Recovery I never thought I'd make it here. A question and a thank you.

[tubgirl.jpg]

A year ago around this time, I was on heroin, opium, oxy, any opiate/opioid and klonopin/xanax/whatever benzo I could get + whatever drug I could get my hands on.
I managed to get shitcanned from work because I barred out, fell asleep in the store, had to piss and man, practically a substance of every class showed positive.
I think I made a post here. I was at the end of my rope, and I felt done, period. Fuck this Sisyphus-existence.

Somehow I survived the summer. I started hanging out here more, and I got great support from so many here.
I dropped the heroin. Quit shoving Somas like M&Ms - but I couldn't get off the benzos.
I was also smoking a few grams of weed everyday.

I got a new job - fucked that up aswell thanks to a relapse.

Since august I've slipped three times on opiates - one OC80, a blister of Trams I ate all at once, and, something I haven't told many, if any, I bought a bag of heroin a few months ago. Did it in a day and spent two days feeling like shit.
But the benzos, oh, those fucking devils - I was terrified of getting off those fuckers. I've done it four or five times before, each worse than the previous.
Due to bad planning, I was without benzos for a week (ca 2 weeks ago), and I feared the delirium or seizures.
I was on 2mg of clonazepam when I ran out. Last summer, I was on 12-16mg/day. Then started tapering.

Somehow, I managed to get through the week. I felt like dogshit, granted, but it was to easy, almost.
I've had a Rohypnol and two Valiums since. Haven't had any now in a few days, and I feel fine, physichally. Mentally, my nerves are all over my sleeves.

But now, no weed, no heroin or oxy, no nothing - my mind is turning on me. I remember shit I tried to numb away, as if enough bars or skag could eradicare them.
I've fuck-up so much. But I'm clean. I was certain I'd be dead by now.
However, getting off is the easy part. Now I need to stay off. I can't go through this again. I don't have it in me. I have no bridges left to burn. This is my 100th 2nd chance, and if I fuck this up, I'll lose what little I have left.

I'm honestly shitscared of slippin. I can't go to NA here; you have to register at the social services that your an addict, and you can't work for three months (you gotta focus on the program). I have no friends who has any experience of this.

I've begun working out. Eating better. I feel like I might make it this time. I want, for the first time, I really fucking want to stay clean.
But I can't apply for a job, right now. Like I said, I wear a suit of nerves and raw emotions, and I fear a stressful situation will break.

I don't want to go on phenibut, take gabapentin or Lyrica.
Does anyone have any tips for keeping my nerves in check, not having a nervous breakdown.

I've tried Seroquel once (like 150mg; I thought I was gonna go psychotic). I do however have a bunch of them at home, but I'm to much of a coward to even try 25mg.

My question is, could a low, low dose of Seroquel help me with this? Or does anybody have any other recommendations?

I also have to thank you all wonderful people who have been supporting me. As pathetic as it may sound, but I honestly don't think I'd be here without BL.

So, thank you all. I owe you my fucking life.

(For those who saw the 20g rock of coke in 'Pics of your stash' - that is not for consumption. I don't like coke anyways, so don't worry bout that stone)

 

[Bella Figura]

I've been through a similar experience with the drug abuse, and have been off benzos for a month now and everything else a little longer (opiates, weed).

Exercise has helped me feel like less of a cripple generally, and have also been taking Quetiapine this past week to see if it would help with my anxiety / depression / sleep, as SSRIs just made me feel worse than I already did.

I've found it has been helping me stay completely in control of my emotions. Things that would've pissed me off or upset me before I can just brush off and deal with in a reasonable manner. And this has been from 50mg at night. I know it's a heavy drug to take, especially when you're self medicating, so I am considering going to a doctor to see what the deal is / if it's doing more harm than good. I had been prescribed it in the past before by a shrink who suspected I was bipolar. But I was so offended by his diagnosis at the time that I stopped taking the meds...(almost ten years ago now).

Starting to wonder if he was right..

