Benzopiates
Bluelighter
Hello all fellow bluelighters who all have a spirit of reading today because i will write a pretty long story but its worth the read.
My situation went as follows.
3 years ago: I'm at my best friend' house, its 3 am, me and my friend are both tired cuz we played the latest cod to date all day and night long cuz it had just gotten out and we were trying to be
better at online and then we decideto go to sleep, i dont often sleep at my friend's'house because he makes me sleep on the floor, but whatever i made up my mind that id feel confortable this night cu i had brought from my house 3 of my own pillows and 2 of my blankets+ his stuff i was sure it would be ok. We start sleeping and then :mmmm i dont feel right... And then the pain gets worse and worse and then im in agony, i though my acid vag ripped off and i was eating my own self up from the inside and it burned like hell, called the ambulance... It was a kidney stone, to which i got dilaudid pills as a relief... It was my first..... But very far from last time i touched this stuff
3 months ago; 3 kidney stones and about 100 stolen pills later (from mom, friends, girlfriends, strangers)(ranging from 2mg morphine pills to the awsome 3mg hydromorph contins my mom kept in her secret cabinet) i have for the first time EVER, found a real source of hydromorphone, a guy near where i lived that would sell me the hydromorphone i would need making my limit now not based on accessibility anymore but based on money and believe me i had alot more money to spend on that THING that makes my life ALOT better since the 4 years of depression I was in than what the accessibility before that allowed me to have. It is important to mention that before this day, the only sources i had before were the VERY occasional cases where i would go to the ER and really need it (i had 4 kidney stones in my life and many complicated and painfull cases resulting from these kidney stones and the docs always seemed to prescribe me dilaudid and to be totally honest, I never lied about my pain, never exagerated about the pain ratio and NEVER asked for a specific drug or even said something like "hmm, morphine doesn't work they already tried it" etc, I never got much from that way obviously and never pushed so that it would happen so everytime I had a script of let's'say, 30x 1mg generics or 10x 2mg generics or when I was super llucky I would get the rare 30x 2mg hydromorphone pills I would hide them in an ultra secret place and i would take minuscule doses at a time and never more did not really knew what withdrawals from opiates were because i would cherish the little small doses that i could snort at first and then a couple months later that i could inject (to save on efficiency of course and get the very most out of each and every single mg i would spend on myself)
This being said, after the source was finally in my hands my consumption jumped by alot. I went from using doses of 0.5 to 2mg at MOST per doses and max 2 doses per day NEVER exceeding 3mg in a day and almost never exceeding 10mg in a week to using 1 to 3mg per doses almost always 2 or 3 times a day so when i first decided to stop using it after a while of fun... (basically cu i had exeeded the allocated quota of money i had put on this) I came to a pretty rough halt, it was the first time i was living REAL hellish oipiates withdrawals and it was nightmaren nothing less to describe it, the shivering was muich more like comparing me being in an underwear only at -40 degrees celscius during a winterstorm outside even tho I was really in a foeutal position with 5 blankets on top of me, the sweating made my WHOLE bed like deep sea, seriously you could take a part of it and squeeze it and water (or rather, my sweat) came out of it... It was terrible in a was that is not even describable... So of course, 8 days later when i got more money i decided to not pay my usual full amount for the credit card and keep more money in my normal bank account so that i could afford more pills to avoid the withdrawals, and that is what i did.
2 weeks ago: I was living with my mom and her husband in our house, i had met the dealer a few times already and he would give me what i need for a much much cheaper price that what i used to buy from my first dealer and this second one even came all the way with his car to where i lived instead of me having to almost waste my full day to mess with public transports who are extremely expensive, time consuming, boring and smelt bad so it made absolutely no war on who id buy from all the time from the day i met him on forth. So with him i could afford alot more, my consumption yet again jumped because my tolerance went up and now i was realising that i was taking more and more and mu credity card was starting to be loaded up and omg my bills i cant pay them and wohoa, i even though about doing crimes so ffs, and all this shit messed up my head and i got caught by my mom in my own house, i had to explain it to her but it was pretty hard on her, me using drugs on her house, but i promised her id work really hard and id try to do the right thing, i started ling for therapy houses, detox places and i syarted doing NA meetings more and more and it was going ok, i still hadn,t stopped but i was only using toi prevent withdrawals now not to be high anymore(actually that could very well be interpreted as a very bad sign but io tend to see it as somethinhg good sometimes, so anyway) but my mom is my mom and she was uynable to lie to hger husband more about me using... He took the news in a way more aggressive behaviour and instead of listening to the progress that was happening to me (not only for the drug situation but also the "common living" situation) he convinced my mom that the best thing for me them and the house was that they left me 24h to basically Get The Fuck Out of the house... Was a pretty rough news, i didnt know what to do, i seriously though my things would lie in the streets, so i gave an immense push on thelast day and showed them im working tremmendously hard to find a place and that id need just a little more time, i got one extra day and i was able to find 2 places that copuld MAYBE get me but under special conditions and i had to talk to the nurse there and ity was closed at the time i called etc etc always like this so whatever, i went with my original plan and i went to my best friends place so i could have a few more days searching but again i was weak and i didnt manage to get all my fking studf straighty