blues runner
Bluelighter
Note: Slightly long post. Thank you for your time if you read it.
Hi all. I moved from Singapore to India for my job three months ago and at the time, I'd been clean for several months. Two days after arriving in Goa I met a pusher who offered me anything I wanted. I told him no, I don't do any of that. I do heroin. No problem, he said. 24 hours later, after several fixes of crappy dope, I found myself waking up on the beach at night with a bleeding lump on the back of my head. My iPhone, wallet, everything was gone. Desperate and broke, I resorted to drinking ultra-cheap whisky (about 14 drinks a day). When I just couldn't do it anymore, I checked myself into a clinic and got a psychiatrist who was supposedly excellent.
It was only later I could plainly see he was a quack. This guy diagnosed me with everything in the book: Bipolar Disorder, Epilepsy, several anxiety disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, and yes, ADD. ADD. OK, heroin ruined my life when I started using it at age 23 in Southeast Asia, but all my life, my youth, I've been quiet, sedentary, studious, attentive, aware, focused...not trying to sound like a braggart here, but I'm simply trying to let you know that I have never exhibited any of the symptoms in the questionnaire they use, in any way. No doctor, through all my years of addictive problems, has ever even suggested the diagnosis.
So, besides putting me on 19 (yes 19) different medications I won't list here and now, he put me on methylphenidate. Being the addict that I am, I immediately tried snorting the pills to see if I would get some kind of mental change, I didn't care what. Well I did. Typical stimulant effects such as the urge to write and speak more, insomnia, and, when the effects wore off...anxiety. The fucking half-life of this medication is only 1-3 hours, and when it's over, I know it. My heart starts pounding again, tachycardia usually around 120 bpm, tightness in the chest, shallow breathing, etc.
Well, I fired that doctor weeks ago. But I'm still on the methylphenidate, along with pregabalin (Lyrica I believe), propranolol for my mitral valve prolapse (40mg) twice a day, and clonazepam and diazepam (rather high doses). What can I do to ease these somatic symptoms? I don't think eating a benzo along with snorting the methylphenidate would reduce its efficacy, no? But I don't think it's wise to take a beta blocker along with the stimulant.
Can anyone here advise me as to what best to do? Obviously, I know an answer might be, "Stop snorting the shit!" but I'm an addict, and that hour that it works is very satisfying. Is there anything I can do? I don't even have ADD, according to 3 doctors that have seen me since that moron diagnosed it, but I'm still on the stimulant. Is there another stimulant that could yield similar effects that would last longer, be more effective? Adderal, Dexedrine are banned here. Provigil, Concerta, Strattera are available. Or is there something else possible I might be missing? I'm an opiate addict, this isn't my area, which is exactly why I'm asking you this.
Thanks for reading.
Hi all. I moved from Singapore to India for my job three months ago and at the time, I'd been clean for several months. Two days after arriving in Goa I met a pusher who offered me anything I wanted. I told him no, I don't do any of that. I do heroin. No problem, he said. 24 hours later, after several fixes of crappy dope, I found myself waking up on the beach at night with a bleeding lump on the back of my head. My iPhone, wallet, everything was gone. Desperate and broke, I resorted to drinking ultra-cheap whisky (about 14 drinks a day). When I just couldn't do it anymore, I checked myself into a clinic and got a psychiatrist who was supposedly excellent.
It was only later I could plainly see he was a quack. This guy diagnosed me with everything in the book: Bipolar Disorder, Epilepsy, several anxiety disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, and yes, ADD. ADD. OK, heroin ruined my life when I started using it at age 23 in Southeast Asia, but all my life, my youth, I've been quiet, sedentary, studious, attentive, aware, focused...not trying to sound like a braggart here, but I'm simply trying to let you know that I have never exhibited any of the symptoms in the questionnaire they use, in any way. No doctor, through all my years of addictive problems, has ever even suggested the diagnosis.
So, besides putting me on 19 (yes 19) different medications I won't list here and now, he put me on methylphenidate. Being the addict that I am, I immediately tried snorting the pills to see if I would get some kind of mental change, I didn't care what. Well I did. Typical stimulant effects such as the urge to write and speak more, insomnia, and, when the effects wore off...anxiety. The fucking half-life of this medication is only 1-3 hours, and when it's over, I know it. My heart starts pounding again, tachycardia usually around 120 bpm, tightness in the chest, shallow breathing, etc.
Well, I fired that doctor weeks ago. But I'm still on the methylphenidate, along with pregabalin (Lyrica I believe), propranolol for my mitral valve prolapse (40mg) twice a day, and clonazepam and diazepam (rather high doses). What can I do to ease these somatic symptoms? I don't think eating a benzo along with snorting the methylphenidate would reduce its efficacy, no? But I don't think it's wise to take a beta blocker along with the stimulant.
Can anyone here advise me as to what best to do? Obviously, I know an answer might be, "Stop snorting the shit!" but I'm an addict, and that hour that it works is very satisfying. Is there anything I can do? I don't even have ADD, according to 3 doctors that have seen me since that moron diagnosed it, but I'm still on the stimulant. Is there another stimulant that could yield similar effects that would last longer, be more effective? Adderal, Dexedrine are banned here. Provigil, Concerta, Strattera are available. Or is there something else possible I might be missing? I'm an opiate addict, this isn't my area, which is exactly why I'm asking you this.
Thanks for reading.
