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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS I need help, im scared i screwed up my brain for good this time

bilbon said:
Hi man,

When I read it i was saying myself I could have written exactly the same things ten years ago. For me after many abuses with stim and weed it began after a trip with hawaian shrooms. I took it thinking it was like weed and boom : bad trip. After that i didn't feel cconfortable when smoking weed or taking XTC but continued for the same reasons as you : friends, didn't feel like living without drugs. I insisted for nealy 5 years after that, persuaded that i would be able to control this fucking anxiety. But it only got worse so first i stopped XTC. Then I smoked less and less weed until i realised after 5 years that it was useless : i didn't have any positive effects and it was imossible to controle (i remember too swearing many times that "if i go through this time i swear whatever god you are it is last time" and that i wouldn't want my worst ennemy to feel like that).

Now ten years after i must say I have a good life. But I still miss "the good old time" when i could take whatever drug i wanted. But i tried recently to smoke and i got again the same bad feelings, tacchichardia etc... That's to say I think you won't get back the way it was before but after some time your brain will recover and you will be able to live normally, except for drugs. I tell myself it may have sayed my life (if i didn't OD I surely would have made a good trip to jail) and maybe it will save yours (when i read the combos you made honestly i wondered how you were qtill alive).

For me it was difficult to live with it the first times, i felt more anxious whereas i never felt anxious before and never had a bad trip. It took many time for me to accept the situation (5 years of continuous bad experiences more subborn you die 8). But afterall it could be worse. And I refused opis as i was sure i would stay adicted till the end of my life.

Best regards and sorry for the english not my mother tongue
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Hey man, thanks alot for taking your time to share youir experience, its quite helpful. So you say you get tachichardia now when you smoke? damn me too a puff and my heart is above 120... I thinmk if i smoke again, i will eat bar and drink a 2l beer before, but for now fuck stims and weed. And i dont really see my pot smoking friends ::who are natural:: blablabla for this exact reason. The only problem i see is i wont be able to say no to opis, they are my favorite cagetory of substance :P
 
PurpleKush1 said:
. i wont be able to say no to opis, they are my favorite cagetory of substance :P
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me as well...opies are my bestest friend..
just wanted to add the thing with weed and your heart..so one night i smoke a bowl and my gf has her head on my chest ..she tells me my heart sounds funny..beating erratic ,skipping beats ,speeding up /slowing down..scarry sht......so then a bunch of yrs later i forget all about this and decide i wanna try weed again...oh god was it awful my heart starts racing so i go in the bathroom to get away from everyone and in the mirror i can see my shirt moving with every beat of my heart..feel like im coming outta my skin..i go to er and my pulse is 170 bpm,the looks on their faces frighten me even more . so they rush me back hook me up to all kinds of monitor devices. you know, at 22 yrs old im supposed to be the epitomy of healthy but here i lay for 4 hrs waiting on death... youd think after this id learn.. not so. through-out the yrs id have similair episodes with different gf's still stubbornly searching for that sweet marijuana high that had become so elusive to me
 
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bennodd'n said:
me as well...opies are my bestest friend..
just wanted to add the thing with weed and your heart..so one night i smoke a bowl and my gf has her head on my chest ..she tells me my heart sounds funny..beating erratic ,skipping beats ,speeding up /slowing down..scarry sht......so then a bunch of yrs later i forget all about this and decide i wanna try weed again...oh god was it awful my heart starts racing so i go in the bathroom to get away from everyone and in the mirror i can see my shirt moving with every beat of my heart..feel like im coming outta my skin..i go to er and my pulse is 170 bpm,the looks on their faces frighten me even more . so they rush me back hook me up to all kinds of monitor devices. you know, at 22 yrs old im supposed to be the epitomy of healthy but here i lay for 4 hrs waiting on death... youd think after this id learn.. not so. through-out the yrs id have similair episodes with different gf's still stubbornly searching for that sweet marijuana high that had become so elusive to me
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Dude this is literaly scary. But when i take a puff now its the same as you, i dont know how fast, but its arythmic, speeding up and down and skippin beats. this is bullshit man i dont know what to do? im going to limit myself to downers now....i would like to know the mechanism behind this tho
 
