I think im becoming a hypocondriac

Yea so I went to the doctor because I convinced myself I had endocarditis. You guys should of seen the look on this dudes face when I tell em im a junky and this long speel about why I think I have it the whole time I am rambling looking at the floor and shit. He just has this look like WTF so I finish he listens to my heart tells me its always a possibility but that I would be deathly ill and that I dont have a heart murmur but that my glands are swollen so he writes me pennicillan. Well the thing is my glands near my throat have been swollen for months so my dumbass comes home and gets on the net and bam now I think I have lymphoma. Great fuckin wonderful cause I dont have any real problems to worry about right?fuck. I think I just want to worry about my physical health so I dont have to worry about my mental health or my ever escalating suboxone and xanax dependance.

Then I find out that an old dope friend died of an OD and that my other dope friend is gonna get charged with manslaughter for not calling an ambulance and supllying the drugs. This girl who died has been clean for awhile
she was upper class definatly not a low down dope fiend acting type person. while me I have tried to kill myself with dope 4 times and I am still here you know why her? Who makes these decisions its not fair she gets to peacfully OD while im gonna die from lymphoma great. What a selfish bitch right? Man thats mean RIP and all that shit but damn life is crazy. Or maybe im just crazy?

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing thats for damn sure.

 

I'm sorry about your friend. I fucking HATE hearing that but its so common. People get some clean time put together and then they think they can do the same amounts as when they had a tolerance. My thoughts are with her family and you.

I think I just want to worry about my physical health so I dont have to worry about my mental health or my ever escalating suboxone and xanax dependance.

you've always been very self-aware like this. Its a good trait to have

 

Dude! Stay off the Internet physicians desk ref. I was always going to my doc, and this was before I did anything harder than a puff of weed. She too was in horror but after 10 of these visits to this busy Beverly Hills doc she gave me a script, my first one ever that read...stay off Internet!, if u lose 20lbs in a month and your trying to eat then okay or a lump...26 yr old dumbass I was. Just be happy u r alive. I did OD on H friends drug me in shower....I came too quickly..asked why I was in the rain in Paris with my clothes on! H strength too variable....never again!! Glad I tried cause was so judgmental....hate needles...said to friend don't know what the big...and omg I understand now! Too good, unfortunately....
Suggestion, go to the anim. Shelter adopt last day animal, luv you unconditionally. U will want to live for the creature u saved...it'll save u!!!