and now his dad learned abouyt my consumptyion and he came see me today, when he came to his own house, who his son (my best friend) lived at, he saw me with needles everywhere lyuing around, i hadn,t stored my stuff yety cuz i had somethin going on on his computer and i though that hed unsderstand that id need my shot and was about to do it but never tgough hed come inside the house WITH his dad, basically i felt terrible, i know them for more than 15 years and he made me feel like a total dipshit and i admiyt i totally deserved it, he pushed me into a corner again... It seems its the only way i can get my ass to move, i know ill thank him later, no doubts about that, but i have right now less than 24h to find a place to go to, that would accept me in the condition im in, that would have the neccessary ressource to detox someone using hydromorphone, and that would be able to give me internal acceptance with housing and food .. And that would be ready to accept me NOW, or i'll have all my stuff next to me in a montreal,s'bench park tomorrow at around 6pm, its like 4 am atm probably, not even sure its been liuke maybe 1h i write this message. Im not from montreal but its the city that's'the closest to me, i live outside of the island of mtl, on the north side, about 10 minutes car drive north of the city Laval, a city called sainte-therese, that is where my best friend lives, my choices are very hard, im very afraid of the detox, i want a gradual lowered week by week therapy and a normal stop afterwards when the last step is very low, but the only place that would accept me tomorrow work withe the cold turkey technique, can you guys please tell me some good news about them, ill either have to go there or go in a bench park... Please tell me something that is good about those places or maybe some of you guys who are from thta place (or basicallly anywhere as long as they can take me id go ona bus ride toi prettuy much anywhere and go detox myself to come back clean), do those cold turkey places use loperamide to help with withdrawals or do they leyt u live the hell of full opiates withdrawals??? How much of loperamide should i use every how many hours if my dilo consumption is ATM from 4 to 8 mg PER dose and around 3-4 doses a day ( basically 12 to 32mg a day of dilaudid injected IV of course is what i'm using atm) so how would be the best way to get out of all this mess.... Thanks alot for reading me and any comments except "too long didnt read" or "wall of text" will be appretiated unless those comments are also accompanied by any constructive or informatuve contribution
My situation went as follows.
3 years ago: I'm at my best friend' house, its 3 am, me and my friend are both tired cuz we played the latest cod to date all day and night long cuz it had just gotten out and we were trying to be
better at online and then we decideto go to sleep, i dont often sleep at my friend's'house because he makes me sleep on the floor, but whatever i made up my mind that id feel confortable this night cu i had brought from my house 3 of my own pillows and 2 of my blankets+ his stuff i was sure it would be ok. We start sleeping and then :mmmm i dont feel right... And then the pain gets worse and worse and then im in agony, i though my acid vag ripped off and i was eating my own self up from the inside and it burned like hell, called the ambulance... It was a kidney stone, to which i got dilaudid pills as a relief... It was my first..... But very far from last time i touched this stuff
3 months ago; 3 kidney stones and about 100 stolen pills later (from mom, friends, girlfriends, strangers)(ranging from 2mg morphine pills to the awsome 3mg hydromorph contins my mom kept in her secret cabinet) i have for the first time EVER, found a real source of hydromorphone, a guy near where i lived that would sell me the hydromorphone i would need making my limit now not based on accessibility anymore but based on money and believe me i had alot more money to spend on that THING that makes my life ALOT better since the 4 years of depression I was in than what the accessibility before that allowed me to have. It is important to mention that before this day, the only sources i had before were the VERY occasional cases where i would go to the ER and really need it (i had 4 kidney stones in my life and many complicated and painfull cases resulting from these kidney stones and the docs always seemed to prescribe me dilaudid and to be totally honest, I never lied about my pain, never exagerated about the pain ratio and NEVER asked for a specific drug or even said something like "hmm, morphine doesn't work they already tried it" etc, I never got much from that way obviously and never pushed so that it would happen so everytime I had a script of let's'say, 30x 1mg generics or 10x 2mg generics or when I was super llucky I would get the rare 30x 2mg hydromorphone pills I would hide them in an ultra secret place and i would take minuscule doses at a time and never more did not really knew what withdrawals from opiates were because i would cherish the little small doses that i could snort at first and then a couple months later that i could inject (to save on efficiency of course and get the very most out of each and every single mg i would spend on myself)
This being said, after the source was finally in my hands my consumption jumped by alot. I went from using doses of 0.5 to 2mg at MOST per doses and max 2 doses per day NEVER exceeding 3mg in a day and almost never exceeding 10mg in a week to using 1 to 3mg per doses almost always 2 or 3 times a day so when i first decided to stop using it after a while of fun... (basically cu i had exeeded the allocated quota of money i had put on this) I came to a pretty rough halt, it was the first time i was living REAL hellish oipiates withdrawals and it was nightmaren nothing less to describe it, the shivering was muich more like comparing me being in an underwear only at -40 degrees celscius during a winterstorm outside even tho I was really in a foeutal position with 5 blankets on top of me, the sweating made my WHOLE bed like deep sea, seriously you could take a part of it and squeeze it and water (or rather, my sweat) came out of it... It was terrible in a was that is not even describable... So of course, 8 days later when i got more money i decided to not pay my usual full amount for the credit card and keep more money in my normal bank account so that i could afford more pills to avoid the withdrawals, and that is what i did.