You're probably lucky to be alive man, I also don't have anyone around who understands what mental illness / drug dependency is like besides this place..I try and meditate because I find it makes me less reactive to whatever bullshit I end up having to deal with in my day to day. And keep busy by playing guitar / using hobbies to stay distracted. Also focus on the money I'm saving by not wasting it on hard drugs and being miserable and broke as a result.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Hey man, thanks for answering.

I've found it has been helping me stay completely in control of my emotions. Things that would've pissed me off or upset me before I can just brush off and deal with in a reasonable manner. And this has been from 50mg at night.

I'm gonna give it a go, like threshold-dosage. Thanks for sharing the experiene.

I know it's a heavy drug to take, especially when you're self medicating, so I am considering going to a doctor to see what the deal is / if it's doing more harm than good. I had been prescribed it in the past before by a shrink who suspected I was bipolar. But I was so offended by his diagnosis at the time that I stopped taking the meds...(almost ten years ago now).

I'm calling tomorrow to schedule a time. I've been self-medicating a few medical conditons, so I got no choice but to see a psychiatrist/doctor unless I want to be another shotgun-suicide.

You're probably lucky to be alive man

Yes, I am, I really feel that way. Shit was spiraling fast for a while, especially when GHB became a daily thing with the other shit.

.I try and meditate

In time, I'm gonna fully commit to this. If I'd try now, my thoughts would literally consume me.

And keep busy by playing guitar / using hobbies to stay distracted

Yeah, I try to keep busy while I'm awake. However, I need something for sleep. The nightmares are driving me insane, for real. I'm beginning to develop a phobia for sleep, again.

Thank you man.

 

[Iceman1216]

So glad you are here!! Alive id Good !!
I am finding Zoom to be Amazingly helpful with my clean/sober time! No different than here on Bl
https://virtual-na.org/meetings/ all like minded people, getting and staying Clean, allover the county, at any minute of everyday , So easy to attend and just listen, or share and ask for help.
I have been around for a few 24 hrs, and have a story of relapse, but always go to meetings, it is the Only place FEEL Normal ( I am an Addict, all the Good,Bad, and Ugly that comes with that is true!!)
But I am a sick person working to get better, NOT a bad person trying to get GOOD!!!
BTW: Getting GOOD , Very Good was my problem lol lol
Ice

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

It's meetings .. online? Cool. I live in Sweden, the closest NA that is actually open like it should be, is several hours away.
I'm gonna check it out @Iceman1216 - thank you.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Hey. Sounds like you are committed to this and need all the help you can get. You have for sure been through the ringer and I know you are looking forward to coming out the other side. I know you have some other symptoms but is sleep what you are needing the most help with? I take it you don't want to take anything pharmaceutical as that wouldn't be helpful in the long run. Do you have any experience ( or luck ) with things like diphenhydramine, L-Theanine, OTC sleep aids, herbal supplements or anything benign like that? Kratom is what saved me but I don't know if you are willing to take it or is it even legal where you are. Prescription antihistamines might be the ticket as no addiction potential and they do cause drowsiness in some people. No weed, huh? I can see why phenibut and Lyrica would be no-no's but no weed ( as an alternative to pills ) sure doesn't give you many options other than like you said.....eating well, lots of exercise, good sleeping hygeine. Au Naturel in other words. I sure am pulling for you to slay your demons once and for all and pop out the other side relatively healthy. I know you want it. It's yours for the taking. I wish you good luck and strong vibes.

 

[SKL]

I'm honestly shitscared of slippin. I can't go to NA here; you have to register at the social services that your an addict, and you can't work for three months (you gotta focus on the program). I have no friends who has any experience of this.

Wait, you fucking what? Am I reading this correctly that you need to register somewhere and wait in order to go to NA? That's totally antithetical to the 12 Steps, 12 Traditions & spirit of the program. I even have trouble believing it, so if you could elaborate a little? Access to meetings should be free, unencumbered, and anonymous.

