i never compliment girls

[konshuss]

Crashing, that's brilliant. LOL! God, wish I'd thought of that.

I'm married now for several years, and my best friend "D" (who was the horniest high-octane confirmed bachelor EVER) also settled down 3 years ago.

FWIW, I consider myself the quintessential "nice guy". I'm also "Not Bad Looking". Wouldn't consider myself a "hot dude" but I've been told by women that I'm "easy on the eyes".

In college / university I was always surrounded by young women, and I was never manipulative -- no matter how badly I wanted to get into their pants. I dated, had some fun, but never thought I was very good at chatting up girls -- I was always very respectful, and tended to get nervous around single women.

Contrast: my best friend "D", on the other hand, always wore dirty, wrinkled clothes. Bad teeth. Not the most handsome fellow. Think "the lead singer from the Pogues" and you wouldn't be far off. But he was far more successful at chatting up women and dating than I was. Over the years he had lots of flings, FWB's, girlfriends, etc.

Watching him in action was amazing. He would scan the room, and size up a woman he found "interesting". Could be in a bar, a club, a café, whatever.

Then he'd square his shoulders, walk confidently over to her, and start talking to her. His common approach was like this:

1. Many women are just as insecure as guys. They appreciate getting attention.
2. Many women don't consider themselves very attractive (see #1), even if they truly are stunning. Therefore they are always pleasantly surprised when a guy finds them attractive.
3. Tone of voice and demeanor are very important. It's the non-verbal body-language thing. My friend "D" would talk to a woman calmly and naturally, with a slight smile. He'd have confident body language, and speak in a plain, almost sing-song voice. This (to me) was a way to convey that he was not threatening.
4. Eye contact. Look at her face. Give her 100% attention.
5. Find something simple, mundane to talk about. Compliment her on her scarf, her hair, whatever. Women LOVE that stuff. Seriously. Choose something benign that couldn't be considered quasi-sexual (i.e. don't say "hey, those are sexy leather boots you've got there!")
6. Get her to talk about herself. Ask benign questions. Her name, what kind of coffee / tea she's drinking, whatever. The book she's reading. Whatever. Just don't make it all stalky-stalky. Don't say "do you live nearby?" or "what bus do you take?" or other weird things. Keep it neutral.
7. Be respectful. If she's putting off vibes that she's not interested, kindly say your goodbyes and leave.
8. Watch her cues. Is she smiling back at you? Is she relaxed and enjoying the conversation? If she's laughing at your comments or jokes, that can be a good sign. But if she's doing / saying things that you find odd, or showing personality traits you don't like -- then shut it down, excuse yourself, and chalk it up to experience.

These are only a few of the things that "D" would do. I borrowed some of them, but I never mastered them like he did. Personally, I was never just for "manipulating" a woman just to get in her pants. The best relationships I've had were with female friends that evolved into something deeper.

Although the above points could be used in a manipulative way, I think they aren't evil by themselves. They're just ways to be more confident in random, everyday social situations. They're also not necessarily gender-specific. Gay or straight, we all take the bait.

 

[Beachcat]

This is another thread that makes me shake my head in wonder a little bit. I mean, whatever happened to genuine human relations? B1tO'RoughJack, you know I usually agree with you, but fuck the idea of bringing up something negative about a person to "take them down a peg" or throw them off in some way. IMO that is manipulation in its worst form, you will never win in any sort of relationship by making your prospective partner less sure of themselves.

Hell, if you find something that you truly appreciate in a person, then compliment them. If not, then keep your mouth shut. Most PEOPLE ( not just women) appreciate a genuine compliment, whatever it is. No need to overthink, eg complimenting a pretty girl on her brains and vice versa. Compliments should be genuine, spontaneous and freely given. I tell strangers all the time that I admire their hair, outfit, jewelry, handbag, attitude, etc. It comes from the heart.

Why would any guy even think that it was "gay" to compliment a women on an aspect of her appearance? We appreciate it if it is genuine and not creepy or obviously planned ahead of time. That was what first turned my head towards my husband. I met him in a bar...I walked by while he was playing a game of darts and as I walked past he said, "hey, nice necklace". Much more effective than if he said "hey, nice tits" but either one would have been okay since they were heartfelt. The necklace comment did work, 15 years later.

