About 10 days back i did mdma, My first trip was awesome which i did only quarter a gram, Now my second trip which went really horrible, I took a gram of mdma and had all at once and then drank water.. The whole trip very negative and i started hearing bad voices about me from friends and people.. Since then i have been having very negative thoughts.. Now since last 8days i have been back from my holiday trip.. Spent most of the time alone locked in my room, i cant socialize with people.. Every small talk i have with people makes me get negative about myself. Now there is wedding in my family and lot of cousins are down.. I'm looking depressed.. Today there was a party and every small little thing was making me think negative. When other people laugh who are little far from me, i start thinking there are laughing at me. I am losing the plot... I had a little depression about 2 years back which i kind of helped my self out of it.. but this to mad.. I CANT CONTROL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS! Some times i just look at myself in the mirrors for minutes and see my self going crazy. PLEASE HELP- URGENT.. I dont know how im gonna face then the next 5 days of relatives being down.
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I think im going crazy! please help
- Thread starter Xamanus
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
It would be really good if you have a trusted relative that you could confide in. Let them know what you are going through (you don't have to mention the trip--just what you are experiencing mentally). Ask this person to help you get help from a counselor or psychologist. You shouldn't have to suffer like this in isolation and feeling like you have to pretend will only exacerbate your problems.
If you don't have a family member you can trust this way, is their a friend? If you are in school, even a school counselor might be able to help line something up for you. If you need to PM me, please do.
If you don't have a family member you can trust this way, is their a friend? If you are in school, even a school counselor might be able to help line something up for you. If you need to PM me, please do.
Biovail
Bluelighter
Wow dude, that's a LOT of MDMA. And you did it TWICE. Most people I know do .1 to .2 grams tops. .25 is a big dose, especially for a first time rolling. And then you went and did 1.0 grams without giving yourself time to recover? That is a massive amount of MDMA you consumed over a very short period of time. You were asking for trouble and you got it. You probably did some extensive damage to your brain.
But there is good news.. You're not dead. And given time your brain will make a [hopefully full] recovery. I can't tell you how long that'll take. It could be weeks, or months, even a year or more. In the mean time, take some supplements to help you recover (ask somebody else what to take, I'm not sure). Try posting this over under ED and you'll get some more, hopefully better advice.
You really fucked with your brain and now it needs time to recover. If you need to deal with relatives, I would advice acting sick. Say hey to them, talk for a minute or two so they know you're there, apologize saying you have a fever or something and then excuse yourself to your room. Hopefully you don't have any real commitments.
But there is good news.. You're not dead. And given time your brain will make a [hopefully full] recovery. I can't tell you how long that'll take. It could be weeks, or months, even a year or more. In the mean time, take some supplements to help you recover (ask somebody else what to take, I'm not sure). Try posting this over under ED and you'll get some more, hopefully better advice.
You really fucked with your brain and now it needs time to recover. If you need to deal with relatives, I would advice acting sick. Say hey to them, talk for a minute or two so they know you're there, apologize saying you have a fever or something and then excuse yourself to your room. Hopefully you don't have any real commitments.
i against i
Bluelighter
sounds like you're suffering from depleted levels of serotonin...1g is way too much. but you're not going crazy.
drink plenty of water, juice, eat lots of fruit and veg, exercise (may seem tough..) and if things don't start getting better, or get worse, or you feel suicidal, seek help, from a trusted friend, relative, hotline or your doctor.
best of luck with the recovery, keep us posted.
drink plenty of water, juice, eat lots of fruit and veg, exercise (may seem tough..) and if things don't start getting better, or get worse, or you feel suicidal, seek help, from a trusted friend, relative, hotline or your doctor.
best of luck with the recovery, keep us posted.
Holy. Fuck.
A quarter gram of MDMA, if it was pure, would leave you munted. A gram could put you in hospital from overheating pretty easily.
You're through the woods as far as the acute issues are concerned, but you likely have a long way to go before you're feeling somewhat normal again. Your receptors are likely to be fairly downgraded, and your serotonin reserves are completely depleted. It will take time to recover, but you likely will. Eat well, drink plenty of water, get as much sleep as you feel that you need, get lots of good exercise, don't do any more drugs for a while (especially stims/serotogenic agents), and let your brain heal itself.
Regarding the family stuff: have they ever laughed at you before? Then why would they start now? Your perception of the situation is damaged. The way to survive this is to keep mindful of what is going on, and challenge every single negative thought that enters your head.
Think someone is laughing at you? Are they even looking at you? Did you do anything that might be considered even remotely funny? Chances are they don't even see you. States like that, where you become so completely wrapped up in your own thoughts, turn into an odd sort of egotism. You think that everything is about you, albeit in a negative way. That can be challenged, although it takes constant effort, and will be tough to do for an extended time. It would probably be advisable to take regular breaks from the festivities whenever possible. Go find a quiet place by yourself, sit down for a few minutes and just focus on breathing slowly and evenly. You'd be surprised how much that helps.
Good luck!
A quarter gram of MDMA, if it was pure, would leave you munted. A gram could put you in hospital from overheating pretty easily.
You're through the woods as far as the acute issues are concerned, but you likely have a long way to go before you're feeling somewhat normal again. Your receptors are likely to be fairly downgraded, and your serotonin reserves are completely depleted. It will take time to recover, but you likely will. Eat well, drink plenty of water, get as much sleep as you feel that you need, get lots of good exercise, don't do any more drugs for a while (especially stims/serotogenic agents), and let your brain heal itself.
