I think I have a drug problem

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

So to start off I'll just say that I know my problems may not seem too severe to you guys who probably have far more extensive drug experience than I. My life, however, is being affected in a very terrible way directly by drugs, and I really need to quit, but I am addicted and therefore quitting is proving very difficult for me. And I want to stop before things really get bad.
I smoke endless amounts of pot, all day every day. I choose to spend all of my time in the numb world of a pothead. I have done this for about 5 years and managed to get a degree in engineering physics in the meantime (I'm pretty smart). Although my academic skills like math arn't affected by it too much, I am pretty much socially retarded around new people when stoned. I become a social burnout unless I'm chilling with my pot smokin' homies and talking about reality or some shit. This led me to 4 years worth of college alcohol abuse, which eventually turned into mdma use when the hangovers started getting too bad, and I don't drink much anymore. But I still roll, and in fact, I am alone and rolling my ass off at 5 am off some wonderful crystal molly right now. I use it about once a month but I still think that this is WAY too much for me because back in college a year ago I was using at 4x that rate. I have probably done it 20 - 30 times in the past year alone. I have no noticeable side effects from this usage and if anything it has helped me get out and be myself But it is still scaring the shit out of me because I know one of these times I'm gonna wake up retarded. Who knows maybe tomorrow??
I think I am much more open to new people when I'm sober. Anyways, I have become depressed because I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend. I work out like a madman every day, I am ripped to shreds and weigh 200 lbs, am an engineer in the making, but my self esteem is so low now that I simply can't attract females. I have the odd one night stand with a cute girl and that's where it's always ended for me. So I dance with Mary Jane all day to ease the pain, because I know I have so much to offer to a girl, but these problems of mine keep me isolated. Cause we are nothin' but a super complicated form of bacteria per se, when I don't get pussy for so long, I am doing more harm than good to the culture because I am wasting valuable food to sustain myself when I'm just going to die out and not end up reproducing. While men weaker and dumber than I, without crippling emotional problems, will end up with the ladies.
Like, I will think of past encounters with females, and there were many that were clearly very attracted to me but my stoned ass didn't do shit, I drive myself nuts thinking through that shit and how much better I would have acted if I was rolling or had any confidence ya know. Like, it was totally my destiny to fuck those girls you know? But drugs alter the course of your life. When I'm sober I don't do this shit as much, I'm more optimistic and realize that finding a lover can be really tough in this world and it doesn't just come to you, you have to actively seek it out, and before I complain there is a lot of stuff I can try first (like getting off the dope and getting a job). But when I'm stoned I fucking tear myself apart over that shit.
Parental disputes are very common because I'm living at home and both my parents are police officers. They love me and see how the drugs are hurting me but they don't understand why I smoke pot all day. They don't see the root of my problems and it is frustrating, I think they see me as more of a selfish person than I am. I am going to be more honest with them soon and maybe ask to go to some sort of rehab or drug help meeting.
Well, the first step is admitting you have a problem, so I'm going to go ahead and click "Submit New Thread", as reluctant as I am to do so. Because I know this shit is true but it's so hard to admit.

 

[LiquidEx]

Hey dude, just to let you know I feel for ya, I am going through similar experiences. My problem is not pot tho, let me tell you this, I too used to smoke weed everyday, right from I was 13 till 18 years old and didn't have a gf till I was 17, that only lasted A MONTH, thats me just off the weed, and to tell you the truth it was hard as shit, I was so bored all the time and had blazed my mind into oblivion that I could no longer have a good time without drugs, when I quit dope, I moved out (went to a homeless shelter) and isolated myself, didn't talk to my drug buddies, made new friends but I spiralled even worser then I was before, alot of people living in the homeless are drug addicts, I started taking heroin, I never got addicted to it but when I was younger I would never have dreamed of doing it, so I moved back into my mums when I got a job, I was no longer near the heroin dealers so I turned to alcohol instead, even sat in my room drinking by myself, all because of I wanted to stop doing weed. I figured out why I needed drugs to have a good time, I had poor self esteem, no hobbys (apart from being an expert drug user) so I started working out, stopped spending money on junk, got myself new clothes, started going to my local sports centre and played football, tennis, squash, you name it as long as it took my mind of drugs.
Don't get me wrong I still take drugs, but I will never let myself get to that stage again, If I were you I would get yourself out, find a hobby you enjoy, where you can meet people (I even had a few dates with some nice girls at the sports centre) Buy yourself things you think you would need to be more attractive to girls, nice shoes clothes cologne ect. I understand that it is hard but aslong as your doing something it's pretty easy to stop drugs, keep yourself entertained, and most of all when your out socialising, BE YOURSELF, don't be afraid to get involved, make jokes, have a laugh sorta thing, you might feel a bit awkward at first but it's all in your head.