Does anyone have any tips for keeping my nerves in check, not having a nervous breakdown.

I've tried Seroquel once (like 150mg; I thought I was gonna go psychotic). I do however have a bunch of them at home, but I'm to much of a coward to even try 25mg.

My question is, could a low, low dose of Seroquel help me with this? Or does anybody have any other recommendations?

Help you with what, exactly? It will help you sleep and, at higher doses, feel a bit numb. The numbness might indirectly help with drug cravings. But many people say they feel like "zombies" or similar. The only way to know is to try. People's opinions might vary as to whether this "counts" in terms of your sobriety, but honestly, fuck 'em. What helps, helps. It would be better though if you were getting them prescribed by a doctor, which should be entirely painless and easy to do (once you've gotten over the hurdle of seeing one.)

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Wait, you fucking what? Am I reading this correctly that you need to register somewhere and wait in order to go to NA? That's totally antithetical to the 12 Steps, 12 Traditions & spirit of the program. I even have trouble believing it, so if you could elaborate a little? Access to meetings should be free, unencumbered, and anonymous.

I shit you not. I can give you their phonenr. if you want to call'em. Or their mail. I was there last because I needed help.
Rules;
- Come high and your out
- Register at social welfare
- full focus for 3 months, no work allowed

They have taken the 12 step model and "tweaked" it. He told me it was more efficient.
I even aske him how they could call it Narcotics Anonymous when you had to register. Something about funding and yadayada.

If I take the train 1,5-2h, to another county, it's like regular NA. But I don't have time, no car or money for that shit..

Yeah, and you can't just go to a meeting. No open meetings. Totally and utterly fucked.

In case you think I'm full of shit, here's the NA Sweden site; you can email them and ask aboutt Västerås. Apperently they can adjust the program as they wish; https://www.nasverige.org/kontakt

Help you with what, exactly? It will help you sleep and, at higher doses, feel a bit numb. The numbness might indirectly help with drug cravings. But many people say they feel like "zombies" or similar. The only way to know is to try. People's opinions might vary as to whether this "counts" in terms of your sobriety, but honestly, fuck 'em. What helps, helps. It would be better though if you were getting them prescribed by a doctor, which should be entirely painless and easy to do (once you've gotten over the hurdle of seeing one.)

Sleep. I need to sleep, to be precise. And it's just these first weeks. Anytime I've gone off, I can't sleep for days, pass out from exhaustion, and so it goes for a while. If anyone has a problem with me taking seroquel for a few days to not slip back to Xanax, then thank you and fuck you, haha.

Yeah, I'm calling tomorrow to get an appointment.

I started taking drugs because I have always had trouble sleeping. Then I continued because, well... I have no good answer. I just wanna able to sleep.
And I don't want Z-drugs or any shit that can get me high or hooked.

Hopefully, exercise and a good diet and a bit healthier lifestyle will help. But I have bipolar typ 2 aswell, and dysthymia, so there's that..

Thanks for taking time and answering man.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Hey. Sounds like you are committed to this and need all the help you can get. You have for sure been through the ringer and I know you are looking forward to coming out the other side. I know you have some other symptoms but is sleep what you are needing the most help with? I take it you don't want to take anything pharmaceutical as that wouldn't be helpful in the long run. Do you have any experience ( or luck ) with things like diphenhydramine, L-Theanine, OTC sleep aids, herbal supplements or anything benign like that? Kratom is what saved me but I don't know if you are willing to take it or is it even legal where you are. Prescription antihistamines might be the ticket as no addiction potential and they do cause drowsiness in some people. No weed, huh? I can see why phenibut and Lyrica would be no-no's but no weed ( as an alternative to pills ) sure doesn't give you many options other than like you said.....eating well, lots of exercise, good sleeping hygeine. Au Naturel in other words. I sure am pulling for you to slay your demons once and for all and pop out the other side relatively healthy. I know you want it. It's yours for the taking. I wish you good luck and strong vibes.

