wrong and even if right, I still don't want to hurt her. So she may have a crush on the man I'm spending my life with, heck, who wouldn't, he's a great man, beer n'all. So long as no lines are crossed and it remains innocent enough.
My sweetheart is a great man. The trust is completely there, we know what we have and we know the only thing that could tear us apart is us; nothing else, only us and there's no plan for that. I will rest in this. I'm sure many will develop innocent enough crushes on him over the years and again, who wouldn't he is wonderful. I guess because I don't have allot of female chums or male one's I got a little insecure and taken aback by this. Hurt that i'd let someone into my home/heart and they develop a crush on my sweetheart.
I hope I'm mature enough to handle it with grace and compassion.
thanks for your reply.
Things
 
^^ Exactly? Huh. Well, does spidey sense count?
Ok, things like this.
- has told me she wants what I have with him
- she has offered out her 'massive' home out in the woods as a retreat for him to try to get 'dry' (stop drinking )
- whenever I have gone out to see her, each time I've left she pulls out a plate of food and asks me to bring it home for him.
-questions, lots of questions and lately, lack of eye contact when asking. and of course, the answers are good, he's a great man and I don't lie. Through my eyes, he's the best man on the Planet.

*hey, this could all be in my head. I think the only thing that really matters here is this. Do I trust him? Well, completely. He would tell me if anything over the top was implied or done.
I like this lady, she's a nice gal and neither of us make allot of close friends. I will not cut off ties unless I must.
as I said in the other thread to J.Atrick, he's a great man. Who wouldn't want him? But I don't feel threatened, just somewhat let down if she is in fact crushin on the Love of my Life.
WEll there's some more detail..
 
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Yello,
Wrote some more details. True enough, no one has done anything so what is the problem? Hhmm. I guess I'm just uncomfortable with the idea that of all the beautiful ladies out there, I bring one, a friend, into my home and this happens.
 
I got mixed up with your descriptions. Sorry.

Yeh, I have yet to figure out the female mind so I have no advice for you on this matter.

In my circle of friends, we always stayed away from our friends' partners. It's a sense of honor among some men that does not appear to me to be as prevalent among women. Flame me if you want but that is just my observation of the women I have encountered. It prolly does not apply to all women.
 
letting it go

Fair enough; I too do not understand the female mind nor have I much experience with people in this way.
I agree with the sense of honor you speak of and the notion of steering clear of friends significant others. I suppose this is why I feel a little curious and slightly skeptical when a buddy starts getting a little too close.
Nothing applies to all of anyone in my humble opinion no matter what's between the ol legs.
Men and Women are different in many profound ways; but we all know right from wrong, at least I hope most of us do.
I can handle this, just curious what others would think (both men and women) if a friend seemed to be crushing on their significant other. Do you talk to them, risk hurting their feelings?, let it continue or just let it go because after all, no real harm done right?:?:D
 
junegreenjeans said:
^^ Exactly? Huh. Well, does spidey sense count?
Ok, things like this.
- has told me she wants what I have with him
- she has offered out her 'massive' home out in the woods as a retreat for him to try to get 'dry'
- whenever I have gone out to see her, each time I've left she pulls out a plate of food and asks me to bring it home for him.
-questions, lots of questions and lately, lack of eye contact when asking. and of course, the answers are good, he's a great man and I don't lie.
Click to expand...

I would feel a bit uncomfortable if she was too friendly with my boyfriend. You've been friends with her for only six months, and say she's emotionally fragile. What does that mean? Did she have a bad breakup? Does she have guys she goes on dates with? Or does she talk about men, besides "wanting what you have with him?" If your inner voice tells you something is off, don't disregard it. Your spidey sense is the little things that you pick up on that she may not realize are big clues.

You do not seem like a jealous or unreasonable person. Your boyfriend would tell you if this girl was making advances towards him, wouldn't he? There's a lot of things I don't know about your situation. What I can say is I've been on both sides of this type of situation. I wouldn't know how you would go about asking her, "Do you have a crush on my man?" Trust your instincts always and keep an eye on her. You could try to set her up with a date so she's not so lonesome.
 
