Meth I might have to do meth for the next 5 years

[Keif' Richards]

I hear you loud and clear buddy. I needed to be on Heroin to run a classroom of children. It gave me the feeling that nothing could hurt me. It enabled me to be completely free of my own insecurities and motivations so I could tap right into the head of each child. I could see and download every kid's facial expression, analyze it and throw something back at them, keeping everyone engaged. Heroin made me capable of anything.

Heroin enabled me to do things like that, but it took literally everything else in my life. I could do anything I wanted to do accept love another person or experience love. I couldn't look at myself and feel any level of respect or pride, as Heroin was propping me up and I owed all of my success to it. I got to the place in my life where Heroin was about to take my personality and my soul, but I stopped before getting there. I was starting to lose those things though.

What you're describing, your experience, please don't take this the wrong way, but it's pretty much a textbook reaction to this drug. The drug is going to enable you to be your best self, to be uninhibited, to be your truest self. In addition, you're just so good at everything now. You have a leg up on every person not using Methamphetamine.

You describe the notion of using Methamphetamine only on certain days. This is also a phase that most people will go through. I'm not a psychologist. I do believe that this phase in the process of addiction is related to specific thoughts and feelings. I believe the bargaining starts as the back of a person's mind recognizes the danger, but the denial overrides our better judgement because of how much good we believe the drug will do for us. The only solution is to try to regulate the usage.

In 99% of cases, regulation does not work. If you need an analogy, it's similar to the "pull-out method" of birth control. It's so damn simple, just take your dick out before. Millions of babies are born each year around the world as a result of the "pull out method's" seductive simplicity. Regulating your usage of Methamphetamine is similar. The pull-out method works sometimes, but people tend to keep trying to fuck and this ultimately defeats the purpose.

Look, I know I'm going to sound like an asshole, but I'm 33 now and I will try to give you some old-man knowledge about this world.

There are thousands, hell, tens of thousands of musicians around this world playing at thousands of venues, all of them feeling the momentum of the greatness of their music. They are all close to fame and the rock and roll lifestyle.

If you're not in the top 100 of all performers in the world among 8 billion people, nobody cares. You'll never be more than yet another also-ran in a cruel, unforgiving industry that is ultimately not based on artistry or beauty but upon the generation of money. They will upload 45 minute albums of cats fucking if it will make them money.

Instead, you could be a musician who is appreciated on a potentially lower level than this. You could be a musician who knows the people he is playing for. You could play for people who appreciate your art and mean something to you.

If the type of artist you want to be requires you to use Meth, then I would rethink things. Like you said, you can do things faster than anyone else. Maybe it would be better to do things at the same speed as everyone else and keep your health and your sanity.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Meth is the devil imo

Thats the excact thing a old skool junky said. One of the few that got clean and is alive.
Anacdotically he was a speedfreak before too, but something happened he stopped and got on H.
Sadly it also stopped his creative activity, but knowing his live and the accompenied pain.

Can t blame, i would do the same. Speed would killed him and the Heroine evt too.
So getting clean, in his case like winning Olympics i guess.
He was troubled from youth. Untill after getting kids with a witch, getting kicked out.
Heroin addiction, homeless and getting out that hole. Exceptional.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

agreed

It is pretty bad

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

If the type of artist you want to be requires you to use Meth, then I would rethink things.

I would not do the same course of benzos and speed and whatever I took to regulate myself to be able to work after and during psychological trauma.

But I am also living in country where I can get unemployment and student support. I can't condone using so hard drugs as meth if there is any option out there to secure living, and even then, the meth will most probably eventually stop working and instead starts eating more than it turns in.

 

[bbcwhore]

Agreed i became a animal in heat with it in my life

 

[bbcwhore]

Drugs don't kill
people kill
people lie
people steall
just to go and pay their bills
son stole his parents will j
ust to get some drugs to feel
when y'all going to start waking up
theo truth you see is fake as fuck
so open up your third eye
a third of people around you high
but first we should figure why
drugs kill not you and I
Why are we innocent
or are we just ignorant
as money earned and money spent
Back to jail
in a cell I guess
Ami depressed
fuck yes
even so I know I'm blessed this shit got me really stressed that's the reason I'm thinking about it right now going getting high as fuck just to go and sit down.
Hook hook going back to jail for doing drugs I ain't even moving drugs what the fuck is really up why they're trying to lock me up and throw away the king go ahead bitch I just make another one come and catch me

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

If I could weigh in; keeping in mind that everybody reacts to drugs in different ways and most everybody won't have the worst possible or best possible outcome...

I was like this. I needed meth to write and be profound, to focus, to medicate my million miles per minute brain. Shit I began writing a book about methamphetamine and felt compelled to try it after the fact to make my writing on the subject more authentic or whatever. It didn't ruin my life, I didn't go on a psychotic rampage, I was eventually able to bring myself into a state that I am now where I spent more time quit than relapsing (mostly due to my only regularly holding dealer being pegged with three Class X Felonies last month). I'd like you to consider a few things that I did not.

