I need some perspective on my situation and advice on getting an NA sponsor

[Harmredux]

I went looking for opiates out of boredom mid-life crisis- and ironically within 6 months needed serious back surgery that has given me carte blanche with doctors for the last 5 years.

I've been "lucky" in this headlong flight that I've got to try pretty much everything I wanted without resorting to doing anything illegal- I never did H but this last round of using way more than just for medicinal purposes I went so far as to get liquid opium prescribed to me and since Christmas have been consuming Samuel Taylor Coleridge amounts of stuff.

I am fortunate in a billion ways, yeah my back still sucks but I have A LOT to lose (family, good job, house, spotless record, etc.) and I decided to do a fast taper a week ago where at the end I was basically a 30 mg opana every other day and 50mg or so of hydrocodone and I want to leave it behind for good.

I am about 3 days clean

I'm actually great, dry heaved 2-3 times and have the bowel issues, but the craps have been 100% contained if I use OTC meds.

I just can't effing sleep. I have 2 different kinds of scripted sleeping pills (ambien 15mg ER and Lunesta) and 10mg valiums and they aren't working. I decided to say eff the sleeping pills as of tonight because I know I am guaranteed 1 sleepless night after ditching them. The valium I am not mentally addicted to, but may be physically dependent on at this point. I'm not so scared about it though because I have gone for weeks at a time without popping one and though my goal is 100% clean and sober living I want to taper slowly off them. Oh yeah I also quit drinking 5 days ago from around 10 beers a night and (this is REALLY STUPID) I was also addicted to nicotine lozenges, the quit smoking things. I also stopped using them this week.

I guess I needed to type all that out and see it and have a record of it here in case I fall off- thanks for bearing with me.

I am praying the insomnia goes away and was wondering if ANYONE has any scientific info on why it happens. I have been up for 10 days before and being on day 3 I don't think I can handle another week of this.
Second question, what's the deal with NA sponsors? I went to a meeting and basically said I need a sponsor but I didn't get a straight answer on how to get one. I got a phone list but I feel weird using it, especially at like 2:30 am.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

The sleep thing is different for everyone, so I won't attempt to tackle that question. You appear to be aware of the risks around your meds, fact is you just don't know when things will return to normal. It's a major stumbling block for many people though so don't feel like you're strange if it presents a serious issue. I guess it's a case of balancing your need for sleep against the risk presented by the meds, and that's kind of a personal decision.

With regards to getting a sponsor....go to lots of meetings in your local area, keep your eyes and your ears open, look out for someone who has what you want. I don't mean the nice clothes or fancy car or new trainers, I mean listen for the people talking who have the inside stuff you want. Listen for someone who has whatever it is you are looking for, whether that be peace with themselves, 'happiness', good inter-personal relationships, a positive life path, confidence, intelligence....I guess realistically we're all looking for all those things. Just go to lots of meetings and keep those ears open until you find someone who has those things you want and then approach them directly. Just ask if you can have a word at the end of a meeting and speak to them or if it's not appropriate then get their number and call later.

Don't be afraid of using those phone numbers if you want to, remember that most people will be feeling really happy about receiving a phone call. It's an opportunity for them to grow themselves and they will most likely get just as much if not more out of the phone call than you. Don't feel like you're intruding, put yourself in their position. If I had given my phone number out and someone called me up asking for advice I would be really happy and pleased with myself that I had come across as someone who was approachable and likely to be able to help.

Good luck with your continuing detox, you're probably through the worst of it by now. 72 hour mark is often the worst point of a detox from short acting opiates.

 

[Harmredux]

Thank you very much, I guess I just needed to hear that. The last 2 days were 25 mg and then 30mg of hydrocodone which isn't enough to get me high (it didn't buy me more than an hour's sleep even) so I am *praying* that I get some sleep tonight. I am thinking of having the doc Rx me some Xyrem (GHB) which was awesome to nuke my racing brain last time I got to day 10 with no sleep. I'm hoping this time is different. All the physical symptoms were like 24-48 hours - by hour 48 I kept down a multivitamin and a cold slice of pizza and some gummi bears which I did really more because I thought it was going to be fun puking up a rainbow and because I had such a whamming headache from not eating. But it stayed down. So now just the sleep.