 

[rangrz]

Kayholed: I've banged a lot of smart girls. Engineers, doctors, molecular microbiologists, psychologists, chemists, pharmacologists, computer scientists, geophysicists, veterinarians. I am engaged to a med student who likes abstract algebra and can deal with abstruse aspects of General relativity in her head, who is otherwise one of the smartest people I know, etc ad neaseum. Insults never worked, compliments have.

I don't feel like banging after being insulted, and I doubt girls do either. If you want to lose your virginity, I suggest changing your approach.

 

[llama112]

no. intelligence does not guarantee confidence. and it even works on girls that are confident, as negging works to break down confidence and seed self doubt.

I thought it was obvious that intelligence does not guarantee confidence. But when a girl is smarter and/or confident (and I mean smarter in the common sense kind of way, not necessarily book smart), then they are less likely to be susceptible to this insulting thing.

ah i think you'd be one of the most susceptible to these tricks, i know people think NLP is bullshit but it works, plain and simple. I could totally trick you into thinking i am someone i am not while planting seeds in your head and using memory/visualization tricks to fuck with you and gather info. The person doing this to you is going to be very intelligent as well and you may even find that charming which makes you an easier kill. I am not just theorizing here, i know this in practice and i've seen others do it as well. I am shit at this and can still manipulate the fuck out of people if i want so there are tons of people who are so much better than i am at this, and these people will be able to manipulate you, whether you recognize it or not.

I am just basing this on how stubborn you are lol, that's a big sign. However none of this shit may work on you at all, i don't know you so i can't say but i'm just saying in general. And yes superficial hot girls who think they are smart doing their PHD in psychology are the most susceptible to this kind of stuff, some nerdy under confident girl with low self esteem is not going to fall for these tricks. Again, just general statements, nothing is absolute or universal here.

kaywholed has some good negs posted; sir you must know your game theory.

stuff like, 'have you had your nails done?" is the kind of neg you want to throw out there, not "you are a disgusting swamp donkey' lol must be subtle, then throw in NLP techniques to get in their heads and manipulate away. I miss practicing this stuff on girls.

Yes, I'm stubborn. And smart and confident. Insults make me mad. Insults make me dislike whoever said them. Even if the insults aren't directed at me. You're right, you don't know me, and I can guarantee that your tricks would not work on me. How is "have you had your nails done?" an insult? It's a question. She either has or hasn't. My nail polish is chipped right now, it's been a couple days since I painted my nails. But that doesn't mean I'd go out with or hook up with a jerk.

Kayholed: I've banged a lot of smart girls. Engineers, doctors, molecular microbiologists, psychologists, chemists, pharmacologists, computer scientists, geophysicists, veterinarians. I am engaged to a med student who likes abstract algebra and can deal with abstruse aspects of General relativity in her head, who is otherwise one of the smartest people I know, etc ad neaseum. Insults never worked, compliments have.

I don't feel like banging after being insulted, and I doubt girls do either. If you want to lose your virginity, I suggest changing your approach.

I agree 100% with this.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Kayholed: I've banged a lot of smart girls. Engineers, doctors, molecular microbiologists, psychologists, chemists, pharmacologists, computer scientists, geophysicists, veterinarians. I am engaged to a med student who likes abstract algebra and can deal with abstruse aspects of General relativity in her head, who is otherwise one of the smartest people I know, etc ad neaseum. Insults never worked, compliments have.

I don't feel like banging after being insulted, and I doubt girls do either. If you want to lose your virginity, I suggest changing your approach.

exactly only those with low iq's will fall for nasty behaviour. i know i'm the dogs bollocks and if you cant see it i'm onto the next. the only guy that "negged" me was a true idiot that thought msg and fat were the same thing. eurgh. banged him a few times though cos the sex was amazing. when he told me a painting i did was done badly in one part i thought- fuck off- and that was it.

 

[Effuzion]

^

K, like my S/O, she's very cute, and takes her aesthetic seriously and puts a lot of effort into it, and is otherwise quite dedicated to looking good. So, one could say that's a defining quality of beauty/cuteness/style/something along that line.

