People say that expressing yourself is a good way to deal with your demons, so why not give it a chance.
I have been done with my vacation at a certain downtown facility, where they give 3 hots and a cot, for a few days now, and still havent looked for the MAN with the master plan. Eventhough my body still aches, I just cannot chance it. As I ponder this last run, I think to myself, what if.
What if in 1995 my buddies and I didnt start to go to the parties to "hang out" and have a good time. I am from a part of DAYGO where we are known for getting fucked up. Maybe if I didnt go to them festivities, maybe I would have gone to college eventually. Or maybe if I didn't pursue the ultimate high for the years after.
I remember at one of the festivities, while drinking, or maybe we were just bored, I cant remember to long ago, we had a buddy who had some green and we smoked it. I fell in love with that sweet leaf and continued to use that bitch everyday for over 12 years. I had another buddy who scored some pills from his parents, that was pretty groovy too. I did pills anytime I could after that. I went to a bunch of hippy shit like drum circles and such and we found her big sister LSD and Mushrooms and Mescaline and whatever can make you trip balls.
The first time my buddy and I tried LSD was in LV. Found it off some hippy looking dudes from Iowa or some other bumb fuck (not trying to insult) state. The shit was so good, it must have been a 12 hour peak. Shit was moving constantly. Volcanoes blowing up looked so awesome, actually any of those trippy LV strip features that went off in 97 were a fucking trip. I had to find this high again, never did find that high grade of LSD though.
Went back home and got into the drug hippy culture big time, I took acid everywhere. At school, on the bus, going for a walk, shit even at church. LSD just made everything better, and I usually had a bud to take some with me. Shit was cheap back than too.
One time my buds and I wanted to go trip in the dessert. Couldnt find any LSD on the holiday weekend. But one bud said, "We can get Meth." I was already opassing out so I was like, "I'll do whatever, but I wont be awake for it." He said not to worry. He was fucking right.
We got spun out on route * between county lines right off the freeway in a tent. This was about mid 1997 or the fall, hard to remember. At first you just do some once in awhile. Than the days that you dont do it get shorter and the days that you are on it get more and more, if you know what I mean. About a few months after graduating in 1998, I was a flown blown tweaker.
Just a side note, i had a friend take me to TJ to try this drug he used to do up North. You can get clean rigs in TJ at any pharmacia. You can get whatever dope you want at any bar or shop in TJ. I tried it once and loved it. Just didnt have a dealer in the good ole US, yet.
I rob, I hustled, I kicked a lot of peoples asses (I'm kind of a big dude) and I hated myself big time. My family started to realize something was wrong, but they had other things going on. I come from a big family, with a lot of problems. But any who. It started to get that if you were going to my house to hang, you were getting lit. And the PARANOIA kicks in hard. Everyone is out to get you. Even thoughs fucking shadow fucks outside the fucking window. So after 2 solid years of destroying myself, at 160 lbs (6'2" big build) I was ready to quit. The family was ready for me to quit too, and made me gio to rehab when I wanted to go.
That was in 2001. I am free of my 2nd addiction. But I smoked pot everyday still in rehab. I was the only one not drug tested because I was the only one not court ordered in rehab. haha. Coke was always around too, but I never really did too much, cost topo much. But if it was there I'd do it too. But hey, Im off the fucking Meth at least doing it everyday. I still fucked with it once in awhile. But I never was like I was. I could say no if I wanted too. Really wierd.
In the beginning of 2001 I met her. The most beautiful woman ever. I wanted her, but it would take me the rest of the year to get her. She was a few years younger but I fucking wanted her and eventually got her. We went to this Halloween party that year, and that was when we hit off. She even could drink more beer than me. I was just out of rehab, but was eating normal again, so I wasn't too fucked up looking. The next few years were the happiest I have ever been. Shit ever since than, I have been lucky to have her.
I got my shit together, kind of. Got a great job in a growing industry that was booming in So Cal in the early 2000s. I made a shitload of money. Enough to buy a house, buy an ounce of dank a week, half ounce of coke a week. And still pay the fucking bills. After a few years of this, I met an old friend who said, do you still fuck with that
sheva. I said I only did it once.
