I need to confess to a friend something I did. How do I go about it the right way?

[AddictNamedScott]

Hey folks, I did something to a friend that is weighing in heavy on my heart and I want to confess to him what I did. To make this short, i'm a recovering cocaine/methamphetamine addict, and I met and moved in with another single man like myself to share an apartment and split bills with about 4 months ago. I've been clean from both coke and ice for 11months, and my roommate doesn't know of my drug history. Well, a few nights ago we were just chillin after work and sippin brews while tv. He mentioned that he was late goin to work because he had to see his doctor. I asked him what for, if he didn't mind me asking. He saidhe did not mind and said he had adhd and was prescribed an amphetamine called Vyvanse, and said he is miserable without it.

My eyes just lit right up upon hearing that. I gave him a few bucks & I asked if would run up to the store and get us each one more tall boy. He did..and as soon as he left I ran back into his bathroom and saw his full bottle of vyvanse and I opened it and dumped out 3 of them and I washed them down with some water and then put them back how I found them. Well, today I am feeling so fuckin guilty and ashamed because he also mentioned he could barely afford them and here I am stealing his medication just to feel tweaked out for a day.

I need to confess and tell him exactly what I did, but how should I do it? Should I mention my prior drug history? I know he could totaly blow up on me and possibly report me to the police or even ask me to pack my shit and roll out and he has that right. I just want to express my sorrow & guilt and apologize.

 

[The Dr]

If drugs are playing that much of a toll on your mental health. Stop taking them, that's the root of the problem. You gotta be honest with yourself before your honest with other.

EDIT: That sounds easier said than done, the stop taking them part. Help is always out there.

 

[AddictNamedScott]

You're right and I know better. I've been clean from meth & coke for 11 months so I do know better. However, I will always be an addict and have that thinking and that thinking got me wanting to steal his pills and try to experience that uppity buzz once more. Is it as bad as going back out and getting a bag o gear and putting it all in my veins? No..but I am still guilty for stealing his pills..for one..and for two I am guilty that I still wantes to have a taste of a psychostimulant and jeopardizing my recovery.

 

[T. Calderone]

Hey I just saw your other post. This is troubling because I used to do the same thing to my friend, only with opiate pills. I felt terrible taking something that she needed, but rationalized it in my head "well she's got so many, she won't miss one or two" But the fact is, she needed her medication. Just like your friend needs his.

If you tell him, he will lose trust in you. You have to find a way to resist helping yourself to his medication. If you can't do that, consider finding another roommate because eventually he will notice his pills missing and know it was you. The temptation seems too much. Go to NA if you feel that you can't do this on your own. There is no easy way to tell him what you did. Unless you just want to blurt it out, be honest and tell him your whole history. Wish you luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[Foreigner]

I know this might seem unethical, but I don't think telling him is a good idea. The best thing you can do is tell yourself that you won't do it again. Telling your roommate might change your relationship in a bad way. Unless you get the impression that he'll be understanding, forgiving, and supportive, then it might not be worth it and it could create more conflict.

You probably want to tell him in order to exorcise your guilt, and then hope he can give you the forgiveness you seek. It's better to forgive yourself first. He doesn't know that there are 3 pills missing, but you do.

If you steal from him again in the future though, you probably should tell him so that the cycle can be broken.

 

[footscrazy]

^ I can understand that point of view. This is a tough situation, because what Foreigner says makes a lot of sense. Personally though, my gut feeling would be to tell him. I think telling him will hold you accountable. Many people have done things in addiction that go against their morals and they really regret. But I think part of recovering from addiction, or even just developing as a person, is to accept that behaviours do have consequences. It's all too easy, when you're a drug addict, to do something you feel shame for, but ignore the feelings of guilt and/or drown them in substances. In fact I think one of the core aspects of being an addict is avoiding the emotions that make us uncomfortable. I believe recovering from an addiction is much more than no longer using drugs - it's changing the thoughts and behaviours that led to that in the first place. As it seems that you have put a lot of effort into your recovery, I think not avoiding this situation will be an important step in taking responsibility for your actions, and leaving your addictive behaviours behind. I think this is also important for not letting this lapse turn into a full blown relapse.

It isn't an easy thing to confess too, but I think your best bet is being as straight forward as possible about what you did and how you feel about. I don't know if its necessary to go into your drug history. I feel like its most important to tell him that you know and accept you did the wrong thing. I think a lot of the time people negate some of the effect of apologies by trying to justify their behaviour. I think letting him know that you don't justify this at all, that you know it was wrong and you feel guilty about it, will be best - rather than using your past history to explain it. Even if it really is just an explanation, he may feel you're trying to justify your actions or absolve yourself of some responsibility because you're an addict.

I would hope that he will appreciate your honesty and the fact you have told him right away. Everyone makes mistakes but I think it shows strength of character to then admit those and accept responsibility for them. I think this is even more so when the potential consequences are reasonably high. Hopefully by this he will see that you are willing to admit and learn from your mistakes, and put your respect for him and his property above your fear of the consequences.

 

[T. Calderone]

I agree with above post because it's good to get it off your chest. Keep in mind though, once the cat is out of the bag (even if he is forgiving) if your roommate accidently over-uses his pills or becomes short, he will suspect you're taking them.

You have to do some soul-searching and if you really want to get clean, get yourself into a program. It's not like you snatched a pill, you took three of them at once which is addict behavior. I can't judge because I've been in your shoes myself.

 

[neversickanymore]

I would just bite the bullet and come clean..