I really messed up this time.

[udontunderstand]

I really messed up this time. And I have no one to tell except for here. I used to be prescribed Percocet 10/325 for headaches. I also was prescribed Dilaudid ER (Exalgo) and the percs were for breakthrough pain. And as the story usually goes with me I got carried away. Next thing I am on Subutex. So fast forward 1 1/2 years and I am off everything, but the headaches are still going. I cannot hold a job. My husband wanted me off the opiates, he said he could not take it, my mood changes. So life goes on.
The headaches are ridiculous and 1 month ago I start taking the percs again. But I am doing so-so with them (I mean in the number of days I run out before my next script). I don't keep anything from my husband, so I told him and he was pissed. But he let it go.
So this Friday, I fill my refill for .125 triazolam that I use for sleep. Apparently with the perc in my system, I went on a bender with the triazolams. And now this whole weekend is a blackout. I mean I went shopping at Target and the only reason I know is because there is a bag of stuff on the floor of my room. I am not sure what else went on. All I know is my husband went out of town on business and he is not speaking to me...still.
I really messed up this time. Thanks for letting me vent. I am so depressed.

 

[neversickanymore]

Benzo blackout can result in some pretty awful consequences.

If we operate potentially dangerous things like automobiles then we both endanger others as well as ourselves.

We also take a real chance of ending up with charges.

Have you seen a specialist about the headaches as opiates are pretty shoddy treatment for most severe recurring headaches.

What medications have you tried for your headaches.

Glad you made it through the weekend without a major incident.

Hope you can find a real treatment that works on the headaches

 

[Newtoblue16]

I've been there. I get my script of subutex and ambien, and come Monday my money's gone and I have bruises everywhere and my boyfriend packed his stuff and left for the hundredth time. I know where you are. I am trying to tell my doctor not to call them in, but he must forget and does and I pick them up because my insurance covers them so I always say to myself, I'll just take one. Yeah, right. I eat all 7-30 depending if it's a month or week script but they're ways gone in a few days time. Tell your Dr you don't want them very clearly anymore of your relationship depends on it. That's why I did and my bf and I are good now.

 

[feedtheSoul]

triazolam did the same thing to me. im prescribed xanax for anxiety but we tried triazolam for my insomnia and i unintentionally took a lot of them. i was nuts. i luckily stayed in my room but i felt so high and sedated and euphoric, but couldnt remember anything. i then felt very anxious and depressed for the following week or so. after that, i started to feel better, i think you will be okay with time!

 

[ish675]

Everything will be okay. You're not in jail, hurt, and didnt hurt anyone else. Benzo blackouts and the worst thing ever. I've been on suboxone for over a year now and it's STILL fucking hard, every day. Have you tried explaining to your husband that you were in a blackout, and ask him what he's mad about, and what happened? Relapses happen. I was on subs for almost a year and caught a benzo habit almost by accident. It's so easy to think "it's not an opiate, so it's okay" but it's not. You're lucky you have a husband who at least tries to understand. Maybe try giving him your pills and have him them give them to you, one at a time. This will take time to heal, your life isn't over and you will get through this. I'm going through something pretty similar right now too, it sucks, and it's hard on my amazing fiance too, but I'm luckey enough that she's had similar issues and can understand what I'm going through. If you really want to stay clean too, you NEED to work a program of some kind. I wish only the best.

 

[feedtheSoul]

i forgot to add that the triazolam gave me severe amnesia! i woke up for work very late and ended up breaking my side view mirror while pulling out my driveway. my coworkers all later told me they were very irritated during the period i had been prescribed triazolam because i was so out of it at work. i also got pulled over the first night about my mirror, and two of my friends cut me out of their lives and to this day i have only been able to make amends with one of them. i totally understand how hard it is to adjust back to your normal life after a severe benzo blackout. it will get better, i promise you that. i made it through, even with legal troubles from when i got pulled over. its going to be okay!

 

[nygiants1313]

everyone around here calls benzos felony pills, because you usually black out, and end up in jail with a felony

i'm sorry you are going through this but in the grand scheme of things, you are so so so very lucky nothing worse happened

I hope you can resolves your problems in life. itll take a lot of work, but it can be done

 

[DoesntLearn]

As others have stated, atleast you arent in jail. When i slip up on them i usually end up hurt or in jail and have learned to mostly stay away from them even though i like them, they apparently dont like me.

 

[bonomoopiojo55]

Messing up is a tool to learning, even though I shouldn't talk but I am working on staying clean. It is all a process, I am an opiate addict but in 2013 I tried Adderall and then Ativan for come down well let me tell you I was in a blackout now I understand the meaning of it , was told I stopped over a friends house then was arrested for dui. I don't remember any of it that shit was a wake up call, Seriously I could of hurt someone etc...I asked my boys why I didn't go to jail and was told I did when they came to get me my boy said I was trying to smoke a cigarette upside down. Oh the havoc I reap, benzos are nothing to mess around with bono

 

[ish675]

everyone around here calls benzos felony pills, because you usually black out, and end up in jail with a felony

lol