Yeah, sleep is the biggest issue, for sure. Tried everything you mentioned beside L-Theanine. What is that?

Can't do Kratom. I know people say it's harmless, but I'm done man. No more drugs. I really need to be strict, or I'll fuck up. And I can't afford to do that.

Weed is an option, for sure. But absolute last resort. I was stoned 24/7 for 8 years, quit smoking some time before christmas.

Thank you man. I'm gonna check up L-Theanine if I can get some. Your kind words means alot.

 

[SKL]

I shit you not. I can give you their phonenr. if you want to call'em. Or their mail. I was there last because I needed help.
Rules;
- Come high and your out
- Register at social welfare
- full focus for 3 months, no work allowed

They have taken the 12 step model and "tweaked" it. He told me it was more efficient.
I even aske him how they could call it Narcotics Anonymous when you had to register. Something about funding and yadayada.

If I take the train 1,5-2h, to another county, it's like regular NA. But I don't have time, no car or money for that shit..

Yeah, and you can't just go to a meeting. No open meetings. Totally and utterly fucked.

In case you think I'm full of shit, here's the NA Sweden site; you can email them and ask aboutt Västerås. Apperently they can adjust the program as they wish; https://www.nasverige.org/kontakt

As you can see, what you describe is antithetical to several of the twelve traditions. They're not even supposed to kick you out for being high (#3 says "a desire to stop using") although you're asked to listen only and then talk to someone after if you've used that day. I looked around their website and there is some questionable stuff there but I don't speak bork bork bork and both Google and Microsoft translate don't like the site.

There's not supposed to be "tweaking" of the 12 steps like they are saying. Individual groups can do things a little differently but there are rules.

The Twelve Traditions of NA (same as AA)

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on NA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority— a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or NA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
6. An NA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the NA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every NA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Narcotics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. NA, as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Narcotics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the NA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Sounds like you've found yourself a deviant "sect" of NA if they are trying to put other requirements on you. Is this stuff they say openly e.g. at the start of a meeting or is it something that a potential sponsor or someone like that has told you? According to AA/NA teachings they have no right to require any of that from you. All that is required is "a desire to stop using." There are many sayings like "take what you need, leave the rest." Bill W even says in the AA Big Book that the twelve steps are just "suggestions," let alone stuff that's added in.

If this is what AA is like nationally over there then that's a disgrace. I'd enourage you to see if different meetings are different though. Sometimes specific meetings will develop a "group conscience" as individual group traditions are called which is problematic or even cult-like. As there is no real hierarchy in AA this is difficult to deal with. The only thing to do is to avoid it.

I'm pretty dumbfounded (and offended) that this is going on. I don't mean to question what you are saying as far as your honesty goes or anything but I hope there is more to it than that. If NA requires of you what you have said, it is not really NA anymore. The site also says that people who do NA correctly don't relapse ever(?) That's also a problematic statement.

Sleep. I need to sleep, to be precise. And it's just these first weeks. Anytime I've gone off, I can't sleep for days, pass out from exhaustion, and so it goes for a while. If anyone has a problem with me taking seroquel for a few days to not slip back to Xanax, then thank you and fuck you, haha.
Yeah, I'm calling tomorrow to get an appointment.
I started taking drugs because I have always had trouble sleeping. Then I continued because, well... I have no good answer. I just wanna able to sleep.
And I don't want Z-drugs or any shit that can get me high or hooked.
Hopefully, exercise and a good diet and a bit healthier lifestyle will help. But I have bipolar typ 2 aswell, and dysthymia, so there's that..

Seroquel sounds like it would be a reasonable choice. It can be helpful for bipolar as well. It's non-addictive.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

As you can see, what you describe is antithetical to several of the twelve traditions. They're not even supposed to kick you out for being high (#3 says "a desire to stop using") although you're asked to listen only and then talk to someone after if you've used that day. I looked around their website and there is some questionable stuff there but I don't speak bork bork bork and both Google and Microsoft translate don't like the site.