Meth only served the purpose of making me BELIEVE I was enhanced creatively. That was not true, I was always a good writer, always a good journalist. Ive always excelled at challenging my own beliefs by seeking out people with the opposite and weaving it into a story. I've always been remarkable with words, so I've been told by nearly everyone whose read my work or offered much needed feedback that's helped me learn and adapt. I've been told that because I never was able to believe that myself, or believe in myself. That's all meth changes, and it feels good at first. Suddenly you see what everyone else whose been 'patronizing' you sees. Hell, maybe the new confidence let's you take some creative risks you've been wanting to try out but haven't had the balls to. Great. It doesn't last. That confidence becomes an inability to recognize when something isn't working, when something needs adapting. It shuts off your ability to hear criticism, and take an L. It makes you deaf to the suggestions and feedback of trusted friends or admired colleagues. Being able to say "ah that's fucked up, that didn't work, that was a bit embarrassing, or shit maybe this direction isn't for me time to backtrack" is absolutely critical to growing as an artist. Without that your career is toast, I promise you that. And meth will take that away, you get to decide how fast or how slow it does. It can be a helpful tool when wielded by the utmost disciplined, in microdoses orally to erase a setup for a bad day, extend a period of time to work on a planned project, or put a little fire in your eyes in a big important moment. Note that these moments occur maybe once every three months, not daily... you need to be incredibly disciplined and self aware to sit on a 3 gram sack and take a grain of rice a handful of times a year. And hey that's not you, others have explained why but look at your post title man.

Additionally the somewhat unfair but plain reality of meth is that it can ruin your life in a plethora of ways you wouldn't possibly be thinking of. If you miscalculate your doses which is easy to do; you could find yourself stuck in an insomnia-redose to get thru the next would be sleepy day-overdo it- insomnia cycle. You seem like you've got a tough brain; me too! Psychosis will come eventually. Maybe it's day 4 or 5, hell maybe it takes a few months of sleep deprivation binge-crash-repeat before your frail emotional stability, stress, and slow restructuring of your life around securing the bag... but it'll come. The question is, will you have delusions of reference and persecution like me? Every Reddit post you see even from years ago is commenting about your current life, mocking you? All your friends are gossiping about you in code in front of your face? Who do you turn to in order to vent this or confide in if everyone is potentially in on it? Do you just retreat within, too afraid to make someone aware of your mental state? Maybe. Or maybe you wind up naked in the street with a knife, arrested in public on film, or worse shot by the police. Maybe you're a lucky one and hear the voices of loved ones shaming you for your drug habit, or begin seeing the black specks of insects out of the corners of your eyes, on your skin, feeling the bite, and then plucking at them.

What happens if you get a front from the dealer and can't get the funds in time? Shit don't stress about them coming after you with a machete, how about they go on social media and tell family and friends about your very cool new drug habit one by one until you pay? My dealer threatened me with that. You think you don't care but I promise you, Kurt Cobain wouldn't be remembered the same way if he was a tweaker rather than a depressed moody heroin addict. Is it fair? No, of course not. But it's the truth, your career will need a reboot in a city far away, your family won't ever look at you the same way, nor your friends, nor your day job.

Now that, except literally any one wrong person finds your paraphernalia, your shards, whatever. One. Wrong. Person. And a lot of people you think wouldn't tell? They'll tell, people LOVE fuckin gossip, miserable people (many many people) will do anything to catch a sense of superiority especially putting down a "friend", and the rumors will spread.

Or maybe you spazz out and have a panic attack, and get piss tested in the ER. GOOD NEWS; ITS ANXIETY. BAD NEWS, YOUR MEDICAL FILE IS STAMPED DRUG SEEKING TWEAKER. Idk if insurance would find out this info as a pre-existing condition but God I hope not.

Or God forbid you get pulled over and they decide to have the pups sniff the car for literally no fuckin reason. None at all. Maybe you're exhausted and left the pipe on the front seat even. The sentences for meth? Not fucking forgiving. Tweakers don't get judicial sympathy, remember the 90s/00s? Faces of meth? That's what people will think of you, even if you never lose a single tooth, or develop a single wrinkle. The sheriff and the DA care about the politicians, the politicians care about the media, and th3 media cares about 'solving' the fentanyl and xylazene crisis. Not tweakers; they've literally never ONCE in the Western Hemisphere cared about tweakers other than to ridicule them and demonize them. Prepare to be dehumanized and hope for disappointment and NIMBY 'pity', because hope and support will not come.


That's not to stay go do heroin or cook your bladder on K, or find something romantic and tragic, but rather humble words from someone who has gotten way too close to the unique ways you can fuck your life over attempting this plan only to find find yourself with just a sack of shards and some new thieving tweaker friends for comfort and a sense of satisfaction. I got close enough to seeing what was inevitably gonna happen, and I made it my mission to stop.


This ain't it. If you're dead set, follow others advice about sleeping AND YOU CAN NOT USE EVERYDAY AND SLEEP. If you used meth during the day, the following 8 hours of sleep is trash quality and likely equal to around 3 at best YOU NEED FULL THREE DAY BREAKS and if you don't dose responsibly man those three day breaks will suck fucking ass. Only dose orally in the morning and never redose ever. Take less than 50mg, buy a scale or you're fucked. I repeat BUY A SCALE OR YOU ARE FUCKED. If you make an exception to get high, or to skip a night of sleep on a redose even one time you've broken the seal and now your dopamine craving mind will make more exceptions more often.

