I miss drugs

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

I miss drugs so much. They made me skinny. I weighed in my late nineties at one point and at another points i weighed up around 150 and now im 200. But shit you think thats the only thing i miss? Sometimes they led to an escape. They provided me with sensations. They were eye opening. They were pleasurable. They made me look badass.

I used to be heavy on alcohol, cigarettes, weed, and dxm. Ive done shrooms, hydocodone, and heroin a few times. What do i miss the most? It depends on the moment. Right now im missing shrooms for the hallucinatione and dxm althiugh i doubt i can actually get high off it anymore because i took dxm so much. Cigarettes sound nice. Weed not so much rn because i dont lile feelimg paranoid about my ptsd. Alcohol yes for the taste and feeling of not giving a fuck. Hydrocdone yeah thatd be nice but not my first choice. Heroin yes if i could get higher than ive ever been off it although i dont know if i didnt snort much or what but ive had better highs off shit than heroin.

Drugs made me skinny and i didnt even have to try. But they also make me depressed, and chemically imbalanced. I want to be clean. I also want to do drugs. Can you all persuade me to be clean? Thanks

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi there,

So, are you clean at the moment or not? and if yes how long for?

 

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

Hi there,

So, are you clean at the moment or not? and if yes how long for?

I am clean. Been clean from alcohol since october 2019. I am 18. Used to be an alcoholic at 13. Technically i did drink alcohol last christmas eve but that wasnt my fault i didnt know therw was alcohol in it and didnt get drunk.

Havent done heroin since februrary 2020. Tried to do it again in march but my dealers ripped me off then i got on house arrest a few months later and couldnt do drugs because i got drug tested.

Last time i smoked weed was sometime after februrary and before i got on house arrest in 2020.

Last time i smoked cigarettes was around early 2020.

Last time i vaped was in a group home about a year ago and only did it a few times.

Last time i did shrooms was for my 16th birthday which was in october 2019.

Last time ive done hydrocodone was in 2016 or 2017. I was 13.

Last time i dipped was around 2017 or 2018.

Due to my long term sobrirety it probably dont seem like im an addict but i used to be. I have cravings all the time. I know i can be clean. I know i wont slip up. I just want to hear a "you got this" "im sober too" "you can still be skinny and not do drugs". I guess i coulda told myself that. It just means more coming from someone else

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am clean. Been clean from alcohol since october 2019. I am 18. Used to be an alcoholic at 13. Technically i did drink alcohol last christmas eve but that wasnt my fault i didnt know therw was alcohol in it and didnt get drunk.

Havent done heroin since februrary 2020. Tried to do it again in march but my dealers ripped me off then i got on house arrest a few months later and couldnt do drugs because i got drug tested.

Last time i smoked weed was sometime after februrary and before i got on house arrest in 2020.

Last time i smoked cigarettes was around early 2020.

Last time i vaped was in a group home about a year ago and only did it a few times.

Last time i did shrooms was for my 16th birthday which was in october 2019.

Last time ive done hydrocodone was in 2016 or 2017. I was 13.

Last time i dipped was around 2017 or 2018.

Due to my long term sobrirety it probably dont seem like im an addict but i used to be. I have cravings all the time. I know i can be clean. I know i wont slip up. I just want to hear a "you got this" "im sober too" "you can still be skinny and not do drugs". I guess i coulda told myself that. It just means more coming from someone else

There seems to be an underlying issue here, which is your consciousness of your weight, and that you miss drugs' ability to stop you from eating as much and the escape and euphoria of the drugs themselves. So theres one factor of those 3 that is in your control when you're not taking drugs...your weight. This may sound negligible as the euphoria of the drugs and the drug related activities are more exciting than losing weight and to use your words "made me look badass". So, when you're in a situation where you are in direct control of something that is connected to the drug problem without involving getting the drug, getting that 1 problem solved can lead to other problems also being solved..unless there's a food obsession or addiction or throwing it up in the toilet, that you're not telling us, so anyway I'd say get into a GP's room and tell them you've got some kind of a disorder with your weight, you won't lose anything by doing this, and having that on your GP's record won't stop them from providing pain relief or antibiotics for infections etc etc. Me personally I think you've done incredibly well to stop what you have, and if something comes along and for some reason you relapse then yes that's an awful feeling but it's also reality. People who have been sober a long time have often been down rocky roads, it's not magic. I hear totally what you're saying about what you miss, fuck me I miss stuff all the time, and depending on the person these nostalgic episodes can be more frequent in some than in others. I was an alcoholic for 15 years, stopped at 32, I'm now 42, and whilst I have relapsed on other substances, I know that If I return to the bottle my life is over. The longer you stay clean now may help a bit in the future, because you'll have more memories to cherish that weren't related to drugs, but (and by the way I am not encouraging or instructing or telling you to relapse in any way shape or form) also a fact you also need to know is that relapsing isn't the end of everything....especially in your circumstance with age well on you're side. There's not much I can say really because at your age I was in a huge mess. Give yourself a pat on the back and feel good that shits not going inside, these are all the things you're supposed to say but never mean shit to anyone. But the drugs you've listed, people take these for years and you're sitting here now clean, that's amazing. Work on that body weight thing you got going on, I bet if you cared less about that, then you'd care less about the other problems you are afraid are waiting for you round the corner. You're young, enjoy yourself...but not if it starts producing compulsive behaviour, damage to others or yourself, toxicities moulding into your character, and spending all your time on euphoria seeking behaviour, then you got problems that are gonna take much longer to even try to start managing. I wish you all the best.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I don't know if I can actually persuade you, but I can say that getting out these feelings by posting them, and in acting like they exist, are great ways to not use.

Similarly, I was told that people who allow themselves to indulge in cigarette fantasies are more likely to stay off of them.

So, there is a silver lining!

 

[Skorpio]

Drug memories are hard because high levels of dopamine encode things in your mind more thouroughly. However, keep filling your head with other memories, especially pleasant ones and the drug memories will pop up less often. Not sure they ever disappear though