You have got to try this shit, and we did. I took her with me to my downward spiral. We smoked a lot of that crap, and I couldnt pay my bills anymore. Also something happened in the good ole USA. Those loans we were making a shit load of money on, well guess what, Joe Shmoe who only makes 60k a year cannot actually afford a 1milliion dollar home. I'm out of the job too boot.
But I can still smoke my problems away and I got some money saved, kind of. Its called loans and credit. After a year of this $300 a day habit, we tried going back east to get off. That did not work too good. You know what they got H in other fucking cities and if you look hard enough. you can find that bitch on any street corner. This is where I found out about China White, and oh ya, rigs are legal. So my $300 a day habit went to $500 a day. (2 people at least) We tried the Methadone, but kept on chipping, just didnt spend so much money.
So in 2008, I lost everything I made, was in the middle of know where, just wanted to go back So Cal. And eventually get clean. We got money to get home, and home we went. I tried to stay
away form my buds, I lasted a whole 3 days, with methadones help. But this time, I have the needle and the shit is so good in Cali, eventhough its raw.
I found the exchange, and have the same old card I got that first day. They all know who I am, probably miss me the last few weeks. I got jobs but have to always take a long bathroom break sometime in the day. I kept getting better bshit from better dealers, and soon wasnt paying that much for the shit. My friends foundn out that I would not sale them short if they came to me, so soon I started to actually have money again. That was this last year.
Something happened though. Something bad happpend. I dont know still what it was, but I got a bad knock in the middle of the night and some people just let them selves in and trashed my place and than took all my fun supplies wioth them to a certain building downtown. I went with them too, but here's the shitties part. That girl I am still in love with form way back, she's my wife and they took her too.
They sent me thru hell, and I took it. Now her family says I can never see her again if I am dirty, so that is the only reason I am staying clean. I dont have my phone numbers, but I know where people live. I just cant though, because I need to see her. I need her so much it hurts. She is the only reason I am not using right now.
If you actualkly read this wow, thanks for reading it. Its just a quick outline of the last half of my life.
I have been done with my vacation at a certain downtown facility, where they give 3 hots and a cot, for a few days now, and still havent looked for the MAN with the master plan. Eventhough my body still aches, I just cannot chance it. As I ponder this last run, I think to myself, what if.
What if in 1995 my buddies and I didnt start to go to the parties to "hang out" and have a good time. I am from a part of DAYGO where we are known for getting fucked up. Maybe if I didnt go to them festivities, maybe I would have gone to college eventually. Or maybe if I didn't pursue the ultimate high for the years after.
I remember at one of the festivities, while drinking, or maybe we were just bored, I cant remember to long ago, we had a buddy who had some green and we smoked it. I fell in love with that sweet leaf and continued to use that bitch everyday for over 12 years. I had another buddy who scored some pills from his parents, that was pretty groovy too. I did pills anytime I could after that. I went to a bunch of hippy shit like drum circles and such and we found her big sister LSD and Mushrooms and Mescaline and whatever can make you trip balls.
The first time my buddy and I tried LSD was in LV. Found it off some hippy looking dudes from Iowa or some other bumb fuck (not trying to insult) state. The shit was so good, it must have been a 12 hour peak. Shit was moving constantly. Volcanoes blowing up looked so awesome, actually any of those trippy LV strip features that went off in 97 were a fucking trip. I had to find this high again, never did find that high grade of LSD though.
Went back home and got into the drug hippy culture big time, I took acid everywhere. At school, on the bus, going for a walk, shit even at church. LSD just made everything better, and I usually had a bud to take some with me. Shit was cheap back than too.
One time my buds and I wanted to go trip in the dessert. Couldnt find any LSD on the holiday weekend. But one bud said, "We can get Meth." I was already opassing out so I was like, "I'll do whatever, but I wont be awake for it." He said not to worry. He was fucking right.
We got spun out on route * between county lines right off the freeway in a tent. This was about mid 1997 or the fall, hard to remember. At first you just do some once in awhile. Than the days that you dont do it get shorter and the days that you are on it get more and more, if you know what I mean. About a few months after graduating in 1998, I was a flown blown tweaker.
