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I need some advice on a girl

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noregrets2011

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 5, 2011
Messages
47
Basically I'm 20 and she's 17 (18 tomorrow) and we've been getting with each other for a couple of years, anyway this summer she decided to see each other and not get with anyone else, but it put so much strain on us cos she's in London at school and I'm in Manchester so we argue quite a bit over pathetic things and when I saw her this christmas holiday she decided that we should just be friends again.

Anyway we end up at a party together a few days later and we end up in bed together and she cries her heart out for what's happened but by morning she still thinks it's too much strain which I agree with, anyway she said that she still doesn't wanna get with anyone else cos now's not the time for us.

Fast forward to new years and she texts me that she's kissed someone on new years, and when she's gone back to school she's kissed someone else for a dare and she's sorry that she did it she never wanted to etc, and we argue again cos she said that she wouldn't. Now like I said it's her birthday tomorrow and I know she's going to go out in London, and if anything happens she's going to tell me about it the next morning.

So I'm thinking do I call it off if she kissess anyone else (she's told me that she hasn't had any sexual contact with anyone else) cos she told me that she's not going to? Or do I just see it as a drunken kiss on her birthday? Which is how she wanted me to see the new year's kiss.

The worst thing of all is that normally if someone screws me about like this I'd be hating them right now, but because we've been friends and getting together so long (and like I said it's not been long that it's been a bit deeper) it just feels natural so I find it very hard to hate her. She asked me how I felt about how everything and I told her that if there is one song that personifies this situation it's Stone Roses - I am the Resurrection, especially the line "I am the resurrection and I am the light, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as I'd like".

I'm not down or anything by this situation, I am in a very irritating position and it keeps me up at night, like tonight for instance.
 
Go out and kiss two girls when you're drink and see how she handles it. If she freaks out, there's your answer.
 
I dunno like I'm not that way, when I go back to Manc I got some girls I can shag but then I feel like I'm proving a point ya know what I mean
 
your twenty right

way to young to be worrying about shit like that
do you really think you will spend the rest of your life with her ....no way
 
noregrets2011 said:
Basically I'm 20 and she's 17 (18 tomorrow) and we've been getting with each other for a couple of years, anyway this summer she decided to see each other and not get with anyone else, but it put so much strain on us cos she's in London at school and I'm in Manchester so we argue quite a bit over pathetic things and when I saw her this christmas holiday she decided that we should just be friends again.

Anyway we end up at a party together a few days later and we end up in bed together and she cries her heart out for what's happened but by morning she still thinks it's too much strain which I agree with, anyway she said that she still doesn't wanna get with anyone else cos now's not the time for us.

Fast forward to new years and she texts me that she's kissed someone on new years, and when she's gone back to school she's kissed someone else for a dare and she's sorry that she did it she never wanted to etc, and we argue again cos she said that she wouldn't. Now like I said it's her birthday tomorrow and I know she's going to go out in London, and if anything happens she's going to tell me about it the next morning.

So I'm thinking do I call it off if she kissess anyone else (she's told me that she hasn't had any sexual contact with anyone else) cos she told me that she's not going to? Or do I just see it as a drunken kiss on her birthday? Which is how she wanted me to see the new year's kiss.

The worst thing of all is that normally if someone screws me about like this I'd be hating them right now, but because we've been friends and getting together so long (and like I said it's not been long that it's been a bit deeper) it just feels natural so I find it very hard to hate her. She asked me how I felt about how everything and I told her that if there is one song that personifies this situation it's Stone Roses - I am the Resurrection, especially the line "I am the resurrection and I am the light, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as I'd like".

I'm not down or anything by this situation, I am in a very irritating position and it keeps me up at night, like tonight for instance.
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I think she requires more attention/frequent contact from you.
 
What do you want? Do you want a relationship with this chick? If so, tell her. If you don't, just tell her that you don't need to hear about every guy she kisses.
 
