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Mental Health I messed up and relapsed, am I back at day one?

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DemonSoul88

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 10, 2013
Messages
4
I was taking 16mg of suboxone everyday for a year, then I was clean for 52 days until today. I took a crumb of a subutex and can Definately tell, feel the creepy skin subsiding and feel sedated and out of it. The crumb was very small probably .25-.5mg, but I think my brain is so endorphin deprived it is having effects. How much damage to my recovery have I done if I stop again now? Should I expect the really bad physical stuff to come back again in 2 days when this clears my system? I am super pissed at myself and am pretty sure it won't happen again. If only we could undo the past 24 hours sometimes
 
No way you are not starting over with the withdraw all over again by just taking a crumb. Don't worry. As long as you don't continue to take more specs of sub. You will be ok. I am on sub also. I wish i made it as long as you did without. Count it as a lesson learned as what comes up. Must come down. But don't worry, i seriously doubt you are going to feel like shit for a month again just from a 0.5 mg of bupe. You will be ok!! Keep up the good work bro. Seriously.
 
Hey demounsould88,

as will said, you shouldn't have to worry about a single dose of bupe, especially because it was a fairly small amount. However, your brain does have a recovery period to return to normal after an individual stops using substances. One dose won't be a huge set back at all, but refrain from using and your road to feeling normal and happy will come much easier to you.

Good luck!
 
You're definitely not back at day one!! At most you'll feel some very mild WDs (that's what I feel on the rare occasions I use benzos after about 8 months clean), but seriously, nothing too bad. Just make sure this was a one-off occurrance, don't beat yourself up about it, and you'll be fine :)
 
I've never been on bupe, but I think you'll be fine. The length of my binges usually determine the severity and duration of my wd. Resist the temptation to do more though, and great job on 52 days. That's awesome!
 
more sweat a day or two tops, that's all that can happen

don't take bupe it's useless once you've been on it, took it after being clean 6 months (2mg) and all I got was tired.
 
Wow thanks for the fast responses and encouragement, feel much better about it after reading all the replies. I ate the crumb because for some reason even after 52 days off the sub strips I still feel so lethargic and uncomfortable in my skin everyday. Not really physical withdrawal by any means just a feeling of angst and malaise, more like being just depressed with no interests or motivation for anything. Just thought I might get a boost for one day since my whole family was here, but obviously it wasn't worth breaking my streak at all. Nowhere remotely close to worth it. Learned my lesson, just got to get through more time clean I'm sure ill feel "normal" eventually. Thanks very much to all who replied.
 
Sounds like PAW's. post acute withdraws. Man, that is the one thing i really fear about getting off subs. Depression and lethargy are big for people coming off subs. All opiates cause this i believe. But subs is the worst for it, In my opinion. Trust me, i've done the same thing as you. I rationalized and told myself i have to take a little more to feel better. Or a little more to deal with this or that. It's a mental game. And a tough one at that. I've relapsed before being clean for a month when i found a blue in my old drug drawer. I felt like i was possessed when i threw that thing down the hatch within seconds and swallowed it.

I swear, i felt like i was programmed to do it. I diddn't hesitate or even get a chance to think about it. Take it as a lesson learned. Just know that i envy you and can't wait to say i have 50 days off sub. DON'T turn back now. You passed the finish line and im sure don't want to endure another sub withdraw again. Not worth it!
 
^ that would indeed be PAWS in my opinion... there is some great threads here on BL that describe in detail what is to be expected with PAWS, and some ways to over come it. Time is the main factor though.
 
The PAWS were the worst for me, honestly. While in rehab I'd always have strange lingering symptoms, including depression, and anxiety, however, I always thought they were in my head.

Demonsould88, you are not back at day one, for you cannot travel back in time- well maybe ;) What you are on is a journey. And this incident is part of it. Just remember, the more time that passes the less and less you will rely on chemicals to get through. I have not been physically addicted to opiates in year, and yes, cravings DO come. You realize, however, that you do not need the drugs to handle the situation.
 
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