I think I'm going mad.

[Draigan]

I think its interesting that your username is only one letter from spelling "I am a rose."

Need to take that r (your shitty friends) and make it an a (something nice)

I know all about little shit heads liek the guys u chill with. WHen they get older, they become wife beating alcoholic miserable shitheads.

 

[ech0s85]

yeah you really should consider seeing a counselor, and definitely look for some real friends. Would you be able to get a dog or cat? They make you feel better when youre down, and im sure having a little dog or cat in the room or bed with you would make it a lot easier to sleep. Dogs really are the best friends you can have.

 

[artaxerxes]

Getting a pet is a great idea, especially since you're isolated between your (lack of) mother and lack of trustworthy friends. It's very difficult to find someone you can trust who can help you when you're at your age and dealing with the shit you're confronted with. Shit, it's difficult at any age, but the extra bullshit you have to go through to get treatment when you're a minor and the extra hoops you have to jump through are really prohibitive.

My heart really goes out to you. I was in a similar situation at 12-16 and I never found anyone to help me out. I just sort of battled through. And found myself in a relationship with someone much older who sort of protected me. But there was a high price to pay for that emotional and physical protection. I was also fortunate enough to be good at academics so I had an eventual way out of my home situation through a scholarship.

It sounds as if your mom means well… she just doesn't really get what you're facing. And she's in denial? It doesn't sound as if she's hostile to you. At least I hope not. So can you count on her to support you when you search for a counselor who can help you?

Because I think that's what you need: a counselor or psychologist who can help you to deal with everything you're facing. I'd suggest Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I think it could help you out. But first you need to take the steps to find a professional you can trust.

In the mean time, consider a pet. Dogs are extremely therapeutic, but if you can only manage the cost of a cat or even a rat (very smart and very loving) or other small pet, go for that. You have no idea how much emotional and psychological support a pet can provide. It's also very therapeutic to take care of something.

I'm thinking positive thoughts and hoping that you can find some support soon. Take care and be careful with the drugs.

 

[Irmarose]

Hey everyone i have made progress i had a another chat with my mum and we are gunna try and find a new school...
But she doesn't want me to see a counselor...

I haven't seen my friends in a while and i have been doing smoking less pot and i haven't popped pills for a little while now...

The problem is i get lonely, i hate T.V so all i do is read and draw but i find it quite tedious.

 

[artaxerxes]

A new school could make a world of difference for you. I'm glad that she's supporting you in that change.

Did she tell you why she's not open to you seeing a counselor? I'm not saying that this is your mother, but I do know that some parents are afraid that their child might make them "look bad" in therapy. That's an immature reaction, but I know many immature parents who cant let go enough and trust themselves enough to allow their child to talk about their lives without being there to control the conversation.

So I'm wondering why your mother is against counseling? With all of the trauma you've experienced, i think that having you talk to a counselor would be a top priority for her if she's really concerned about your well-being. I'm not saying that your mother's a bad mom, but sometimes parents carry a lot of baggage that they haven't dealt with and they unload it onto their child. I wouldn't like to see that happening in your case.

You've gone through some very difficult times. And without counseling, I think you're liable to internalize a lot of what happened to you. If that happens, the trauma you've experienced in recent years can plague you for much of your adult life.

I just hope you get the help you need. You obviously have a good head on your shoulders, it just seems like you're raising yourself and that's not the best scenario (been there). You need professional support to help you deal with the abuse you've suffered.

 

[TheDeceased]

Hey everyone i have made progress i had a another chat with my mum and we are gunna try and find a new school...

But she doesn't want me to see a counselor...

Maybe it's hard for her to accept, but you should go to a counselor anyway. Go to a school counselor and talk if you feel you need to. Your mum doesn't know how you're feeling. I think it'd really help you. You don't need her permission to get help.

i have been doing smoking less pot and i haven't popped pills for a little while now...

The problem is i get lonely, i hate T.V so all i do is read and draw but i find it quite tedious.

Getting straight can be really boring. It seems worse than it is, though. Bear through it. Get to the new school, you'll make new friends that'll treat you with respect.

 

[paranoid android]

I am very sorry for what happened to you that is awful. It's no wonder you are having problems. Im sorry to say your story is not that uncommon and what a very sad commentary on our society that is indead . I would strongly suggest you get some kind of therapy to help you sort out your problems. You have to look after yourself and try and not feel bad just because your mom refuses to open her eyes. She needs to face the truth but when that will be is largely up to her. I have known people who have been sexually abused and their parents never said anything about it because they where ashamed 8) . What fucking bullshit! That boils my fucking piss honestly

You don't need to be a total clean freak but i would most certainly suggest not doing MDMA in your state of mind and especially not 4 days in a row. It will only make the depression worse and the anxiety. As for the weed cutting down like you are doing is a good idea. I find that i get much better effects if i only smoke weed or hash a few times a day instead of all day 24/7.

 

[Irmarose]

This is exactly why shes afraid of Therapy... she knows she hasn't exactly been number one mum, I don't want to blame my mother for any of this of course, but when i was very young i was left alone home a lot, often all night and she was always bringing in different weirdo men and all that, i means shes cleaned up her act a lot but shes still a little vacant and 'away with the fairies' if you know what i mean.

 

[Asclepius]

This is exactly why shes afraid of Therapy... she knows she hasn't exactly been number one mum, I don't want to blame my mother for any of this of course, but when i was very young i was left alone home a lot, often all night and she was always bringing in different weirdo men and all that, i means shes cleaned up her act a lot but shes still a little vacant and 'away with the fairies' if you know what i mean.

Irmarose: Always remember that, you need to do whatever is good to keep your peace of mind; reading your posts you put up with alot of horrible suffering and crap and now is the time to focus on yourself. I dont know if you could get Therapy on your own without our Mother, or else find a way to 'white lie' about it? Your Mother is prob feeling guilty and ashamed about her parenting and thats HER issue.
Most important thing is that you need as much support on your side and you most certainly deserve to get it-dont forget that! ......its your life and your wellbieng that is paramount now hun! x

 

[ocean]

^Well said.