There's not supposed to be "tweaking" of the 12 steps like they are saying. Individual groups can do things a little differently but there are rules.

The Twelve Traditions of NA (same as AA)


Sounds like you've found yourself a deviant "sect" of NA if they are trying to put other requirements on you. Is this stuff they say openly e.g. at the start of a meeting or is it something that a potential sponsor or someone like that has told you? According to AA/NA teachings they have no right to require any of that from you. All that is required is "a desire to stop using." There are many sayings like "take what you need, leave the rest." Bill W even says in the AA Big Book that the twelve steps are just "suggestions," let alone stuff that's added in.

If this is what AA is like nationally over there then that's a disgrace. I'd enourage you to see if different meetings are different though. Sometimes specific meetings will develop a "group conscience" as individual group traditions are called which is problematic or even cult-like. As there is no real hierarchy in AA this is difficult to deal with. The only thing to do is to avoid it.

I'm pretty dumbfounded (and offended) that this is going on. I don't mean to question what you are saying as far as your honesty goes or anything but I hope there is more to it than that. If NA requires of you what you have said, it is not really NA anymore. The site also says that people who do NA correctly don't relapse ever(?) That's also a problematic statement.


Seroquel sounds like it would be a reasonable choice. It can be helpful for bipolar as well. It's non-addictive.

Something is off, right?

No, my friends mom knows the guy who's in charge there, she get me an appointment with him.
That's when he layed this shit on me. He was very strict about his rules. I think they get contributions (what the fuck do you call it?) for each one that goes there, when they register at the social welfare office.
And, he actually said this about being high; If you come high once, we might be able to oversee it. But twice, then you're out.

I managed to kick heroin by myself, but it sure would've been nice to have someone to talk to.
I have no reason for lying about this. There is no win or anything for me to take a shit on NA, but I do shit on those guys.

I have a friend in Stockholm, there you just waltz in, sit down, and listen. Or talk. No meetings or such shit.

Here, they also have newbie-groups, but maybe thats common NA-practice. Like, if I would've registered and all that, I would only talk to a group of people who were there for the first time. No mentors or anybody who actually can be of any significant help.

people who do NA correctly don't relapse ever

Because, yeah right? hah..

Well, that's fucking Sweden for ya. Hopefully my doctor can help me out. I'm gonna try a teeny-weeny bit of Seroquel tonight. I haven't slept in four days. Sleep just won't come. Anxiety is under control, depression in check, a bit wavy but talking to friends here conquer that, but sleep?
Gone. It's fucking hell.

But again man, thank you. Feel free to rip'em a new one via mail or some shit.

 

[SKL]

Something is off, right?

No, my friends mom knows the guy who's in charge there, she get me an appointment with him.
That's when he layed this shit on me. He was very strict about his rules. I think they get contributions (what the fuck do you call it?) for each one that goes there, when they register at the social welfare office.
And, he actually said this about being high; If you come high once, we might be able to oversee it. But twice, then you're out.

I managed to kick heroin by myself, but it sure would've been nice to have someone to talk to.
I have no reason for lying about this. There is no win or anything for me to take a shit on NA, but I do shit on those guys.

I have a friend in Stockholm, there you just waltz in, sit down, and listen. Or talk. No meetings or such shit.

Here, they also have newbie-groups, but maybe thats common NA-practice. Like, if I would've registered and all that, I would only talk to a group of people who were there for the first time. No mentors or anybody who actually can be of any significant help.

people who do NA correctly don't relapse ever

Because, yeah right? hah..

Well, that's fucking Sweden for ya. Hopefully my doctor can help me out. I'm gonna try a teeny-weeny bit of Seroquel tonight. I haven't slept in four days. Sleep just won't come. Anxiety is under control, depression in check, a bit wavy but talking to friends here conquer that, but sleep?
Gone. It's fucking hell.

But again man, thank you. Feel free to rip'em a new one via mail or some shit.