But she's also very serious about her science/school, as she's enrolled in the most prestigious university in the country doing a double major in immunology and pharmacology on the path to med school. So, one could also say that she has a defining quality of intelligence/scholastics/tl;dr shit about Regulatory T cells in C57BL/6 mice.

And, in my personal experience, it's not uncommon to meet women who are both fucking stunning and give you an insta-boner and can kick your ass at matrix algebra or correct you on fine details of how myelin functions to increase the rate of signal transmission in your nervous system... Which then renders that approach invalid since they're obviously both cute and cerebral, and they know they're both.

So you don't ever compliment a girl who's smart and attractive because she already knows it?

exactly only those with low iq's will fall for nasty behaviour. i know i'm the dogs bollocks and if you cant see it i'm onto the next. the only guy that "negged" me was a true idiot that thought msg and fat were the same thing. eurgh. banged him a few times though cos the sex was amazing. when he told me a painting i did was done badly in one part i thought- fuck off- and that was it.

So you're saying it didn't work because he was a jerk... but you still had sex with him? Sounds like it worked.

I'm not the kind of guy who would insult someone who's nice to me. But some girls need to be taken down a peg or five. "Negging" isn't really "insulting", it's just pointing out negatives to someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink.

 

[RobotRipping]

Yes, I'm stubborn. And smart and confident. Insults make me mad. Insults make me dislike whoever said them. Even if the insults aren't directed at me. You're right, you don't know me, and I can guarantee that your tricks would not work on me. How is "have you had your nails done?" an insult? It's a question. She either has or hasn't. My nail polish is chipped right now, it's been a couple days since I painted my nails. But that doesn't mean I'd go out with or hook up with a jerk.



I agree 100% with this.

uh that's the point, now you may or may not feel something if someone were to say that to you. It's not an insult it's a neg. It makes you step back and think a bit. Imagine if someone said that to you in real life right now and your nails aren't perfect, you're going to think in your head, 'well shit i didn't think anyone would say that to me'. That's the point, not to insult girls but to neg them. If you do happen to run into one of these master game theorists you won't know it unless they tell you. Perhaps negging just makes girls self conscious, i'm not sure of the science behind it as there is none, what we know works and is effective in the field and that's all that matters. Negs can even be playful, as i mentioned before it has to be subtle or you're going to sound like an asshole, although that sometimes works as well.

game theory is a result of the war between the alpha male and intelligent beta male. One uses absolutely no skill to get results and the other uses all the intelligence they have to get a girl. You can be an asshole in either case or a really nice person, it's up to the individual. But it's great for someone like me to get a leg up socially on a big dumb ox that is naturally attractive to every girl he comes across. It really has nothing to do with women, but rather some sort of primitive battle of wits vs. strength or something lol. Like two lions fighting out for breeding rights, the smaller smart lion will beat the larger stupid lion, or maybe not.

 

[rangrz]

So you don't ever compliment a girl who's smart and attractive because she already knows it?

I do every single day. But I compliment her because I genuinely mean the compliments, I don't don't follow the technique of IF pretty THEN compliment=smart IF smart THEN compliment=pretty. Because a) she's both, leading to a paradox. b) She's smart enough to tell a fake compliment from a real one c) I have plenty of legitimate things to compliment her, both for her body and her brain, and I do.

For uncommon compliments instead of saying "your ass is dope" I'll say "You have cute toes and fingers." Which is true anyway. Instead of saying "you're really smart" I'll say "I was really impressed how you where able to discuss frame dragging effects in General Relativity, and daaaamn! you got a 92% on your immunology exam? Win!"

 

[Effuzion]

"Your ass is dope?" Who the fuck would say that?

It's not about what the girl REALLY is. She may be smart and attractive, but how she perceives herself is more important for my purposes. If she sees herself as an intellectual, you tell her she's pretty. If she sees herself as someone with looks, you tell her she's smart. The point is to pick up on someone's insecurities and reassure them. And don't tell me "oh but MY girlfriend is the most perfect, confident person ever who doesn't need that". Everyone has insecurities.