When it gets this bad worry. I went to NY and brought my best friend to visit my girl and she invited her girlfriend over as company. We had a fun day and my friend and I slept in the basement while the girls shared a bed upstairs. In the morning my girl told me that her friend thought she saw my buddy in their room that night. She also said he breast had the feeling that it had been sucked on but she never awoke. I confronted him but he sincerely denied it. Needless to say are friendship was never the same. Tough titties.
 
junegreenjeans said:
^^ Exactly? Huh. Well, does spidey sense count?
Ok, things like this.
- has told me she wants what I have with him
- she has offered out her 'massive' home out in the woods as a retreat for him to try to get 'dry' (stop drinking )
- whenever I have gone out to see her, each time I've left she pulls out a plate of food and asks me to bring it home for him.
-questions, lots of questions and lately, lack of eye contact when asking. and of course, the answers are good, he's a great man and I don't lie. Through my eyes, he's the best man on the Planet.

*hey, this could all be in my head. I think the only thing that really matters here is this. Do I trust him? Well, completely. He would tell me if anything over the top was implied or done.
I like this lady, she's a nice gal and neither of us make allot of close friends. I will not cut off ties unless I must.
as I said in the other thread to J.Atrick, he's a great man. Who wouldn't want him? But I don't feel threatened, just somewhat let down if she is in fact crushin on the Love of my Life.
WEll there's some more detail..
Click to expand...

You have known her for 6 months so I would trust my gut if I were you. Too short of a friendship for you to know her true colours.

Some women are only happy taking what other women have...
 
all good

Calderone:\Thank you. She has told me of past times when she's liked someone and the feelings were not reciprocated yet she continued an unhealthy borderline and infatuated 'crush'. She told me of a time when she was married yet met another married man, said they had chemistry and both knew it yet did nothing about it because well, they were both married. She is also on some form of anti depressant that she goes on and off of without enough guidance from her doctor from what I can tell; I worry about her regarding this.
She is all in all, from what I can tell, a very good person and I do not wish to hurt her feelings. Nor do I want to lose one of the first female chums I've had in a very long time; and it could be just that. I'm not use to this and I don't really know how many women work.
I spent allot of time alone out in the woods throughout my 20's and 30's. Having a female friend so close like this is new to me. So is being around people in general. An only child, a hermit young adult, met a fellow hermit man and now we be two hermits living in the World of Man and Woman. Perhaps I am being petty.
She does speak about the man she is dating. She makes allot of comparatives between what I have told her about my sweetheart and I and what she experiences with hers.
I will continue to listen to my spidey senses. Could be well, really simple and innocent; could be she likes us both as her new friends and wishes to include us both in her kindness' extended.

He would tell me if she makes any over the top advances or if he began feeling uncomfortable. AS it is now, when she comes over to visit, he's out in the side shed and waits for her to leave before coming back in. (he does this when anyone is here)
He told me I make him sound too good and he should walk through the house in stained undies whilst belching to give her a more concise image of his true self. tee hee. I told him that won't be needed and he doesn't do that anyway. tee hee.
I appreciate your words there Lady, truly do. He and I are both protective of the other quite so; perhaps I need to trust people allot more than I do.
Here's a little thing that happened when I was young. My first boyfriend whom I dated for a year, well, the last night of our relationship I found him in bed with my then bestfriend. True, we were young, 16 ish and she was a stunning young lady. Maybe that experience is reeking slight havoc on my ability to trust.
I will though, keep an 'eye' on things. Oh yeah, indeed.
Hey, thank you kindly. I needed another woman's insight here and I thank you for taking the time.:\
 
trusting

:?Po, why is that? I don't understand. Is that really the way many of us are? No wonder we women can be so skeptical of one another. This is my problem; from so much of what I've read, seen, witnessed, how disheartening this is.
Is it really true that some women are only happy taking what other women have? dang.

Yup, haven't known her that long. Been burned before and seen some women in action. I will be weary and watchful. I don't want my sweetheart to be uncomfortable and will shelter him with everything I have. I just wish we (women) could be more trusting of each other yet hey, it only takes one bad experience to jade the lot.
Hey, why do think that is? Women wanting what they can't have. ie. married or spoken for men. again, dang.
 
Shadow, holy crikey man, ya, that'd wrap up a friendship right quick. I can't imagine how violated your girl must have felt; I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you two are alright now.
Before you went to NY did you have suspicions that your pal had a thing for your girl? I wonder.
Anyway, hey, again, hope your both alright now. Thanks for sharing man.
 
Mysterie, does that mean you'd be comfortable with the notion that your friend possibly fantasizes about your significant other? True enough, one cannot control with whom they fall in love with. Generally however, I believe in my humble pie opinion that if it's not a two way thing, it's more 'infatuation' than Love; but hey, if you don't see the big deal, well, your bigger than I am. Good on you.
 
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