This drug directly changes how you experience your reality, it's a choose your own adventure story that you don't realize is happening. It affects your reward pathways directly, thus your reality can end up a very very bizarre place to be in a matter of months even IF you don't begin kindling psychosis. And yes, the psychosis kindles each time you trigger it it'll happen faster and stronger next time.


I haven't used more than a week on, three weeks off in a while now and man I still think the cartel is hacked my phone. I still think the mods on Bluelight are secretly suppressing me or informing on me to some unknown Triad gang. I know they aren't, and I can put my fingers in my ears and la la la it away, but it still feels a little bit real.

Don't gamble on being a rare best case scenario, you'll likely fall in between. And there's too much room in between to lose to much of yourself and never be able to get it off of your identity.

Oh, and it's very very hard to quit. Especially if you smoke it. I was an alcoholic for ten years and after a year of detox I never even think about booze. Nine months of meth, and I dream about it weekly sometimes I fuckin YEARN for it. It's beatable, but man is it hard and I'm a guy with a lot to lose and a robust support system with no trauma in my life story that's lurking in the depths of my soul. I have everything going in my favor and I still relapsed today, after only 25 days clean.


If you're just tryna get high, then shit learn the risks and go get spun my dude. At least then if you fuck up, you'll place the blame exactly where it needs to be on your drug habit. But if you're tryna use meth to improve your life and musical career you got about a thousand to one ways of ruining or damaging it instead and then retreating into a deeper drug habit unable to accept reality.


Take care mate

 

[anything else]

Hi all. I’ve only been able to get on here now. I’ll be around for a few hours if anyone wants to ask anything.

Some of these responses have made me think a lot. I cannot deny that I love the feeling- I am unequivocally a hedonist; I cannot express the utter shame I get when I do decide to look at thirst DMs every week or so, or abstaining from sleeping with people both before and after a show when my partner isn’t there. I I love all drugs, and I love feeling physically good. I love food, but resorted to throwing up my food in order to lose enough weight to maximise my sex-appeal.

It is fucked, and I am clearly an addict.

However, meth is different. I meant what I said in my initial post, and the pressure to compose the type of music I do. But. Okay fuck this I need to say something about my life.

now that I have so many eyes on me (no, not the men in my head from a meth binge, but literally getting scared of googling myself now, unlike when I was 14 and did it and dreamed of articles about me and shit,) it’s fucking debilitating at times.

With that being said, I know I’m talented in music without meth, yes.

I got exactly what I wanted and now I’m so scared to lose it, and I’m also scared to get bigger; yet I need to push that extra mile because I need the money, not fame. The fact I can’t even be specific about relevant factors regarding my situation is literally making me vent in a stream of consciousness right now as you can all see. I am grateful, but right now guys, life is really hard.
That’s a lie, life itself is comfortable as fuck, and incredibly fun and rewarding.
But my dying relatives, (that’s what I want more money for, my partner checked online and assured me people won’t be able to realise who the secret crackhead musician is- all the other big artists I’ve played with or met, and friends of friends, NONE touch meth ~apparently~ and they too are scared of the media due to the stigma.)

Guys I apologise for veering off track there, but I can’t trust people now (this isn’t meth btw I’ve actually been clean for 2 weeks,) but every new friend I make… isn’t a friend. I’m a trophy for them. I now see a therapist 2 hours away because my previous one of 5 years began a session with HER talking, and saying she didn’t realise that I was an “actual musician” (since she saw me on tv or some shit) and not only is that offensive as fuck to everyone who creates art on any level, her unprofessionalism and frankly intrusive comments made me so fucking upset, but more importantly, freaked out- she knows she would get sued if she let anything slip about my history, but holy shit that was a true eye-opener.

You are all anonymous and I truly cannot express how refreshing it is to be told harsh truths. I need this so bad.


I think there is one big thing influencing my desire to essentially do sex drugs & rock n roll lol. This is what I think the major factor is, please tell me your thoughts.

I have gotten what I wanted and more. And the honeymoon-period hasn’t gone whatsoever, yet my life has changed so rapidly I’m still adapting to selfies on the street, people I once knew asking me for money and not seeing me as a person anymore, and having to smile and make sardonic jokes for certain pieces of media on days where I do not WANT to smile. Something so basic.
I’m trying to escape with physical pleasures because my mind is so rattled and I am a long-term addict, but I fucking CANT indulge. I have an image.

I need a friend. People like you telling me “nah you’re just justifying your meth” (and I think that’s 50% true now as opposed to 0% btw.)

Idk if this post is even legible or if anything pertinent could be gleaned from whatever I’ve said.

I want to just have a fucking beer and rewatch death note. I’m going to do that now actually.

I’ll be here for a few more hours like I said. Sorry that I can’t post often.

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

Hi all. I’ve only been able to get on here now. I’ll be around for a few hours if anyone wants to ask anything.

