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TDS I need a life lol

nuttynutskin

nuttynutskin

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2011
Messages
10,725
I literally can not figure out how to make any friends anymore. My current situation doesn't exactly help. I've pretty much lost all interest in anything.
 
once you can learn to accept and love yourself, which requires a lot of focus and determination on self-improvement and caring for your body/mind

then others will want to be around you and will resonate with the vibrations you send out when you enter a room and people will want to be around you and social interaction becomes a lot more at ease and enjoyable

i personally think this can be achieved by focusing in on the goal of truly cherishing and experiencing to the fullest extent each single present moment and accept each second for what it is without drawing attachment with that and others and our own ego's or past/present

to get to that stage requires patience and if you choose to practice meditation or other mind/body activities to supplement your life then if all you learn is patience then that would be a true reward in this life!

one word: mindfullness

i know it could be water off a ducks back but it took me seeing people i trusted and had faith in bringing up certain methods of meditation and the new insights and knowledge that they had experienced and could share for me to start searching inside myself and finding out why some of the 'roots' of my tree were contaminated and are the cause of the human condition of sorrow
 
Mysterie said:
once you can learn to accept and love yourself,
then others will want to be around you and will resonate with the vibrations you send out when you enter a room and people will want to be around you and social interaction becomes a lot more at ease and enjoyable
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QFT +1000000 learn to love yourself and then the people that will love you will be able to find you.
 
Good advice, Mysterie. I need to practice this mindfulness you guys keep talking about. It's so easy to get into this rut of negative self-talk.

Nutty, I got a chance to talk to my friend last night. It made me feel like I finally accomplished something I have been neglecting to do. I've found real friends are scarce in my life and I've been feeling so alone. We used to hang out all the time but things fell to shit when I got really depressed since I stopped using drugs.

I'm in a similar rut like you, lost my motivation to get out there and connect with people. If I follow through with plans, I could have some rewarding experiences but it's too easy to find a reason not to. But I'm realizing that I have this person who really "gets" me and it will take some effort on my part to rebuild our friendship.

I was just talking about this yesterday. I had another friend for whatever reason just let me go and it really hurt. But I can't fault her for that, as my situation is complex. Straight people sometimes have trouble relating to those of us battling addiction. I don't have any good answers besides seek out people who know the real you. I hope it works out for you. <3
 
neversickanymore said:
QFT +1000000 learn to love yourself and then the people that will love you will be able to find you.
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Not to shit on everyone's parade but I doubt that's ever going to happen. But besides that I don't even know where to begin. Being on SSI (for bipolar) is a blessing and a curse. I'm grateful for having some security but at the same time I'm not working or doing anything. And the fact that I don't have a car doesn't make things any easier. So what do I do? Join a club? Go around talking to random strangers? Fuck if I know... I can't think of anything that sounds worthwhile but at the same time I feel like I should be doing something with my life instead of just barely existing. :( Oh well enough self pity for now.
 
i think a good way of beginning that process is doing things your mind and body will thank you for

some ideas are: abstaining from recreational drugs, regular cardio exercise, nutritious diet, regular sleep cycle, use supplements for certain aspects of your diet which are lacking, practice a sport (team sport would be good to help break you out of your shell)

in terms of mentally: CBT is a westernised version of mindfulness which can help to give you a healthier perspective on you reactions (no actions) to certain social situations which triggers you to act a certain way, helping to understand your thought processes better and to be able to disect them and think "why do i feel this way about what this person said etc" and "why do i feel bad after this person looked at me this way", doing this kind of stuff is a good way to start stepping in the direction of being in control of your actions and the master of your own mind and destiny in a sense.

so often we kind of go through the daily routine and zone out of so many activities that we dont know what we did on the weekend because unless you are 100% present you cant give your all at life which is what life deserves of us because it is so precious and short

i found swimming every day with a friend in the sun last summer to improve my quality of life a lot, its the small things in life which make me cherish being around
 
nuttynutskin said:
Not to shit on everyone's parade but I doubt that's ever going to happen. But besides that I don't even know where to begin. Being on SSI (for bipolar) is a blessing and a curse. I'm grateful for having some security but at the same time I'm not working or doing anything. And the fact that I don't have a car doesn't make things any easier. So what do I do? Join a club? Go around talking to random strangers? Fuck if I know... I can't think of anything that sounds worthwhile but at the same time I feel like I should be doing something with my life instead of just barely existing. :( Oh well enough self pity for now.
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I feel your pain bro. I am so bad at interacting with people and making friends. I have one really good friend right now and he is gold. I just find it hard to relate to most people and am sorta shy. It's a lot like dating. Most of it is painful and futile but finding a good "match" is so worth it, you've got to put yourself out there and just keep trying.
 