 

[llama112]

uh that's the point, now you may or may not feel something if someone were to say that to you. It's not an insult it's a neg. It makes you step back and think a bit. Imagine if someone said that to you in real life right now and your nails aren't perfect, you're going to think in your head, 'well shit i didn't think anyone would say that to me'. That's the point, not to insult girls but to neg them. If you do happen to run into one of these master game theorists you won't know it unless they tell you. Perhaps negging just makes girls self conscious, i'm not sure of the science behind it as there is none, what we know works and is effective in the field and that's all that matters. Negs can even be playful, as i mentioned before it has to be subtle or you're going to sound like an asshole, although that sometimes works as well.

game theory is a result of the war between the alpha male and intelligent beta male. One uses absolutely no skill to get results and the other uses all the intelligence they have to get a girl. You can be an asshole in either case or a really nice person, it's up to the individual. But it's great for someone like me to get a leg up socially on a big dumb ox that is naturally attractive to every girl he comes across. It really has nothing to do with women, but rather some sort of primitive battle of wits vs. strength or something lol. Like two lions fighting out for breeding rights, the smaller smart lion will beat the larger stupid lion, or maybe not.

People like you probably only get girls with low self esteem. Why? Because jerks like you help give them low self esteem.

The only reason I actually thought about my nails was because you mentioned it, yes. I was explaining that I wouldn't care. It doesn't make me "less" of a person if I didn't have my nails done. I figured that your insult was trying to convince the girl that her nails were ugly? I don't know, that's just what I figured. Since you were talking about insulting girls. So let's say I met you at a club and you asked me if I had my nails done. I'd wonder WTF was wrong with you for looking at my nails. If I was single, I'd go with one of the many guys who say "wow, you're gorgeous" or "aren't you cute" or "I like your dancing". Those are just a few of the compliments I can remember from the other day. I mean, I don't need the compliments because I know that already, but it indicates that a guy is interested in me.

Simply put, there isn't science to it. It's being a jerk. And it won't be successful for a future relationship. Maybe a controlling, abusive relationship. But again, the confident, smart, nice girls probably won't go for that.

My boyfriend is not mean to me. My ex was never mean to me.

I do every single day. But I compliment her because I genuinely mean the compliments, I don't don't follow the technique of IF pretty THEN compliment=smart IF smart THEN compliment=pretty. Because a) she's both, leading to a paradox. b) She's smart enough to tell a fake compliment from a real one c) I have plenty of legitimate things to compliment her, both for her body and her brain, and I do.

For uncommon compliments instead of saying "your ass is dope" I'll say "You have cute toes and fingers." Which is true anyway. Instead of saying "you're really smart" I'll say "I was really impressed how you where able to discuss frame dragging effects in General Relativity, and daaaamn! you got a 92% on your immunology exam? Win!"

I think that's great in a relationship. Compliments. I still think that, if a girl gets complimented less on one thing, it's good to compliment her on something else. Not one or the other though. Like you said, cute toes and fingers, that's probably something that she wouldn't get complimented on as much. Stands out more

 

[Pagey]

"Your ass is dope?" Who the fuck would say that?

It's not about what the girl REALLY is. She may be smart and attractive, but how she perceives herself is more important for my purposes. If she sees herself as an intellectual, you tell her she's pretty. If she sees herself as someone with looks, you tell her she's smart. The point is to pick up on someone's insecurities and reassure them. And don't tell me "oh but MY girlfriend is the most perfect, confident person ever who doesn't need that". Everyone has insecurities.

I definitely agree with this. If you can compliment someone on something they're not necessarily comfortable with that'll definitely make them appreciate you so much more.
And RobotRipping I do also have to agree with all the people bringing down your insult theory, sorry plus I don't even think that it's just on confident girls that it wouldn't work...I'm not confident at all and I'd absolutely hate it for a guy to say something like that to me. I'd figure, well I already hate myself as it is, why do I need a total prick to point out my faults?
Even if it did work once in a while, it's just so lousy to do that to someone, and it would be so much more effective to genuinely say something nice to them.

 

[rangrz]

"Your ass is dope?" Who the fuck would say that?

