I think I misunderstood what this site was for.......Ops.

[TheJerboaThatWentMAD]

1. How long was it from first browsing Bluelight to joining up as a member? Weeks, months, years?
Honestly. None. First time posting, first time seeing, and really, first time iv even been on here.

2. Do you remember how you came to find Bluelight? Was it from a web search, from a referral from another website, from word of mouth, from social media, or some other way?
Your not getting THAT outta me!

3. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what drugs had you used prior to that - including psychoactive prescription drugs, alcohol, cannabis? Had you already tried powdered drugs like cocaine, meth, heroin, ketamine, MDMA powder, etc? or not yet?
Oh iv been on every fucking anti-psychotic, anti-autism, anti-crazy med out there. The only abuse coming really from docs shoving them down my slippery gullet.
That being said in the past year iv become a massive stoner. Currently on lamictal. Only thing that works, really.

4. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what routes of administration had you tried prior to that? E.g. snorting, injecting, other ROAs?
None really.


Now that thats out of the way!
Hello!
I am AngryRat, and iv been on meds (by doc, not under my consent) and been to therapy my whole life. I was born on fucking drugs (go figure, im kinda crazy) and have such a fucken weird relationship with them on SO many levels. I hate mind altering substances with a passion due to past trauma from doctors and theripists, but cant help but be morbidly curious about them. I also feel very out of control, in general, with drugs from others. I was born on drugs without being asked, I was forced medicated without being asked, and currently it is still happening. I am 24. My body and my brain are permanently fucked by mind altering substances by birth. Was on Adderal at age four for fucks sake. What would that even do to a child?

Anyways, massive stoner, no friends, thats just about it. Curious about getting over this fucken trauma and maybe being responsible with attempting to experiment. Seeing how I am with weed this might be a bumpy road to go down.

 

[ĐmantuNJofra]

Was on Adderal at age four for fucks sake. What would that even do to a child?

First welcome and glad that you post here as you will be see not just how in US but the whole world deals with a lot of thing as how people become educated and at least informed as to have fun while learning something about yourself by others experiences

Christ...I'm sorry
4 yr. old like, how can amphetamine even help?, is it focus or you were a rockert baby how come they knew it helped just curious?
Just curious what was the cause: like you were that wild like a child as running arround like most of children do, so what you just take a child to park and let him tired?

I just ask this cause there is 90% of the world there that never used stims on children, hell they won't give it to a normal fatigue ADHD adults arround the world yet a 4 year old due to being narcotic medication so?
Those children today are ok no different as not being on them or better, well this was stupid hypothesis but there are people like yourself I red saying I was medicated with stimulants without my consent or because of ignorance not saying that about you but yeah there are a lot of those claims on erowid's amphetamine and metyhlphenidate Vault report's or exp reports.

F...! I see you mentioned antipsychotics and taking a drug that cause psychosis in many patients when used long term as without great diet, excercise and hydriation so,
What meds are you taking now and does weed help you calm and if does and I thing you woudn't be taking it if it makes you anxious so?


On what meds are you now and do they help?

 

[deficiT]

1. How long was it from first browsing Bluelight to joining up as a member? Weeks, months, years?
Honestly. None. First time posting, first time seeing, and really, first time iv even been on here.

2. Do you remember how you came to find Bluelight? Was it from a web search, from a referral from another website, from word of mouth, from social media, or some other way?
Your not getting THAT outta me!

3. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what drugs had you used prior to that - including psychoactive prescription drugs, alcohol, cannabis? Had you already tried powdered drugs like cocaine, meth, heroin, ketamine, MDMA powder, etc? or not yet?
Oh iv been on every fucking anti-psychotic, anti-autism, anti-crazy med out there. The only abuse coming really from docs shoving them down my slippery gullet.
That being said in the past year iv become a massive stoner. Currently on lamictal. Only thing that works, really.

4. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what routes of administration had you tried prior to that? E.g. snorting, injecting, other ROAs?
None really.


Now that thats out of the way!
Hello!
I am AngryRat, and iv been on meds (by doc, not under my consent) and been to therapy my whole life. I was born on fucking drugs (go figure, im kinda crazy) and have such a fucken weird relationship with them on SO many levels. I hate mind altering substances with a passion due to past trauma from doctors and theripists, but cant help but be morbidly curious about them. I also feel very out of control, in general, with drugs from others. I was born on drugs without being asked, I was forced medicated without being asked, and currently it is still happening. I am 24. My body and my brain are permanently fucked by mind altering substances by birth. Was on Adderal at age four for fucks sake. What would that even do to a child?

Anyways, massive stoner, no friends, thats just about it. Curious about getting over this fucken trauma and maybe being responsible with attempting to experiment. Seeing how I am with weed this might be a bumpy road to go down.

So sorry to hear drugs were pushed on you at a young age, but you still have plenty of life left in you and a ways to go.