Feel free to pm me, this was a quick reply, but everything you have described I have either been through or in a similar way.
Best of luck mate.

 

[TheLostBoys]

Dude, sorry to hear about the hards times you're going threw & you will get threw it if you really want to. One think ive learned over the years is women love to be around confident men, not cocky, but a guy that is confident in themselves & they can spot that confident guy a mile away. Im surprised your parents being cops havent thrown you into rehab themselves, you must have cool parents.

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

Thanks for the replies. The problem is that it is impossible for me to have any self confidence around girls at all since I have been alone for a full 22 years. I am aware that I have a lot going for me, every girl I have ever been with has mentioned how outright cool and attractive I am, but they have been the cause of so much despair in my life that the way I interact with them now is completely fucked, or just non-existant. I only hook up when I'm blackout or on cocaine or mdma and it's almost always be regrettable, except once. And it's always entirely because of my muscles and drug-induced altered personality. But I have soo much confidence in my good looks, sober personality, and intelligence- this only makes my suffering worse however. I currently devote myself to the gym, well I have for years, and spend most of my life eating as much food as I can fit in my stomach and lifting weights for 2 hours pretty much daily. The only way out I see is to become so big that girls will come to me that way. It is the best hobby for me because I have been too sad to focus my energy on anything else. When I am big enough I will start looking for a job but right now getting as jacked as possible is my top priority, and if I had the salary of an engineer right now, I believe I would destroy myself with a wide variety of drugs since I spend way too much time thinking about coke and molly and how I wish I was dead. I can only financially afford to be a pothead and I take it to the utmost extreme. Lifting is a good way to vent as well. I was bigger a few years ago and it was easier then (but was an alcoholic and was FUCKED). Dressing well was good advice but I am already all over that; I do everything I can to appear more attractive. The problem is not at all my outward appearance, but my burnt out, miserable mind.
I should also mention I have daily suicidal thoughts which I would never act on but they still scare the shit out of me and it's no fun visualizing yourself with blank eyes hanging from a rope and feeling satisfaction in it. But I am out of pot, money and mdma now, this is my first sober day and hopefully I find success in getting off the drugs. Another problem is that college has ended. I used to have a booming social life at a school, going out on the town more nights than not at a 60% female school and I couldn't even manage to find a girl there. Now, I hang out with a totally different crowd who are just burnouts from highschool; I have no chance of meeting girls at social events right now. And I despise alcohol now and I hate going out to bars these days, I just want to stay completely straight, that shit is just the most vile, useless crutch of all.
I just don't understand why I would be given so much potential but with the curse of having to be forever alone. It MUST be the drugs, I really really hope I'm right that it's just pot induced social problems. The minimal time I have spent sober over the past year has certainly attested to this, but I can't be sure until I stay straight for a while and see how I feel, and if the way I interact socially with females changes for the better. Otherwise I will unfortunately consider myself dead.

 

[villian]

Quit smoking weed and you will gradually acquire more social skills. Smoking weed all day makes you content with your current position in life and kills the drive to better yourself.

1.) quit smoking weed
2.) acquire social skills
3.) ????
4.) profit

Cause we are nothin' but a super complicated form of bacteria per se, when I don't get pussy for so long, I am doing more harm than good to the culture because I am wasting valuable food to sustain myself when I'm just going to die out and not end up reproducing.

Just so you know there is also more to life then getting laid. It seems you attach your value as a person to how much pussy you get and that isn't how it works. As far as reproducing the world is already overpopulated in my opinion and unchecked reproduction = cancer.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

Yeah seriously why are you still smoking weed and doing MDMA? Well cause you like getting high I suppose. But you need to think of things in a longer term view, and not worry about the immediate pleasures in life. You should think of things not just in terms of their aesthetic appeal, but of their wholesomeness and long term effects, like food. The best tasting food often is so empty and shitty that I feel like a dumbass for falling for some reflex of the taste buds. All a craving of getting high is is a reflex of the neurons, you choose to follow it or not.

Everyone's (mostly) got a pretty decent personality when they aren't fucked up I find. Even the biggest scumbags and junkies I've ever met are decent people before the subject turns to drugs. You gotta discipline yourself to avoid mind altering chemicals if it's making you feel this shitty. And try to savor the sober moments you have and realize how fleeting it all is and you aren't going to be a good looking smart man forever if you keep on the path that you're on.

