I need to stop using I've had enough

[NeVeRGiViNUP]

Hi I am 39 and would love to hear from you on how you did it if you want to just live without the need to use. I am 39 and I have been using for wow about 20 years but these last 4 or 5 years I went deep inside of the real world of being dependent. I am scared I don't have the strength to quit but I know it's got control over me I suffer from depression and feel like I have to be on something to be happy honestly I took Molly about 8 hours ago and got my script today of morphine and oxycodone and can't say I would even be writing this if sober and I hate having to have something to make me feel better even to spend time with my son this feeling stinks but even worse is lying in bed for more than a month and not even putting myself out in the world because frankly I don't know how I can be productive that way but is it fair to have to have something to get out of my self imposed destruction that progressed more than I could ever have imagined. I know others feel like me I have done rehab actually was clean for over year until 5 years ago when I went deep. This is my first post and I will end with this people say change people places and things but how can I live with me if I said screw all who uses I would be such a hypocrite then my goal has always been to help others be happy and not to judge.

 

[SilentlySteady]

Hi there. I'm sorry you're going through all this insanity. I can't imagine the feeling of knowing it feels awful to NOT be high. I have generalized anxiety and severe ADHD. But depression isn't something I've ever had the unfortunate burden of carrying. I know a lot of people who do. I'm not good at giving advice at all. But one thing that helped my boyfriend is a program called Smart Recovery. It's a science based recovery program. I'm not sure if you can stop taking any opiates, but cutting those out will probably help once your body adjusts to not having them. I would search online for an affordable therapist with good feedback to go and see. Group therapy also helps A LOT which is what Smart Recovery is.
Sorry... I suck with words.
I just want to say that it's OK to not be OK. Anyone who judges you for it instead of responding with encouragement for you to do better for yourself doesn't matter.
You CAN get cleaned up and stay cleaned up.