Just a side note, i had a friend take me to TJ to try this drug he used to do up North. You can get clean rigs in TJ at any pharmacia. You can get whatever dope you want at any bar or shop in TJ. I tried it once and loved it. Just didnt have a dealer in the good ole US, yet.
I rob, I hustled, I kicked a lot of peoples asses (I'm kind of a big dude) and I hated myself big time. My family started to realize something was wrong, but they had other things going on. I come from a big family, with a lot of problems. But any who. It started to get that if you were going to my house to hang, you were getting lit. And the PARANOIA kicks in hard. Everyone is out to get you. Even thoughs fucking shadow fucks outside the fucking window. So after 2 solid years of destroying myself, at 160 lbs (6'2" big build) I was ready to quit. The family was ready for me to quit too, and made me gio to rehab when I wanted to go.
That was in 2001. I am free of my 2nd addiction. But I smoked pot everyday still in rehab. I was the only one not drug tested because I was the only one not court ordered in rehab. haha. Coke was always around too, but I never really did too much, cost topo much. But if it was there I'd do it too. But hey, Im off the fucking Meth at least doing it everyday. I still fucked with it once in awhile. But I never was like I was. I could say no if I wanted too. Really wierd.
In the beginning of 2001 I met her. The most beautiful woman ever. I wanted her, but it would take me the rest of the year to get her. She was a few years younger but I fucking wanted her and eventually got her. We went to this Halloween party that year, and that was when we hit off. She even could drink more beer than me. I was just out of rehab, but was eating normal again, so I wasn't too fucked up looking. The next few years were the happiest I have ever been. Shit ever since than, I have been lucky to have her.
I got my shit together, kind of. Got a great job in a growing industry that was booming in So Cal in the early 2000s. I made a shitload of money. Enough to buy a house, buy an ounce of dank a week, half ounce of coke a week. And still pay the fucking bills. After a few years of this, I met an old friend who said, do you still fuck with that
sheva. I said I only did it once.
You have got to try this shit, and we did. I took her with me to my downward spiral. We smoked a lot of that crap, and I couldnt pay my bills anymore. Also something happened in the good ole USA. Those loans we were making a shit load of money on, well guess what, Joe Shmoe who only makes 60k a year cannot actually afford a 1milliion dollar home. I'm out of the job too boot.
But I can still smoke my problems away and I got some money saved, kind of. Its called loans and credit. After a year of this $300 a day habit, we tried going back east to get off. That did not work too good. You know what they got H in other fucking cities and if you look hard enough. you can find that bitch on any street corner. This is where I found out about China White, and oh ya, rigs are legal. So my $300 a day habit went to $500 a day. (2 people at least) We tried the Methadone, but kept on chipping, just didnt spend so much money.
So in 2008, I lost everything I made, was in the middle of know where, just wanted to go back So Cal. And eventually get clean. We got money to get home, and home we went. I tried to stay
away form my buds, I lasted a whole 3 days, with methadones help. But this time, I have the needle and the shit is so good in Cali, eventhough its raw.
I found the exchange, and have the same old card I got that first day. They all know who I am, probably miss me the last few weeks. I got jobs but have to always take a long bathroom break sometime in the day. I kept getting better bshit from better dealers, and soon wasnt paying that much for the shit. My friends foundn out that I would not sale them short if they came to me, so soon I started to actually have money again. That was this last year.
Something happened though. Something bad happpend. I dont know still what it was, but I got a bad knock in the middle of the night and some people just let them selves in and trashed my place and than took all my fun supplies wioth them to a certain building downtown. I went with them too, but here's the shitties part. That girl I am still in love with form way back, she's my wife and they took her too.
They sent me thru hell, and I took it. Now her family says I can never see her again if I am dirty, so that is the only reason I am staying clean. I dont have my phone numbers, but I know where people live. I just cant though, because I need to see her. I need her so much it hurts. She is the only reason I am not using right now.
If you actualkly read this wow, thanks for reading it. Its just a quick outline of the last half of my life.
