This is going to piss off some people but I honestly don't care. This is my blog, I'm expressing MY feelings, so if you don't like it go fly a kite or something.
Let me explain a pattern I've seen and so far its only been with females. But today I spoke to the fourth female I've met in my life, that told me she was sexually abused in teenage years, but could not remember if it actually happened or not. And being both a sexual/physical abuse survivor myself, and someone who rarely if ever talks about it, this shit is really starting to rub me the wrong fucking way.
Its not just a gut feeling I'm getting. Its clear cut symptoms of their personality that lead me to believe they're simply a fucking liar. I understand trauma repression, PTSD, but how many people have actually met a legitimate PTSD sufferer? They are generally not attention seeking histrionics I find. Mostly the opposite. In all 4 of these girls I know (one I work with) there are very clear cut similarities in all of their personalities. All that border along the lines of histrionic behavoir.
The girl who told me today, this was the FIRST time I've ever spoke to girl. Although I've worked with her for several months now. Conversation somehow got to her being on xanax, then how that was somehow tied to her being sexually abused... then how that was somehow tied to her not remembering it... then how that was somehow tied to her being some unexplicably fucked up psychopath (not her exact words but close). But this is a girl who is smiling all day long, almost manically happy all the time. Never see her sulking or quiet about anything. Not even close to an introvert. She can't shut up for shit. She never stops talking about her personal life and how she's always partying. She always telling outlandish stories just to get kicks out of people. And THAT is what I have seen in these other girls. Attention seeking behavoir, whether true or not, just to get a response. Why? Because it validates their ego obviously. People lie, other people need to be more aware of it.
And look I KNOW damn well that people deal with things differently. But we are talking about fucking sexual abuse here. Does this girl have any idea what it *really* does to a person? I almost didn't talk for 2 fucking years straight after getting abused for *2 years straight*, and I can NOT understand some of these overly fliratious, overly happy, overly talkative sexual abuse "victims". Thats the only way I can explain them. WHY if you went through that type of experience, and it REALLY fucked you up like you say... WHY are you such a royal fucking attention whore about it? WHY do you really need to talk about it anytime someone brings up the topic of sex? WHY do you seem to take every opportunity you can just to show other people your most deepest and personal problems in life? People are just generally wayyy more reserved about this type of stuff I find.
Am I an sensitive prick, or is it possible that a decent share of women actually make this shit up entirely? I'm sure men do it too, but theres less of a stigma involved with female sexual abuse than male sexual abuse. A girl tells people about it and everyone feels bad for her, "aww poor you" etc etc. A guy tells people he was abused and they think "wtf, you're a guy... why couldn't you just defend yourself etc etc?" So maybe thats why I don't like talking about this shit 5 times a week. But I still am getting a very strong feeling that a lot more people than we know are just not being honest at all about this shit.
You ask why? Why would someone ever want to make something so horrible like that up? And I say is it really that hard for you to figure out? All 4 of these girls had problems YES, but problems that were not consistent with much of what they said they experienced. People do respond differently to trauma, but there STILL tends to be MANY patterns and similarities between victims. Moreso, if you were not drunk or high, and were just "young" as in 13 years "young" HOW THE FUCK do you not "actually know" if you were abused or not? That shit does not make any fucking sense whatsoever.
And what makes even less sense I heard this from at least 2 of these girls, they said "well I think it was so traumatic that I repressed the event".
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do you have ANY idea what "repression" even means? It means you have NO IDEA that something happened. As in NOT AWARE. You don't remember 10% of it or just enough so you can have an excuse for other people as to why you are so incredibly fucked up, give me a break. I was 10 years old when I was abused and I remember EVERY FUCKING DAY it happened. Every day I can tell you the sound of his voice, what we did before & after, his mood, how unbelievably petrified I was. It is just so fucking insulting to have people come in and say "oh it still could have happened they just don't remember it". I realize this CAN happen, and that it DOES, but no way it fucking happens as much as people are claiming it does. No fucking way.
This is 4 fucking girls, out of 6, who have told me they were sexually abused, but could not remember if it actually happened or not. WTF! One of them I dated, the one that remembered all the details. And guess what? I couldn't get her to open up about it for a minute. Not in the way that some of the girls who don't remember the details are willing to open up about it. Talking about it at work, or at parties, or on here like its some regular fucking social topic just to bring up for kicks. "Oh I was abused too!!!! ME ME ME!!! I soooo want to tell you my story... oh but now I seem to want to cry about being a drug addict and can't really remember if I was really abused... but let me tell the story anyway".. you get the point.