Some of these responses have made me think a lot. I cannot deny that I love the feeling- I am unequivocally a hedonist; I cannot express the utter shame I get when I do decide to look at thirst DMs every week or so, or abstaining from sleeping with people both before and after a show when my partner isn’t there. I I love all drugs, and I love feeling physically good. I love food, but resorted to throwing up my food in order to lose enough weight to maximise my sex-appeal.

It is fucked, and I am clearly an addict.

However, meth is different. I meant what I said in my initial post, and the pressure to compose the type of music I do. But. Okay fuck this I need to say something about my life.

now that I have so many eyes on me (no, not the men in my head from a meth binge, but literally getting scared of googling myself now, unlike when I was 14 and did it and dreamed of articles about me and shit,) it’s fucking debilitating at times.

With that being said, I know I’m talented in music without meth, yes.

I got exactly what I wanted and now I’m so scared to lose it, and I’m also scared to get bigger; yet I need to push that extra mile because I need the money, not fame. The fact I can’t even be specific about relevant factors regarding my situation is literally making me vent in a stream of consciousness right now as you can all see. I am grateful, but right now guys, life is really hard.
That’s a lie, life itself is comfortable as fuck, and incredibly fun and rewarding.
But my dying relatives, (that’s what I want more money for, my partner checked online and assured me people won’t be able to realise who the secret crackhead musician is- all the other big artists I’ve played with or met, and friends of friends, NONE touch meth ~apparently~ and they too are scared of the media due to the stigma.)

Guys I apologise for veering off track there, but I can’t trust people now (this isn’t meth btw I’ve actually been clean for 2 weeks,) but every new friend I make… isn’t a friend. I’m a trophy for them. I now see a therapist 2 hours away because my previous one of 5 years began a session with HER talking, and saying she didn’t realise that I was an “actual musician” (since she saw me on tv or some shit) and not only is that offensive as fuck to everyone who creates art on any level, her unprofessionalism and frankly intrusive comments made me so fucking upset, but more importantly, freaked out- she knows she would get sued if she let anything slip about my history, but holy shit that was a true eye-opener.

You are all anonymous and I truly cannot express how refreshing it is to be told harsh truths. I need this so bad.


I think there is one big thing influencing my desire to essentially do sex drugs & rock n roll lol. This is what I think the major factor is, please tell me your thoughts.

I have gotten what I wanted and more. And the honeymoon-period hasn’t gone whatsoever, yet my life has changed so rapidly I’m still adapting to selfies on the street, people I once knew asking me for money and not seeing me as a person anymore, and having to smile and make sardonic jokes for certain pieces of media on days where I do not WANT to smile. Something so basic.
I’m trying to escape with physical pleasures because my mind is so rattled and I am a long-term addict, but I fucking CANT indulge. I have an image.

I need a friend. People like you telling me “nah you’re just justifying your meth” (and I think that’s 50% true now as opposed to 0% btw.)

Idk if this post is even legible or if anything pertinent could be gleaned from whatever I’ve said.

I want to just have a fucking beer and rewatch death note. I’m going to do that now actually.

I’ll be here for a few more hours like I said. Sorry that I can’t post often.

Check your DMs king, I gave you some comms options I'm available this evening

 

[anything else]

I hear you loud and clear buddy. I needed to be on Heroin to run a classroom of children. It gave me the feeling that nothing could hurt me. It enabled me to be completely free of my own insecurities and motivations so I could tap right into the head of each child. I could see and download every kid's facial expression, analyze it and throw something back at them, keeping everyone engaged. Heroin made me capable of anything.

Heroin enabled me to do things like that, but it took literally everything else in my life. I could do anything I wanted to do accept love another person or experience love. I couldn't look at myself and feel any level of respect or pride, as Heroin was propping me up and I owed all of my success to it. I got to the place in my life where Heroin was about to take my personality and my soul, but I stopped before getting there. I was starting to lose those things though.

What you're describing, your experience, please don't take this the wrong way, but it's pretty much a textbook reaction to this drug. The drug is going to enable you to be your best self, to be uninhibited, to be your truest self. In addition, you're just so good at everything now. You have a leg up on every person not using Methamphetamine.

You describe the notion of using Methamphetamine only on certain days. This is also a phase that most people will go through. I'm not a psychologist. I do believe that this phase in the process of addiction is related to specific thoughts and feelings. I believe the bargaining starts as the back of a person's mind recognizes the danger, but the denial overrides our better judgement because of how much good we believe the drug will do for us. The only solution is to try to regulate the usage.

In 99% of cases, regulation does not work. If you need an analogy, it's similar to the "pull-out method" of birth control. It's so damn simple, just take your dick out before. Millions of babies are born each year around the world as a result of the "pull out method's" seductive simplicity. Regulating your usage of Methamphetamine is similar. The pull-out method works sometimes, but people tend to keep trying to fuck and this ultimately defeats the purpose.

Look, I know I'm going to sound like an asshole, but I'm 33 now and I will try to give you some old-man knowledge about this world.