You aren't supposed to be registered with NA. There's not supposed to be a central office (well, that's not strictly true, there's an office that keeps track of what groups are running where and maintains a list, but they don't exercise any real authority.) There's nobody "in charge" who you meet with to learn the rules. You just show up at a meeting. What you're saying is so antithetical to NA principles I'm still having a hard time believing something isn't lost in our communication here. Can't you just show up to a meeting? There is a list on that website although they seem to be online now. And different meetings should have different standards. "Closed" doesn't mean you can't go, BTW. It just means that you have to be an addict interested in getting better in order to go.

You may have just encountered one bad apple. But, I know that the Swedes are fanatical about their drugs, so maybe NA there has gone astray? Still, the whole program? I'm very confused about what you're telling me because the whole process (registering, some kind of intake counselor, etc.) is nothing like what NA is actually about. I'm more familiar with AA but I do go to NA meetings. NA could be described as more structured than AA but nothing like what you are describing.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

You aren't supposed to be registered with NA. There's not supposed to be a central office (well, that's not strictly true, there's an office that keeps track of what groups are running where and maintains a list, but they don't exercise any real authority.) There's nobody "in charge" who you meet with to learn the rules. You just show up at a meeting. What you're saying is so antithetical to NA principles I'm still having a hard time believing something isn't lost in our communication here. Can't you just show up to a meeting? There is a list on that website although they seem to be online now. And different meetings should have different standards. "Closed" doesn't mean you can't go, BTW. It just means that you have to be an addict interested in getting better in order to go.

You may have just encountered one bad apple. But, I know that the Swedes are fanatical about their drugs, so maybe NA there has gone astray? Still, the whole program? I'm very confused about what you're telling me because the whole process (registering, some kind of intake counselor, etc.) is nothing like what NA is actually about. I'm more familiar with AA but I do go to NA meetings. NA could be described as more structured than AA but nothing like what you are describing.

Nope, I can't just show up. And the meetings that are marked "Closed", can't go to them either. I could attend ONE meeting per week.
He told me I could only attend one type of meeting. I can go there with a microphone if you'd like, wired up.

It might just be my county. Like I said, in Stockholm it's buisness as usual with NA. Not here.
He even said it when we were talking, that they used NA as sort of guidelines, but did their own thing.

After I asked about the anonymous thing, he said if it wasn't a "good match", there was a church that had similar meetings.
A church calle Livets Ord in swedish, a part of something called Newlife Network, but that shit is a motherfucking cult. I went once, thought I'd rather OD than stay here, and left. I don't want fucking god shoved up my ass and jesus fucking me in my ears just because i want to get clean.

I expected it to be like the movies, hah. LIke you describe it. Just go in and listen. But no.

Fuck it. I'm going to move from this puss-filled stain on the face of planet ASAP. They can keep their fucking weird NA-shit.

They are probably skimming cash from the county.

Swedens narcotics policy is fucking backwards. If this makes you angry, you'd blow up the fucking parliament if you read up on Sweden policy on narcotics.


But no, I shit you not. There is no commuication breakdown. Like I said, send them an e-mail and say you wish to start.
See what happens.


I like your commitment. Had the swedes in charge have the same kind of stones, maybe somebody would've shut that shit down and make it run properly. But these motherfuckers are neutered pets.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Fucking shit, I get mad just thinking about it. GAH. Fuck this, I'm gonna chug seroquel, I can't take this shit.
I truly do find your commitment inspiring, I wish some people here would have the same get go.

Later dude, thanks again.

 

[SKL]

Fucking shit, I get mad just thinking about it. GAH. Fuck this, I'm gonna chug seroquel, I can't take this shit.
I truly do find your commitment inspiring, I wish some people here would have the same get go.

Later dude, thanks again.

