I need help

[dnb2012]

So.. im 26, since iv been 15/16 I've misused drugs starting with cannabis then a found my love for coke got really addicted to that for about 2 years daily needing, managed to come of that due to taking an overdose one night (2nd time) then for the last 2 years ive become menatally addicted to m-cat no physically addicted but mentally. those of you who have done it may no what I mean. Anyway the last 6 months my depression (what truth be told iv been suffering for years with but use drugs to ignore it) has got so bad, its caused me to fuck my 3 year relationship up with my partner (we now split 2 weeks ago) back in November I took an over dose of paracetemol,not really because I wanted to die but a cry for help because I was struggerling to cope with life, so after that I finally went to the doctors, then me and my partner split just before xmas which pushed me over the edge, the only reason why im not dead is because of my kids so I contacted the crisis team now they are working with me. but right now well this weekend, I feel hopeless, useless I feel like im fucking everything up with family and friends feel alone, feel like I got no one, I got no motivation to do anything no concentration. I keep thinking I'd be be better of dead. selfish in some respects because of the people id hurt. but I don't know what to do. don't know who to turn to. iv found my self taking a lot of diazepams and lorazepams (forgive the spelling) to help me, but iv gone from one or 2 a day to 5/6 a day and drinking. now I don't think iv yet got an addiction to them though I do keep taking um. all the docs have gave me is sertraline 100mg and 10mg propanol, they are not working but gp says keep taking them! im really struggerling and need some reason of advice.
p.s if in wrong place feel free to move

 

[Allein]

Hi DnB,

I had a bit of a run on M-cat (4MMC) whilst it was legal in the UK, I'd been using a fair bit of coke prior but money and poor quality made 4MMC seem like such a gift, the price when legal was a less than a 10th of what I'd been paying for coke.

I'm drawn to stimulants, they provide relief from depression but when abused they make my situation worse both in relation to my mental health and the way I interact with the people around me.

Your GP seems to be providing the standard pharmaceutical treatment for depression and adding in a beta blocker, I'm guessing you have mentioned some kind of palpations or panic symptoms. There is much discussion to be had about the effectiveness of ADs and SSRIs in particular, I don't get on with SSRIs at all and have tried many ADs with varying degrees of success.

It really sounds like you need some counselling to talk start to deal with your problematic drug use and the emotional fallout. Did your GP ( I'm assuming you are in the UK just because of the 4MMC use and your script )give you any details of your local drug advice service ? or mention talking therapies like CBT ?

You will not always feel this way, there will be ups and downs but you will feel better in time.

 

[herbavore]

Breaking up and then going right into the stress of the holidays--and worrying about your kids on top of that sounds like a lot to deal with. I'm really sorry and I know you must feel exhausted trying to deal with the emotional overload. Drugs are not really going to help, at least not without counseling to address the needs underneath. Do you have someone that you can talk to? If you have been self-medicating for a long time you may have to learn strategies for coping that feel new and inadequate at first. Make positive changes, even small ones, and then give them time. One mistake many people make when trying to stop over-using drugs is to think everything should have an immediate effect like the drugs did. Good luck and hang on--it will get better with changes and time.

 

[dnb2012]

i'm going through counclling now about the drug abuse, i havn't had owt since boxing day, getting a bit of problem on diazepams though im trying to nip in the bud while i still gt the chance. im under the mental health act and so force now so i see the crisis team everydat but they have seemed not be ringing me or any more think im have to ring them back as its getting really hard for me at the momemt. keep causing arguements with the ex, dunno why guess part of me wants her back and because i cant im doing things the hard way.

 

[caseface99]

Aww man dnb I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm in a similar boat as you right now, just minus the drugs. Can no longer call my girl my girlfriend right now, I have no real friends and no family within 3200 miles of where I live other than her and now I may not see her again.

I've got almost 8 months sober however, and honestly its the only thing keeping me going right now - no matter what i can't lose my recovery. I would maybe suggest you take things one thing at a time, starting with the drugs. You can't treat mental health issues when you are using, it's impossible - And I can almost guarantee nothing in your life will start getting better until you stop using all together. It sounds like you have some resources available to you so please do your best to take advantage of that.

As far as the ex goes, try your best not to start arguments with her. I can imagine how you are feeling right now and believe me I know it's terrible. And I have to tell you, that quitting the drugs is going to make you able to really feel all of your feelings and initially those feelings will get a lot worse. However Once the drugs have left your system you will finally be able to process the feelings and until then, they probably won't go away - at best will be hidden by the drugs only to be felt worse and worse each time you wake up or come down.

Stay strong dnb. I know it's not easy. I really do. I'm holding back tears of my own while typing this right now but I have faith that both of us can overcome our difficulties. Just keep doing the next right thing, and over time things will change. If you want the ex back, you will need to show her with actions that you are changing - words can only do so much for so long, unfortunately.

 

[dnb2012]

hey thanks for that caseface. i couldnt imagine going through it on my own. the depression has being going years im only just coming to grips with it thought the support i want i havnt got (the ex) how ever after reading this i do apperciate what i have got as you seem to be alone. yeah i do have the resources to help. i havnmt touched drugs since boxing day and for that is good as i used to be on um fri-sun. i'm finding it hard coming of it dont get me wrong but i am doing so. doc sgave me some happy pills and anxiety tabs, i believe there starting to work but i think thats because im allowing them to rather than fighting against them. i hope u you okay as well well be laughing in 6 months though now im crying
stay strong much love guys