There are thousands, hell, tens of thousands of musicians around this world playing at thousands of venues, all of them feeling the momentum of the greatness of their music. They are all close to fame and the rock and roll lifestyle.

If you're not in the top 100 of all performers in the world among 8 billion people, nobody cares. You'll never be more than yet another also-ran in a cruel, unforgiving industry that is ultimately not based on artistry or beauty but upon the generation of money. They will upload 45 minute albums of cats fucking if it will make them money.

Instead, you could be a musician who is appreciated on a potentially lower level than this. You could be a musician who knows the people he is playing for. You could play for people who appreciate your art and mean something to you.

If the type of artist you want to be requires you to use Meth, then I would rethink things. Like you said, you can do things faster than anyone else. Maybe it would be better to do things at the same speed as everyone else and keep your health and your sanity.

you're right and I don't like what you're saying, so from than I can infer that making this thread was a good decision. thank you mate. and do not apologise for thinking you sound like a dick; I like honesty, even if it hurts because obviously that means it's trying to tell me something. thank you for the effort you put into this

 

[anything else]

Drugs don't kill
people kill
people lie
people steall
just to go and pay their bills
son stole his parents will j
ust to get some drugs to feel
when y'all going to start waking up
theo truth you see is fake as fuck
so open up your third eye
a third of people around you high
but first we should figure why
drugs kill not you and I
Why are we innocent
or are we just ignorant
as money earned and money spent
Back to jail
in a cell I guess
Ami depressed
fuck yes
even so I know I'm blessed this shit got me really stressed that's the reason I'm thinking about it right now going getting high as fuck just to go and sit down.
Hook hook going back to jail for doing drugs I ain't even moving drugs what the fuck is really up why they're trying to lock me up and throw away the king go ahead bitch I just make another one come and catch me

Bars bars bars

 

[anything else]

Sorry, never replied to this.
I'm not in Cali fam
And good luck with the Adderall

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

Hi all. I’ve only been able to get on here now. I’ll be around for a few hours if anyone wants to ask anything.

Some of these responses have made me think a lot. I cannot deny that I love the feeling- I am unequivocally a hedonist; I cannot express the utter shame I get when I do decide to look at thirst DMs every week or so, or abstaining from sleeping with people both before and after a show when my partner isn’t there. I I love all drugs, and I love feeling physically good. I love food, but resorted to throwing up my food in order to lose enough weight to maximise my sex-appeal.

However, meth is different. I meant what I said in my initial post, and the pressure to compose the type of music I do. But. Okay fuck this I need to say something about my life.

now that I have so many eyes on me (no, not the men in my head from a meth binge, but literally getting scared of googling myself now, unlike when I was 14 and did it and dreamed of articles about me and shit,) it’s fucking debilitating at times.

With that being said, I know I’m talented in music without meth, yes.

I got exactly what I wanted and now I’m so scared to lose it, and I’m also scared to get bigger; yet I need to push that extra mile because I need the money, not fame. The fact I can’t even be specific about relevant factors regarding my situation is literally making me vent in a stream of consciousness right now as you can all see. I am grateful, but right now guys, life is really hard.
That’s a lie, life itself is comfortable as fuck, and incredibly fun and rewarding.
But my dying relatives, (that’s what I want more money for, my partner checked online and assured me people won’t be able to realise who the secret crackhead musician is- all the other big artists I’ve played with or met, and friends of friends, NONE touch meth ~apparently~ and they too are scared of the media due to the stigma.)

These are all issues the molecule methamphetamine can not resolve. If it could, more people would be on to this life hack by now.

You're insecure and self isolating. You're becoming paranoid, and honestly reaching out here and expressing this is something at least. You can't let that fester, remember YOUR OWN mind is what's battling you right now. The less exposure you have to other minds and their reassurances and likely valid concerns... the more you are just festering with your own worst enemy. There's quite literally no way psychosis will get anything but worse without getting away from self isolating behaviors.

There's also no way for meth to truly make you love yourself mate. It won't last, that's not what the drug is prescribed for theraputically. Like all addictions this is just a way of hiding from these admittedly big and very scary life problems you're facing. You're valid for being scared man. You're valid for having conflicting emotions. Shit, it's all good to be weak sometimes. Admitting it is essentially to becoming stronger.

Guys I apologise for veering off track there, but I can’t trust people now (this isn’t meth btw I’ve actually been clean for 2 weeks,) but every new friend I make… isn’t a friend. I’m a trophy for them. I now see a therapist 2 hours away because my previous one of 5 years began a session with HER talking, and saying she didn’t realise that I was an “actual musician” (since she saw me on tv or some shit) and not only is that offensive as fuck to everyone who creates art on any level, her unprofessionalism and frankly intrusive comments made me so fucking upset, but more importantly, freaked out- she knows she would get sued if she let anything slip about my history, but holy shit that was a true eye-opener.

This entire paragraph is the seeding of textbook psychosis. Your friends are fake, your therapist is working against you. You're cutting off every possible route to safety ACTIVELY. Maybe your therapist is ass, I mean that was kindof an aloof thing to say but like... she sees hundreds of you a week. You can give her some slack for not understanding the music thing fully, it reads a bit like you projecting your insecurities onto her foot in mouth moment.