2 weeks ago: I was living with my mom and her husband in our house, i had met the dealer a few times already and he would give me what i need for a much much cheaper price that what i used to buy from my first dealer and this second one even came all the way with his car to where i lived instead of me having to almost waste my full day to mess with public transports who are extremely expensive, time consuming, boring and smelt bad so it made absolutely no war on who id buy from all the time from the day i met him on forth. So with him i could afford alot more, my consumption yet again jumped because my tolerance went up and now i was realising that i was taking more and more and mu credity card was starting to be loaded up and omg my bills i cant pay them and wohoa, i even though about doing crimes so ffs, and all this shit messed up my head and i got caught by my mom in my own house, i had to explain it to her but it was pretty hard on her, me using drugs on her house, but i promised her id work really hard and id try to do the right thing, i started ling for therapy houses, detox places and i syarted doing NA meetings more and more and it was going ok, i still hadn,t stopped but i was only using toi prevent withdrawals now not to be high anymore(actually that could very well be interpreted as a very bad sign but io tend to see it as somethinhg good sometimes, so anyway) but my mom is my mom and she was uynable to lie to hger husband more about me using... He took the news in a way more aggressive behaviour and instead of listening to the progress that was happening to me (not only for the drug situation but also the "common living" situation) he convinced my mom that the best thing for me them and the house was that they left me 24h to basically Get The Fuck Out of the house... Was a pretty rough news, i didnt know what to do, i seriously though my things would lie in the streets, so i gave an immense push on thelast day and showed them im working tremmendously hard to find a place and that id need just a little more time, i got one extra day and i was able to find 2 places that copuld MAYBE get me but under special conditions and i had to talk to the nurse there and ity was closed at the time i called etc etc always like this so whatever, i went with my original plan and i went to my best friends place so i could have a few more days searching but again i was weak and i didnt manage to get all my fking studf straighty and now his dad learned abouyt my consumptyion and he came see me today, when he came to his own house, who his son (my best friend) lived at, he saw me with needles everywhere lyuing around, i hadn,t stored my stuff yety cuz i had somethin going on on his computer and i though that hed unsderstand that id need my shot and was about to do it but never tgough hed come inside the house WITH his dad, basically i felt terrible, i know them for more than 15 years and he made me feel like a total dipshit and i admiyt i totally deserved it, he pushed me into a corner again... It seems its the only way i can get my ass to move, i know ill thank him later, no doubts about that, but i have right now less than 24h to find a place to go to, that would accept me in the condition im in, that would have the neccessary ressource to detox someone using hydromorphone, and that would be able to give me internal acceptance with housing and food .. And that would be ready to accept me NOW, or i'll have all my stuff next to me in a montreal,s'bench park tomorrow at around 6pm, its like 4 am atm probably, not even sure its been liuke maybe 1h i write this message. Im not from montreal but its the city that's'the closest to me, i live outside of the island of mtl, on the north side, about 10 minutes car drive north of the city Laval, a city called sainte-therese, that is where my best friend lives, my choices are very hard, im very afraid of the detox, i want a gradual lowered week by week therapy and a normal stop afterwards when the last step is very low, but the only place that would accept me tomorrow work withe the cold turkey technique, can you guys please tell me some good news about them, ill either have to go there or go in a bench park... Please tell me something that is good about those places or maybe some of you guys who are from thta place (or basicallly anywhere as long as they can take me id go ona bus ride toi prettuy much anywhere and go detox myself to come back clean), do those cold turkey places use loperamide to help with withdrawals or do they leyt u live the hell of full opiates withdrawals??? How much of loperamide should i use every how many hours if my dilo consumption is ATM from 4 to 8 mg PER dose and around 3-4 doses a day ( basically 12 to 32mg a day of dilaudid injected IV of course is what i'm using atm) so how would be the best way to get out of all this mess.... Thanks alot for reading me and any comments except "too long didnt read" or "wall of text" will be appretiated unless those comments are also accompanied by any constructive or informatuve contribution
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