Even some nights I have gotten so obliterated on alcohol and drugs, and something as small as a 30 second fight happens, I REMEMBER that shit. But this is not even my point. My fucking point is STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE YOU *KNOW* IT HAPPENED IF YOU CAN NOT RECALL THE ACTUAL DETAILS OF IT HAPPENING.
Then to hear how much they have suffered from it, or how it led to drug use.... NO NO NO. You use drugs because you MADE THAT CHOICE. Please don't try telling me something you can't even fucking remember is the reason you use drugs. Cause you're sounding like a bigger cokehead than Freud was.
I don't know what my deal is but something is just extremely insulting about this crap. The most insulting thing perhaps is just the attention seeking nature of every single one of these 4 girls. When you are victimized in that way, you try to hide yourself from every fucking person you know. You don't have a "hard time" taking your clothes off. You don't even fucking date people at all or even get involved in situations that might lead to that.
Something just seems FAKE FAKE FAKE. Say what you will about me. Something just both intuitively and intellectually seems fake as fuck about some of the stories I'm hearing both on here and in real life. So let me get this straight. This event has fucked you up so severely, that you are able to tell me about it within 1 day of knowing me? You were able to still lose your virginity at 14 and had no issues having sex with your BF?
Oh wait no thats right you told me first time you did it your BF you said no one time and that was a result of the great trauma you went through from your prior abuse that you can't even remember. But then you had sex with him anyway after saying no. Because "he was too aggressive" and nothing to do with you being "too fucking passive"? Maybe say no a second time? And now you think you were actually sexually abused twice (yes this is a real story I heard).
My abuse DID NOT EVEN INVOLVE females and I have not gone on a fucking date with 1 female my entire life due to this. I've hung out with girls I've known, and hooked up with ones I was comfortable with, or even other abuse victims, but "dating"? Hell no. You don't see me posting 40,000 pictures of my face all over facebook and websites trying to scurry up as much pity as possible so I can feel better about something that I don't even know fucking happened.
(continued on second blog)
Let me explain a pattern I've seen and so far its only been with females. But today I spoke to the fourth female I've met in my life, that told me she was sexually abused in teenage years, but could not remember if it actually happened or not. And being both a sexual/physical abuse survivor myself, and someone who rarely if ever talks about it, this shit is really starting to rub me the wrong fucking way.
Its not just a gut feeling I'm getting. Its clear cut symptoms of their personality that lead me to believe they're simply a fucking liar. I understand trauma repression, PTSD, but how many people have actually met a legitimate PTSD sufferer? They are generally not attention seeking histrionics I find. Mostly the opposite. In all 4 of these girls I know (one I work with) there are very clear cut similarities in all of their personalities. All that border along the lines of histrionic behavoir.
The girl who told me today, this was the FIRST time I've ever spoke to girl. Although I've worked with her for several months now. Conversation somehow got to her being on xanax, then how that was somehow tied to her being sexually abused... then how that was somehow tied to her not remembering it... then how that was somehow tied to her being some unexplicably fucked up psychopath (not her exact words but close). But this is a girl who is smiling all day long, almost manically happy all the time. Never see her sulking or quiet about anything. Not even close to an introvert. She can't shut up for shit. She never stops talking about her personal life and how she's always partying. She always telling outlandish stories just to get kicks out of people. And THAT is what I have seen in these other girls. Attention seeking behavoir, whether true or not, just to get a response. Why? Because it validates their ego obviously. People lie, other people need to be more aware of it.
And look I KNOW damn well that people deal with things differently. But we are talking about fucking sexual abuse here. Does this girl have any idea what it *really* does to a person? I almost didn't talk for 2 fucking years straight after getting abused for *2 years straight*, and I can NOT understand some of these overly fliratious, overly happy, overly talkative sexual abuse "victims". Thats the only way I can explain them. WHY if you went through that type of experience, and it REALLY fucked you up like you say... WHY are you such a royal fucking attention whore about it? WHY do you really need to talk about it anytime someone brings up the topic of sex? WHY do you seem to take every opportunity you can just to show other people your most deepest and personal problems in life? People are just generally wayyy more reserved about this type of stuff I find.
