I think I have a disorder, was using drugs to mask it

[idonteven]

Where can I go to get looked at?

I go threw hypomanic stages, where I think everything is going to be perfect, I have a game plan, things are going great, then all the sudden I wake depressed and lay in bed all day and don't eat.

I get really excited about a new idea I have, I pursue it, but then give up on the idea a week later.

I have a nervous cough

The only thing that helps me stay focused is caffeine, but if I have a cup of coffee the depression is exponential the following day. Almost like withdrawals.

When I smoked/injected heroin I was able to just complete the task at hand, and was very organized in my thoughts were very articulated. Now that I've been sober from everything for 5 weeks, longest I've gone in years my thoughts are all over the place I almost can't complete a sentence without changing the subject mid sentence.

 

[AfterGlow]

see your GP and ask for a psychiatric referral .

 

[panic in paradise]

a local therapist, or psychologist would be your only real option.

a therapist wont be able to provide any sort of diagnosis, but be able to help you by providing any therapy you need, after seeing a psychologist. id check a clinic, or group type practice, where all the resources needed are basically there in one building with a good flow of communication.

 

[MySecret]

I would suggest maybe getting onto a prescription medication for depression. I've good experience with Pristiq in the past. Just stick with whatever you are taking for at least 6 months and take it as prescribed. Stay off of drugs. I've also heard good things about St. John's Wort.

DXM gives me the same effects that you mentioned about completing tasks, organized thoughts, etc...

I always run straight back to DXM when I get off my meds, due to the fact that DXM is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor... only problem with that is that it is also a hallucinogen, which in the long run, only makes me much more insane and depressed over a period of time.

If you use opoids to treat depression, you are just going to be 100x more depressed when you stop taking them. You will end up stopping them due to the fact that your opoid receptors build a tolerance to them, not to mention the withdrawals are going to be hell.

Caffeine makes me feel good at the beginning of the day, but at the end of the day, I feel a lot shittier than I did to begin with. I don't have any caffeine, unless I'm drinking a Coke or something else that has it, but I try to avoid it as much as I can.

Here is a great discussion upon the same topic:

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/14034422

 

[panic in paradise]

^what do you get from that discussion, or what is your intent by posting a link to it?
~
it could be taken as a justification.
or, a rationalization.
~
understanding why, we gravitate to abusing ourselves with particular substances is a 'key of understanding' to a freedom from it.

 

[xstayfadedx]

I actually think I have borderline personality disorder but who knows. I'm going to talk to my doctor next week and you should also whenever you get the chance. They will then send me to someone but since I am not yet eighteen they can't diagnose me with any personality disorder yet... Its weird cause when I was always sober I acted different but when Im high I also feel like its medicating my problem or hiding it because when I'm high I feel normal.

Oh by the way I'm not some crazy ass person its just I noticed these changes throughout my years of drug use.

 

[panic in paradise]

what you are experiencing is actually fairly 'normal', but the looong road that fallows is also: choosing drugs - the entire path has been taken and is logged for you by far too many, and its always the same.
eventually you are going to have and want, to find your way.
your way cant be found with drugs masking your self.

you are not normal, and this is to be taken as an advantage or lead to find your uniqueness.
~
this lesson kicked my ass all up and down fools-hill, still could.

 

[User Name Here]

See a doctor for help and know that what you're feeling is definitely normal (like panic said). Also know that these feelings you have described get better with time. I felt the same way when I sobered up and I'm not going to lie, it took a good six months before I felt "normal" and content. The end product is ENTIRELY worth it though... I can't stress this enough. Five weeks is a huge accomplishment so give yourself a pat on the back and don't be so hard on yourself. You're going to feel better soon enough so don't give up.

 

[MySecret]

^what do you get from that discussion, or what is your intent by posting a link to it?
~
it could be taken as a justification.
or, a rationalization.
~
understanding why, we gravitate to abusing ourselves with particular substances is a 'key of understanding' to a freedom from it.

The OP said that he used heroin and heroin made things seem better for him. The purpose of the link I posted is to provide the OP with an in depth discussion on the effects of opiates on the brain and the use of opiates for depression.