Maybe one doesn't always need to seek friends, but simply to be 'open'? I usually find myself most miserable when I shut down and cut off, shrinking into myself. I try to extend myself to at least one person every day, even if that is just in a nod, a 'good morning' on the street or saying hello to a bus driver. I still prefer to be alone a lot of the time, but the contact reminds me of what it takes to live fully human(e). Good luck -
 
Love yourself. You shouldn't want to have friends to make them feel better about yourself, rather you'd want friends because you want to socialize with others, help people, contribute to a friendship.

I know that's a hard thing to master, so in terms of drugs I'd recommend. Alcohol, benzo and weed can help you lighten up and be more disinhibited. Methoxetamine is the queen of socialization drugs, from my experience. You actually feel a need to be social when you're high on MXE, as opposed to the content feeling that benzos give you.
 
I have no friends either. My best ones have ditched me in this depression, my boyfriend dumped me, my family has basically shut me out for no reason. They've always sucked. I'm alone and feeling pretty worthless. I keep trying to tell myself I don't need anyone but I really do. For the first time ever I really need people and I have literally no one. I need to practice this mindfulness thing because I am dying in my own skin. It fuckin sucks, I need some love in my life. I keep fucking up and getting deeper and deeper and pretty soon there will be no way out. I'd try meditation but I'm so fucking ADD apparently I can't sit still let alone quiet my mind long enough. I have no idea why I'm ranting on your post besides to let you know you're not the only one. If you ever wanna chat I'd be down. No one else will talk to me :( im such a pity party i need to get my shit together :/
 
I'm in a similar spot; I have no life. I get by with the odd wedding photography gig, but that's quite rare. I spend most of my time inside and have developed a bunker mentality lol. Seriously, I panic even if the phone rings. Most of the time I'm comfortable enough, but I will have these terrible moments of clarity like "what the hell are you doing with your life!?

I opened a savings account the other day. Serious come-down realizing my banker is an old friend from school; he's got the job, the car, the wife and 2.4 children....it was beyond depressing. Of course, I've nobody to blame but myself. I'm living in a twilight world here, and getting back out there into reality is difficult for me. This is how my addiction has fucked with my life.
 
deathlol said:
Love yourself.
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Doubt that's ever gonna happen. I've screwed up too much shit in my life and I'm mostly the one to blame.

deathlol said:
I know that's a hard thing to master, so in terms of drugs I'd recommend. Alcohol, benzo and weed can help you lighten up and be more disinhibited. Methoxetamine is the queen of socialization drugs, from my experience. You actually feel a need to be social when you're high on MXE, as opposed to the content feeling that benzos give you.
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I'm an alcoholic but I don't really do recreational drugs or plan on starting to. Would be a pretty bad idea.
 
Suggesting drugs for someones emotional issues is a horrible idea. Self-medication is the reason behind so much nasty, self-destructive behavior. Self-medication will lead down an even darker path. In my darkest of hours I would sit up for days doing every drug I could get my hands on. I would blow lines of random RC's or heroin or oxy until I was emotionally numb, which made life bearable... until the drugs wear off... and then everything is 10x worse.

I can't believe I'm going to quote Lil 'Wayne, but he got it right when he said: "once the drugs are, done... I feel like dyin', I feel like dyin'"
 
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bennyZA said:
Suggesting drugs for someones emotional issues is a horrible idea. Self-medication is the reason behind so much nasty, self-destructive behavior. Self-medication will lead down an even darker path.
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I agree and it has. After my binge drinking days in high school alcohol wasn't really a problem anymore until a few years ago. I mean I would drink once in a while but it was social and sporadic and I was doing other things with my life. Things just progressed and really didn't get bad until I had money. Then all of the sudden I didn't have to buy cheap beer or malt liquor. At first it helped with my anxiety and depression... I could drink a bottle of white wine over a night and be good. But things just progressed without me even really realizing it. And of course as my tolerance went up I was having to drink more. So a bottle of wine eventually turned into a bunch of shots, turned into a whole bottle of vodka (or close) pretty quickly. And that's when the fun things about alcoholism came into play like blacking out and not remembering a conversation you had, saying mean things to people that you regret later, destroying potential relationships with people, memory problems, etc. I sometimes wish I had never picked up the stuff, but at the same time when you've had little success trying to treat your depression, bipolar WHATEVER you turn to what you know.
 
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