Hello everyone, it is a pleasure meeting you all, and as many have said before me, it is unfortunate that many of us introduce ourselves here when experiencing troubled times.
To start with a bit of a history of myself, I am a 24 year old male, 1,84 metres in height, about 90 kg mass and I have been an on and off drinker since I was about 16, having my first alcohol related condition when I was 17 (gastritis). Please bare with me on this, as my questions at the end will make this piece of information relevant. About three years ago I started losing more of my time to alcohol and occasionally used amphetamines, cocaine and weed. Recently, my average alcohol consumption was ranging from 80 to 100+ units of alcohol per week. That is when I have decided that I need to stop drinking, thinking about my young daughter and my studies. About 6 weeks ago, on Saturday, one of my friends had some MDMA, crystal form, brownish from a really reliable source. I had never tried the substance before so I decided I will give it a try and then leave all my party days and binge drinking behind. So we went on and had about 600 mg each over the course of about 7 hours, which was a ridiculous amount, I am aware, especially for a first time. But I knew I had quite a bit of tolerance to amphetamines so I thought I will be fine. We also had about five cans of beer each and some Lucozade. It was a fantastic night, walked around town like crazy, felt amazing, I remember most of the night with the exception of maybe 20 minutes when it hit us the hardest, but overall we had a fantastic night and I was absolutely positive I have found my new favourite recreational substance. It all ended about 5.00 am and I went home. On my way home, I've noticed I started having some mild hallucinations, visual mostly but also some auditory ones. I remember urinating and sweating a lot that night. Got home eventually, slept for about 5 hours, still sweating a lot.
Woke up the following day, feeling very relaxed, still reminiscing about the night before. Same for the following day, two days after ingestion, basically. Had some muscle twitches and weird dreams but my sleep patterns weren't exactly perfect before, having experienced plenty of sleep paralysis episodes in the past. Felt a bit more depressed throughout the week but I have read that this is something to be expected so I went along with it. By the time it got to being Friday, I was feeling slightly better, and started thinking I was starting to get back to normal. My mind was far from clear at this point but I kept telling myself that this is something normal that would eventually wear off. I also started taking vitamin C, multiminerals and magnesium to try and accelerate my recovery, and I have been taking them since. On Friday, I went out with some friends and got drunk again on beer and wine. At this point I decided it would be the last time I drink, and I haven't been drinking since, about 5 weeks ago.
The following week took a turn to the worse and I started feeling very anxious, depressed, crying each evening and started feeling hypochondriac. Midweek, second week after ingestion basically, I experienced shakes, insomnia, sweating, ear pressure, dizziness and a weird feeling to what it felt like the behind of my eyes and felt generally very bad. At this point my mind became very preoccupied with thoughts of worry about my physical and mental health, and I could not think or focus on anything else.
Some of the feelings have receded since then but the anxiety and depression don't seem to go away and it makes it impossible to focus on my studies or even day to day activities and this adds to the stress and I find myself thinking about my mental health constantly.
I am nearing my sixth week since ingestion and I cannot seem to free my mind of these thoughts and I have no idea what to do to find some relief. I feel very humble, and cannot find pleasure in the things I used to. Sex has been affected, but I have been able to have intercourse.
My life is being affected and I am absolutely terrified that I will harm or push my family away. I feel like I am going absolutely mad, I find myself thinking constantly if I will ever be able to think straight, if I will ever be able to lead a normal life and enjoy life as I used to. The quality of my life is decreasing gradually and I feel hopeless and unable to break away from this downward spiral.
I started reading extensively on the forum about the various after effects and became familiar with the vast work of some of the members on here, the likes of First Bad Comedown, which in my opinion could challenge even some proper medial research done on the subject.
I am very confused right now and utterly scared for my life. Many questions are going through my mind right now and I hope some of the members here could help me shed some light on some of them.
Firstly, is this a possible after effect from the MDMA, or is there a chance I am feeling this from alcohol withdrawal or perhaps a combination of both? As mentioned above, reading through some of the other threads, I came across the issue of Serotonin Syndrome, which I think and I hope, does not apply to me as I had a great time on the night without any bad effects. (I feel very sympathetic for the ones that have experienced this traumatic episode of SS.)
Secondly, the question that consumes my whole being right now is how long will this actually last or if I will end up going crazy before I get the chance to get back to normal? As I said before, I am dreading the consequences this will have on my studies, in the short term, and on my life and my abilities as a human being and family person, in the long run. Please, any comment/help would prove invaluable and I wish to thank you in advance for any help.
Thirdly, is there anything I can do to get some relief from all of this? I try exercising as much as I can, but at the moment my life is hectic and I can only exercise three times a week, tops. Also, I really avoid seeing a doctor as I do not want to disclose this kind of past behaviour out of fear of reducing my career prospects for the future. I know, i should have thought of all of this before but it is a bit too late for that now.
Please ask me if you need any additional information or if there is any other detail I should have mentioned. Thank you very much to everyone on the forum, and it is a pleasure to meet you all!
Kind regards.