Tbh; with no completed book in anyone's hand right now I'd be shocked if my therapist doesn't say something "oh how's the documentary hobby" or whatever. I'm a novelist with no novel of fame, gotta laugh that shit off or rib her back ya know?

If she really wasn't the right fit, man you self sabotaged hard ending up with the five hours away one while you're at a critical turning point in addiction.

I have gotten what I wanted and more. And the honeymoon-period hasn’t gone whatsoever, yet my life has changed so rapidly I’m still adapting to selfies on the street, people I once knew asking me for money and not seeing me as a person anymore, and having to smile and make sardonic jokes for certain pieces of media on days where I do not WANT to smile. Something so basic.
I’m trying to escape with physical pleasures because my mind is so rattled and I am a long-term addict, but I fucking CANT indulge. I have an image.

Maybe you don't wanna be a famous musician then, I mean you say it's about the cash and you hate the fame. That sucks man, because you're maybe not in the right industry. Maybe go Daft Punk/MF Doom and wear a mask when u perform so ppl won't recognize you? Idk dude, you say your therapist doesn't respect you as an artist, but you then say it isn't about having a fanbase who enjoys your music its just about hustling and getting the bag? Like if it's about personal expression but you don't want people to admire it then jam as a hobby and get a job in an office. If it's about expressing yourself for money, you have to have ppl who love your music and therefore likely love you in a parasocial way that's existed since Elvis.

Pick. Pick who you want to be, and get the fuck over yourself dude. Smile for the fans or don't, Thom Yorke seems like an asshole but I'm still gonna be a Radiohead slut if he clowns on me at the supermarket when I ask for a selfie. Tell em no. Tell the people asking you for money no.

Authentic relationships can still be had man, but no way you're gonna tell me you thought that fans of your performing are able to have a fully dimensional and nuanced view and emotional care for you as a human being? You're just a star they love. Idk what Thom Yorke yearns for and I don't give a shit, he's just a voice saying pretty words. As far as I'm concerned he isn't a human being, he's just a two dimensional dude who I relate to strictly by way of this one sliver of his life.

How hard is it to just be nice too, ya know? Smile for your fans, shit I smile for my employees. I don't get to whine and be angsty and hurt that they only care about me as a boss THATS THE ENTIRE NATURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP I DONT EXPECT TO BE THEY FRIENDS LOL

I need a friend. People like you telling me “nah you’re just justifying your meth” (and I think that’s 50% true now as opposed to 0% btw.)

Okay, respond to my DM. I'm offering to be a friend, offering you my personal cell like I have others struggling with this drug. I'm game, I got time, I got love, and I can tell by your vibe I'm probably not a fan of your music so we good. You can shit on my writing too idc, it'll be a good time

Idk if this post is even legible or if anything pertinent could be gleaned from whatever I’ve said

Yeah dude, it's legible. It's a ballad of you venting out a lot of feelings that meth is literally making worse without you realizing. You say life is good followed by "actually nah everyone dying and I'm inches away from cheating on my partner with the fans whose attention I claim to hate" one paragraph later. Life ain't good at all bro, and if something is somehow making all that feel good to you, then that something is wrong. Simple. You're sitting on top of a fire that isn't gonna get put out, it's gonna grow underneath. And when it finally bursts out MAN will the people you should be bringing in closer have a real difficult time processing it, and being willing to help put it out. Real talk.

I want to just have a fucking beer and rewatch death note. I’m going to do that now actually.

Okay bro good. Do that I guess. That's better than being sad and angry at literally any possible solution. You've set up your mind to hate the fame, but also hate that you love the fame more than your loved ones. Hate yourself for giving so much of yourself but also hate that you're selfish as fuck. There's no winning in your mind except: do meth.

But nah dude. Meth does ONE THING; it gets you high. You sittin on some like serious potentially undiagnosed autism(and I say that as an autist myself. The self absorbed egotistical woe is me always forever alone thing is classic autism and emotional disregulation) sittin on a destroyed relationship, destroyed public image, easy excuse to stop showing up to the psychiatrists office and have a professional sworn to be confidential know what's going on, sittin on some NEXT LEVEL phoney self hatred-conceted complex to justify being selfish (but SAD about it) and avoid doing any work at improving yourself


Bro you hate yourself because you're a fucking mess and have no identity. When was the last time drugs fuckin fixed that. You ain't Kurt Cobain, you ain't Tupac, you ain't Conor Oberst or Jeff Mangum. You ain't no tortured soul in the way you think you are. But you are hurting, you are in pain, and look bein those guys is lame, you're YOU. Be YOU. And don't be afraid to toss out the current you and start from scratch.

Look the worst thing I've learned since writing this book; there's no shit up in the universe helping you out or helping me out. If there's a God all it does is watch, it doesn't care. It's not gonna start makin shit happen. You are the master of your own universe, the Captain of the ship. The Emperor of your Rome and right now you're Nero fiddling away while it burns up around you.

So what's it gonna be big man. We gonna wait for the problem solving fairy to show up and make everything exactly the way you want it to be? Or are you gonna put in the fuckin work? Are you gonna decide who you are, what your values really are, and actually live by them?

