Pagey,
Hey i'm sorry for all that you find yourself forced to deal with rite now... Sometimes life gets real, real quick. From this and other posts I am aware of some of the major things that you are faced with. I think it is completely natural for someone to desire to attempt to escape from life when it gets hard. The thing with challenges in life is that if you run from them they become defeats. The thing with problems is that if you hide from them you give them time to grow and multiply and they will welcome all the unavoidable new problems, that life throws at us daily into their ranks, forming a gang, growing to a mob, and eventually growing into an army; Buy continuously running or hiding from our problems, we just intensify and delay the inevitable, and then when they finally have us surrounded in a barren land, no place to run and no place to hide.. and we finally draw up the courage, we find we always had, and turn to confront them, we find ourselves facing an army and are literally in the fight of our lives.
I believe that taking the challenges on, one, part of one.. a piece of another, a couple at a time, is the best strategy. It allows us to develop the skills facing a challenge and then use those skills in the next battle tomorrow. If we fight a little bit everyday then in a little time we find ourselves battle hardened, comfortable with our armor and weapons, utilizing well developed skills, and confident in our selves. With every little victory we grow stronger, wiser, and more powerful. After many battles you loose the fear of the next one, you realize that there is nothing you can't handle, and you might even look forward to the next one.
It is important, especially when faced with such a force as the one that is amassing around you rite now that it is impossible to destroy it in one maneuver. The key to success when facing a large, intimidating, hopelessly complex, significant challenges is to break it down into small obtainable goals that are easy to understand and don't intimidate the fight rite out of us. Once you have broken the impossible into pieces that you can do, and do them.. You have accomplished the impossible.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. (Mark Twain)
The hardest part in reaching your goals is starting. Once you push yourself to truly begin you have already won the greatest battle.
Acceptance and patience are often more important in hard times then action. Life for us all comes with certain unavoidable certainties. We all have to learn to recognize what we control in life and what we don't. Once we identify something as not in our control, then we need to accept it. It does absolutely no good for us to stress or become angry about anything we don't control and can even make us down rite crazy if we try to control these things. Patience is something that they must have forgot to include when they made me. I seem to want everything I want the very instant I want it. I want to be able to solve every challenge i'm presented, have an opportunity at all my desires as well as have all those desires fulfilled, immediately and with almost no effort. Unfortunately, I have had to realize and accept that this no more happens for me than it does for any one else. I need to have patience when it comes to so many things. I need to be patient when it comes to getting things I want and realize that so many things take time and effort. I need to remind myself that want I want may require hard work and it may take allot of time and effort to get. I need to practice patience when it comes to parts of life that I find unpleasant. Everyone's life comes with inherent unpleasant aspect that are out of our control. I need to remember that these aspects shall pass and the only thing in my control about them is how I perceive them. If i make the judgement in my mind that something is going to be or is terrible then it usually is. Tuff times never last and what doesn't kill you truly makes you stronger. But I have to remember that something isn't truly bad until I decide it is.. did you ever wonder why so many bad things happen, they don't. So If i'm able to accept the fact that so much of life is out of my control, that there will always be challenges mixed in with life, that these challenges are only bad if I say they are, that if I give it a little time and effort good things come and bad things go, and that the key to happiness in life is enjoying as much of every day as possible because there is no magic destination that, once reached, will provides the happiness we seek, then I find myself doing pretty damn good no matter what challenges or nonsense is surrounding my life.
Family is the most important thing in the world.
Princess Diana
No family is perfect...We argue, We fight. We even stop talking to each other at times. but in the end. Family is Family...The love will always be there.
When everybody else is gone your family will still be there..
I believe that xstayfadedx has given some really good advice up above. I believe that you should entertain the idea of putting a temporary hold a few of the goals in your life you have been working on. I have found out personally that EVERYBODY falls in life at some point and the only people or person that you will find when you look around will be a family member or a future family member.
I know people that for whatever reason decided not to or never got around to working it out with a family member until l it was no longer possible to do so. I have heard people talk of this being their only or biggest, regret or mistake, in their entire lives. Some of the most difficult and terrifying challenges in life come with an unknown finite clock attached to them, If not addressed before that time runs out, then they forever remain unresolved and can haunt and plague a person. I think it is best to find the courage or strength to face these rifts that are so common among people that share so much of their lives together. I think you should confront your father and try and work things out with him.
It sounds like there are many other people back home that may need you as well. IMO being part of a family means being there for each other no matter what. It means taking a little time off from whatever you are doing when you are needed.. Members of a family all have their own lives, and troubles never come at an opportune time, your families for you.. and yours will not come when its good for your family.. the difference between family and all others is that family will do what has to be done for you and all others disappear. From what I have read of your posts you are a strong woman, intelligent, kind, and caring. It sounds like your family could really needs you right now. Remember that if you decide to go back there it isn't for good.. situations work themselves out with time and you can return to your life or another one of your choosing. People take time off UNI all the time for important (or not so important) reasons. Just look at what the policy of your school is as far as readmission, financial aid, etc. the school isn't going anywhere, it will still be there when you return.
In returning temporarily to your home you may just find you receive some help you need from your family. Please take a hard look at your drug use. when someone gets to IV speed balls there usually isn't going to be much good in there life for any length of time, besides the effect of that shot. I think its great that you have been able to pull back on the IV H, but It might be a good idea to clean yourself up at this point and asses where you are with your drug use. If I where going to try and evaluate my drug use and was in a situation similar to yours, I would clean up completely, evaluate my use, give up the gear for ever. If I found any of this pretty difficult then It would be a clear indication to me that I had the beginnings of a serious drug addiction and left unaddressed my life would most likely get pretty hellish pretty quick. Depending on where your families house is and the drugs available, it might be a good place to put yourself, in order to increase your chances and comfort as you detox, as well as some support. Its really hard to be a full time junkie and continue to perform at a level to maintain your lifestyle, and it might be even harder to try and remain a part time junkie. If you find you have developed an addiction please consider that if you or anyone continues to use it never ever ever gets better, it always, always, gets much worse. If that wasn't the case we would have heard about how to make it go the other way.
So I hope what i have said may help you or spark some thought that will help you through all that you have going on.. I hope it din't come off as uppity or preachy as that was not my intention.. of coarse these are only my opinions based on the posts of yours I have come across. You may be up against some tuff things but you appear to have tons of admirable traits and gifts to use to sort it all out.. I wish you the very best and..
If in your wanderings you come across that guy who signed us up for life with all that grand talk about first loves, sunsets, parties, warm fall days, and orgasms.. tell him I would like to talk with him because I don't remember him telling me about anything about the unavoidable, inescapable, undeniable, requirement.. that ALL of us, except for some fool named peter, would eventually be FORCED to grow up, most likely at a time not of our choosing.. I personally think that this point should be emphasized more, as i have found this very difficult and it has taken me over thirty years.. yes it should be required a special signature to show that this was properly explained and understood..
I wish you the very best in all that you are up against and have strong confidence you will sort it out