Regarding the family stuff: have they ever laughed at you before? Then why would they start now? Your perception of the situation is damaged. The way to survive this is to keep mindful of what is going on, and challenge every single negative thought that enters your head.
Think someone is laughing at you? Are they even looking at you? Did you do anything that might be considered even remotely funny? Chances are they don't even see you. States like that, where you become so completely wrapped up in your own thoughts, turn into an odd sort of egotism. You think that everything is about you, albeit in a negative way. That can be challenged, although it takes constant effort, and will be tough to do for an extended time. It would probably be advisable to take regular breaks from the festivities whenever possible. Go find a quiet place by yourself, sit down for a few minutes and just focus on breathing slowly and evenly. You'd be surprised how much that helps.
Good luck!
Thanks guys, Really appreciate your help. The wedding occasions went terrible for me.. I was way to depressed back then..I'm really close to my sister but she is pregnant now and i dont want to give her any kind of stress, Also i could talk to my cousin but then im scared he will open his mouth as all my relative talk to much, but anyway now its been almost a month and i feel pretty much normal right now, I have come back to my uni abroad, still occasional times i remember that trip i get depressed. Most of time i still spend alone, distancing myself from friends out here, for the reason is sometimes i just randomly go on this wave of negative thoughts, I've heard this pill called xanax really helps, <snip> Also im really thinking of going to the uni Councillor but should i tell the COUNCILLOR that i did MDMA??? i really want to fix myself.
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^ I'm glad overall you are better but really sorry things are still tough at times.. unfortunately we can't help you find drugs, however!
And Xanax is not the answer at all - it is a benzodiazepine (benzo for short) and is physically and mentally addictive. Tolerance and addiction can set in very quickly, and it will make matters much worse believe me.. It can help with panic attacks in the very short term, but it really isn't a good treatment for anything else - you will find yourself with a horrible benzo addiction (and benzo withdrawals are not just unpleasant but can be dangerous/life threatening too..)
In addition, benzos are generally used to treat (or mask the symptoms of) anxiety, where as you are describing more waves of depression combined with being at University in a foreign city. That in itself is a big thing, without recovering from this as well - perhaps you just need a bit more time to let yourself recover and settle back in?
Counselling sounds like a great plan. It is always best if you can be completely honest with your counsellor. Usually there is a strict level of confidentiality - if you are concerned that your counsellor might tell the University that you took drugs, perhaps clear up exactly what they will and won't tell the Uni first - but to be quite honest I doubt they will be concerned - a huge number of students experiment with drugs, and it's not like you are continuing to use drugs in a damaging way.
As for Uni - have you tried joining any groups or societies? There are often all sorts (I joined cheerleading, circus skills, cheese-tasting, electronic music, Buddhism, environmental activism, knitting, gosh all sorts.. dropped most of them but they are a great way to meet people!) and often Universities have extra social events for international students. They're not just good for meeting people, they can be a great distraction and it gives you a sense of achievement to make it along every week. Do you feel like you could try to talk to any of your current friends about this too, even just that you are feeling a bit down and finding socialising hard right now?
Finally, most (all?) UK Universities have a student health service. A doctor will not tell your Uni or anyone about the MDMA and if they are part of student health they will be used to this kind of thing. It might be an idea to see one as well as a counsellor, just so you are getting all the help and support you need.
London can be a daunting place, but exciting too, I am sure you will find your feet there again. I'm from the UK (although not London) - feel free to pm me if you have any questions!
Good luck
And Xanax is not the answer at all - it is a benzodiazepine (benzo for short) and is physically and mentally addictive. Tolerance and addiction can set in very quickly, and it will make matters much worse believe me.. It can help with panic attacks in the very short term, but it really isn't a good treatment for anything else - you will find yourself with a horrible benzo addiction (and benzo withdrawals are not just unpleasant but can be dangerous/life threatening too..)
In addition, benzos are generally used to treat (or mask the symptoms of) anxiety, where as you are describing more waves of depression combined with being at University in a foreign city. That in itself is a big thing, without recovering from this as well - perhaps you just need a bit more time to let yourself recover and settle back in?
Counselling sounds like a great plan. It is always best if you can be completely honest with your counsellor. Usually there is a strict level of confidentiality - if you are concerned that your counsellor might tell the University that you took drugs, perhaps clear up exactly what they will and won't tell the Uni first - but to be quite honest I doubt they will be concerned - a huge number of students experiment with drugs, and it's not like you are continuing to use drugs in a damaging way.
As for Uni - have you tried joining any groups or societies? There are often all sorts (I joined cheerleading, circus skills, cheese-tasting, electronic music, Buddhism, environmental activism, knitting, gosh all sorts.. dropped most of them but they are a great way to meet people!) and often Universities have extra social events for international students. They're not just good for meeting people, they can be a great distraction and it gives you a sense of achievement to make it along every week. Do you feel like you could try to talk to any of your current friends about this too, even just that you are feeling a bit down and finding socialising hard right now?
Finally, most (all?) UK Universities have a student health service. A doctor will not tell your Uni or anyone about the MDMA and if they are part of student health they will be used to this kind of thing. It might be an idea to see one as well as a counsellor, just so you are getting all the help and support you need.
London can be a daunting place, but exciting too, I am sure you will find your feet there again. I'm from the UK (although not London) - feel free to pm me if you have any questions!
Good luck