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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I think I might be becoming addicted and I'm scared.

Hey guys, I don't know if you remember this. but everything got amazing, and then went to shit.

So i got kciked out of college and, arrested, and sent to rehab in November. I did awesome in rehab, moved to California, and was there in my rehab for 4 months. I had 4 months sober when I relapsed. I was on ,my 9th step in AA and I relapsed on heroin the day I left rehab with my "rehab romance". Since April, it's been months of out and about, gettign money, getting dope, getting needles, getting high. Lonely as hell. My drug of choice switched to IV meth. I've overdosed four times, was pronounced dead for 33 seconds, and seen all of my friends fucked up on meth and heroin. I've been living in motels, on the streets, wherever I could. I've never been genuinely suicidal before this year, but recently I've had the urge to kill myself at least once a day. I've been able to keep my job THANK GOD, and my nice, sober clean boyfriend (who let me move in, and wh supports me 100%)

I want to get sober again, all I can do it pick myself back up and try... I don't know if I have the strength. But life on drugs is hell. It can't be like this forever. I need to try again. I dont want to die like this.

Just figured I'd update you all. Sorry for bumping such an old thread.
 
Sassafras, I'm glad that you came back and glad you bumped your old thread for context. I am really sorry to hear about your relapse but it does sound like you have some solid support. Think about what you have learned from the last try and incorporate that knowledge as you try again. You have both the strength and the will--now you just take the first step and concentrate on each one after that. Use this thread over in Sober Living as a daily check-in.
 
I just looked through the thread and sorry if this is rude but some tough love is coming i seen this happening from a mile away. Im sorry for your trouble but what did u expect from an i.v habit its the most difficult situation to be in and u underestimated the drug.

But dont underestimate yourself.u say u want to get clean.u said that on your post a year ago and look where it got u.start saying u NEED to get clean.right now u need drugs and want to get clean.u gotta switch it up.U NEED TO BE SOBER.just think how bad its gotten,it will only get WORSE.i dont wana see u in the bluelight shrine but thats where u are heading.

do u wana live? Do u? Cause you are KILLING yourself pretty fast by my watch.u dont need support u NEED TO CHANGE. Your sober boyfriend is supporting ur suicide.this is your only life and you are throwing it away for a "rush" or "high".you are so young u havent lived life long enough to see the natural highs of getting married to the love of your life or looking at your child knowing a part of u will live on after u are gone from this world.

a year ago u said u were at a cross road well now u are at a DEAD END.actually u crashed into a barrier at the dead end.take responsibility for your actions. do u want your family to be at your funeral and say she was just a junkie that went no where.its not to late but u can make the change anytime u just need to get some strength and FIGHT this. the addict voice is not real its the drug begging u to keep going.tell it to shut the hell up and your true self is gona take the wheel for a while and back out of this dead end.

I wish u all the best u seem like a great person who got hooked pretty bad and im no better i have my addiction but its not life threatening and thats for another time.sorry for any offense u take im just calling it how i see it with the limited info i have about u and trying to save your life over the dam internet. but i pray u find a way out and please update us on how u are doing.
 
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3 weeks of continuous daily use and another to go.....

You will most likely at the very least get some mild physical withdrawal.
 
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