Well, don't let it upset you too much. Those people are running the program wrong and you are trying to work it right. One of the very few benefits of the fucking virus is that you can find and attend online meetings anywhere. If your spoken English approaches the level of your written English (like most of the Swedes I have known) then you have a plethora of options, worldwide. You could give those a try. You can also try reading the fundamental books of AA and NA. They obviously encourage a group approach, but there is much wisdom to be had there. Also, just trying to live out your recovery day to day as you obviously are. It's more than a question of willpower but also of changing other things in your life. Never blaming "people, places and things" as such (and as psychotherapeutic approaches to addiction are wont to do) but more realigning your own attitudes (and avoiding the "people, places and things" until you can.) Your reluctance to start problematic drugs for sleep speaks to a real motivation to avoid all problematic drugs, and with that you have started down the right road. It's unfortunate that certain steps are unavailable to you but persistence will help you win the prize eventually.

*Also, it just occurred to me you can try AA groups which are probably run totally differently. Particularly if alcohol has also been an issue for you but not necessarily only then. Some AA groups do not like discussion of drugs, and this might be even more true in Sweden due to what seems to be the cultural attitudes towards drugs there, but you could give it a try.

 

[JessFR]

Yeah that's fucking crazy. That's not NA. It's some side thing using the brand.

Closed meetings are a thing, but they just mean they're asking only addicts to attend and no non addict support. And it's not enforced anyway.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Yeah, sleep is the biggest issue, for sure. Tried everything you mentioned beside L-Theanine. What is that?

Can't do Kratom. I know people say it's harmless, but I'm done man. No more drugs. I really need to be strict, or I'll fuck up. And I can't afford to do that.

Weed is an option, for sure. But absolute last resort. I was stoned 24/7 for 8 years, quit smoking some time before christmas.

Thank you man. I'm gonna check up L-Theanine if I can get some. Your kind words means alot.

The L-theanine is a supplement that promotes calm and well being but I forgot its mechanism of action. I took it for about 6 months ( I got mine from a vitamin company called Puritan Pride ) but I bet you can find it in any health food store. It actually does make me calm and I hope you can find it and it works for you. I surely understand about the no kratom thing and I tip my hat to you. I think a full reset of the brain is the best way to go. And like you said...you have weed in case of a last resort. I'm happy for you and really wish you well. Hang in there.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Well, don't let it upset you too much. Those people are running the program wrong and you are trying to work it right. One of the very few benefits of the fucking virus is that you can find and attend online meetings anywhere. If your spoken English approaches the level of your written English (like most of the Swedes I have known) then you have a plethora of options, worldwide. You could give those a try. You can also try reading the fundamental books of AA and NA. They obviously encourage a group approach, but there is much wisdom to be had there. Also, just trying to live out your recovery day to day as you obviously are. It's more than a question of willpower but also of changing other things in your life. Never blaming "people, places and things" as such (and as psychotherapeutic approaches to addiction are wont to do) but more realigning your own attitudes (and avoiding the "people, places and things" until you can.) Your reluctance to start problematic drugs for sleep speaks to a real motivation to avoid all problematic drugs, and with that you have started down the right road. It's unfortunate that certain steps are unavailable to you but persistence will help you win the prize eventually.

*Also, it just occurred to me you can try AA groups which are probably run totally differently. Particularly if alcohol has also been an issue for you but not necessarily only then. Some AA groups do not like discussion of drugs, and this might be even more true in Sweden due to what seems to be the cultural attitudes towards drugs there, but you could give it a try.

Yeah, I'm gonna try the online meeting.
No, I don't blame anyone. I did this to myself. I was well aware of the consequences - still I began and kept popping bennies and doing opiates.

This message was really uplifting. Thank you @SKL , sincerely.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Yeah that's fucking crazy. That's not NA. It's some side thing using the brand.

Closed meetings are a thing, but they just mean they're asking only addicts to attend and no non addict support. And it's not enforced anyway.

It's really, fucking stupid. I'm tremendously happy for the support I get here, it's priceless.
Wonderful people.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

How you coming along tubgirl? Doing ok?