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i need a life raft...

DexysMidnightRuner

DexysMidnightRuner

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
269
my depression is dragging me under...still and i cant shake it. i feel like ive totally lost myself and i dont know what to do. I wanna be a good girlfriend and be able to support and love the right way. but i feel broken. even though i know all it takes is "a little hard work" to make things work sometimes its just like god fucking damn it why god damn bother? why fight every second of every day to be something i'm not. and why am i not happy no matter what way i am? im miserable doing drugs - and insane - im miserable a lot of the time when im sober. is there any RIGHT way to live where things are easy and life is fun? why should i keep fighting? why do you keep fighting? its just so.....exhausting.
 
If you go through life predefining models for yourself and then attempting to mold your life into them, chances are that you won't ever feel like you've made those accomplishments. One of two things will happen - (1) you might complete a checklist but then feel like there should be more items on it (A good girlfriend does A, B, and C, and sure I do those things now, but I've realised that a good girlfriend would also do D, E and F, so I'm still not yet a good girlfriend) or (2) you constantly redefine your checklist so that you're never able to complete it (I thought a good girlfriend should do A, B and C, and now I do these things, but I realised that it should have been D instead of A and E instead of B, so I'm still not yet a good girlfriend).

What does this do? It makes living a dynamic life, full of revaluation and change, seem like a problem, a burden. This is completely backwards, though, as continued reassessment of your life and making goals on a rolling basis is actually the way to do it if you want to stay motivated but not feel overwhelmed or burn out.

How do you fix these thinking errors? Drop the predefined molds and just try and be yourself. You make goals for yourself, not for some role you want to be. When the only thing you consistently are is yourself, then there's no way to "be something you're not" or anything like that.
 
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