Check out our Health & Recovery forum I'll link below, there are plenty of people in there you will likely have a lot in common with and could be a support for you if you're lonely.

Bluelight is a site to educate and support each other first and foremost, but some subforums are for different things, you just gotta find the one that is geared to what you're trying to get out of it.

Welcome!

Health and Recovery

Focused discussion on sobriety, healthy living, support groups, medications, etc

bluelight.org

 

[TheJerboaThatWentMAD]

First welcome and glad that you post here as you will be see not just how in US but the whole world deals with a lot of thing as how people become educated and at least informed as to have fun while learning something about yourself by others experiences

Christ...I'm sorry
4 yr. old like, how can amphetamine even help?, is it focus or you were a rockert baby how come they knew it helped just curious?
Just curious what was the cause: like you were that wild like a child as running arround like most of children do, so what you just take a child to park and let him tired?

I just ask this cause there is 90% of the world there that never used stims on children, hell they won't give it to a normal fatigue ADHD adults arround the world yet a 4 year old due to being narcotic medication so?
Those children today are ok no different as not being on them or better, well this was stupid hypothesis but there are people like yourself I red saying I was medicated with stimulants without my consent or because of ignorance not saying that about you but yeah there are a lot of those claims on erowid's amphetamine and metyhlphenidate Vault report's or exp reports.

F...! I see you mentioned antipsychotics and taking a drug that cause psychosis in many patients when used long term as without great diet, excercise and hydriation so,
What meds are you taking now and does weed help you calm and if does and I thing you woudn't be taking it if it makes you anxious so?


On what meds are you now and do they help?

I do genuinely want to try ketamine. Whenever I hear people talk about it, it always describes perfectly how I feel on weed when meditating. I only really smoke to meditate or to get off, so im assuming a stupidly small dose would just be like, weed but so much more dreamy. I cant do hallucinogens, ill spite and curse all of my doctors till the day I die, because I want to try it so badly, but I know myself well enough to know that doctors have fucked me up to that point. To where hallucinogenics WONT be a good time. I hate myself too much. But a hypnotic? I can do hypnotics.
I have BAD BAD BAD OCD.

Sorry, im rambling.

I was never a rocket baby, my parents just fucking hated me and wanted me to shut the fuck up, they made that clear my whole life. Im not even ADHD, im just autistic. They only stopped me because my stomach was fucking up.

As for antiphycotics, nothing has helped. I am on lamictal, which is nothing like any other psychiatric drug iv ever taken. I feel like thats why it works. Most drugs deal with chemicals directly in the brain, try to balance them out. Not lamictal. Lamictal is a seizure medication. Cuts off the literal electricity in your brain, cuts off how fast or how much the neurons shoot.
No dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, or endorphins. Just good ol' electrical. None of that other horseshit.

Weed helps, but it only helps because it makes me be nicer to myself. Idk how or why, it just does.
Weed also does make me anxious at times, but im anxious all the fucking time, so its no different. Im able to shut myself up pretty quickly tho, control my thoughts better since its slow.

The other thing thats

 

[TheJerboaThatWentMAD]

So sorry to hear drugs were pushed on you at a young age, but you still have plenty of life left in you and a ways to go.

Check out our Health & Recovery forum I'll link below, there are plenty of people in there you will likely have a lot in common with and could be a support for you if you're lonely.

Bluelight is a site to educate and support each other first and foremost, but some subforums are for different things, you just gotta find the one that is geared to what you're trying to get out of it.

Welcome!

Health and Recovery

Focused discussion on sobriety, healthy living, support groups, medications, etc

bluelight.org

Thank you so much. Seriously.

 

[deficiT]

Thank you so much. Seriously.

Not a problem at all, I hope you stick around and become a part of the community. Let me know if you have any issues navigating the forum or anything. The Site Technical Help sub forum covers a lot of the basics.

 

[Eligiu]

Welcome to the forum. We have a fairly large, somewhat active autistic community on here. I was diagnosed later in life but it's caused me some real fucking problems. I was also put on risperidone by a psychiatrist who predicted my diagnosis for autism related symptoms but I wasn't told that, I was told it was for something else and I hated it.

 

[TheJerboaThatWentMAD]

Welcome to the forum. We have a fairly large, somewhat active autistic community on here. I was diagnosed later in life but it's caused me some real fucking problems. I was also put on risperidone by a psychiatrist who predicted my diagnosis for autism related symptoms but I wasn't told that, I was told it was for something else and I hated it.

Once your diagnosed with ANYTHING, it seems like only more harm can come from it then good. God forbid you be a female, youll get diagnosed with borderline in a heartbeat ad once you have THAT diagnosis, say goodbye to any chance of a good, well paying job from this point on! As someone who was diagnosed at four, I 100% understand exactly what kind of horrid shit this diagnosis can land someone in.

But! Thank you for the welcome regardless!