To start with a bit of a history of myself, I am a 24 year old male, 1,84 metres in height, about 90 kg mass and I have been an on and off drinker since I was about 16, having my first alcohol related condition when I was 17 (gastritis). Please bare with me on this, as my questions at the end will make this piece of information relevant. About three years ago I started losing more of my time to alcohol and occasionally used amphetamines, cocaine and weed. Recently, my average alcohol consumption was ranging from 80 to 100+ units of alcohol per week. That is when I have decided that I need to stop drinking, thinking about my young daughter and my studies. About 6 weeks ago, on Saturday, one of my friends had some MDMA, crystal form, brownish from a really reliable source. I had never tried the substance before so I decided I will give it a try and then leave all my party days and binge drinking behind. So we went on and had about 600 mg each over the course of about 7 hours, which was a ridiculous amount, I am aware, especially for a first time. But I knew I had quite a bit of tolerance to amphetamines so I thought I will be fine. We also had about five cans of beer each and some Lucozade. It was a fantastic night, walked around town like crazy, felt amazing, I remember most of the night with the exception of maybe 20 minutes when it hit us the hardest, but overall we had a fantastic night and I was absolutely positive I have found my new favourite recreational substance. It all ended about 5.00 am and I went home. On my way home, I've noticed I started having some mild hallucinations, visual mostly but also some auditory ones. I remember urinating and sweating a lot that night. Got home eventually, slept for about 5 hours, still sweating a lot.
Woke up the following day, feeling very relaxed, still reminiscing about the night before. Same for the following day, two days after ingestion, basically. Had some muscle twitches and weird dreams but my sleep patterns weren't exactly perfect before, having experienced plenty of sleep paralysis episodes in the past. Felt a bit more depressed throughout the week but I have read that this is something to be expected so I went along with it. By the time it got to being Friday, I was feeling slightly better, and started thinking I was starting to get back to normal. My mind was far from clear at this point but I kept telling myself that this is something normal that would eventually wear off. I also started taking vitamin C, multiminerals and magnesium to try and accelerate my recovery, and I have been taking them since. On Friday, I went out with some friends and got drunk again on beer and wine. At this point I decided it would be the last time I drink, and I haven't been drinking since, about 5 weeks ago.
The following week took a turn to the worse and I started feeling very anxious, depressed, crying each evening and started feeling hypochondriac. Midweek, second week after ingestion basically, I experienced shakes, insomnia, sweating, ear pressure, dizziness and a weird feeling to what it felt like the behind of my eyes and felt generally very bad. At this point my mind became very preoccupied with thoughts of worry about my physical and mental health, and I could not think or focus on anything else.
Some of the feelings have receded since then but the anxiety and depression don't seem to go away and it makes it impossible to focus on my studies or even day to day activities and this adds to the stress and I find myself thinking about my mental health constantly.
I am nearing my sixth week since ingestion and I cannot seem to free my mind of these thoughts and I have no idea what to do to find some relief. I feel very humble, and cannot find pleasure in the things I used to. Sex has been affected, but I have been able to have intercourse.
My life is being affected and I am absolutely terrified that I will harm or push my family away. I feel like I am going absolutely mad, I find myself thinking constantly if I will ever be able to think straight, if I will ever be able to lead a normal life and enjoy life as I used to. The quality of my life is decreasing gradually and I feel hopeless and unable to break away from this downward spiral.
I started reading extensively on the forum about the various after effects and became familiar with the vast work of some of the members on here, the likes of First Bad Comedown, which in my opinion could challenge even some proper medial research done on the subject.
I am very confused right now and utterly scared for my life. Many questions are going through my mind right now and I hope some of the members here could help me shed some light on some of them.
Firstly, is this a possible after effect from the MDMA, or is there a chance I am feeling this from alcohol withdrawal or perhaps a combination of both? As mentioned above, reading through some of the other threads, I came across the issue of Serotonin Syndrome, which I think and I hope, does not apply to me as I had a great time on the night without any bad effects. (I feel very sympathetic for the ones that have experienced this traumatic episode of SS.)
Secondly, the question that consumes my whole being right now is how long will this actually last or if I will end up going crazy before I get the chance to get back to normal? As I said before, I am dreading the consequences this will have on my studies, in the short term, and on my life and my abilities as a human being and family person, in the long run. Please, any comment/help would prove invaluable and I wish to thank you in advance for any help.
Thirdly, is there anything I can do to get some relief from all of this? I try exercising as much as I can, but at the moment my life is hectic and I can only exercise three times a week, tops. Also, I really avoid seeing a doctor as I do not want to disclose this kind of past behaviour out of fear of reducing my career prospects for the future. I know, i should have thought of all of this before but it is a bit too late for that now.
Please ask me if you need any additional information or if there is any other detail I should have mentioned. Thank you very much to everyone on the forum, and it is a pleasure to meet you all!
Kind regards.
I was very emotinal and unstable mood. It felt almost like a cleansing. Its good to cry. Its healing. Eat good and rest. The more you think that it is fucking you the more it is. The power of tought. Take a walk, just let the the toughts be and breath. Sry my english sucks. Hope u feel better soon