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I miss the euphoria...

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PharmGirl77

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Joined
Jan 14, 2015
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26
I've been off opiates for over 2 weeks now. And it was a pretty bad habit, in case you were wondering. I was up to 600 mg oxy in a day.

Anyway...physically I'm fine. I look loperamide during the withdrawals, and it worked like a charm.

Mentally---ugh. This is where I get stuck. Every time. I just want to feel good!! I've been "blah" for the last 2 weeks. Everything is a struggle. I feel like I'm forcing myself though the day. I'm sure some of this is PAWS, and it will go away. But dammit...I want to feel SOMETHING! And I want to feel GOOD! Just for a day.

So I'm getting ready to go to work. And I'm already thinking about some hydros.

I hate myself for this.
I miss the "rush". The "feeling good" no matter what...even at work. I'm happier, I like people more, I like MYSELF more.
But tomorrow I'll hate myself. And I can't let one screw up completely derail me. I just wanted to be happy for one day...
 
Mentally - I don't think this ever leaves. You sort of live with that little voice for the rest of your life? With time the voice has less and less power.
 
YOu came to the right place :)

You're still very early in your recovery - your brain hasnt gotten back to normal yet where its making enough feel good chemicals on its own that you can enjoy things like you used to. You're not SICK anymore, but you're not "normal" yet, so don't give up! This is not how the rest of your life is going to be, its only temporary as your brain readjusts. Sure there'll be a little voice from time to time even years from now, but it wont always be screaming at you like it is today.

You know it wont stop at "just one day". Ive had "Just one day" sooooo many times. THen Im always like "well today I have to do xyz so ill do it today too, def stop tomorrow". Next thing I know I'm into another run.

Try to get exercise - an hour brisk walk a day helps a lot - itll help you sleep better at night which will aid your recovery. Just keep pushing through it - it WILL get better.

I'm just curious - how much lope did you take? Did you have any side effects like constipation? How much of the WD did it take away?
 
Thank you. I needed to hear that. ..
I took 50 Norco 10 's in a two day span. I admitted it to my husband (which I've NEVER done at the beginning of a run), and that accountability really helped. And the worst part? They didn't even make me feel that great at all. Not like I was imagining. So I've been back off the opiates for 3 days now. I'm just so tired, run down, and blah. We just got a tread climber last week. Thinking of forcing myself on it before I go to work this afternoon.

In answer to your questions about loperamide...I took 50-100 mg a day. I'm holding at about 50 mg daily right now. It took away pretty much ALL the physical withdrawal symptoms. (No skin crawling, diarrhea, insomnia, hot flashes). The first couple days I felt weak and EXTREMELY fatigued, but that was about it. And no constipation, since I was already so opioid tolerant. If someone without a high tolerance were to take it, I imagine it'd really mess them up.
 
When you have used drugs to change your consciousness from an early age, you may have forgotten how to change it (or more accurately how to let it be changed) quite naturally and without drugs. I'm not claiming it is the same, but it is every bit as powerful. I am someone that abused drugs for a shorter period in my life than I have lived without them (extremely occasional drink, occasional weed.) I can honestly say that I have dug deep into life looking for more than standard fare and I have never been disappointed. One of the reasons that people cannot experience euphoria is because they fear letting go. Taking drugs removes the responsibility for making that choice and you get a free pass and instant gratification. Without drugs you never know what is going to happen. Maybe you will risk everything and instead of euphoria, you find heartbreak. This is real life--they come together. When you get used to having emotions and letting them come without judgment or fear, euphoria happens more and more. We get so divided away from our emotional centers and drugs take you further away if you use them compulsively. Be patient with yourself while you are learning yourself.<3
 
Same sitch over here PharmGirl77...13 years of pain management that turned into an ugly addiction...dropped a month ago because of a missed pill count...for the last 8 or 9 years high mg of opana... O.O I've been without for almost 2 weeks myself...the first few days were hell...torture...I was downing anything I could find to stop or ease the WD...actually just got some loperamide yesterday...helping..but man do I feel you on EVERYTHING YOU SAID. Like physically Im OK...pretty much? But the mental...craziness. It's like I've forgotten how to be happy on my own...I've been using pain meds for so long to ease EVERY PAIN...not just physical...but mental..pain meds for depression...THAT didn't turn out great...but hang in there...yesterday...i think for the first time in years..I was sitting around laughing with my kids and my husband...and i woke up this morning thinking...if I was on my opana...no way that wouldve happened. I wouldve been "getting some rest" as usual (noddin out somewhere ALONE alienating myself further and further from everyone I care about. If you haven't already...you should check out the study about addiction called the "rat park study" or something like that...it gave me hope. Because all ive ever heard is that if you get addicted to opiates- oh that's it your screwed for life. No way to ever be right again without at least dones or subs..I took a drive awhile ago...and it was beautiful...my mind hasnt been this clear in 13 years. I have a choice to make. I already have a new doc that has my records and will be setting me up for an app in march next week. Instead of looking forward to that...I'm thinking like Woody Harrelson when he played the Hustler guy..brain fart forgot his name..but after years of being locked in a room getting doped up for his pain..and then addiction...one day (this was after surgery) he said he didnt want them anymore. He said I want my mind back. I want my mind back too. Buuuut yea if someone had an ope right now I'd prob not waste 2 seconds lol...but hey like you i'm only two weeks in! Good luck And wish me luck too lol..:) Its gonna be ok...you have to CONSTANTLY STAY BUSY... headphones help alot...putting some music in your ears helps to block out some of the thoughts that right now wont stfu.
 
