Okay so we both live in rehab. I'm just living here cause I finally found a center with a cool program director who understands me after being thrown around from rehab to rehab to psych ward to rehab for six years. My problem is heroin. She has been here for 7 months (for meth) and has just started to volunteer work at the center.
I cannot mention names or locations due to confidentiality.
Problem #1: She had hid her meth use from everyone and told them she was an alcoholic out of shame. She confided only in me. They already suspected her. I lied to cover up for her once, twice, thrice, and so on and so forth. Including to the program director whom I have a "no bullshit no lies" deal with. So I broke my own promise for her. We were at a resort for a weekend pass, and we got separated. She had no phone. I frantically looked for her for two hours and was worried sick. Found out later she literally saw me pass by her (and I did NOT see her) and she never even said "hey". She took a cab back to the center crying telling everyone I was "ignoring her because I had 'other plans'"; so pure paranoia there. Program director was there and I ended up telling him this girl's paranoid and I think I know the reason. It slipped. So he asked and I told him all about her meth use and how I think it may have contributed to paranoia. She did, after all, accuse me of cheating every time I went to do laundry. Yes, laundry, takes 15 mins, and she though I was getting my dick sucked. Anyway I went and told her "THEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR PAST METH USE. COME CLEAN TOMORROW". She said she would. Next day comes, program director asks everyone "does anyone need to practice some honesty? Anyone have anything to tell me?" Nothing. She stays quiet. Then when she got punished, I was the ultimate back-stabbing betrayer who "cannot be trusted" even though I TOLD HER THAT I TOLD THEM AND TOLD HER TO COME CLEAN. Moving on.
Problem #2: After a yelling battle break-up (which she started by raising her voice first screaming "WE'RE DONE!", we get back together. I take her on day pass. She's getting her hair done. Guy says it will take one hour. I tell her I'm gonna go check out ASUS ROG and take a shit. She freaks. I said don't worry I'll be back in 30 mins. I was back in 34 minutes (I have a watch and a phone, she has neither). She's gone. I ask the salon did she wait for me? No sir she just left immediately. Okay. I look for an hour. Finally get the admin to PAGE THE ENTIRE MALL asking for her to come and she shows ten minutes later. So far she has claimed that I was gone for 2 hours, 1 hour, 45 minutes, then she upped it to 53 minutes(where is she getting these numbers?!?). Hair salon people we're totally on my side till she yelled at them, which made them scared cause she was making a scene. To top it off, after we got back, she tells everyone I left her to SHOOT METH and her "proof" is that I bought a bottle of water and nail clippers. WHAT? Yeah apparently the clippers were to open the meth bag. Funny cause they weren't open themselves. So I get drug tested. Surprise, surprise, I'm negative. She gets punished again for this by the center. She breaks up with me.
Now I'm a loverboy. And it was real awkward being around her all hateful. She made more snide comments and I ignored. At first I said this won't work, but then loverboy gave her his old phone and I got back with her thinking now that she has a phone these episodes won't happen. We lived a peaceful two weeks, and last night she starts rambling about how simply being with me "gets her in trouble", as if she was 100% innocent and the center and I were conspiring against her. And just now, she brings the whole nailcutter/water bottle thing up again after giving a speech about people who are guilty having to lie, and if that isn't insinuating then I don't know what is. I just replied "you know what? Yes. I shot a big bag of meth. And because I am a magician, by ways of magic, I passed the drug test 12 hours later. Fuck you" and I stormed off. Just dropped 1mg Xanax and I'm still pissed.
Guys I really love her. Outside her paranoid delusions she's the sweetest loving caring person and I know she loves me too. But I cannot bear it. One moment she speaks of me as her hero, her one and only man, and the next I'm a monster who just keeps "hurting" her. And if I dare try to explain how she was punished by the program director for her own actions, she starts crying as if I slapped her or something. To her, her delusions are truth even if you present concrete evidence.
I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. But she's driving me nuts. I had this great idea how we would help each other recover and all and the center was all for it. She's smart she's beautiful. But I can't take it... Someone please talk to me... Help me ..
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