You gonna take the wheel? Grab the whip and tell the universe who the fuck you are? Drop the fiddle and make some FUCKIN DECISIONS? Because I promise you no one else is. If you start losing shit you are not gonna gain anything more meaningful solely on the merit of this chiral-core havin ephedra bush lookin fuckin adrenaline imposter molecule. Meth will not make you suddenly be a good person bro. All your problems just gonna rot, and you're never gonna forget that you sat and watched.


So don't watch. Be better. Like today. Or fail at being you, during the one chance you get.


Meth isn't for fixing people's problems. It's for getting high as fuck and writing unhinged rants and listening to shitty dubstep with the boys. It's for fun when you've got your shit together for the week and earned a little free time on the weekend. Imagine saying: alcohol is the key to all of this shit I'm neglecting and refusing to make choices regarding. Eventually after getting sloshed daily and just waiting suddenly everything will magically make sense. Stupid right?

I did that for ten fucking years. This post makes me so mad at that person because it's exactly the same. Same guy whose fiancee walked out because he screamed at her on her birthday, for the like 100th day in a row. Alone. In a studio apartment. With not a single person on the phone to text about it because I never put in the work to earn my friends because I just expected it to all work out.

You gonna have to make choices and changes bro, and some of them are gonna be the wrong choices. But it's better than being a bitch and not deciding at all

 

[anything else]

These are all issues the molecule methamphetamine can not resolve. If it could, more people would be on to this life hack by now.

You're insecure and self isolating. You're becoming paranoid, and honestly reaching out here and expressing this is something at least. You can't let that fester, remember YOUR OWN mind is what's battling you right now. The less exposure you have to other minds and their reassurances and likely valid concerns... the more you are just festering with your own worst enemy. There's quite literally no way psychosis will get anything but worse without getting away from self isolating behaviors.

There's also no way for meth to truly make you love yourself mate. It won't last, that's not what the drug is prescribed for theraputically. Like all addictions this is just a way of hiding from these admittedly big and very scary life problems you're facing. You're valid for being scared man. You're valid for having conflicting emotions. Shit, it's all good to be weak sometimes. Admitting it is essentially to becoming stronger.



This entire paragraph is the seeding of textbook psychosis. Your friends are fake, your therapist is working against you. You're cutting off every possible route to safety ACTIVELY. Maybe your therapist is ass, I mean that was kindof an aloof thing to say but like... she sees hundreds of you a week. You can give her some slack for not understanding the music thing fully, it reads a bit like you projecting your insecurities onto her foot in mouth moment.

Tbh; with no completed book in anyone's hand right now I'd be shocked if my therapist doesn't say something "oh how's the documentary hobby" or whatever. I'm a novelist with no novel of fame, gotta laugh that shit off or rib her back ya know?

If she really wasn't the right fit, man you self sabotaged hard ending up with the five hours away one while you're at a critical turning point in addiction.



Maybe you don't wanna be a famous musician then, I mean you say it's about the cash and you hate the fame. That sucks man, because you're maybe not in the right industry. Maybe go Daft Punk/MF Doom and wear a mask when u perform so ppl won't recognize you? Idk dude, you say your therapist doesn't respect you as an artist, but you then say it isn't about having a fanbase who enjoys your music its just about hustling and getting the bag? Like if it's about personal expression but you don't want people to admire it then jam as a hobby and get a job in an office. If it's about expressing yourself for money, you have to have ppl who love your music and therefore likely love you in a parasocial way that's existed since Elvis.

Pick. Pick who you want to be, and get the fuck over yourself dude. Smile for the fans or don't, Thom Yorke seems like an asshole but I'm still gonna be a Radiohead slut if he clowns on me at the supermarket when I ask for a selfie. Tell em no. Tell the people asking you for money no.

Authentic relationships can still be had man, but no way you're gonna tell me you thought that fans of your performing are able to have a fully dimensional and nuanced view and emotional care for you as a human being? You're just a star they love. Idk what Thom Yorke yearns for and I don't give a shit, he's just a voice saying pretty words. As far as I'm concerned he isn't a human being, he's just a two dimensional dude who I relate to strictly by way of this one sliver of his life.

How hard is it to just be nice too, ya know? Smile for your fans, shit I smile for my employees. I don't get to whine and be angsty and hurt that they only care about me as a boss THATS THE ENTIRE NATURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP I DONT EXPECT TO BE THEY FRIENDS LOL



Okay, respond to my DM. I'm offering to be a friend, offering you my personal cell like I have others struggling with this drug. I'm game, I got time, I got love, and I can tell by your vibe I'm probably not a fan of your music so we good. You can shit on my writing too idc, it'll be a good time


Yeah dude, it's legible. It's a ballad of you venting out a lot of feelings that meth is literally making worse without you realizing. You say life is good followed by "actually nah everyone dying and I'm inches away from cheating on my partner with the fans whose attention I claim to hate" one paragraph later. Life ain't good at all bro, and if something is somehow making all that feel good to you, then that something is wrong. Simple. You're sitting on top of a fire that isn't gonna get put out, it's gonna grow underneath. And when it finally bursts out MAN will the people you should be bringing in closer have a real difficult time processing it, and being willing to help put it out. Real talk.