Sorry haven't been on here in a while, I know I'm not gunna be with her for the rest of my life I'm not an idiot. But haven't felt that way about a person in ages, not since I was like 15 and naive, and all my girlfriends have been dicks and I don't get a kick out of a one night stand anymore, I kind of want someone to be there if you know what I mean.

We've decided that nows not the best of times cos of distance and all, but I want us to have confidence in each other, we oscillate between happy and feeling awful all the time, but I want to know that I have her there. It confuses me, I don't really know what I want, but she doesn't either. Half the time what I get from her is cryptic as well, she can be a handful.

All I know is that the past week or so we haven't been talking, and I really just wanna talk to her face to face but we can't atm and it's really hurting me, and it's awkward cos of distance cos I don't know the next time I will see her etc...
 
I have two observations. 1) It seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. 2) It seems like you are trying to control her. I'll expand:

It seems to me like she doesn't want to deal with the stress of a long-distance relationship, and wants to experience things we all generally want to when 18; parties, drugs, sex, whatever. But, on the other hand, it also seems like she wants you to be there for her to cry on, yet she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She hooks up with other people because of this, and that hurts you because you want a relationship with her. You tell her this, obviously, but she still goes and does it and hurts you. A mature adult wouldn't purposefully go out a hurt the person they love by hooking up with other people. Obviously, she's not an adult (guess it depends where you live), and it doesn't seem like she's mature.

She's not your GF anymore, so you can't really get angry if she hooks up with other people, but due to your history and current emotions it's obvious why you're upset - I'd be too. If I were you, and I really loved this girl, I'd tell her that I want a relationship, and if she doesn't want one then we can't see eachother. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship and continues to hook up with people, I'd probably stop contacting and seeing here. I'd move on, and she's wasting your time.
 
K-Dazed said:
I have two observations. 1) It seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. 2) It seems like you are trying to control her. I'll expand:

It seems to me like she doesn't want to deal with the stress of a long-distance relationship, and wants to experience things we all generally want to when 18; parties, drugs, sex, whatever. But, on the other hand, it also seems like she wants you to be there for her to cry on, yet she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She hooks up with other people because of this, and that hurts you because you want a relationship with her. You tell her this, obviously, but she still goes and does it and hurts you. A mature adult wouldn't purposefully go out a hurt the person they love by hooking up with other people. Obviously, she's not an adult (guess it depends where you live), and it doesn't seem like she's mature.

She's not your GF anymore, so you can't really get angry if she hooks up with other people, but due to your history and current emotions it's obvious why you're upset - I'd be too. If I were you, and I really loved this girl, I'd tell her that I want a relationship, and if she doesn't want one then we can't see eachother. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship and continues to hook up with people, I'd probably stop contacting and seeing here. I'd move on, and she's wasting your time.
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I know what you mean, she isn't mature, she can be but she also isn't most of the time. To be honest though looking back, even 2 years ago, before I went to uni I was exactly the same.

She actually phoned me up about half an hour ago (it's now 3:40 am here) walking back from a club on a broken ankle screaming at me, and also in pain, about how I've been playing mind games and she's in so much pain and she does everything to keep me happy but I always tell her it's not good enough. I never knew she felt like this and it's made me feel like the biggest dick on the face of this planet.

I suppose I can be a bit controlling but I'm also a very laid back person. And well those experiences you talked about she's clean of drugs and shit and generally turned into a good girl these days, something about her and her brother fighting really badly when they were both on coke when she was 15 scared her out of doing it ever again.

