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I think i'm gonna go for good

G

goldenboy2008

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
12
The past 5 months have been the darkest time of my life. 2 years of regular XTC/MDMA use, and dropping LSD once, on my 24th birthday. Since then i feel constantly like i'm in a dream, everything looks so fake. i can't connect emotionally to my surrounding anymore. I feel like a fucking zombie. Static everywhere, on the walls, no blue sky anymore just millions of points moving. i dropped out of the university. it seems that my life has no purpose anymore. I wake up everyday in tears thinking how bad i screwed up my life and i can't wait to go sleep hoping that its just a nightmare and that everything is gonna be alright again. I'm currently in a mental hospital. Taking Antidepressants and Antipsychotics everyday, doing therapies. It doesn't seem to get better. I've just lost hope. YOLO they said. Yeah exactly YOLO that's why you gotta take care of yourself and of your health and try not to screw it up.
 
I was in and out of mental hospitals in my 20s.
I can't believe I survived.I believe you will come out of this.
it is possible and it does get better.it sounds like an empty cliche,but
the mental illness part you can learn to live with.and have a good life.

wishing you all the best.
 
This isn't all that uncommon with MDMA use. The good news is that it's totally possible to make a complete recovery if you give it some time and effort. While you're suffering it's of course impossible to imagine how life could possibly get better, but it will. The fact that you're posting on BL and asking for help tells me you've got it in you to make it through this! :)
 
goldenboy, you haven't been back on and I am wondering how you are doing? I hope things are improving.<3
 
Antipsychotics block dopamine, they made me feel brain dead and tired.
 
Antipsychotics are really harmful to your brain dude, i know they can help with psychotic symptoms on a short-term basis, but they block a lot of key happy chemicals and can really mess your brain up. I've been on them before, multiple times actually and they really screwed me up. (Dystonia, Akasthesia, Zombie-like feeling..) I went off them a couple months ago and i'm just starting to feel better man. This shit takes time, and personally i don't think those medications are actually going to help you out in the long run. Look up neuroplasticity if you can... hope you feel better dude! Healing takes time :)
 
goldenboy2008 said:
The past 5 months have been the darkest time of my life. 2 years of regular XTC/MDMA use, and dropping LSD once, on my 24th birthday. Since then i feel constantly like i'm in a dream, everything looks so fake. i can't connect emotionally to my surrounding anymore. I feel like a fucking zombie. Static everywhere, on the walls, no blue sky anymore just millions of points moving. i dropped out of the university. it seems that my life has no purpose anymore. I wake up everyday in tears thinking how bad i screwed up my life and i can't wait to go sleep hoping that its just a nightmare and that everything is gonna be alright again. I'm currently in a mental hospital. Taking Antidepressants and Antipsychotics everyday, doing therapies. It doesn't seem to get better. I've just lost hope. YOLO they said. Yeah exactly YOLO that's why you gotta take care of yourself and of your health and try not to screw it up.
Click to expand...

it will get better with some time mate. perhaps try changing tac and instead of all the pharmaceuticals and therapy try to get as healthy and 'clean as posssible'. i say this from a similar experience from a similar time in my life, just a couple years ago now. i did the same as you at first and tried to medicate, however, it only made things worse and took me deeper, so to speak. a healthy and balanced diet coupled with an hour of strenuous exercise a day really really helped, it took a few months but it most definitely helped. the hour exercise was also a great time to just think. i also found just accepting the situation and accepting responsibility for my situation helped. yeh yolo so lets get on with it and do the best i can with where im currently at. im close to a few people with some pretty terrible disabilities, seeing them put my life into perspective.

again you will get better, please dont do anything rash, and give yourself time to heal and repair.

all the best :)
 
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