I took time because when it happened to me I thought nobody would believe me. I myself couldn't believe it was possible to have a bad trip with weed. So in the begining I felt very bad, thinking I had fucked my mind, wondering if i would be "normal" again one day. Not speaking about it just made it longer to understand the problem. I thought it was just a question of will or mind controle. I tried everything, but each time i smoke (only a few puffs) my pulse starts running faster. I keep calm, just smoke in relaxing situations, but nothing to do I get those ** tacchicardia crisis every time. So I came to a conclusion : that's like that, stop smoking it only make things worse. And then I began to feel better and better.

I still miss drugs (I always said I would never stop smoking weed unless I'm dead Bob Marley style) and maybe that's the reason I read sometimes on a forum like Bluelight :) But I would be very happy if my experience could make you understand that what you are experiencing is not so terrible, that you shouldn't insist too long on weed if you get bad experiences each time, and that no your mind is not fucked up. It's not easy to adapt to a life without drugs, but in the end your mind will fully recover and you'll be able to live like anybody else.

And one last tip : be careful too with MDMA/XTC because you've experience tachiccardia with weed I let you imagine what it can be with XTC, even stronger crisis and way longer (sometimes 4 hours seem like an eternity).


Edit : I'm still wondering what caused all this mess too. I read sometimes that weed, psychedelics and bad trips can sometimes reveal schysophrenia, but I don't feel like that. The main issue is my heart racing very fast, arythmic too when i smoke but if i don't smoke i have no problem. I know the brain chemical is very fragile and maybe many abuses can change it a little. But I think that unconsciously your mind remembers the first bad trip and it's a way to prevent a new "chemical attack". Difficult to explain in english sorry.
 
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you got the right idea about staying away from stimulants..i do nothing these days except depressants and it seems to work out really well (for me).
im sorry to hear about everyones bad experiences but on the otherhand it feels good to talk to other people going thru the exact same things i went thru. its hard to relate to my friends who smoke weed like most smoke cigs.
 
bilbon said:
I took time because when it happened to me I thought nobody would believe me. I myself couldn't believe it was possible to have a bad trip with weed. So in the begining I felt very bad, thinking I had fucked my mind, wondering if i would be "normal" again one day. Not speaking about it just made it longer to understand the problem. I thought it was just a question of will or mind controle. I tried everything, but each time i smoke (only a few puffs) my pulse starts running faster. I keep calm, just smoke in relaxing situations, but nothing to do I get those ** tacchicardia crisis every time. So I came to a conclusion : that's like that, stop smoking it only make things worse. And then I began to feel better and better.

I still miss drugs (I always said I would never stop smoking weed unless I'm dead Bob Marley style) and maybe that's the reason I read sometimes on a forum like Bluelight :) But I would be very happy if my experience could make you understand that what you are experiencing is not so terrible, that you shouldn't insist too long on weed if you get bad experiences each time, and that no your mind is not fucked up. It's not easy to adapt to a life without drugs, but in the end your mind will fully recover and you'll be able to live like anybody else.

And one last tip : be careful too with MDMA/XTC because you've experience tachiccardia with weed I let you imagine what it can be with XTC, even stronger crisis and way longer (sometimes 4 hours seem like an eternity).


