I miss you

I hate that everything is so foreign now. I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks. People judge. 'It was just a dog', FUCK YOU!

In your eyes, I'm weak. You can go fuck yourselves. I was fortunate enough to have such a purely innocent and perfectly good friend to grace my life, regardless of species. I could never explain the impact that that dude had on my life.

I realize now how completely alone I am now. I used to believe that I was ok without friends and companionship. Now I realize how untrue that was. Just a dog? Fuck You! He was a blessing to me. He made me genuinely smile and laugh out loud. Even when I had a spike in my arm he would come up to me, while injecting, and rub his head against me.

I want to join him. I want to learn such goodness. I want to apologize.

I have nothing to hold me back from the fucking ridiculous and sometimes violent things I want to do. I have no purpose.

I should simply be grateful to be blessed with such goodness. Such loyalty. Such friendship.

Many don't experience this.

I miss my friend and I feel so lost and unpredictable now.

I have no reason to not pursue the self-hatred I feel. He gave me purpose and now I have nothing to believe in.

I fear I may not recover from this. It hurts and I cry often now that he's gone.

I feel weak, cowardly and alone now that he's not here and I can't take it. I just fucking miss him so fucking much.

I stick needles in myself, I drink, I smoke, I just don't give a fuck.

I want the privilege of dying. He earned his place with the gods. Me? Not at all. I am a weak motherfucker who runs from life and its responsibilities.

All I know is that I miss you, Shaman. I NEVER had such a friend before. Those in my life now who claim to be friends have no fucking idea what friendship is.

Fuck! I miss you my friend. Soon, hopefully... I will earn the right to die as well.

 

Anyone who says 'just a dog' deserves to be punched in the neck. Not everyone is a dog person, but you do not belittle a death in the family. Period.

Soon nothing OD. You needn't be in a rush, he'll wait forever for you, and be so happy to see you when you come. We still need you here.

 

OD, Some people are just a little cold hearted. There are plenty of people who can relate to loving your pets as a family.....
I'm sorry you're suffering. I know how much you love Shaman, but I am sure he is watching over you right now-

 

honestly, i am one of the people who think "its just a dog". i find it really hard to be attached to people, let alone animals. BUT i can see from your posts that you loved shaman and i know love doesn't always make sense to people not involved.

 

I know how hard it is to lose a companion... I was devastated when my dog had to be put to sleep a couple of years ago. But try to hang in there, OD. A lot of people would be devastated to lose you too!