Get to a rehab program, get into a good group therapy and talk about your problems. Then you can see the problems that other people have to deal with and you will realize how not getting laid fits into the grand scheme of things. Every young male who isn't getting laid questions their lot in life don't they? It's not the end of the world. I haven't got pussy all last year, and it sucked, but I was also getting off hard drugs and trying to recover from my shitty semester in school, and I was getting over my first real relationship which was the hardest thing in the world to do. I wasn't exactly attractive for ANYONE except the most broken females out there.

If you've got a degree your mind can't be too burnt out, then again I've never done large quantities of MDMA. I'd say cut that shit out. It's not worth it if it's making you feel this way. IMO an occasional psychedelic, introspective, experience is wonderful for the psyche. MDMA is just another one of those "rat pull trigger until rat starves and dies" type drug...to me anyway.

Dude be careful about getting too jacked too. I've heard many hot girls say how a hugely musclebound guy doesn't attract them at all. The bodybuilder type isn't for the majority of girls out there. Being in shape and fit, and even really really strong, is one thing, but being as completely jacked as possible? That just sounds like another obsession to me. Why would you put that as your top priority if you can't even have a simple conversation with a girl? Why would you put off getting a job just to get jacked? That doesn't make sense to me at all, and you should ask yourself if working out is just another crutch for you that's holding you back. There's SO SO SO many people who aren't bodybuilders that get laid all the time! You're probably one of the strongest guys any girl will ever meet already, and you can probably handle yourself in a fight quite well, yet that fact isn't making you any happier. Obviously getting as big as possible isn't going to even remotely solve your problems, so why harp on it?
Now don't get me wrong, working out is one of the best things a human can do for themselves, but just like anything it can turn into a psychological addiction that will do more harm than good to your wallet and social life. Granted it is one of the "healthiest" addictions a person can have, but it's still got the same drawbacks as any other addiction.

Also if you've never had a relationship before and you think life is hard now, just wait until you have a girl who thinks she owns your balls. Then just wait until she doesn't want your balls anymore. Oh man!

There isn't just "one" thing that will solve all your problems because your problems are multi-faceted. Yes having a girlfriend will do wonders for your social confidence, and having an engineering job will do wonders for your bank account, but both of those things bring upon untold and unknowable amounts of stress. Stress that you need to work through in ways other than getting completely fucked up or stoned or whatever else.

Balance is where it's at. That's what you, and I, and everyone here, needs.

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

Well this is only my 2nd sober day but I have clearly realized that these problems are completely due to heavy cannabis use. I should be going through an mdma induced down right now but I feel so fucking good being off the pot that any rolling aftereffects are completely overshadowed. I already feel like I can socialize again and my insane depression is being lifted away.
I have done plenty of experimentation, including redosing shrooms continuously for over a day and going on a 4-day mdma binge, and dropping acid. Nothing has ever come remotely close to fucking my head up as much as this garbage. Marijuana just disgusts me when I'm sober, but I don't even realize it when I'm stoned because it makes me too amotivated to change my life in any way, and I'm too high to care. And it has always been this way, ever since I started it just made me retarded but I continued to smoke (about 10 joints a day for years) because it is addictive as fuck in my opinion. It has never had any positive effects on my life whatsoever. The good thing is that there are no real long term effects on brain function from smoking pot, but I don't care what anyone says, this shit destroys people and it is very common. Since I only associate with other stoners- another dispicable fact of the average stoner social dynamics- I have been able to see similar problems in many friends of mine. It is a very easy hole to fall down because pot is everywhere, the most common drug, everyone says it's harmless, it's cheap, all this makes it really hard for stoners to get out of the cycle. It is the creator of self-consciousness and the destroyer of self esteem. I really feel like this shit had a horrible effect on my youth.

 

[stray cat]

dude, all i've got to add is that you are only 22 years old. it may seem like you have missed out on all the female opportunities of your life and that things will never improve, but i assure you that the next ten years will bring good things. it sounds like you have a very promising future, and you believe you are pretty good looking- both of these attributes will become even more attractive to girls in their 20s (especially the career thing). seriously, after you date a girl or 2, you will look back and laugh at what a big deal you were making of this. just give it a little time; i assure you you're not past your prime at 22. i did a lot better w/ the ladies post-college myself.

 

[Mudeltakappa]

"this shit destroys people"

Its a problem for some people, sure, but then again most things that are pleasurable can be that way. There are many, many high-functioning stoners out there, so I wouldn't demonize weed simply because its been bad for you as an individual.

Anyway, I wish you luck.