Don't go back to them!!!

The last few days I've felt better than I have in ages. It's weird. .. like I'm rediscovering my personality...and the people I've been ignoring while I was on opiates.

And I feel different. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say "happy"... more like calm and content. I'm just so much more aware of LIFE, and what's going on around me. And I'm starting to realize that that feels better than a temporary drug induced euphoria. Instead of a short burst of euphoria, followed by either sleeping or avoiding things. ..I now have a constant underlying sense of peace. No more extreme highs and lows. The two things I've changed recently is 1) increased my doses of wellbutrin and zoloft, and 2) started exercising for the first time in a long time. I think it's the exercise more than anything. I've been getting on our treadclimber. And while I only go for 10 to 20 min. ..I go hard enough to really get my blood pumping and I'm dripping sweat. I think it's enough to release those natural endorphins.

So my point is. .. it's getting better. You just have to hang in there and be tough, and know IT WILL GET BETTER.
 
600 mgs a day?! Damn, what kinda job you got??

P.S. the craving never goes away. it jus gets less strong. And the depression will stick around for a long time.
 
im sorry for my very straight-fowardness....you dont miss the euphoria, you miss NOT having to deal with problems other than finding and using drugs. im sorry but life is not about being happy, it is about accepting exactly how things are, and letting them be,

herbavore said:
When you have used drugs to change your consciousness from an early age, you may have forgotten how to change it (or more accurately how to let it be changed) quite naturally and without drugs. I'm not claiming it is the same, but it is every bit as powerful. I am someone that abused drugs for a shorter period in my life than I have lived without them (extremely occasional drink, occasional weed.) I can honestly say that I have dug deep into life looking for more than standard fare and I have never been disappointed. One of the reasons that people cannot experience euphoria is because they fear letting go. Taking drugs removes the responsibility for making that choice and you get a free pass and instant gratification. Without drugs you never know what is going to happen. Maybe you will risk everything and instead of euphoria, you find heartbreak. This is real life--they come together. When you get used to having emotions and letting them come without judgment or fear, euphoria happens more and more. We get so divided away from our emotional centers and drugs take you further away if you use them compulsively. Be patient with yourself while you are learning yourself.<3
Click to expand...

thank you for this herbavore
 
2 weeks is nothing tbh..u cant expect the mental lethargy and depression to go away that fast..when i quit oxycontin it took me about 2 months of the blahs before i started to get energy and vitality back and even then i noticed i still didnt feel right..even after years of being off opiates i still dont feel, a mild dysphoria is present at most times...it is nothing like you see in the movies, where they kick it hard in 5 days and then are up and jumping and skipping around like they feel great...it wasnt that like that for me or any of the other opiate addicts i know..
 
While on drugs our range of emotions/feelings are just way too high and kinda messed up.when u come off drugs it just takes some time getting used to the milder feelings of happiness and contentment.if u are looking for an oxy high in the mundane real life u will always be dissappointed.u can do this i believe in u.
 
P.o.T.u.S said:
While on drugs our range of emotions/feelings are just way too high and kinda messed up.when u come off drugs it just takes some time getting used to the milder feelings of happiness and contentment.if u are looking for an oxy high in the mundane real life u will always be dissappointed.u can do this i believe in u.
Click to expand...

this, if you find yourself looking to get an oxycontin like high in real life through natural means, the try to switch your mind and think of the withdrawals u are going through now..
 
You are not alone! I've been struggling with this lately, really trying not to give in this time but I feel trapped right now, like I can't go out and do anything, because everything around me just reminds me of using now...I have an appointment with my Sub doctor next week, I don't think I can say I'm just doin okay anymore because I'm not, I'm struggling every fuckin' day and I'm not ready to taper and I really need SOMETHING for my nerves, I really don't care if it's an anti-deppresent or whatever but maybe something will help... My main problem has been opiates but I have used pretty much everything and used it to dull any feelings I have since an early age..I don't know how to deal with life on my own, I still stay with my parents and just feel like the fuck up of the family.. I wanna get my shit together mentally but it's just hard do without drugs for me, opiates in particular...the Sub helps of course, but I dunno... I'm just not having a good month at all I just wanna go get high....
 
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