I really believe people lie about things in their past (part II)

(part II)

Maybe you just fell asleep watching a movie where some girl got sexually abused? I mean really I have no other explanation for these people. But this is the fourth time I've been told this variety of sexual abuse in a way that just made me want to vomit all over myself in disgust. Call me an evil fucking person. But I believe there are things in this world even worse than sexual abuse, and its people like this. People that lie about the shit for pity. Going out and getting drunk, posting skimpy photos of themselves only weeks after it happened.... its insulting to people like me. No you are not just responding to trauma differently, there is not even a single shred of evidence that coincides with you actually being sexually abused. Go fucking talk to victims of violent crime. You will notice A LOT more similarities within the groups. Anger and hostility you will find in A LOT of them. Because its much harder to lie about something like that. Theres generally scars and blood, dead relatives, and not just some story about how your bf might have got too aggressive with you one night.

And THAT SHIT was the most insulting (already kinda referenced to this story above a few paragraphs). I once read this on BL, someone (whos name I won't mention) saying their sexual abuse involved them saying no while in the bed naked, and their bf being aggressive, and then them still having sex with their bfs. Like some casual 2 step occurence. But then afterwards they now claim they were somehow sexually abused. I'd be more worried about paranoid schizophrenia if I was telling stories like that not fucking sexual abuse.

Give me a fucking break. You are an insult to real sexual abuse survivors. I had my fucking innocence ripped from my own hands with no choice at 10 years old all the way till I was 12. And you mean to tell me you THINK you were sexually abused cause you didn't really wanna have sex with your bf one night and said no ONE time, but STILL sat there in bed with the man you've been dating for x years and obviously were comfortable with, and still HAD SEX with him? You really couldn't say no a second time? Not like you were scared he's your bf. And even worse he knows about your apparent past abuse. But then you come on here and tell people you think you were sexually abused? And still continue to date the fucking guy?

You are a fucking fraud pure and simple. You are not a victim of sexual abuse you are a victim of being an idiot and you make me sick to my fucking stomach. SAY NO AGAIN! How is your absolute passiveness over sex = to sexual abuse? Some guys are very aggresive in bed no shit. But when you sit there and still have sex with him, after you say no once then go tell the world "poor me I think I was abused" and go on telling people hes a "great" guy... I'm sorry but I don't have a shred of sympathy for you. Thats you having no fucking backbone that is NOT sexual abuse. And that is you being as fucked up of a person as I can imagine someone being. Have some fucking responsibility for your OWN decisions and stop inventing scenarios that sound fucking shady to everyone that hears them.

And THIS is why I do not talk about sexual abuse on this forum. Like I just have to believe every story I hear and feel bad for the person. Fuck that. If you're going to try passing that shit off on people I'm talking about it. I think its fake, I think its bullshit. No maybe not all 4 stories I suspect personally, but some people out there are absolutely making this shit up and are doing a horrible job at it. Sexual abuse is not something you fucking figure out one day magically. And if you haven't figured it out by now why the hell not just drop it already?

Its only going to make you start to assume that you are more fucked up than you likely are. And maybe thats the real explanation of what happened. Or maybe I'm a cruel & cold bastard. But this has been on my mind for a while now, and the story I heard today at work set me off. I need to vent this shit because if I don't I'm going to wind up saying something directly to the "victims". And I definitely couldn't do that. So I'm writing this shit here for anyone that wants to know what goes through Bo's head on a daily basis. Or anyone that can actually remember their sexual abuse stories and just so happens to get angry at this trauma repression bs that seems to be springing up in so many different forms latey.

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but I really believe a lot more women make this shit up than people understand or are willing to talk about. And when the story is told a certain way I really think people need to be confronted. Sexual abuse is when someone forces themselves on your sexually. Its something that most people remember, and that most people don't really even need to talk about. I realize that some do, and thats fine, but the ones that almost gloat about this shit, and talk about it 5 times a week, even scenarios that seem so outright obviously fake... fuck.... I really don't know what to say. Cause if it is fake, and you are making it up, that is one of the lowest fucking things I could ever imagine a person doing.

 

Armchair Psychology is a waste of time in terms of trying to peg an individual's behavior but across the board, the whole "Repressed Memories" fad is almost as disgusting as its predecessor, "Multiple Personalities." However, every human is an individual. Just becaise they don't process events the way you do, or the way you expect someone would, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are lying. Some people do in fact take on extroverted traits and faux-happiness as a way in which to carry whatever burden they are carrying. Their reactions, even if they are lying, doesn't negate your experience or pain.

 

I dont see how someone can me sexually abused because they fell asleep. I mean come on, if someones fucking with you, you are going to wake up. This is the most common excuse for teenagers. I know some kids this does happen, but you have to think, as your little you do lack some simple common sense, so if you wake up and someone tells u to be quite or they will kill you, your scared,. But as a teenager, you know that more than likely isnt going to happen, and you have more of a chance to push them off, or fight back.

I think a lot of people like to make stuff up about this because they want attention. When I know someone is lying, I them that i dont feel sorry for what happen, and that they should take their lies somewhere else. which they usually have the face of shoke when they know they are caught, and start messing with stuff to hide it, but then they almost never try bullshitting you again, unless someone new is around and then they try for the attention again.

