TheStarOnIR
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2013
- Messages
- 61
I have written my absent father whom decided to leave my sister and I for an unknown reason. Is it too harsh, I'm just so angry at this man. Any help would be appreciated. I have to add I have him an opportunity that he half ass fulfilled, only to magically disappear again..
-So I'm sitting here on this Saturday morning and it suddenly occurs to me as I watch my daughter run around and play with her toys and watch cartoons that I never hear from you ever. That just mind fucks me every time. I can't wrap my head around it; even after all of these years still you have maintained the definitive description of what every individual with an opinion would explain to me about you.
In fact not one person wanted to give you any credibility at all no one other than me that is. I didn't want to accept you to be what others had accepted years ago. Despite the opportunity graciously given to you, you so effortlessly managed to give validity to all of those derogative statements others made. So it begs the question, do you do this shit subconsciously? Or are you in fact a man with no interest in his biological children, and now grandchild.
You were given this undeserved opportunity to redeem yourself, but instead you could literally care less. You weren’t at all willing to ride the road to redemption and take the simple initiative to fix it. That is shameful and inexcusable. As far as I am concerned they were precise and accurate you fit each statements made verbatim.
I didn't want nor did I expect you to break out the baseball and gloves and play catch in the yard. Simply just a call here and there, I don’t know possibly a visit once or twice a year...
I wondered who you were, what did you look like, does he think of me, does he give a single fucking thought or care at all? I would call you and hang up just to hear your voice; somehow I figured I’d effectively attribute that to the imaginary picture instilled in my mind. For years I did these things. I was left to only guess, I was another young boy without a any clue of what I would become. I had nothing to utilize as a tool to understand my genealogy. I would never know the lineages underlined in a family lost. These essential elements would mold and shape the individual I would grow to become. I was just a delinquent boy, a little bastard child with an unknown negligent man to reference as his father.
I can appreciate the fact that as men we are subjected to adversity, inadvertently some of them are enough to knock the strongest man to his knees. I realize we are obligated to consider the painstaking pressure from the workday world and all sidelined realms of hardship emotionally and physically just as well. I could maybe excuse the neglect if you had acquired some substantial liquidity or something, but that wasn't the case and realistically isn’t a viable explanation either.
I'm a father now and still I fulfill all of my duties. I succumbed into the day to day shit we call employment. Otherwise, I'm not fiscally compensated. That meant I had to wrap my lips around the mighty erection of corporate America and render my services every single day. It doesn't and it never will implicate my ability to father my daughter.
I am just as busy as the next guy. Yet still I'm here for her. I do whatever it is I have to do to insure that my history does not repeat itself. As fathers we are needed, we are mandated to leave all of our self-destructive bull shit at the door so that we can be there for our children because that's what men do. You on the other hand have essentially sent all your emotions up the flagpole; I can assure you not one person is going to salute that shit.
Why it is you were unable to do anything to make it right makes me infuriated. My anger is a force to be reckoned with. Why you did this shit is something I have tried to understand for way too long. I finally found my way; intrinsically I am stabilized. Despite the statistic inevitability to the contrary I did two things; while others were dreaming I was crushing my competition and you were nowhere to be found.
Lnever had an interest to know you; she didn’t want to speak to you, nothing to offer you at all. Now she is mentally unfit to commit herself to anyone, she directly reflects destruction by day. I attribute her promiscuity to your lack thereof.
I know you did these things for K and LA I'm so thrilled you are instantly gratified in that you were able to replace L and I and effectively condone that. Truthfully, I think I would have preferred you become inebriated nightly and assumed the position as some bar stool prophecy, drowning in a sea of pointless pussy while your family went on without you. Instead you just folded and gave up.
It's ridiculous to excuse all of the issues so please don’t bother. I could continue this meaningless rant forever. I have learned quite a bit throughout this conglomeration of disappointment and indiscriminate role models surrounding me. -Problems they don't exist, there are only solutions. No one cares about why something happened or how it wasn’t conducive all they want is for it to be resolved.
I guess I'm just finally moving on and giving up on the hope that you would one day make it all right. I'm not sure if I ever really cared. I'm now accepting defeat. I have never let anyone get over on me. No one ever gets the best of me. You were the only one who did. I always said that the liberals and the lazy lose. Unfortunately you fit the description. This should give you some clarity in how I feel.
Analytically I tend to dissect every circumstantial piece of a situation; I then weigh out the realism within it. I am not an average person, I consider the difficulties of you being a young father with no idea how to do anything right. It’s the blatant ignorance following my incarceration, the fact that you ignored everything about Lil birth. Who the fuck are you, how is this even an issue. Surely you must have some sort of reason, but you just don’t. I do have an answer, one that I was left to develop on my own just like I have had to do from the very beginning. Simply you are scared of yourself you are weaker than ice water. You are nothing but a self-serving sack of shit that probably always took the easy way out of everything.
If I were to die tomorrow it would be another day you would instantly forget. You missed out champ, my sister and I were the best thing that ever became of you. The series of unfortunate events that took place in all of your days happened for a reason. You earned every single negative moment to date. I didn’t ask for any of this shit. I don’t care about anything other than the fact that you let it happen and still did nothing. The devastating days as a child were sickening. I saw things, I did things, things that no one should ever have to see or do. You have no idea not a small fraction of the overwhelming detriment I came through. I want you to understand something, No man, no place, no woman, not one fucking person, place, or thing, could hold me back from being the man I need to be for my daughter.- The man you couldn't and never can be. I can, I did, and I am still that man today. No thanks to you. Marinate in that, let it do to you what it has done to me for 23 years. I am the direct reflection of everything you were missing. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. For once I will.
