Hey everyone i know i have a issue with drugs at this point in my life. I have been in programs and to be honest i have built up clean time over the past 18 months. I was doing well, i do like to have a drink here an there and i do abuse some meds i get from my Dr's but it is not a everyday thing. Pretty much my girl has a back issue and her back dr was out of town. She goes to the ER at times and they write her a few pain meds. So a few weeks back she goes for her back and sure enough well i am there all i can think about is should i ask, should i ask? Sure enough i do and i get a few, then that kinda got me back in the world i hate. I went to the ER for some Bs pain i was having, i got no meds i think i am red flagged to be honest. I then had a cyst on my lower back and that led to a few days of pain meds for my self. Then i had to go back for a follow do to another infecton and i got ultram 20 50 mg that i took in one shot. Now i have not had any pain meds and i was a pretty heavy user when i was using to get high. I like most people started out with a injury that left me out of work for 2 years and many surgeries and sure enough 1 pill turned to 2 then 2 to 4 and you know the rest. So i am feeling kinda down, i do not feel like i want more but deep down i kinda do . My girl is still having back issue and sure enough her dr is still out of town. She is going in the morning and to be honest i hope she gets meds. I guess i feel down, tired and very scared. See she is having surgery in 2 weeks and i now a few days of using drugs will not make things better but i guess that 2 to 3 hours i get to get away kinda makes me feel better. I fear she will get them to look at her as if she is there as a pain med seeker, she has a mental health case worker and i told her today i would hate for her to get in trouble over going. It is kinda simple for her, she checks in goes to the back says she is having bad back pain. They go over her meds and they know she has back issues, the Er dr might just write her meds and where out the door in 20-40 min..Or last time they sent her to another section where she seen the PA and she goes ok there is not much we can do and they just write her pain meds. That was about 35 min or so. I hate for her to go and they give her a hard time, she went about a month ago then again like 2 weeks ago. Now i know for sure this will not sit will with the back dr but he writes ultram and gave her this whole i am not going to write them if you go to the Er. I just told her to tell him she was in pain and he was out of town. She did call the office today and they said go to the Er. I kinda feel bad to go threw this, funny thing i have money on me i could very well buy off the street and i would just enough to get my FIX. I have no idea where to go, our weed guy seamed kinda pissed when we asked about pain meds. Well that is what's going on in my life right now and i feel kinda shitty about putting her in that spot, now i do know she wants a few for her self so i tend to think she knows what she is doing.