Okay bro good. Do that I guess. That's better than being sad and angry at literally any possible solution. You've set up your mind to hate the fame, but also hate that you love the fame more than your loved ones. Hate yourself for giving so much of yourself but also hate that you're selfish as fuck. There's no winning in your mind except: do meth.

But nah dude. Meth does ONE THING; it gets you high. You sittin on some like serious potentially undiagnosed autism(and I say that as an autist myself. The self absorbed egotistical woe is me always forever alone thing is classic autism and emotional disregulation) sittin on a destroyed relationship, destroyed public image, easy excuse to stop showing up to the psychiatrists office and have a professional sworn to be confidential know what's going on, sittin on some NEXT LEVEL phoney self hatred-conceted complex to justify being selfish (but SAD about it) and avoid doing any work at improving yourself


Bro you hate yourself because you're a fucking mess and have no identity. When was the last time drugs fuckin fixed that. You ain't Kurt Cobain, you ain't Tupac, you ain't Conor Oberst or Jeff Mangum. You ain't no tortured soul in the way you think you are. But you are hurting, you are in pain, and look bein those guys is lame, you're YOU. Be YOU. And don't be afraid to toss out the current you and start from scratch.

Look the worst thing I've learned since writing this book; there's no shit up in the universe helping you out or helping me out. If there's a God all it does is watch, it doesn't care. It's not gonna start makin shit happen. You are the master of your own universe, the Captain of the ship. The Emperor of your Rome and right now you're Nero fiddling away while it burns up around you.

So what's it gonna be big man. We gonna wait for the problem solving fairy to show up and make everything exactly the way you want it to be? Or are you gonna put in the fuckin work? Are you gonna decide who you are, what your values really are, and actually live by them?

You gonna take the wheel? Grab the whip and tell the universe who the fuck you are? Drop the fiddle and make some FUCKIN DECISIONS? Because I promise you no one else is. If you start losing shit you are not gonna gain anything more meaningful solely on the merit of this chiral-core havin ephedra bush lookin fuckin adrenaline imposter molecule. Meth will not make you suddenly be a good person bro. All your problems just gonna rot, and you're never gonna forget that you sat and watched.


So don't watch. Be better. Like today. Or fail at being you, during the one chance you get.


Meth isn't for fixing people's problems. It's for getting high as fuck and writing unhinged rants and listening to shitty dubstep with the boys. It's for fun when you've got your shit together for the week and earned a little free time on the weekend. Imagine saying: alcohol is the key to all of this shit I'm neglecting and refusing to make choices regarding. Eventually after getting sloshed daily and just waiting suddenly everything will magically make sense. Stupid right?

I did that for ten fucking years. This post makes me so mad at that person because it's exactly the same. Same guy whose fiancee walked out because he screamed at her on her birthday, for the like 100th day in a row. Alone. In a studio apartment. With not a single person on the phone to text about it because I never put in the work to earn my friends because I just expected it to all work out.

You gonna have to make choices and changes bro, and some of them are gonna be the wrong choices. But it's better than being a bitch and not deciding at all

im going to reply to you message now but jesus christ. that was full of many truths, and whilst I appreciate your colloquialisms and blunt approach, it does read as slightly aggressive (which I'm going to take as passion, considering you're taking time for me, but jesus look at the language haha) but also please dont say "[I'm] not a tortured soul." I do not appreciate absolutes based upon no data/metrics, particularly when you're obviously smart enough to know I at the very least have had my fair share of 'Soul Torture' given the fact I've gone to therapy even before fame.

Let's continue this in DM's.

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

im going to reply to you message now but jesus christ. that was full of many truths, and whilst I appreciate your colloquialisms and blunt approach, it does read as slightly aggressive (which I'm going to take as passion, considering you're taking time for me, but jesus look at the language haha) but also please dont say "[I'm] not a tortured soul." I do not appreciate absolutes based upon no data/metrics, particularly when you're obviously smart enough to know I at the very least have had my fair share of 'Soul Torture' given the fact I've gone to therapy even before fame.

Let's continue this in DM's.

You got a deal, DMs lmao

 

[lord fanny]

People on meth telling people all this stuff about not doing meth is kinda hilarious to me, ngl.

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

People on meth telling people all this stuff about not doing meth is kinda hilarious to me, ngl.

Bruh you waited ten minutes after roastin me in the Discord to roast me on the forum lmao

 

[lord fanny]

Bruh you waited ten minutes after roastin me in the Discord to roast me on the forum lmao

Had to get ya twice.

 

[anything else]

I'll join the discord when I get a burner/jailbroken device with a bunch of vpns and run it through a tor browser. lol.

Nah I'll try to in the next few days. Thanks for everything guys, thanks for the DMs, and thanks for the patience. I'm off for now,, spending time with the woman for the next few days whilst I can, so there'll be no overdosing, am safe.

 

[Methamphetanonymous]

Yay! Get some rest too homie!