Am I an sensitive prick, or is it possible that a decent share of women actually make this shit up entirely? I'm sure men do it too, but theres less of a stigma involved with female sexual abuse than male sexual abuse. A girl tells people about it and everyone feels bad for her, "aww poor you" etc etc. A guy tells people he was abused and they think "wtf, you're a guy... why couldn't you just defend yourself etc etc?" So maybe thats why I don't like talking about this shit 5 times a week. But I still am getting a very strong feeling that a lot more people than we know are just not being honest at all about this shit.
You ask why? Why would someone ever want to make something so horrible like that up? And I say is it really that hard for you to figure out? All 4 of these girls had problems YES, but problems that were not consistent with much of what they said they experienced. People do respond differently to trauma, but there STILL tends to be MANY patterns and similarities between victims. Moreso, if you were not drunk or high, and were just "young" as in 13 years "young" HOW THE FUCK do you not "actually know" if you were abused or not? That shit does not make any fucking sense whatsoever.
And what makes even less sense I heard this from at least 2 of these girls, they said "well I think it was so traumatic that I repressed the event".
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do you have ANY idea what "repression" even means? It means you have NO IDEA that something happened. As in NOT AWARE. You don't remember 10% of it or just enough so you can have an excuse for other people as to why you are so incredibly fucked up, give me a break. I was 10 years old when I was abused and I remember EVERY FUCKING DAY it happened. Every day I can tell you the sound of his voice, what we did before & after, his mood, how unbelievably petrified I was. It is just so fucking insulting to have people come in and say "oh it still could have happened they just don't remember it". I realize this CAN happen, and that it DOES, but no way it fucking happens as much as people are claiming it does. No fucking way.
This is 4 fucking girls, out of 6, who have told me they were sexually abused, but could not remember if it actually happened or not. WTF! One of them I dated, the one that remembered all the details. And guess what? I couldn't get her to open up about it for a minute. Not in the way that some of the girls who don't remember the details are willing to open up about it. Talking about it at work, or at parties, or on here like its some regular fucking social topic just to bring up for kicks. "Oh I was abused too!!!! ME ME ME!!! I soooo want to tell you my story... oh but now I seem to want to cry about being a drug addict and can't really remember if I was really abused... but let me tell the story anyway".. you get the point.
Even some nights I have gotten so obliterated on alcohol and drugs, and something as small as a 30 second fight happens, I REMEMBER that shit. But this is not even my point. My fucking point is STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE YOU *KNOW* IT HAPPENED IF YOU CAN NOT RECALL THE ACTUAL DETAILS OF IT HAPPENING.
Then to hear how much they have suffered from it, or how it led to drug use.... NO NO NO. You use drugs because you MADE THAT CHOICE. Please don't try telling me something you can't even fucking remember is the reason you use drugs. Cause you're sounding like a bigger cokehead than Freud was.
I don't know what my deal is but something is just extremely insulting about this crap. The most insulting thing perhaps is just the attention seeking nature of every single one of these 4 girls. When you are victimized in that way, you try to hide yourself from every fucking person you know. You don't have a "hard time" taking your clothes off. You don't even fucking date people at all or even get involved in situations that might lead to that.
Something just seems FAKE FAKE FAKE. Say what you will about me. Something just both intuitively and intellectually seems fake as fuck about some of the stories I'm hearing both on here and in real life. So let me get this straight. This event has fucked you up so severely, that you are able to tell me about it within 1 day of knowing me? You were able to still lose your virginity at 14 and had no issues having sex with your BF?
Oh wait no thats right you told me first time you did it your BF you said no one time and that was a result of the great trauma you went through from your prior abuse that you can't even remember. But then you had sex with him anyway after saying no. Because "he was too aggressive" and nothing to do with you being "too fucking passive"? Maybe say no a second time? And now you think you were actually sexually abused twice (yes this is a real story I heard).
My abuse DID NOT EVEN INVOLVE females and I have not gone on a fucking date with 1 female my entire life due to this. I've hung out with girls I've known, and hooked up with ones I was comfortable with, or even other abuse victims, but "dating"? Hell no. You don't see me posting 40,000 pictures of my face all over facebook and websites trying to scurry up as much pity as possible so I can feel better about something that I don't even know fucking happened.
(continued on second blog)