-So I'm sitting here on this Saturday morning and it suddenly occurs to me as I watch my daughter run around and play with her toys and watch cartoons that I never hear from you ever. That just mind fucks me every time. I can't wrap my head around it; even after all of these years still you have maintained the definitive description of what every individual with an opinion would explain to me about you.
In fact not one person wanted to give you any credibility at all no one other than me that is. I didn't want to accept you to be what others had accepted years ago. Despite the opportunity graciously given to you, you so effortlessly managed to give validity to all of those derogative statements others made. So it begs the question, do you do this shit subconsciously? Or are you in fact a man with no interest in his biological children, and now grandchild.
You were given this undeserved opportunity to redeem yourself, but instead you could literally care less. You weren’t at all willing to ride the road to redemption and take the simple initiative to fix it. That is shameful and inexcusable. As far as I am concerned they were precise and accurate you fit each statements made verbatim.
I didn't want nor did I expect you to break out the baseball and gloves and play catch in the yard. Simply just a call here and there, I don’t know possibly a visit once or twice a year...
I wondered who you were, what did you look like, does he think of me, does he give a single fucking thought or care at all? I would call you and hang up just to hear your voice; somehow I figured I’d effectively attribute that to the imaginary picture instilled in my mind. For years I did these things. I was left to only guess, I was another young boy without a any clue of what I would become. I had nothing to utilize as a tool to understand my genealogy. I would never know the lineages underlined in a family lost. These essential elements would mold and shape the individual I would grow to become. I was just a delinquent boy, a little bastard child with an unknown negligent man to reference as his father.
I can appreciate the fact that as men we are subjected to adversity, inadvertently some of them are enough to knock the strongest man to his knees. I realize we are obligated to consider the painstaking pressure from the workday world and all sidelined realms of hardship emotionally and physically just as well. I could maybe excuse the neglect if you had acquired some substantial liquidity or something, but that wasn't the case and realistically isn’t a viable explanation either.
I'm a father now and still I fulfill all of my duties. I succumbed into the day to day shit we call employment. Otherwise, I'm not fiscally compensated. That meant I had to wrap my lips around the mighty erection of corporate America and render my services every single day. It doesn't and it never will implicate my ability to father my daughter.
I am just as busy as the next guy. Yet still I'm here for her. I do whatever it is I have to do to insure that my history does not repeat itself. As fathers we are needed, we are mandated to leave all of our self-destructive bull shit at the door so that we can be there for our children because that's what men do. You on the other hand have essentially sent all your emotions up the flagpole; I can assure you not one person is going to salute that shit.
Why it is you were unable to do anything to make it right makes me infuriated. My anger is a force to be reckoned with. Why you did this shit is something I have tried to understand for way too long. I finally found my way; intrinsically I am stabilized. Despite the statistic inevitability to the contrary I did two things; while others were dreaming I was crushing my competition and you were nowhere to be found.
Lnever had an interest to know you; she didn’t want to speak to you, nothing to offer you at all. Now she is mentally unfit to commit herself to anyone, she directly reflects destruction by day. I attribute her promiscuity to your lack thereof.
I know you did these things for K and LA I'm so thrilled you are instantly gratified in that you were able to replace L and I and effectively condone that. Truthfully, I think I would have preferred you become inebriated nightly and assumed the position as some bar stool prophecy, drowning in a sea of pointless pussy while your family went on without you. Instead you just folded and gave up.
It's ridiculous to excuse all of the issues so please don’t bother. I could continue this meaningless rant forever. I have learned quite a bit throughout this conglomeration of disappointment and indiscriminate role models surrounding me. -Problems they don't exist, there are only solutions. No one cares about why something happened or how it wasn’t conducive all they want is for it to be resolved.
I guess I'm just finally moving on and giving up on the hope that you would one day make it all right. I'm not sure if I ever really cared. I'm now accepting defeat. I have never let anyone get over on me. No one ever gets the best of me. You were the only one who did. I always said that the liberals and the lazy lose. Unfortunately you fit the description. This should give you some clarity in how I feel.
Analytically I tend to dissect every circumstantial piece of a situation; I then weigh out the realism within it. I am not an average person, I consider the difficulties of you being a young father with no idea how to do anything right. It’s the blatant ignorance following my incarceration, the fact that you ignored everything about Lil birth. Who the fuck are you, how is this even an issue. Surely you must have some sort of reason, but you just don’t. I do have an answer, one that I was left to develop on my own just like I have had to do from the very beginning. Simply you are scared of yourself you are weaker than ice water. You are nothing but a self-serving sack of shit that probably always took the easy way out of everything.
If I were to die tomorrow it would be another day you would instantly forget. You missed out champ, my sister and I were the best thing that ever became of you. The series of unfortunate events that took place in all of your days happened for a reason. You earned every single negative moment to date. I didn’t ask for any of this shit. I don’t care about anything other than the fact that you let it happen and still did nothing. The devastating days as a child were sickening. I saw things, I did things, things that no one should ever have to see or do. You have no idea not a small fraction of the overwhelming detriment I came through. I want you to understand something, No man, no place, no woman, not one fucking person, place, or thing, could hold me back from being the man I need to be for my daughter.- The man you couldn't and never can be. I can, I did, and I am still that man today. No thanks to you. Marinate in that, let it do to you what it has done to me for 23 years. I am the direct reflection of everything you were missing. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. For once I will.
