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I?m hurting this morning.

sonicwhite

sonicwhite

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
2,433
Location
Oklahoma
I woke up with the thought that Dr Holloway killed himself because he was being investigated for prescribing benzos to me.

He died out of the blues At 42. I instantly thought of the words he told me when he passed away.

I?m just trying to help you Daniel.

My God if I?m responsible for your death I?m so sorry. I will suffer for the rest of my life because of my carelessness.

I?m hurting folks. So much anxiety.
 
Hey sonic, it sounds like your mind is starting to really torture you with thoughts that are not quite reflective of reality. You did not cause your doctor's death! A person that commits suicide has so much going on inside his/her own head--it never comes down to what another person has done. Besides, even if that were the reason, he made the choices he did as a doctor as well as the choices on how to deal with an investigation. I'm sure that if he were getting investigated it was for something far more extensive or serious than prescribing you benzos. Maybe he even had a substance abuse problem himself? You never really know what all goes into making a person decide to end living. Try not to torture yourself with these thoughts.<3
 
I keep crying. I always think when someone dies it?s my fault. Like I didn?t preach the Word effectively. When my friend died I mourned so much.

I felt instantly that I was a stumbling block to that person.

I always blame myself for everyone who has died in my life.
 
Dying is a part of life. Tragic early deaths may be preventable but not usually from the ways we think we could used to change the outcome. Believe me, I get the guilt. I have a list of all the things I did wrong that plays in my head every second that I allow it. Does it bring my son back from the dead? Does it right anything at all? No. What it does is punish me for being a fallible human being. Try to tell yourself when you have these thoughts: I will not listen to you incessantly. Have your moment of guilt, do your mental penance and then try telling your mind that you did one thing right. You gave that person your love or your friendship while they were here on earth. That is all any of us wants and you gave it.
 
Sonic,

Please don't feel responsible for someone's death. I know The Lord Jesus very well and he would not want you to be feeling guilty like this. Our Lord and Savior has forgiveness and unconditional love. Death does not mean gone, it means free of the limitations of this body. We carry on in another place that is wonderful and filled with love if we loved one another. That is all you need to do is love one another.

I know you are going through a lot right now. You are not alone. These feeling of guilt are not from The Lord. You know whom the accusers are. Take comfort.

You are going through some heavy withdrawal right now and it is making you feel like things are your fault that are not. It is blowing things out of proportion in your mind. You are okay. Stay grounded.

Sending you love and support
<3
 
Sonic,

How are you doing? Let us know. We care about you very much!
I sure was glad to see the you had a morning with hardly any anxiety and hope you have continued to have more!
❤️
God bless
 
Painful One,


I?m suffering. It?s all too hard. I just try to survive but this pain in getting to overwhelming.
 
I know my friend. I know.
You are going through a very rough time.
I wish you could get some kind of comfort medication or slower taper.

You are pretty much in free fall from coming off so much at once.

It has been awhile since you had any kind of medication/ substances?

I keep praying for you. You are going to be alright. Just hang in there I guess.
I feel like that is terrible advise but you said you absolutely cannot get any medical help right?
Can you?
 
I am better. It was painful but just for a moment. Now I just bathe in the knowing I know the Lord Jesus Christ and that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me.
 
I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much pain and torture. But if someone kills themselves, it is NOT your fault man. The guy was probably going through a lot
of personal problems. don't ever blame yourself for other people's life choices, even if that includes suicide. Just try and pray for him.
 
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