 

You are not a "cruel and cold bastard"--you're angry. I know what you are talking about. I once went to a therapist and he told me that I seemed "very vulnerable" and then asked me if I had been sexually abused as a young child. When I said no, absolutely not, he wouldn't let it go and tried to tell me that lots of women "don't remember". I truly think that this guy convinced women that this must have happened to them and it boggles my mind to think of the horror this must have created in their families.

 

Yeah, you're not "cruel and coldhearted". I read both blogs you wrote on this subject and have to say I agree with 99.9% of it.

The only things I disagree with are the things about repressed memories being fake, and that talking about sexual abuse is not important. As far as not talking about it... I feel like it does way more harm than good. I was abused by two different neighbors who used to babysit me as a child, they happened to be brothers. Apparently it runs in the family. Went on from ever since I can remember until we finally moved away when I was 8. And then, at 14, I was molested by a family member. I never told ANYONE because I felt ashamed and thought I'd get in trouble, like my parents or whoever else would think it was my fault. So I stayed silent about it until I was sent to rehab at 17. I didn't realize how much it was actually affecting me until I saw a legitimately good counselor there - that shit was at the core of my drug abuse, the reason why I didn't trust any adults and assumed they all just wanted sex, the reason things were always really awkward and uncomfortable between myself and that family member. And also, apparently, the reason I was so promiscuous - because I had been "taught" at a young age that sexual acts and sex was necessary if someone wanted it. Minus drinking, I stayed clean for four years until I joined the military, where I was raped by an ex of mine who was basically out for revenge on the world. I immediately alerted the authorities on base... I was kinda numb and unintelligable, but I had a witness who was there to talk for me. Even so, they "decided" (not determined, decided) that I was lying and I was charged with making a false official statement and told to never utter another word about it to anyone, unless I wanted to be NJP'ed again. They never ran any DNA samples in his room, never gave me a rape test kit, refused to let me go to MHU to talk about it. I just had to stay silent and not talk about it for a year and a half. That fucked me up even worse than the first time, keeping that shit in my head, it was all I could think about and I turned into some sort of demon. I even got a knife and one point and began walking up to his room (There was a restraining order, but they refused to move him out of the barracks where I had to see him EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.) but luckily someone stopped me before I did something insanely stupid and idiotic. Otherwise, I started drinking more - very heavily, was getting wasted literally every night and acting out while drunk, always wanting to fight people and always breaking things and/or yelling and crying for no apparent reason - and became pretty promiscuous once again, started doing coke, etc. I finally went to my Gunny (the only person who believed me) and told him I could not handle being there anymore, and he helped me get out. But even so, I never said anything for about a year and a half later until I was high as shit on opiates one day and had the confidence to tell a few of my closest friends... then my mom, another year later. Getting it out was SO REFRESHING. Like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was still angry at the world pretty much, but at least I wasn't a prisoner in my own mind anymore. And as far as the repressed memories thing... meh. I have my doubts about a certain other family member recently. A few months ago, I "remembered" being way too close to his penis, more than I should have been, and I'm really unsure as to whether he asked me to touch it or anything else, but like I said I have my suspicions. So I think it's possible that maybe, if someone is exposed to enough sexual abuse at one time, certain incidents can be repressed to deal with at a later date. After all, that is one of the brain's natural defense mechanisms when it comes to tragic events - can't deal with this now, file it away for later. Maybe one day I'll know for sure about that one, but I hardly beat myself up over it now.

So I definitely get what you're saying when it pisses you off that people lie. I used to have this friend. Who is no longer a friend. She used to feel the need to "one-up" people and was notorious for fabricating stories. Since she was my "best friend" at the time, and I use that term loosely, she was the first person I told. Which she immediately followed up with about three random stories of her own, all of which were completely inconsistent with the people who supposedly did it and the way she reacted about it... idk just the way she was talking about it seemed shady or off or something. That shit pissed me off for sure. I don't think the people who do that understand the kind of harm it actually causes and how much pain, embarrassment, fear, distrust, etc. a person goes through after that... especially when it's as a child... your brain is still developing then, and a single situation then can alter your entire attitude towards people and life in general in your adult life. I know for a fact I'D be a completely different person if none of it had happened. But I don't sit here and complain (much, anyway - only on the nights it really gets to me... and even then, I don't complain to people. I cry or go into blackout rages, even had a few flashbacks.) The times I have told people, it was a person I trusted a lot and the subject just came up somehow. Very few people know about my experiences, and it makes me uncomfortable when people ask me why I got out of the military, because then I have to come up with some kind of false, elaborate story. I'm not about to tell some random stranger the truth about that situation, ya know?

Moral of the story is, the fakers are very easy to recognize. I don't know if it's that way for the masses, but sexual abuse survivors seem to have some sort of radar for that lol idk. It's a fucked up, cruel thing to lie about. And it seems unfathomable that somebody would. But just because it seems so atrocious that no one would ever think to do it... they do. People fake entire pregnancies... a girl I know just recently found out her "boyfriend" that she met online, fell in love with, and dated for an entire year was not actually a boy at all, but a girl. It crushed her (my friend). So you see, nothing surprises me anymore. It's just unbelieveable, the lengths some people will go to in order to get attention, but they do it anyway.