We're going to have a chat when we're out of uni tomorrow and I'm also in the process of writing an email to her cos she told me to text her everything I feel about her and everything I want to say so she can read it when she's sober and absorb it, of course it's way too many characters for a text. Does anyone know what I can say? Cos some of the stuff I've said has been nasty and I think she's willing to think about what I have to say
 
Dude, you're making this way too complicated!! All this, she did this and she did that and I said this and that, OMG I'm going to get sick! Listen, this is very simple. If you want her in your life for an extended period of time then tell her exactly how you feel and leave nothing out. Stop all the petty shit and treat her like a lady. If she chooses to be with you then, you treat her like gold all the time and you'll be rewarded in spades. If she doesn't want to be with you, proudly bow out and wish her well and end all contact. Even though it'll be tough to do. Just stop! Someone needs to make a damn decision in this relationship and enough of this back and forth, half in half out crap. It's now or never! Say your peace and see what she wants after she hears what you have to say. It's much simpler than you're making it. I wish you well and what will be, will be. That's it!
 
Tude said:
Go out and kiss two girls when you're drink and see how she handles it. If she freaks out, there's your answer.
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I was thinking similarly... If she goes out kissing other guys when you're together then it shows she doesn't have respect for you.
 
Like I said"

noregrets2011 said:
Don't worry she's in a relationship as of today, was seeing another lad when she was seeing me
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Basically fuck her I'm going off the rails now, she always disapproved if I took any drug, even if I had a toke on the spliff, getting 3 pills and some ket in tomorrow, hopefully I'll find someone at the weekend who's in a similar boat who can get wired with me and have an artificial MDMA love with
 
noregrets2011 said:
Sorry haven't been on here in a while, I know I'm not gunna be with her for the rest of my life I'm not an idiot. But haven't felt that way about a person in ages, not since I was like 15 and naive, and all my girlfriends have been dicks and I don't get a kick out of a one night stand anymore, I kind of want someone to be there if you know what I mean.

We've decided that nows not the best of times cos of distance and all, but I want us to have confidence in each other, we oscillate between happy and feeling awful all the time, but I want to know that I have her there. It confuses me, I don't really know what I want, but she doesn't either. Half the time what I get from her is cryptic as well, she can be a handful.

All I know is that the past week or so we haven't been talking, and I really just wanna talk to her face to face but we can't atm and it's really hurting me, and it's awkward cos of distance cos I don't know the next time I will see her etc...
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no one, at the age of 20, knows what they want.


the best thing to do would be to do as someone else in this thread has already suggested. let her know that the distance thing is a bit much and that you want to remain close to her but not in a relationship kind of way...let it roll off dude you are too young to be stressing yourself out over this shit, and yes go ahead and get drunk and fool around with a few girls. tell her if you want but the actual act will be self-gratifying.
 
BeachBum4u said:
Dude, you're making this way too complicated!! All this, she did this and she did that and I said this and that, OMG I'm going to get sick! Listen, this is very simple. If you want her in your life for an extended period of time then tell her exactly how you feel and leave nothing out. Stop all the petty shit and treat her like a lady. If she chooses to be with you then, you treat her like gold all the time and you'll be rewarded in spades. If she doesn't want to be with you, proudly bow out and wish her well and end all contact. Even though it'll be tough to do. Just stop! Someone needs to make a damn decision in this relationship and enough of this back and forth, half in half out crap. It's now or never! Say your peace and see what she wants after she hears what you have to say. It's much simpler than you're making it. I wish you well and what will be, will be. That's it!
Click to expand...

best post in this thread.
 
Tude said:
Go out and kiss two girls when you're drink and see how she handles it. If she freaks out, there's your answer.
Click to expand...

hahah - that's one way of doing it...pretty immature in my opinion.

shulginsmyhero said:
your twenty right

way to young to be worrying about shit like that
do you really think you will spend the rest of your life with her ....no way
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Yeah dude - worrying is definitely beneath you - yet I get it, you're young, that's the time to worry if you're gonna worry. But stop worrying NOW - it gives you cancer remember ;)

So yeah - here's what you do - just be honest about how it makes you feel - tell her how you feel - make sure you use the word "feel" - then there's no blame game - you're talking about how her actions impact on you, and you'd just like her to be honest as well about her feelings.

