I need help

[Warp Renegade]

I'm a poly drug user. It started about 8 years ago with GBL which was the 'drug of my dreams' it was perfect for every situation. If I needed to chill I could have some, if I was going out partying I would have some, if I'd had a bad day at work I'd have some, if I'd had a good day at work I'd have some. So my casual use soon spiralled into me having to dose every 4 hours just to feel normal. I'd even take a dose just b efore bed to get me to sleep and have another dose at my bedside for when I woke up 4 hours later with withdrawal symptoms, and to get me back to sleep.

GBL then became difficult for me to get hold of so instead of nipping it in the bud there and then, I used opiates to help with cravings. But of course 'I'm not stupid so it's not like I'll get addicted' right? Ha! Opiates never fully made me feel normal though and then I discovered Pregabalin. It was no GBL but it was good and mixed with opiates I could live my life as normally as posssible.

Now I'm at a point where I really don't care what it is I have, anything from Amphetamines/MDMA to Opiates or alcohol if I can't get anything else.

Really, I have anything that will take my mind off the fact that I'm not interested in life anymore. It bores me. I've tried activities, I hang around with non drug taking friends, go on walks, go fishing, camping and loads of other stuff, but life just really doesn't interest me anymore.

I have a hard time coping with situations, my stress levels fly through the roof for no aparrant reason, I can't stand being around people anymore. Not even my loved ones. If my parents come round to visit or I go to theirs, all I'm thinking about the whole time is when I get to be alone again.

I sit at home with the curtains drawn because I don't like to see people walking down the street past my house. I cry fuck loads and just don't want to continue with this 'life' if you could call it that.

Due to the stress/depression problems I have now lost my job, my doctor knows about my 'depression' problems but I've not told him about my out of control drug use. If I go and explain my situation, I don't just want to be put on anti-depressants. I've tried talking to people about the whole situation but I find it really hard to open up and talk.

I don't know where to turn. Do you think if I explained my situation to the doctor that he would be able to help or would I just get put onto anti-depressants? I tried Fluoxetine before but it stripped me of all emotions and I felt like a zombie so stopped taking them. I don't believe that it's depression alone anyway, no matter how many times they diagnose it as that.

There's also the work situation now, I really don't feel like I am mentally ready to be at work, if I can't stand being around my family, how am I supposed to be stuck with a load of people that I don't even know.

I've spoken to my wife about this but obviously she isn't an expert and has no previous experience with anything like it so she can't help me.

I feel like my perfect life would be to live in the middle of a forest miles and miles away from people taking drugs until the day comes that I finally don't wake up. I don't want to feel like this but I don't know where to turn.

I really want help but don't know what to do.

 

[herbavore]

I think that your brain needs time away from all the drugs--lots of time--to heal; then, you can more clearly feel your way with the underlying issue of depression. What you are describing sounds like a living hell and I give you lots of credit for surviving it each and every day. Wanting help is the first step. Opening up to your doctor is the second and getting into some kind of treatment program might be a possible next step to consider. Have you thought of that option?

Finding a therapist or psychologist to work with would do you a world of good, too. I know that it can be exhausting to find a good one but it is well worth the effort. Again, this person needs to be completely in the loop about your drug use. Finding your way out of this must seem very daunting. Please have faith that it can be done and your life can be your own again. Sometimes hanging on to that faith is the hardest struggle.

 

[VaderisBaddAss]

I think the first step is to he honest with yourself, and your wife. Which it sounds like you're doing. That's a great start. Another, is how you've admitted you have a problem and do wish to work to get rid of it.

If you have the option, I would definitely recommend a treatment/detox program. Maybe something inpatient would be better for you, something to completely control your environment for you so you won't resort to the only thing you know that has worked for you in the past, drugs. I think if you check yourself in somewhere, and remove all those substances from your immediate grasp, make it harder to get them, that may help you in using them so frequently, which could help with your cravings. I'm not saying that's gonna work all by itself. But I think you should combine that with other treatments such as therapy/counseling, whether one on one or group.

I think your on the right track and you definitely have it in you to get through this! I can tell your strong, simply because you can admit this to yourself and the ones you love. That takes a lot.

I would start by telling your doctor about it. Maybe he/she can reccoment a facility for you, maybe they've experienced this before in previous patients and can offer some good advice!

But going to rehab is something you should try, if you really want to get cleaned up. Why not? Think about it, like what's the worst that could happen? It doesn't help, so then you try something else, and at least maybe you'll have a better idea of how to conquer this?

Good luck! Be strong! And stay in touch!

We're all here for you

 

[wooger]

Hey

As has already been mentioned a really long break from any kind of drug use is going to do your brain the world of good. You mention you have been using a lot of various substances so it's going to be pretty difficult to feel normal when your brain chemistry has been pulled in all different directions for a while. Time to heal will do you the world of good .

I think if you tell your doctor about your drug use they will be more than happy to point you in the right direction with regards to finding some treatment, hopefully including some counselling or therapy and I know it can be incredibly difficult to open up to people, but you have done amazingly well at getting your current situation across on here, so I am sure you can articulate your problems, it's just getting to the root of them, facing them and moving forwards.... there are many people who have done it so I'm sure you can too! If you feel you have problems other than the diagnosed depression perhaps you could ask your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist.

One thing which might be helpful is trying NA/AA meetings, even if its just to get to know people who have been in similar situations who also want to get their lives sorted out, you might find it easier to relate to them than people who have never had substance dependency problems and they are often very knowledgeable about facilities in your area if you feel that an impatient program is right now you or if you need to go to detox.

Either way, it sounds like you are really looking to turn your life around so don't give up! There's plenty of help out there .

 

[Antecessor]

Methadone program would do you wonders, the doctor would probably prescribe benzodiazepine as well, don't take ANYTHING else, not even alcohol or weed, and your brain chemistry will even out eventually.

It also sounds like life crisis, the stress and boredom of lacking a meaningful direction, itself causes a form of depression and withdrawal from activity.

But if I was you, see the pros.