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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I relasped on heroin a week ago and now I am so depressed

B

burn out

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2006
Messages
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Location
Michigan
I don't know how I can face WD again, it was so dfifficult for me even with the help of suboxone. I had a HUGE habit and the first day the suboxone barely touched my symptoms. I was in so much pain that I was screaming for my friend who was caring for me, to take me to the ER and this was after taking 12 mg suboxone.

I flew out to Colorado and stayed with a very close friend of mine who recently moved there. SHe cared for me, cooked for me, played chess and other games with me to keep my mind off withdrawal (btw this helped a lot so I recommend it to anyone in WD) , did my laundry, read to me, took me to Church, to parks and even cuddled with me (although we are not involved with each other sexually).

Now I feel so terrible about wasting all her effort, only to have to withdraw again a couple of weeks later. WIth her, I had 10 days off heroin and I was taking .5 mg of suboxone a day.
 
Don't dwell on the past--it's done and there is nothing you can do about it. Try and stay in the present...my yoga teacher likes to say "just look down at where your feet are and everything else is practically and pragmatically not relevant at that moment in the present. Of course there are lessons to be learned from past mistakes and utilization and planning for support groups, psychologist or psychiatrist, or even medical conditions that are underlying reasons for you using that need to be addressed and treated.

Don't beat yourself up too much, because as long as you learn something from your relapse, you can realistically turn it into an opportunity to get things back on track and analyze what went wrong.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more or have further questions.
 
The bad feelings you have will just generate more bad feelings... relapse is not uncommon whilst giving up a substance. As said above, dwell on the present, learn from your mistakes, avoid triggers or situations that bring on guilt, and don't be scared to try again. The fear of failure often prevents us from achieving what we most need to do...
 
Have you considered looking into something like an IOP (intensive outpatient program) if you couldn't do a stint in treatment / rehab ?
The physical as you know is only one part of the physiological addiction that is opiates. Bro I just gave up 7 months clean .. .no subs no methadone ... just working my steps in NA and doing the right thing, I don't look at it like im fucked .. i look at it like those 7 months i got back a lot of my life. Everyday clean is something to be proud of, and it takes time man. I've been trying to kick heroin for 8 years almost and tried it all.
 
I am am going off a huge opioid addiction, suboxone, codiene, dilaudid,ativan,and I should go off of Klonopin but I need something to control the tics I get from Tourette's. This is the second time I have detoxed with clonodine...that shit wears me the fuck out... SO I got to the point of dr shopping and I was going to lose my kids SO I begged my dad to help and I am off to florida once we get me medically stable is what my Dr. perfers it sounds like...does anyone have an idea what inpatient 30 treatment is going to be like. I am near Palm Beach...I am so scarred I am such a bad...How can I get my faith hell my kids back...I didnt try to become an addict but the drs didnt help even the dr i saw for the clonodine agrees with me sorry just depressed nervous scared...:(
 
Unfortunately, I have been taking high doses. I was so depressed over relapsing that I had to take a very large dose to make me forget those feelings so I think it will be bad again.

Also keep in mind I wasnt completely over wd the first time. The reason for my relapse was the fact that I was geting a couple hours of sleep every three days and that was it. I could handle that for a while but it eventually got to me and after the flight back to Michigan, I was so exhausted andf felt so bad that I called my dealer and got high.

It doesn't help that I have ways of getting free heroin either, as I have two dealers who dont have cars and give me dope in exchange for rides.

But I know I can do this, thanks guys for your encouragement. I really needed some positive words. I am planning to taper down to a lower dose of heroin and then just get on suboxone and stay on it for as long as I feel like I need to (whioch wont be more than a few weeks max).

I was/am really scared of the super long withdrawals I had read about occuring with suboxone but at this point, that is still a big improvement over being completely strung out.
 
I did heroin 5 years ago, quit then came out to see my boyfriend while he was working in New York and started using again. Now I can't stop. We tried 2 weeks ago and I was in bed for 4 days with no sleep and wanting to die. That night we ended up going to pick up and have been on it the last 2 weeks but now we are broke and last night picked up and I don't know what the hell this stuff was but I felt like I did speed. I have been awake all night. It is 8:45 in the morning and I am so completely twacked out. Heroin has never done this to me. It looked and smelled normal. Has anyone heard of this? So now not only am I about to go in withdrawals but I feel like I did speed for 3 days straight and I hate that stuff. I have 10 8mg subutex and I am wondering when I should start taking them and if it will help me not feel terrible. can anyone help?
 
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