I think I need to tell her to go

[justsayknow]

You get married and you can't get out if you realize it was a mistake. It's a huge commitment and not always easy to get out of.

I'm sure it can be costly and unpleasant but not impossible. An older friend of mine has been married 3 times and is now with her 4th partner. I don't think they are tying the knot this time around though.

It's a shame that preacher you had was such a dick but I'm glad you had a good party. I do realise there are different ways to get married these days too.

 

[Pagey]

I don't know. Marriage is a big deal to people who care about marriage. If you don't "believe in marriage" then I'm assuming that you don't value it/don't care for it. To those type of people I would imagine it wouldn't be a big deal. It's a big deal for the gf to want to get married because she highly values it. It shouldn't be a big deal for the bf because he doesn't really believe in it/care for it. I don't believe in God but I wouldn't mind going to church if someone dragged me. If someone believed in god (and were really religious about it), they would NEED to go to church. Do you kind of get what I'm trying to say? If someone absolutely HATED god then it would be probably hard to get them to go to a church. But OP doesn't HATE married, he just.. "doesn't believe in it".

I understand what you're saying but...would you seriously want to get married to someone who was so unenthusiastic about it, who just didn't care? I've got no idea if I want to get married or not some day but I know that if I do, the guy would have to actually want it as well. It would really suck otherwise.
Marriage is a massive commitment. Obviously not as massive as it used to be since you can get out of it now, but still. It just isn't one of those things you do without properly wanting to.

I also told him not to put "obey" in my vows, and then the asshole went on for like 10 mins saying how women are the homemakers and take care of kids and the house and even my husband looked at him like "wtf Uhhhh you don't know this girl at alllll." lol

Are you serious?! That's ridiculous!

 

[Mel22]

Its just really hard to stay positive when every week or so there's a big emotional blow up and crying for hours and sleepless nights.

I don't know why this thread has become all about marriage - I think there are much more pressing issues.

I very much doubt that marriage will fix things. The part of your post I quoted - I really think that this is an indicator that you need to at least take some time apart. This is indicative of some serious issues within a relationship. Falling into such a hopeless and painful cycle is damaging for both of you. It seems like your partner is quite insecure, and terrified of losing you. I can imagine that you feel a fair bit of guilt too.

A separation would be a good idea. It doesn't need to be a firm break up, but some time apart will allow you to evaluate whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, or whether you love her more like family and the comfort and familiarity have made it hard to leave.

IMO, unless both of you can stand on your own two feet independently, then it will be near impossible to sustain a healthy relationship. Take the separation, break the cycle, and evaluate. This relationship is no good for either of you in its current state.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I do really hate the ceremony part yes and the church part. The staying together part I don't mind unless its horrible and then you leave regardless of marriage or not hence my view that the whole thing is pointless...

Like I said, you don't need to even have a ceremony (and if you do have a small one it DOESN'T need to be in a church). You "don't mind" staying together? It honestly, really doesn't sound like you want to be with this girl. It sounds like you're just trying to use this marriage as some kind of excuse why it's not working out with her. If you don't want to be with her.. you should just break up with her because dragging her along because "you don't want to be alone" is selfish.

But if you hate going to church, you just stop going. No harm no foul. You get married and you can't get out if you realize it was a mistake. It's a huge commitment and not always easy to get out of.

I understand if you're female and want the experience of walking down the aisle. It's an experience most girls want to have, but you don't want to tie yourself to someone if you aren't entirely sure. I totally understand why you would want to get married, but pressuring someone is no bueno.

He should do it because he wants to do it. If he doesn't want to do it then, yeah, I certainly wouldn't want to marry someone who can't make any sacrifices for someone they love.

I understand what you're saying but...would you seriously want to get married to someone who was so unenthusiastic about it, who just didn't care? I've got no idea if I want to get married or not some day but I know that if I do, the guy would have to actually want it as well. It would really suck otherwise.
Marriage is a massive commitment. Obviously not as massive as it used to be since you can get out of it now, but still. It just isn't one of those things you do without properly wanting to.

The OP doesn't want to get married and commit to her the way she wants to. It's clear as day he's only with her to not be alone. Honestly, after all this, I really feel sorry for his girlfriend. Hopefully one day she can find a guy who wants to marry and be with her. What a kill to her self-esteem--no wonder she's so depressed. Hell, if I spent 5+ years with a man and he didn't want to marry me because "he doesn't believe in it"-- I would feel like shit, too.

OP, realize that you're a complete douche bag and that you don't want to be with her for the rest of your life. Be alone. Let your girlfriend go so she can actually find someone who wants to commit to her and IS willing to make sacrifices to be with her.

 

[Mel22]

The OP doesn't want to get married and commit to her the way she wants to. It's clear as day he's only with her to not be alone. Honestly, after all this, I really feel sorry for his girlfriend. Hopefully one day she can find a guy who wants to marry and be with her. What a kill to her self-esteem--no wonder she's so depressed. Hell, if I spent 5+ years with a man and he didn't want to marry me because "he doesn't believe in it"-- I would feel like shit, too.

OP, realize that you're a complete douche bag and that you don't want to be with her for the rest of your life. Be alone. Let your girlfriend go so she can actually find someone who wants to commit to her and IS willing to make sacrifices to be with her.

Name calling, blaming the OP for his partner's depression, and making baseless claims - what an immature, nasty and unnecessary post.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Sorry, next time I'll try to be constructive, open-minded, and understanding. Oh wait, that's what I've been doing these past 3 weeks! Sick of it, over it, just plain done with it.

 

[justsayknow]

Like I said I wouldn't mind staying with her.

Not every couple feels love like in the movies. Undying, eternal flame type love.

I've seen enough women come and go from my life to know that nothing is forever.

I forgive you for the insults as I am interested in a different point of view than my own. My main query is: Why is it that some women feel they need marriage to feel complete and worthy as a person?

 

[Bupe20mg]

just so people know internet dating is a joke in australia

fully inhabited by drug addict hookers/obese & ugly women and people with personality disorders

I disagree with you there. my Fiancee and I actually met using RSVP and we are such a perfect fit with each other.

we are both 33 and our birthdates are exactly 19 days apart. I have never felt so ALIVE and IN LOVE in my entire life!

I have been around the block a couple of times and been in a relationship for 7 years continous but got the 7 year itch and threw it away a few years ago but it was definatly for the best.

we dont keep a thing to ourselfves and have no secrets of our past or present even if maybe it should have stayed a secret.

I have even confessed to things well a person as to who I had a romantic relationship with that is of high stature and never told anyone else about but for some reason I let it slide like every other secret I have been keeping from everyone my entire life including some of the most incriminating nature.

our love still grows stronger and stronger with every day together even tho we have been seeing each other for almost a year and been living together for over 4 months now. I have never had a rlationship like this and never had feelings for a person still GROW after almost 12 months of beng together. my feelings may no have faded by this time in previous relationships but they most certainly have platou'ed a long time ago.

we almost have what I would call a extreme chemical attraction!

 

[Lysis]

A year is not that long. Come back in 10 years and tell us where you are.

Not that it isn't impossible. My sister and her husband are absolutely perfect for each other. She's high strung and he's the most easy going guy ever. They are perfect and one of the rare ones I think.