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I love him but he wont let me help him advice please!!!

itsabirditsaplane

itsabirditsaplane

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2013
Messages
75
Location
North Carolina
HI I just wanted to start off by saying I have been reading posts here on bluelight off and on for quite a while now. And now I feel like it is time I receive some advice from other people who have been thru the problems I am dealing with now!
My boyfriend, has had a pill addiction for sometime now. And I love him so much I don't know what to do. We have been together off and on for almost 2 years now and we just recently had a baby together. He likes of any kind opiates really. I have been dealing with the sneaking behind my back, and lying, and buying them when Im not paying attention. He told me he was done and he went to get help. Ok, that was a start right? Well it ended up being just another addiction. He gets angry and moody, then he will be sweet and kind. He tells me I don't understand. He is right. I smoke weed. That's it. That is my drug of choice. I have tried everything once and just left it alone. He has recently had bowel reconstruction and his appendix taken out and I know it is because of all the drug use that his body got all blocked up. I need advice of how to deal with this and what I can do to keep sane from all the bullshit drugs have done to our family. This is really serious. I feel like im loosing my freaking mind with all this shit! :|
 
Not exactly...addicts have to help themselves tho. Id just let him know how you feel and make sure he understands the consequences of his actions. You're gonna have to draw a line somewhere as well.
 
Zerrr said:
Not exactly...addicts have to help themselves tho. Id just let him know how you feel and make sure he understands the consequences of his actions. You're gonna have to draw a line somewhere as well.
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but where do I draw the line because he know that I cant be with him if he keeps it up but I don't want a broken family either. it just seems like it don't matter to him how I feel about it. because if it does then he would quit. I am just stuck between a rock and a hard place
 
You will have to decide what is best for yourself and the child. I obv dont know the guy but addiction is complicated, it might not be that it doesnt matter to him, he might just be helpless at this time when it comes to drugs. There is no right/wrong simple answer here, Id try to get him into detox/rehab or on suboxone if he hasnt tried that.


hope things get better
 
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Zerrr said:
You will have to decide what is best for yourself and the child. I obv dont know the guy but addiction is complicated, it might not be that it doesnt matter to him, he might just be helpless at this time when it comes to drugs. There is no right/wrong simple answer here, Id try to get him into detox/rehab or on suboxone if he hasnt tried that.


hope things get better
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yeah he tried the suboxone clinic but he took himself out of it. because he said it was just trading one addiction for a legal one. I guess he had a point
 
Nobody gets clean (at least not who doesn't relapse), who doesn't get clean for themselves. There's nothing you can do to force him into it, so take that out of your mind if it's in there.

The only thing third parties can do for us is help us to want it. Sometimes, having somebody you love really want you to get clean and be so hurt, can be a motivating factor. Other times... no matter how much you don't want to hurt them.. it just doesn't matter.

This kind of thing has to happen on its own. If you can't be with him because he is dragging you down (totally fair, mind you) then you're going to have to leave him. If you make him choose between you and the drugs... chances are he's going to choose the drugs.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Nobody gets clean (at least not who doesn't relapse), who doesn't get clean for themselves. There's nothing you can do to force him into it, so take that out of your mind if it's in there.

The only thing third parties can do for us is help us to want it. Sometimes, having somebody you love really want you to get clean and be so hurt, can be a motivating factor. Other times... no matter how much you don't want to hurt them.. it just doesn't matter.

This kind of thing has to happen on its own. If you can't be with him because he is dragging you down (totally fair, mind you) then you're going to have to leave him. If you make him choose between you and the drugs... chances are he's going to choose the drugs.
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that seems true but sad at the same time. I feel as though me wanting him to quit badly is pushing him to do it more. the drugs are not affecting me as making me want to do them, it is just the lying that is making me crazy. I am an honest person and when people lie to me it is a line crosser . idk maybe im the one who is being unreasonable, maybe I should just sit back and see what he does. I really appreciate your input tho. it is helping me see things differently
 
itsabirditsaplane said:
yeah he tried the suboxone clinic but he took himself out of it. because he said it was just trading one addiction for a legal one. I guess he had a point
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Most likely he took himself off the clinic so he could go and get high again.
 