Thanks especially for the advice on the NA stuff. I know now I need to go to meetings regularly.

 

[herbavore]

I think it would also do you a world of good to get some counseling separate from the drug issues. When you find something that makes you feel better it is only natural to want it. But what is that that doesn't feel good? Digging deeper into the vulnerabilities that underlie use is never a waste of time or courage. Good luck from a fellow insomniac.

 

[Harmredux]

I went to outpatient and saw a therapist both were a waste
I know why I use it is to cope with stress and because it used to feel good
I thank you for the post and I agree with you 100% but I honestly think opiate addicts need inpatient and I'm not willing to be away from my family for months ...

 

[Harmredux]

So checking in on day 7- not a minute sleep yet. This is bad. Still having rls and bathroom issues - It's depressing to know it could go on like this for longer, I've seen a few posts that say 20+ days zero sleep and I have done 10 days with no sleep- and I mean ZERO, not one blessed minute 2-3 occasions , so I am bummed.
I have an arsenal of meds -ambien, lunesta, lyrica, trazodone, clonidine, valium up the wazoo, and all the usual OTC and herbal stuff and nothing has helped so I cut out everything but 1 herbal mix with GABA, l-theanine, and melatonin along with some other herbs like valerian, a tiny amount of valium at 5am when I start panicking another sleepless night has ticked away, and a half a blood pressure med (clonidine).

I had scripted Xyrem the last few times but it is such a PITA to get, insurance companies frown on $8500.00 (!) a month scripts, cheapskates. I'm considering going for it though because it seems to be the only thing that helps and I am going cuckoo.

Did I miss anything? I don't smoke pot or do any illicit drugs and don't want to go with a stronger benzo or antipsychotic because benzo half lives are evil and the antipsychotics don't work to get me sleeping.

Am I the exception or do most people go 7-10 days with zero sleep when in opiate withdrawal ?

2x4 to the head?

 

[neversickanymore]

Your doing great.. sleep will come.. I went over two weeks and then slept like two or three hours for months.. its all good, i Made it through and so will you.

As far as the sponsor thing, try announcing you need a temporary until you find a permanent.. this often gets more people to bite.

 

[Harmredux]

Last year I made it about 50 days, I am mostly just posting this for myself as a warning and reference, but would appreciate any tips on post acute withdrawal night sweats. Never happens until I start sleeping a bit then it really sucks.

I am on day 10 clean, the last I used was that goddam prescription opium tincture which I assume has a short half life of 4 hours on the active alkaloids since the script says every 4 hours. But I read somewhere like 30 hours? Must be wrong.

Exact same deal, 9 or 10 days zero sleep.

I hope I finally have learned to just accept my shitty back and not put everyone through this again.

I was hoping someone could explain why the night sweats only start 10 days in and why. And what to do!

 

[T. Calderone]

I read that opium tincture has a half life up to 36 hours too. You shouldn't have to put up with back pain and I understand why you want to stop using it. Maybe your doctor can prescribe something else? I've found clonidine to help with night sweats. Do you still have the sleeping pills or valium?

 

[cj]

If I was you I would mix some loperamide into a Valium,clonidine, ibprofin, and ambien combo. If that doesn't pass you out then maybe it's time to go for the GHB. You must have a bad ass doctor to get wrote that.

 

[Harmredux]

I have everything but the Xyrem (GHB)... but I'm telling you guys it's USELESS for this kind of insomnia. Even the scripted GHB just made me puke and didn't knock me out.

My Dr. sees the pain I am in and I never pull any nonsense like go to other doctors or use street drugs... also I have been 100% honest with him about overusing it and wanting to get off meds so he's understanding about trying to help me out of this mess now.