 

[Eligiu]

Once your diagnosed with ANYTHING, it seems like only more harm can come from it then good. God forbid you be a female, youll get diagnosed with borderline in a heartbeat ad once you have THAT diagnosis, say goodbye to any chance of a good, well paying job from this point on! As someone who was diagnosed at four, I 100% understand exactly what kind of horrid shit this diagnosis can land someone in.

But! Thank you for the welcome regardless!

Well, funnily enough while I am not female I am a transgender man so as an assigned female person I get that nice little BPD label too. Currently in the middle of having it removed from my hospital records after some dumbass nurse or ED psychiatrist slapped me with the label after talking to me for not more than 15 min, while I was high on drugs and suicidal after an acute trauma which triggered my childhood trauma. Absolutely bullshit diagnosis. My long term psychiatrist and GP of a decade had to write to the hospital to support it being removed. Was twice as awesome too cause I legit figured I couldn't possibly experience transphobia that time in particular but NOPE they found a way to do it.

Actual bullshit. I even told them while there that my long term psychiatrist misdiagnosed me with it in 2017 before diagnosing cptsd and later ASD and ADHD and that it's such a common misdiagnosis for autistic assigned female people it's a fucking joke. And they STILL slapped it on there by saying I 'disagreed with the previous diagnosis' no lol, my psychiatrist did.

So yeah no, I absolutely know how the BPD stigma for afab autistics is and it's very real, and very shit.

 

[TheJerboaThatWentMAD]

Well, funnily enough while I am not female I am a transgender man so as an assigned female person I get that nice little BPD label too. Currently in the middle of having it removed from my hospital records after some dumbass nurse or ED psychiatrist slapped me with the label after talking to me for not more than 15 min, while I was high on drugs and suicidal after an acute trauma which triggered my childhood trauma. Absolutely bullshit diagnosis. My long term psychiatrist and GP of a decade had to write to the hospital to support it being removed. Was twice as awesome too cause I legit figured I couldn't possibly experience transphobia that time in particular but NOPE they found a way to do it.

Actual bullshit. I even told them while there that my long term psychiatrist misdiagnosed me with it in 2017 before diagnosing cptsd and later ASD and ADHD and that it's such a common misdiagnosis for autistic assigned female people it's a fucking joke. And they STILL slapped it on there by saying I 'disagreed with the previous diagnosis' no lol, my psychiatrist did.

So yeah no, I absolutely know how the BPD stigma for afab autistics is and it's very real, and very shit.

OH FUCK? TRANS MEN WHO GOT A BPD DIAGNOSIS IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES BY SOME FUCKING IDIOT GANG RAISE UP

Fuck. No your absolutely right.

Im in a shitty fucking city rn where we have no good therapists and so iv been struggling to find one of my own. I woulnt even need one if I had a support group but I moved out 6 months ago and have no friends. The few I did make moved, and even then I had nobody to get high with, which fucking sucks.

I dont mean to talk over you or ramble-- Its just on my mind that like... I come from an abuser who had OCD, and now I have it. Everything was managed for me, how small the bites of food had to be before put in my mouth, to what hair I could or could not have on my body, to my clothes, to my voice, to how I walked. It was awful. Im finally fucking free and I get to watch my life be pissed away, but this time its nobodies fault but mine. I chose to come here, to this shitpit of a city, where you very literally cant be social with anyone.
Its hell. Its a hell where I cant find people to bring over to my home, bond with, be friends with, be comfortable with.

I genuinely feel like im already dead. At this point I just wanna keep focusing on myself, somehow find a roommate so I can split rent, just so I have SOMEBODY here in my home with me.

 

[Eligiu]

OH FUCK? TRANS MEN WHO GOT A BPD DIAGNOSIS IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES BY SOME FUCKING IDIOT GANG RAISE UP

Fuck. No your absolutely right.

Im in a shitty fucking city rn where we have no good therapists and so iv been struggling to find one of my own. I woulnt even need one if I had a support group but I moved out 6 months ago and have no friends. The few I did make moved, and even then I had nobody to get high with, which fucking sucks.

I dont mean to talk over you or ramble-- Its just on my mind that like... I come from an abuser who had OCD, and now I have it. Everything was managed for me, how small the bites of food had to be before put in my mouth, to what hair I could or could not have on my body, to my clothes, to my voice, to how I walked. It was awful. Im finally fucking free and I get to watch my life be pissed away, but this time its nobodies fault but mine. I chose to come here, to this shitpit of a city, where you very literally cant be social with anyone.
Its hell. Its a hell where I cant find people to bring over to my home, bond with, be friends with, be comfortable with.

I genuinely feel like im already dead. At this point I just wanna keep focusing on myself, somehow find a roommate so I can split rent, just so I have SOMEBODY here in my home with me.

Are you a member of our discord? We can offer people some more real time support there which may be of use to you while you try to get things around you in place.

But yeah trans man gets bpd diagnosis while on drugs and suicidal after severe trauma, yep that is definitely that person's actual personality lmao.