steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
Despite struggling with heroin addiction for 10 years, id never approached any health proffesionals for help - ive always c/t'd on my own and ive never needed any help relapsing either. As well as my dependence ive suffered from acute anxiety attacks since my late teens for which my gp has always let me have a reasonably small amount of diazepam to help me manage (around 280mg in 5mg tablets every 6 - 9 months or so). Of course, this has been a powerful motivating factor to keep my doc in the dark as i assumed that there would be no more diazepam as soon as the word 'junky' had been stamped all over my notes. Ive since surrendered after spending only 2 weeks abstinant from gear over the last 18 months resulting in a methadone script.
Ive also gone bananas with the rc benzos over the last 6 months (mainly diclazepam and flubromazepam), and while they do work i find i need massive amounts for them to have an effect (average doses, 8-10mg diclaz, 24-32mg flubro) and despite the reasonably long duration of action, i find they tail off very quickly leaving me with very uncomfortable rebound anxiety and i often struggle not to re-dose over consecutive days. After a really difficult weekend with my dimenting mother, i found myself taking the last of my diclazepam onMonday afternoon, awaking yesterday with close to criplling anxiety and no chance of any further rcs until Friday at the earliest. I did however have an am appt. with my gp which i managed to compose myself for, my first with her since 'coming out' about my addiction.
I just had to test the water here. Despite feeling edgy as fuck i managed to play it cool, told her that i was getting on ok with my meds, going as far as telling her that i still found benefit in the diazepam, and, just for effect, that i had a couple of tablets left.
'Hypothetically speaking' i asked her 'now you know im a drug addict, would you still be prepared to prescribe me diazepam as i do use them legitimately for anxiety and they do help..'
'The other docs wont' she said 'now the casenotes say you're a drug dependent, but as far as im concerned id rather you took 10mg of diazepam from time to time than resort to heroin to help manage your anxiety. Give me a ring when you run out'
Before i could leave the office tho, she changes her tune for an even better one. 'Problem is, im on annual leave for 8 weeks from the end of August. I'd better give you some now' and she prints me off a script. So after starting the day on the verge of a panic attack, i find myself leaving the chemist with 56 5mg's.
Half an hour and 20mgs later and im feeling the most relaxed i have in weeks. 20mg generic (activis) diazepam vs all those rcs i was taking? Really shows the gulf between that inconsistent internet garbage and the real thing. 24 hours down the line and i feel fine. no anxiety, no lingering sedation.
A minor but significant result in an otherwise pathetic junky existence
Ive also gone bananas with the rc benzos over the last 6 months (mainly diclazepam and flubromazepam), and while they do work i find i need massive amounts for them to have an effect (average doses, 8-10mg diclaz, 24-32mg flubro) and despite the reasonably long duration of action, i find they tail off very quickly leaving me with very uncomfortable rebound anxiety and i often struggle not to re-dose over consecutive days. After a really difficult weekend with my dimenting mother, i found myself taking the last of my diclazepam onMonday afternoon, awaking yesterday with close to criplling anxiety and no chance of any further rcs until Friday at the earliest. I did however have an am appt. with my gp which i managed to compose myself for, my first with her since 'coming out' about my addiction.
I just had to test the water here. Despite feeling edgy as fuck i managed to play it cool, told her that i was getting on ok with my meds, going as far as telling her that i still found benefit in the diazepam, and, just for effect, that i had a couple of tablets left.
'Hypothetically speaking' i asked her 'now you know im a drug addict, would you still be prepared to prescribe me diazepam as i do use them legitimately for anxiety and they do help..'
'The other docs wont' she said 'now the casenotes say you're a drug dependent, but as far as im concerned id rather you took 10mg of diazepam from time to time than resort to heroin to help manage your anxiety. Give me a ring when you run out'
Before i could leave the office tho, she changes her tune for an even better one. 'Problem is, im on annual leave for 8 weeks from the end of August. I'd better give you some now' and she prints me off a script. So after starting the day on the verge of a panic attack, i find myself leaving the chemist with 56 5mg's.
Half an hour and 20mgs later and im feeling the most relaxed i have in weeks. 20mg generic (activis) diazepam vs all those rcs i was taking? Really shows the gulf between that inconsistent internet garbage and the real thing. 24 hours down the line and i feel fine. no anxiety, no lingering sedation.
A minor but significant result in an otherwise pathetic junky existence
