I need advice. Former addicts please weigh in.

[Shes Poisonous]

Hello all. I've been a member for years but have never posted. I am in need of guidance specifically from former addicts. If my thread is in the wrong place feel free to move it. Okay here we go..

On Saturday I was out at a beer festival in long beach. My friend and I got a hotel room to stay in so we could just not get a DUI on the way home. I decided to invite the guy I've been interested in over. We had been facetiming and texting for about two weeks, and haven't met in person yet. It was apparent that we wanted each other physically and emotionally. We wanted to start dating. I also must add that he is almost 2 years sober and clean. He used to be into basically every drug you can think of but he got help and kicked his habits.

So I invited him over to our room to meet finally and he said he couldn't go but Sunday would be better. So I agreed and carried on. My friend had some molly and I had always wanted to try it, and I thought it would be a good time to try it since I was in a safe place with a good friend I trusted. I dropped it and had a very nice roll. All of a sudden he texted me saying he was on his way and would be there in an hour. I was freaking out cause I was starting to peak and knew I would still be rolling when he got there. He showed up and when I went out to greet him it was obvious I was under the influence. You would think an ex addict would spot it right away as well. That didn't deter him and we went upstairs anyways. My friend have us some privacy and we started to mess around. I remember the beginning of it but I blacked out. The next thing I know I'm laying naked on the bed and I see him getting dressed. His demeanor had changed, and he asked me what I was on. I didn't lie and I said I'm rolling. He then asked "are there anymore drugs in the room?" I said no. He also asked "how many did you take?" I said one. He then said "ok. You'll be fine then. Where is the water and ice machine?" I pointed towards the door in the direction they were and he just left. He never came back. He then ignored all my texts and phone calls, and blocked me on every social media account. I decided to go to sleep and apologize in the morning when I was sober. I called him and apologized profusely. I knew it was wrong of me to put him in that situation, and that was my fault but also that I'm not a drug addict. That was one time and I honestly won't do it again. It's not my thing. It was poor timing on my part though. He made
Me feel so awful. He willingly slept with me even though he knew I wasn't sober. If it bothered him so much then he shouldn't have come upstairs. I know I messed up but he did too. Now he won't respond to any texts or calls and I'm heartbroken. It was a stupid mistake and he of all people should know about forgiveness. Why do you think he is acting this way? What is the best advice? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[spacejunk]

It probably hit upon a very raw nerve for him - I can tell you that becoming sober from poly-drug use/addiction is a very hard thing to do. You may have tempted him, brought back bad memories, or scared him. It's impossible for me to say
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about it though. By the sounds of things it was a miscalculation on your part.

I think it may be worth giving him a little time (not too long - but don't come on too heavy with the calls etc either) and see if you can see him again, in better circumstances. Tell him how you feel and see if be will agree to try and start afresh.
It sounds like you think a lot of him, and if he has been clean for 2 years like you say, be may have some demons he is still fighting - but must also be something of a special person to turn his life around like that (trust me - I'm trying to do something similar; but it's hard - so emotionally hard - that he might just need a little space to understand what may have been a hard night for him).

But seriously, don't be too hard on yourself; these things happen, unfortunately.

 

[Shes Poisonous]

Thank you so much for replying. I'm pretty sure he blocked my number as well. I don't want to seem like I'm harassing him, I just want to be heard. It's not fair at all. He of all people should know about forgiveness and second chances. It was so cruel how it happened. Do you think he called his sponsor and was advised to cut me out?

 

[neversickanymore]

I would say that he may just not want active drug users in his life. People who take the shelter and run approach to recovery actively avoid and eliminate active drug users and dangerous situations out of their lives.

 

[T. Calderone]

It's unfortunate because you would not have taken it if you knew he was coming by. He postponed your meet up and then showed up. His attitude afterwards indicates he wants nothing to do with you now. He may not see it as a one-off trip, he doesn't seem like he trusts you anymore. Sorry this happened. Don't beat yourself up over it though.

 

[Freon]

I feel for you but I've notice that's basically how all former addicts are. Think about it, they don't stay sober by hanging out with a bunch of drug users again.

 

[hunter1]

Bugger him TBH. Sounds like your young and having some fun times... He's a bit older and had some issues.
Whether you were high or not at that time in that place ect... Doesn't matter.
You're not missing out on a super connection there.
Sounds like a lot of disconect TBH. Sober people can be weird too

 

[mostly-human]

That sucks, but I get his position too. As a former addict, it's pretty difficult to put TOO high a price on your sobriety.


I used to hate the whole AA / Addict for life mentality. And the whole - abstinence approach - where you're either using, or you're completely, 100% sober. My aim was always moderation.

But the older I get, the more I relapse, the harder the drugs got to; from pot, to pills, to meth to heroin. And now, every time I relapse it takes nearly no time at all to build up a habit and a physical addiction.. I can use just a few times in a week and I'll suffer withdrawal now.


Slowly, I'm starting to realise that maybe you really DO need to take a really severe / brutal / no-tolerance approach to drug use, if you truly want to stay clean.

I don't know. And it sucks the position you're in, that is really rough. Maybe he doesn't judge you, maybe he still even really likes you. But he just values his sobriety above all that.

 

[Shes Poisonous]

That's the thing though, I'm not a drug user. That literally was the only thing I've ever tried besides alcohol, and it's the last. It was a stupid experiment with terrible timing. He's the same age as me, were both 27. He never responded and I wrote him one he of an apology letter. I'm walking away from it as much as it hurts. It just sucks cause we could have been great together. Johnny, if you ever see this by chance I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[edgewise1]

He's a jackass plain and simple. He did not mind having sex, even with you possibly unaware of it. Then to act offended is just a little much. Regardless of any "issues" in his life, he forfeited the right to fall back on them when he went straight for the pussy. Plus, I believe I would be the offended one, if I was a girl, and certainly would not be trying to get him to come back! Of course if I was a girl I would have been the biggest whore around. Btw, I am not inferring that you are a whore so please don't think that from what I said. I and I alone would be the whore. But isn't that what every guy says?