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Zerrr said:
Most likely he took himself off the clinic so he could go and get high again.
He might think differently about suboxone if choosing to continue with his current addiction becomes a life or death decision.
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yeah and that was what i was thinking, but i just never said anything,
 
Mr. Scagnattie's post is spot on. I'm really sorry you're in this situation OP, but the truth is until he realises for himself that opiates are not a way out and are not worth everything, there's really only so much anyone can do. No matter what you may say and no matter how much he may love you, it's extremely likely he is simply unable to see that opiates are bringing anything negative to his life. Really wish I had some better advice but I do think the best you can do is try to support him, in the sense of supporting him as a person and his struggles with addiction, but not his habit, ie. do continue to make it clear it's a problem; and hopefully one day soon he'll be able to see for himself the extent to which it is. Best of luck <3
 
Yea ofc everybody loves Mr Scagnatties post.. %) 'I aint even mad' but ah...should prob point out that my slick one liner to open the thread pretty much sums up the whole situation.
Anyway, no offense op but you seem pretty immature. I read your other thread where you were talking about taking pills to show your boyfriend what its like or something. You should really focus more on the kid imo, he/she could be the one that really ends up suffering here.

I see this all the time, young mother gets too involved (blinded by love perhaps) with unfit husband/father and the kid suffers the consequences.
 
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Pagey said:
Mr. Scagnattie's post is spot on. I'm really sorry you're in this situation OP, but the truth is until he realises for himself that opiates are not a way out and are not worth everything, there's really only so much anyone can do. No matter what you may say and no matter how much he may love you, it's extremely likely he is simply unable to see that opiates are bringing anything negative to his life. Really wish I had some better advice but I do think the best you can do is try to support him, in the sense of supporting him as a person and his struggles with addiction, but not his habit, ie. do continue to make it clear it's a problem; and hopefully one day soon he'll be able to see for himself the extent to which it is. Best of luck <3
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thanks and i will do that. i know support is a huge factor, because if everyone in his life just gives up on him he will start using because no one is there to tell him its wrong. so im going to support him but not enable him!! thanks!!
 
Zerrr said:
Yea ofc everybody loves Mr Scagnatties post.. %) 'I aint even mad' but ah...should prob point out that my slick one liner to open the thread pretty much sums up the whole situation. (semi 8)

Anyway, no offense op but you seem pretty immature. I read your other thread where you were talking about taking pills to show your boyfriend what its like or something. You should really focus more on the kid imo, he/she could be the one that really ends up suffering here.

I see this all the time, young mother gets too involved (blinded by love perhaps) with unfit husband/father and the kid suffers the consequences.

wish you well
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i wrote that because i was pissed. off. im not into pills or any other drug except weed, and my kids are my life. im not immature nor stupid. i want to learn how to get him help so he can be a good part of our daughter and sons life. i was one of those kids whos mother choose the boyfriend over me. and i would never do that to my child. i would be gone just as fast as i got here if my kids were in any kind of harm. i just wanted to make that clear. but thanks for your input. i know everyone is entitled to his or her opinion!!! :)
 
itsabirditsaplane said:
i wrote that because i was pissed. off. im not into pills or any other drug except weed, and my kids are my life. im not immature nor stupid. i want to learn how to get him help so he can be a good part of our daughter and sons life. i was one of those kids whos mother choose the boyfriend over me. and i would never do that to my child. i would be gone just as fast as i got here if my kids were in any kind of harm. i just wanted to make that clear. but thanks for your input. i know everyone is entitled to his or her opinion!!! :)
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Well I just based my opinion on that comment, I obv have limited info and can only respond to what you have written. I didn't mean to offend, hope things work out for you.
 
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