Honestly though - the long distance thing - can't see that working out so well for ya.

Just tell her not to promise you anything. And give her the same courtesy - see where things go - you can't make a commitment to each other when you are so far apart, it's unfair on both of you, because then you will feel guilty if you say you'll not do sumat, and then do it - that's just silly.

Just tell her how you feel about her, how you feel about the situation, and suggest that neither of you make any commitment to each other for now, other than being honest with each other.

EDIT: just seen she''s in a relationship - dude just be her friend, and make a move in the future if you see an opening, and you have something real to offer her - sounds like she just wants to experience being in relationships - which is fair do's - she's 17!

Don't go off the rails - you will most likelye embarrass yourself, alienate her by messagin/ringing her with crazy rants(or true heartfelt sentiments if you get the MDMA(solely MDMA)dosage right!), or even worse, damage your body and brain coz you're in hte wrong mindset.

Take care of ya'self brother, and don't let your emotions get the better of you when it comes to a girl - this is unattractive. Control how much it aaffects you. You have the power to let it bubble up and disappear...just remember the love.
 
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B1tO'RoughJack said:
hahah - that's one way of doing it...pretty immature in my opinion.



Yeah dude - worrying is definitely beneath you - yet I get it, you're young, that's the time to worry if you're gonna worry. But stop worrying NOW - it gives you cancer remember ;)

So yeah - here's what you do - just be honest about how it makes you feel - tell her how you feel - make sure you use the word "feel" - then there's no blame game - you're talking about how her actions impact on you, and you'd just like her to be honest as well about her feelings.

Honestly though - the long distance thing - can't see that working out so well for ya.

Just tell her not to promise you anything. And give her the same courtesy - see where things go - you can't make a commitment to each other when you are so far apart, it's unfair on both of you, because then you will feel guilty if you say you'll not do sumat, and then do it - that's just silly.

Just tell her how you feel about her, how you feel about the situation, and suggest that neither of you make any commitment to each other for now, other than being honest with each other.

EDIT: just seen she''s in a relationship - dude just be her friend, and make a move in the future if you see an opening, and you have something real to offer her - sounds like she just wants to experience being in relationships - which is fair do's - she's 17!

Don't go off the rails - you will most likelye embarrass yourself, alienate her by messagin/ringing her with crazy rants(or true heartfelt sentiments if you get the MDMA(solely MDMA)dosage right!), or even worse, damage your body and brain coz you're in hte wrong mindset.

Take care of ya'self brother, and don't let your emotions get the better of you when it comes to a girl - this is unattractive. Control how much it aaffects you. You have the power to let it bubble up and disappear...just remember the love.
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I'm feeling better now, I can't believe she'd just fuck me off like that after we'd been seeing each other for so long, and the lad she's with now she's only known for a month! Oh and she's 18 now. She's just a snake with tits in my opinion, haven't been out on the pull either in ages cos of her so I'm gunna be a bit rusty haha
 
Tude said:
Go out and kiss two girls when you're drink and see how she handles it. If she freaks out, there's your answer.
Click to expand...

Don't do this.


Long distant relationships are very hard at your age. I had a girlfriend cheat on me when I moved from the bay to LA. I was also with a girl in college who had a boyfriend for several years in high school that was cheating on him (with me). :/

I was young 18 or 19 around this age , and so were my girlfriends. Pretty much all of the long-distance relationship situations I have been in have been negative (even though I still have place in my heart three years later with the girl I met in college who cheated on her boyfriend ... sigh but that's a different story...)

I say try to let it go unless you really feel that you love her and that you and her can make things work out until this long distance thing can end :/ . If you guys decide to stay friends, there are many'a fish in the sea ma' friend . And you never know, you both could end college and end up being single and trying things out again?

Sorry if I was a little negative, but I hope my advice helped my friend ! Good luck ! -b4rd
 
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