It's not about what the girl REALLY is. She may be smart and attractive, but how she perceives herself is more important for my purposes. If she sees herself as an intellectual, you tell her she's pretty. If she sees herself as someone with looks, you tell her she's smart. The point is to pick up on someone's insecurities and reassure them. And don't tell me "oh but MY girlfriend is the most perfect, confident person ever who doesn't need that". Everyone has insecurities.

Yes, everyone does, but some people are, broadly speaking, confident in their looks and intelligence over all, and you'd need to select a specific aspect of their appearance or their intellect to compliment, not just a generic "I think you're pretty/smart." They'll be use to hearing it, and they'll think that overall, they are smart and pretty. So maybe pick a specific part of appearance "I love your skin, it's nice and soft and has a great complexion" or "I think you are doing great at non-euclidean geometry."

Or pick something from her personality/emotional aspects/social skills, not from her academic intelligence, if she's smart and pretty.

 

[llama112]

I've gotten "your ass is out of this world" before. lol

 

[Pagey]

I've gotten "your ass is out of this world" before. lol

Haha! The most hilarious one for me had to be 'your boobs make me fantasize'. Somewhat creepy though.

I was walking down the street earlier tonight and this random guy just comes up to me and tells me 'I just wanted to say you're really beautiful'. Was so sweet.

 

[Effuzion]

Yes, everyone does, but some people are, broadly speaking, confident in their looks and intelligence over all, and you'd need to select a specific aspect of their appearance or their intellect to compliment, not just a generic "I think you're pretty/smart." They'll be use to hearing it, and they'll think that overall, they are smart and pretty. So maybe pick a specific part of appearance "I love your skin, it's nice and soft and has a great complexion" or "I think you are doing great at non-euclidean geometry."

Or pick something from her personality/emotional aspects/social skills, not from her academic intelligence, if she's smart and pretty.

It's just a saying. You're overanalyzing it.

 

[kaywholed]

@rangrz: I think this stuff is lolz, i don't talk to people like these game theory playerz. i mock them, and only know the system in order to lol at them with conviction in the belief that what they believe in and practice is morally and ethically bankrupt.

having the ability to manipulate people and actually doing so, are two different things. if I wanted to I could easily find a low self esteem girl, and manipulate her into sexing with me, but I don't, because I foolishly believe that is greater to let someone fall in love with you. ignorance is bliss indeed.

I thought it was obvious that intelligence does not guarantee confidence. But when a girl is smarter and/or confident (and I mean smarter in the common sense kind of way, not necessarily book smart), then they are less likely to be susceptible to this insulting thing.

everyone is susceptible. get it out of your head that some people are immune to to social engineering. you aren't, your friends aren't the queen of england isn't, nor am I. even knowing about this shit doesn't cure you of it.

go read a book on game theory, and some psychology textbooks.

 

[RobotRipping]

i'm the same kaywholed i only know this stuff, i don't practice it in clubs or whatever, at least not anymore. I don't mock real game theory cause it's a skill and a talent. I think what llama is missing is that a neg is not an insult, it's also the first step in game theory other than the cat string theory and it goes much deeper than that. I'm not a creep or a jerk nor do i support guys being assholes to get girls but learning good rapport, how to be open, engage people and gain self confidence is why i find game theory is useful for many guys. Social engineering is also a great term for what most of game theory is.

 

[rangrz]

Just to note: Real game theory is highly mathematical and was pioneered by the Mathematican/Computer scientist/Mathematical physicist John Von Neumann.

Von Neumann's original proof used
Brouwer's fixed-point theorem on continuous mappings into compact convex sets.

I'm not sure you guys are using topology or geometry or abstract algebra in these techniques.


It assumes the actors are acting PERFECTLY rational given the information available to them, which is generally not the case in romance.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory

 

[kaywholed]

Just to note: Real game theory is highly mathematical and was pioneered by the Mathematican/Computer scientist/Mathematical physicist John Von Neumann.



I'm not sure you guys are using topology or geometry or abstract algebra in these techniques.


It assumes the actors are acting PERFECTLY rational given the information available to them, which is generally not the case in romance.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/00..._m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0X6HP8BKGR1Z96DQAPCJ
no this...

 

[rangrz]

But the term game theory was being used since the 1940s and it's confusing as hell to use it for a vaguely similar, but unrelated use.