Edit : I'm still wondering what caused all this mess too. I read sometimes that weed, psychedelics and bad trips can sometimes reveal schysophrenia, but I don't feel like that. The main issue is my heart racing very fast, arythmic too when i smoke but if i don't smoke i have no problem. I know the brain chemical is very fragile and maybe many abuses can change it a little. But I think that unconsciously your mind remembers the first bad trip and it's a way to prevent a new "chemical attack". Difficult to explain in english sorry.
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Hey man, thanks for taking your time to reply, actually im NEVER touching Xtc/mdma again. The last experience with a dirty roll whicbh triggered all this bullshit completly turned me off. Maybe one day ill do cocaine or good speed again but not in the near futuree. Me too i dont feel the schizoprenia, but i think its broughty me back in to a mild psychosis, i alrady had one two years ago because of very heavy stimulant use. Since im on antipsychotics/mood stabilizer i dont feel this symptoms.... problem is i cant live sober, im gonna replace weed with alcohol + benzzo or / and opiates. I need something to calm me down, im completly insuportable when im sober, i snap and go crazy over some little details, i cant sleep, i hate everybody i go out in the street and everybody i see i just want to disapear, they seem worthless to me. I try to drift away from these thoughts, but its not easy and almost impossible. Its comforting to know i wonmt stay like this for ever, but still i cant do the thing i liked to do the most.
 
bennodd'n said:
you got the right idea about staying away from stimulants..i do nothing these days except depressants and it seems to work out really well (for me).
im sorry to hear about everyones bad experiences but on the otherhand it feels good to talk to other people going thru the exact same things i went thru. its hard to relate to my friends who smoke weed like most smoke cigs.
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Same here man! i used to smoke more joint/blunts than cigs a day and i smoke a 20 pack a day. But now i cant :S im gonna try with 1mg xanax and a few beers in me though... but i noticed before all this happened sometimes when i would get mad fucked up on xanax and beer and smoked alot, my heart seemed tachichardic but i didnt care, i dont give a fuck about anything on that combo. But its kinda paradoxal, its the opposite you have to expect with this combo. But im fairly tolerant to this, the only time i freaked out was 2 minutes after having popped 3 .5 mg xanax and 4 x 2l of beer with a friend who took one, i saw everything double, i made myself vomited and it passed. Im curoius did you freak out on depressants like on weed after this bad experience?
 
Hey Kush, others have said this but it's best to stay away from stims. Maybe the weed you smoked was stronger than usual. Or maybe it's causing your rapid heart beat, whereas before you never had a problem with it before. Take it easy on combining different chemicals.
 
PurpleKush1 said:
Im curoius did you freak out on depressants like on weed after this bad experience?
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hell no..they were a godsend.smooth sailing, no panic attacks, no rapid pulse, they helped put my life back on track, havent been to er in years.
 
T. Calderone said:
Hey Kush, others have said this but it's best to stay away from stims. Maybe the weed you smoked was stronger than usual. Or maybe it's causing your rapid heart beat, whereas before you never had a problem with it before. Take it easy on combining different chemicals.
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Dude thats the more stupid in all this story,i cambe back from canada where i smoke top notch weed, l ike .5 got me high for a few hours, wehereas when i arrived here i smoked 4 joint of mids not dank and this happemjed. definitly taking your advice on the stims though :P
bennoddn thats great then i know which my susbtance of choice wil be now :P
 
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you could try installing many motivational mobile phone apps. Theres one that emulated zombies running after you to make you run more!
There's so much out there, just take one step!
PurpleKush1 said:
tahnks for the support reyquaz, i tried with the valerian but it does fuck all to calm me down, im used to 5-6 pink xanaxes and a bottle of champagne or a 2l of beer to calm me down.... i try to eat healthy too, its helps a bit. and i need the movitation for exercising
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zombie applications that make you run you say? sound good :P. i trained for the first time today in years, it felt good, i fell more at peace. but i need motivation to some cardiovascukar work, that zombie app might help :P
 
Dude I was physically addicted to klonopin, 1mg a day after only only 3 weeks of use. I would wager graciously on the theory that you are withdrawaling from benzos. Benzo withdrawal takes months and there is nothing linear about the healing process. I went through it only that once and experience EXACTLY what you described, and wasn't on any other drugs.....
 
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