• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I need help! Have 8 months clean..

C

colabear

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 9, 2015
Messages
9
Okay so Swim used to use heroin on a daily basis for about 2 years, desperation helped get clean and have maintained it through a program and halfway house, but the problem is swim is still having major physical problems and depressed. swim can't describe the feeling swim is having but it feels like swim might as well be withdrawing. No motivation and just phycially feel like crap all day everyday. Swim has been tested for everything and they say in good health but sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Can anybody give some advice? Is suboxone still an option swim is terrified to relapse.
 
Welcome to Blue Light. :)
No need to use SWIM in here.
It seems you have now realized how bad dope can be and what your are dealing with is very predictable, believe me I know how bad it gets.
Congratulations for your decision. Knowing what's best for you is the most challenging issue when you want to change.
I wouldn't advise you to use subs. It's even harder to quit. Better try to handle these first weeks and seek for help. Here or NA, r both..
It does get better and if you really want to quit, you will make it. Lots of people here will help you through this.
There are specific threads about recovery and with time you'll be ok. After all you've managed to do it alone so far.
**Go see a doctor to see what he prescribes. Benzodiazepines can help if you take them temporarily so that you don't get even more addicted.

Good luck!
 
Thank you guys, I am doing the whole recovery thing but it seems to be completely physical and I haven't met another person that completely has had the same effects. I feel miserable and I am living in another state than my home and in a few weeks to a month I will be going back to the people places and things. I have tried many many anti depression meds and anti anxiety and nothing helps, I just don't want to relapse. But is suboxone an option still, just as an option I don't want anything yet but I would take that over relapse because it's tricky.
 
I have seen multiple doctors, I am trying to get through this but I am literally at the point I can't even get out of bed. **I have 8 months clean and every doctor I've seen looked at me crazy when I told them that and described the way I feel**
 
have u considered going on an anti- depressant? 8 months is a long time man thats fucking awesome, i can't even go 8 hours without using. sounds to me like you mite relapse though especially since you mentioned going back to old people places and things. who am i to give any advice but that sounds like a recipe for disaster

find a hobby u like to do or start working out, i love surfing and that helps me a lot
 
Like I said above I've tried multiple anti depressants they make it so much worse for me. Right now I'm living in an area where I walk out of my door and get offered heroin on a daily basis and sometimes I want to just to get rid of the way I feel but I don't because I know what happens in the long term. I guess I'm just lost right now no motivation and feel like shit all day everyday but no other heroin addict I know has these problems I do...
 
I've spent the last 8 months asking recovering heroin addicts if they can relate and nobody does, Idk this situation I'm in sucks.
 
Colabear
Hang in there !! You have done amazing 8 months is a long time. Keep pushing through each day and honestly it will slowly get better, one day you will look back and realize how far you have come. I am just over 10 months clean it took a very long time for me to get my energy back as well as finding happiness in day to day life. But so worth it !!!
 
I appreciate it, did you have any help through medications or anything So sick? I've been pushing hard I guess after all this time feeling like this I'm getting worn out :( I have not lost hope but it's beating me up mentally.
 
colabear, I think what you are experiencing is very common for people that have been using drugs for a long period of time. Partially it is PAWS, but even deeper than that there is the conundrum of getting clean for what? If your life is a life that does not excite you in any way, does not provide comfort and engagement, it is difficult to go from having an escape from that (your DOC) to no escape at all. This is where you heal.

Take the miserable feelings, the lack of motivation, the depression and hold it up to the light. Usually you find that it is feelings of worthlessness underneath it all. That is where you start. Why? How did this happen? You do not start out feeling the need to run away from yourself but by the time most of us reach our teens, we have a whole host of reasons in our own heads about how we are inadequate, etc. Self acceptance is one of the hardest things to acheive in life but it is worth more than anything. When you are not all tied up in your head you can begin to experience the world around you again--all the possibilities that were always there are once again open to you.

Medications will just mask all the feelings if they "work" and make you feel worse if they don't work. Try to get a good counselor if that is at all possible. It can really help to go back and talk about the roots of addiction and not just the actual addiction and recovery.

You are doing really well.<3
 
mrsnowygrainius said:
have u considered going on an anti- depressant? 8 months is a long time man thats fucking awesome, i can't even go 8 hours without using. sounds to me like you mite relapse though especially since you mentioned going back to old people places and things. who am i to give any advice but that sounds like a recipe for disaster

find a hobby u like to do or start working out, i love surfing and that helps me a lot
Click to expand...

I m soon going to be on my 4th month. And have been like that before for years.

Tbh, I don't believe I will ever get well. Better, but very not satisfied at all
 
I get what you are saying herbavore and I totally agree but yes I honestly do feel worthless right now, but I have been clean before because before heroin I was pretty much a garbage can would just do whatever was around but was never physically dependant on drugs, when I had been clean in the past I never had this problem but I think the chemicals in my brain are messed up leading me to be where I am. Right now I guess I just have nothing to make me feel human no matter what I try. It is just be coming very stressful for me and couldn't imagine feeling like this forever.
 
I believe the younger you are, more chances to get back to whatever it is that you are looking for in life.
I remember having gone through a period where I could afford thinking "I have an entire life ahead of me"!
You know that's up to your struggle and that you will get there. On the other hand, the patience is not yet on its highest peak..
 
I agree, it's just a shitty situation and everything I've tried doesn't help. I just wish I could feel somewhat normal, I know I will never be normal what even a smaller bit normal would be a huge improvement.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top